Collide
by MartiniBaby1
Summary: As usual, Bella is late for work and as she crosses the street -without looking-, a cycling music teacher, better know as Edward Cullen, must do all he can to avoid her. But the collision that follows will change their lives for good. All human, AU & OOC.
1. Chapter 1: Pulling a Swan part 1

Hi,

I'm new to this communy but I'm not a newbie when it comes to writing fanfic. I have, however, only written fanfiction for Prison Break and will continue to do that. But being captured and sucked in the Twilight-fandom, I realized that my Pb-fanfic with the same title as this fic, would fit in for the Twilight fandom as well. BUT: I don't post my PB-fanfic here so I think I respect the guidelines from this website. Twilight-Collide is 95% the same as Prison Break-Collide, but I'm changing, deleting and editing things to make it fit more into the Twilight fandom. I hope you like it.

I would like to thanks Pbswimmer for the amazing beta she has been for (both) Collide fics. You rock my socks girl!

Enjoy the first chapter.

**Pulling a Bella Swan (part 1)**

Bella took a sip of her too-hot coffee and cursed the delicious liquid when it burned her tongue. She quenched her thirst with a gulp of cool water and chided herself for not blowing on the hot liquid first.

This Bella Swan ritual was becoming quite familiar, although she told herself every night to hit the snooze button just once the next morning. But it was a lost cause; she failed miserably, every day. She just couldn't leave the warmth of her bed. The same morning ritual over and over again: not enough time for too many things that needed to be done. She always ended up having to rush in order to reach the hospital on time.

Normally she drove her own car but today she needed to take the bus since her car was in the shop, getting repaired. And this bus thing, Bella didn't like it one bit; it was even more of a time crunch than usual! Bella Swan's mornings were always stressful, and she hated that, although she couldn't force herself to do it any other way.

She ran through her apartment, brushing her long brown hair while putting on her boots; brushing her teeth while straightening her clothes and looking for her purse. She searched for deodorant and perfume and she yelled an annoyed '_Yes I will!'_ when she heard the mocking voice of her boyfriend telling her that she wouldn't make it on time. She would soon find out that she indeed wouldn't make it on time today, but for reasons other than being late.

Jacob had just returned home from work; he was a bartender in a popular night club in Port Angeles, the place he started working shortly after they met each other about two years ago. It was more than an hour drive from their apartment in Forks to the club where he worked, and although Bella hated the distance he needed to cross after a long night of work, Jacob stubbornly refused to look for another job. He had his own specific reasons why he liked to have as much distance possible between his work and home.

Bella flung on her dark grey jacket and the silk black scarf given to her by her father for her last birthday, and planted a quick peck on Jacob's lips before she left.

"Love you," she said.

"Me too," he replied rather automatically, ad made himself a cup of coffe, telling her she needed to go if she wanted to make it on time.

And so she did go, running down the hall of her apartment building, buttoning her jacket and positioning her scarf at the same time to make sure she didn't miss her bus. Careening down the stairs of her apartment complex, she almost fell when she missed a step but frantically grabbing onto the railing saved her, and she praised the lord for that. The same lord she had already cursed once that day!

After all these years, she was still the little clumsy girl her mother would disdainfully drive _once again_ to the emergency room of Forks Hospital for another broken bone or another gaping wound that needed more stitches than the previous injury. It had been a complete surprise for her parents when she had informed them about her plans to attend medical school, but she was stubborn and hadn't listened to all their arguments about how it would be in the patients' best interest for Bella _not_ to attend medical school; her clumsiness and dislike for blood the two most voiced concerns.

Honestly, she was surprised herself; she'd hated the smell of blood when she was a kid, and the first year of medical school was her personal hell. But after plentiful fainting spells, she had learned how to ignore the rusty smell of blood. It had come to a point where the scent didn't bother her _that_ much anymore and she could perform her job as a doctor perfectly - even when a lot of blood was involved - and she was proud of that. Her parents still sarcastically wondered if her clumsiness caused her to kill more patients than she cured, however. Though Bella had learned to stand up for herself with her parents, she wasn't the self-confident woman that she once was anymore.

Bella opened the door of her building and the cold air hit her in the face, making her spine shiver and causing her to groan audibly, but she didn't have time to go upstairs again and put on a warmer jacket. Although she hated the cold and rainy weather of Forks, she loved the small town for its other charms. She was running out of time and she needed to hurry. She covered her mouth with the scarf to make sure she'd stay warm, tucked her hands in her pockets, and ran to the bus stop. She cursed herself again for not wearing her flat shoes instead of these three-inch high brown leather boots.

"Oh god," she cried softly when she saw the approaching vehicle, "The bus is there already!"

She quickened her pace and looked behind her to make sure she could cross the street safely, but the wind made her hair cascade in front of her eyes. Panicked that she would miss the bus, Bella crossed the street without looking because she was pretty sure no car was close; she didn't hear anything except from her own heart beat, hammering in her ears. She noticed that her cardiovascular fitness wasn't quite where she wanted it to be and she made a mental note to start working out again real soon.

She removed her hands from her pockets, moved them to her face to claw away the strands of hair that were in front of her eyes, and continued crossing the street. It was at that moment that she heard an insistent screaming male voice, the screeching noise of bike brakes, and the crash of metal on flesh. Somehow she registered that it was her own flesh that was being hit, but it was as if she was watching the scene unfold from afar instead of actually being a participant.

She recognized the sensation of his front wheel crashing into her leg, causing her to recoil from the impact, but the shock was too great for her to feel any pain. Registering that she was about to fall, her brain demanded her to move her right hand to break the fall. But her collapse to the ground was too sudden and heavy, her wrist couldn't take it, and she felt and heard the sickening sound of a bone breaking as her wrist jammed into the concrete. It all happened so fast, and when her head snapped back and smashed to the ground as well, the lights went out immediately for Isabella Swan.

For Edward Cullen -the cyclist- events unfolded so suddenly and quickly that the only thing he heard was the screaming dark-haired young lady in front of him, the sound of breaking bones and the nauseating 'thud' when her head hit the cold road. His eyes registered this all in pure horror, while he somehow prevented himself from falling too. He just stood there, next to his bike, dumbstruck; he didn't know what to do until he noticed the horrifying sight of blood on the street.

_Her head is bleeding!_ his mind screamed. _Oh God, what have I done!_

He whipped out his mobile and called an ambulance, which unfortunately took ages to get there. Luckily a nurse, driving by, stopped and gave the woman that was still laying motionless and unconscious on the cold street the first help she needed, and when the paramedics finally arrived she told them what measures she had taken and what had happened. Edward thought he had heard her say something about 'she had an accident _again_' but that was probably his mind playing tricks on him.

"Do you wanna join us in the ambulance?" the paramedics asked him and it was like he just returned from another planet.

The confusion was written all over his face so the paramedic asked it again. Edward looked at the friendly nurse, who gave him an encouraging nod, telling her that Bella would be fine.

"Bella?" he asked, confused. "You know her?"

"I work at the same hospital she does. Now go in the ambulance and let the doctors take a look at that hand of yours."

Edward looked down at his bleeding hand in a daze. As he entered the vehicle, he wondered how on earth his hand had been hurt.

***

Edward was standing in the darkened room, trying to take a look outside, trying to shove the curtains a bit aside so the light would let him see how late it was.

He had recently arrived to the darkened room after spending a pointless and frustrating two hours in the waiting room. After he had asked Dr. Daniels for the tenth time if there was any news about Bella Swan, the doctor had told him nonchalantly that Dr. Swan was transferred to her room 30 minutes ago. Edward needed to control himself from cursing out loud.

'Why didn't anybody tell me this 29 minutes earlier? This is ridiculous!' he had cursed under his breath when he started rushing to her room. He had been pacing forever in the waiting area after the doctor had examined his hand, assigning the nurse to clean the wound and put a bandage on it. Two hours, that was like a lifetime, trying to read a magazine, trying not to feel guilty, trying not to worry about the woman's condition... They had told him nothing since the ambulance had arrived: nothing, zero, zilch! Nothing! And Edward Cullen hated it when he was in the dark. If the ability to read people's minds existed, Edward Cullen would definitely be the first person to want that supernatural power.

Now he was in the dark _literally_. The room of the beautiful woman was blacked out because of the head trauma she had endured. When Edward had knocked before entering her dim room, Dr. Daniels had informed him of such hospital protocol for concussion victims.

_Great_, Edward scoffed, _you learn something new everyday_. Head trauma victims need dark rooms. He just wished he himself had not caused the head trauma.

_-Flashback-_

"No, sir, don't knock. Dr. Swan has suffered a concussion in the accident, so she will have a terrible headache when she wakes up, and needs some peace and quiet," the doctor informed him. Edward immediately felt relieved that the old physician was finally giving him the information he desperately needed.

Worst-case scenarios had played out in his head when nobody had told him what was going on.

_Was she dead? Or in a coma? Was she operated on? Would she be okay?_

His mind was going in overdrive and the lack of information didn't help with that. He needed good music to relax again, but the only noises in the hospital were those of chatty nurses and doctors, cheesy Muzak, and the sound of his own breathing. God, he hated hospitals!

"Does she have anything else besides a concussion, Dr. Daniels?" Edward asked in a worried tone.

"She has a compound fracture in her wrist, and a nasty wound at the back of her head, which required multiple stitches. And she will be bruised too, but the bruises will of course fade."

Still seeking to assuage his guilt, he implored, "But she will be fine, right Doctor?"

"Yeah she will, maybe even tomorrow she can leave the hospital if everything goes well." And Edward let out the breath he didn't know he was holding when he heard that. His heart stopped racing, just as the hammering heart-beat in his ears faded away.

"But she will be in a lot of pain though, due to the hard collision with the ground," he added, which made Edward's guilt increase tenfold. He was the one to blame for this woman laying in the hospital and he hated that. With guilt in his eyes, he watched as Dr. Daniels entered her room for an examination, closing the door of her room extremely softly to give Bella her exam.

_-End flashback-_

Even after Dr. Daniels had left her room, telling Edward he could wait inside since she was about to wake up soon, the physicians' words kept on racing through his head and the guilt was eating him alive. He wasn't even sure if waiting in her room was appropriate or if she wanted to meet him -the causer of the accident- in the first place. He wondered what to do while images from her lying motionless on the ground kept on flashing before his eyes. How hard he tried to block it out, he just couldn't. Her half-open mouth, her closed eyes, the blood on the street, her right arm that lay unnaturally twisted under her body... She was like a bleeding brown-haired angel, lying there helplessly.

He startled when he heard a hoarse voice telling him he could open the curtains.

"Are you sure, isn't your headache too bad?" he whispered back, slowly opening the curtains so the daylight shined into the room a bit more.

"It's fine for now, so you can stop whispering," she responded, breaking the ice when a soft chuckle left her mouth. It was like music -her chuckle- but Edward did not realize the profound effect she would have on him until the soft voice and gentle smile of Bella Swan would haunt him in his dreams that night.

Edward crossed the room in no time, his hand extended to shake hers, but when she pointed to the cast on her right wrist, he laughed stupidly, and shook her left hand instead. Attached to her left hand was the IV, so he shook it gently; to make sure she wasn't in any more pain because of him. He hated how she was laying in the hospital because of him and so he lowered his gaze to the ground to avoid her beautiful chocolate brown depths when he spoke.

"I am Edward Cullen... the... well... the one that hit you this morning," he said nervously. He had not anticipated how she might react when they would meet, but now that he was sitting next to her bed, he expected that she would be mad, curse at him, send him away, slap him... but instead of those negative reactions, she patted his arm in a friendly manner, telling him she was the one to blame.

"I shouldn't have crossed the street without looking. I shouldn't have snoozed four times that morning and I shouldn't have been late for the bus, and I shouldn't have been forced to run to catch the bus, and I shouldn't have let the wind blow my hair in front of my eyes ... I am rambling, sorry," she said blushing slightly and a soft giggle left her mouth, before she introduced herself: "I am Isabella Swan by the way, but I prefer Bella."

"You shouldn't excuse yourself at all Dr. Swan; it was my fault. I was in a hurry too; I was late, so I was riding like a madman, not looking where I was going or if anyone was crossing the road."

When a huge smile broke out across her face, he asked self-consciously, "What?" Watching her continue to stare at him with a bemused expression, he added, "There is nothing funny about me ramming into you, you are in the hospital because of ..."

"I have never met a guy that has the same problem as me, but now I have met my match," she suggested teasingly. And when she saw the question marks appear in his golden brown eyes, she continued speaking. "Well, you are a pro at rambling too I see, I have that too, when I am nervous and don't know the other person very well." And they both laughed softly, which made their nervousness fade away slowly.

"So they already told you I am a doctor, but what about you Mr. Cullen?" she inquired, closing her eyes a bit more to avoid the light. That act didn't go unnoticed by Edward and while he spoke, he stood up, closed the curtains again, receiving a friendly smile in return.

"You can call me Edward. And..." but Bella interrupted him.

"If I have to call you Edward, I am Bella okay? That is much easier to say than Dr. Swan."

Edward nodded his head and continued: "I am a music teacher at the Academy. I give guitar and piano lessons. And what about you Bella, you are a doctor, but where do you work? What is your speciality?"

"A music teacher? Interesting," she mused. "I am a doctor in this hospital but not on this floor. I am a pediatrician actually."

"Well, that sounds interesting too. Working with kids is always fun."

He wished that there would be a day in the future he would have children of his own.

Edward and Bella talked a while, and when the nurse told them it was lunch time, he went down to the cafeteria and bought a sandwich. Bella had insisted that he return to eat it in her room, so that she had some company.

When he was about to open the door to her room again, he overheard her phone conversation with - who he thought was - her boyfriend. She was trying to stay calm, to lower her voice, but she was livid, of that he was sure since he could hear the irritation dripping in her voice.

"Well Jacob, I am very sorry to wake you up in the middle of your beauty sleep, but I didn't exactly plan to get hit by a cyclist this morning. I mean, what in the hell are the odds?"

Edward couldn't see how her hand was balled into a fist, the cotton of the sheets pressed in between those fist, her knuckles already white from clenching the sheets.

"This is so typically you Isabella Swan" - _he knew she hated it when he did that, calling her with her full name when they were arguing _-, "you never _plan_ to go in the hospital. When you fell of that cliff six months ago, that was an accident too, right?"

He knew he was playing with fire, taunting her with a huge mistake from her past. and the lack of sleep was to blame for his current mood. He had been worried when he'd heard Bette's ringtone, pulling him out of his sleep, because he knew that when she called there had to be something wrong. But instead of voicing his worries, he snapped at her instead.

"Oh Jacob, you bastard--I never said that it was an accident...I don't know, maybe it was. And aargh", she cursed under her breath, when she removed the phone for her mouth for a second, covering it with her hand to mute her frustrated sigh. She forced herself to breathe in and out before she brought her mobile to her ear again.

"This isn't why I called, to fight. I just wanted to ask if you could bring me some stuff, my pyjamas, some toiletries, you know, female stuff. You can go to bed again afterwards..." she offered and finally he gave in. Hell yeah, he gave in, it was his girlfriend lying in the hospital and he was worried about his freaking beauty sleep?!

"I will be there in an hour okay?" and before she could thank him, Jacob hung up the phone and headed to the bathroom to take a quick shower, letting the warm water erase the bitchy mood he was in right now.

When Edward heard Bella closing her phone, he counted to ten before he knocked on her door. He gave her a sympathetic smile when he entered the room and sat down next to her bed again.

"I ordered you the house wine," she smirked, pointing to the glass of water at the bedside table.

"Now that is generous of you to do so," he grinned and they laughed together, the ice broken, once again. He liked it, how she did that. She could melt the entire Arctic with her soft chuckles and infectious giggles, he thought.

They ate and talked a while, until they were interrupted by an insistent knocking at the door. Jacob made his way into the room, even before Bella could gave him the permission to enter. He dropped her overnight bag onto the table with a thump, leaning in to give her a quick peck on her lips, and telling her she 'pulled a Bella Swan' again, jokingly. Edward wondered what he meant by 'pulling a Bella Swan again' but he would find that out soon enough.

Jacob was a good looking man, thirty years old tops. He had shoulder length black hair, like the Italians Edward had seen in several movies. He was chewing gum with his mouth wide open and Edward couldn't help but feel disgust and incomprehension. A feeling of revulsion that would intensify even more within the next hour...

Tbc

Chapter End Notes:

What do you think? Edward as a musicteacher, playing the guitar and the piano is a very tantalising thought, right?

Feedback is appreciated... bad or good, it's all welcome!


	2. Chapter 2: Pulling a Swan part 2

I'm very sorry for the delay in between the updates, but I was away on a trip to NY and SF... I promise that chapter 3 will be up soon. I would like to thank Kristine Bishop for the incredible beta'ing she did and the great suggestions she had. I would also like to thank everyone who reviewed or added my fic to their favorites or installed an alert, I appreciate that a lot. I made some changes to the first chapter (basically no OD for Bella -I made it fit in the Twilight universe some more), so check out the first chapter again please. I hope you enjoy the second chapter as well. There you go!

**Chapter 2: Pulling a Bella Swan (part 2)**

Annoying and overbearing Top 40 music blasted in Jacob's car when he drove Edward back to his apartment. Edward glanced around him at the old Toyota Corolla, fugly red and probably not cleaned in ten years. The car looked like an apparent survivor of several hurricanes judging by the collection of papers, crushed cigarette packets, and empty beer cans littering the back seat as well as the ripped up cushions in the front. The ashtray was screaming to be emptied. Smelling the musty, smoky odor of cigarette butts and spilled beer, Edward didn't feel at ease at all.

Jacob mimicked a race-car driver, taking turns too fast, driving with one hand while dangling a cigarette from the other. While driving, he was _trying_ to sing the new hit from Justin Timberlake, shaking his head from left to right, crooning like he was the new Queen, raised from the dead. He tended to wait to hit the brakes until the last second, which made Edward close his eyes a few times, afraid that when he opened them again he would see crashed vehicles and brown-haired women laying on the ground motionless. It was like Jacob was mocking Edward; the more his passenger looked nervous, the louder Jacob sang, and the more closely he tailed the car in front of him.

_Why on earth did I agree to step in the car in the first place?_ Edward wondered, rolling his eyes disgustedly while he stared out the passenger-side window.

-_Flashback_-

Back in the hospital room, Edward had been observing the glances Bella and her boyfriend exchanged. He could feel the tension that had filled the darkened room; it had infected the room the second Jacob entered it.

The fading smile on Bella's face didn't go unnoticed by Edward, and he wondered what was wrong. Shouldn't she feel happy when her boyfriend entered the room? Shouldn't her boyfriend feel relieved when he discovered that his girlfriend was all right?

'_I would,_' he said to himself, imagining that his girlfriend was in the hospital.

The moment that image entered his mind, he could feel how nerves and uneasiness took control over his body once again, and he tried to shake the image out of his head.

'_You don't have a girlfriend Edward, remember'_, he critically chided himself. However if he did have a girlfriend and something happened to her, he would definitely worry his ass off, make it to the hospital as fast as possible, hug and kiss her, take her in his arms and cry tears of happiness.

But there were no worries, hugs, or tears of relief. On the contrary, Edward had the feeling her boyfriend was making fun of her, in front of him, and the joy faded out of her eyes the moment he spoke.

"See? You didn't make it on time after all. You pulled a Bella Swan Carter again…"

The moment he'd spoken those words, Jacob regretted them immediately. He didn't really uynderstand why he was still acting like this, but he was and he didn't seem to be able to do antyhing about it.

His words hung in the air like a thick itchy blanket that chafed and irritated the skin. Nobody wanted to speak or make any noise at all. It was at _that_ moment, when the joy and luster left Bella's beautiful eyes, that Edward knew he didn't like her boyfriend at all. Not because he was her boyfriend, but because he didn't _act_ like a boyfriend. He behaved like a first class ass.

Edward's mother Esme had always instructed him to keep the ones you love very close to your heart, as if they were treasures; to defend them with your life if necessary and give your love to them as you would like to get back from him or her.

_To love is to give; loving is a verb…_ his mother's words played through his head while Bella and her boyfriend exchanged annoying and mocking glances.

Edward wasn't sure, but he thought he registered how Bella's formerly dry eyes were almost glistening with thick tears. However, she forced herself to be strong and not cry in front of them… in front of _him_. Edward thought the _him_ was himself, but for Bella the _him_ was her mocking boyfriend. Bella didn't want to cry in front of Jacob; she didn't want to give him the pleasure of showing her vulnerability in his presence.

_I'm a strong woman,_ she reminded herself and her cheeks remained dry. Edward could not know all of her underlying thoughts and fears, though, and he told himself it was time to go… now.

"Um, excuse me; I think I should leave you two alone. I think I caused enough harm for one day," he said to no one in particular, but when he spoke his next words, he turned his face to Bella and their gazing depths found each other and softened the second they met.

"Bella, once again, I am very sorry that I rammed into you today." Edward tried to excuse himself but the derisive laughter that filled the room made him stop abruptly. He wondered what was so funny about what he had said, but Jacob immediately filled him in, telling him not to worry, that it was only his dirty mind. Edward gave a confused glance and then suddenly realized how Jacob was interpreting the word "rammed". His face reddened with embarrassment; he wanted to get the hell out of there but did not want to look rude by leaving suddenly. He searched for Bella's friendly pools again and moved a bit closer so he could shake her left hand.

"This is my card Bella, can you please text me your number so I can contact you and make sure all the costs are compensated?" And although Bella tried to talk him out of this kind gesture (after all she was the one that had crossed the street without looking and had caused the accident), Edward insisted.

Eventually Bella gave in because a flaming headache had begun to set up camp in her brain and she didn't want to argue anymore, not today. Not with this beautiful stranger who had the most beautiful eyes she'd ever seen before. It was as if someone had mixed gold under brown and it resulted in a beautiful color that was impossible to describe. No word would do any justice to its astonishing unique color. His crooked smile was breathtaking and erased her ability to speak, so she nodded her head in return and shook his hand. Her eyes involuntarily fluttered shut when the smooth skin of their hands collided and joined. She thought she could feel pure electricity the moment their skin touched and when she reopened her eyes, and gazed into Edward's warm gold pools, she just knew he had felt it too. The color of his eyes seemed to change to a darker shade of gold, friendlier and warmer than before. She saw a bit of shock in his eyes too, when they both realized that the other had felt the same thing.

And from that moment, Edward Cullen had nestled himself in her brain, wedging right next to the headache, stubborn and determined to never leave her system again. She was reminded of a line from an Indigo Girls song; '_You set up your place in my thoughts, moved in and made my thinking crowded'_. And Bella would know that pretty soon too, there wasn't any way to get him out of there; no medicine or good night rest could make Edward Cullen leave. And to be honest, she probably didn't want him to leave...

Jacob interrupted their moment abruptly, "Oh wait man, if you want, I can give you a ride home. You joined her in the ambulance right? I didn't plan to stay long anyway, 'cause Bella probably needs to rest and I need to get back to bed. I work at night, in case you wondered if I was a lazy man that mooched off his girl's income!" He laughed out loud, like he had told the best joke on earth, but besides him, nobody in the room was laughing.

He didn't wait for Edward's answer; he had already made up his mind: he would drive this dude home and go back to sleep afterwards. Jacob patted Bella softly on the head, a gesture meant to be loving but instead causing pain because of her concussion. Receiving a curse from his girlfriend, he hastily left the room, rolling his eyes, exasperatedly telling the doctor who passed by, "Women--everything you do is always wrong!"

Edward was stunned for a second; stunned that Jacob didn't kiss his girlfriend goodbye or apologize for patting her injured head; no, he did nothing. He just left without looking back and the antipathy Edward had felt the first moment Jacob had entered the room was increasing with every minute that ticked away.

"Bye Bella, and once again I'm sorry for hurting you. See you soon, and take care of yourself." He whispered into the darkened room towards the direction of Bella, who was lying in her bed with closed eyes.

She whispered back, "Thanks Edward, and really, don't feel guilty, it was an accident. I'll text you with my number. Bye." And when she heard the sound of the closing door, she let the tears she had desperately been holding back to start tumbling down her cheeks.

-In the parking lot-

"I am Edward Cullen by the way," he informed Jacob.

"Oh yeah man, sorry, it was stupid of me not to introduce myself. I'm Jacob Black, Bella's boyfriend. Nice to meet you man." And he patted Edward's shoulder in an attempt to be friendly.

"So you rammed my girl this morning huh?" he asked with a little smirk on his face.

"Yeah, poor choice of words," Edward winced. "I am very sorry for that. I was riding to the academy, and I was running late and I didn't see her crossing the street. It all happened so fast and before I knew it she…" but before Edward could say anything more, he was interrupted by Jacob's angry voice.

"So what are you trying to tell me man? That it was Bella's fault?"

"Um… no… I didn't… no it wasn't her fault…" Edward stuttered, the sudden change in Jacob's intonation making him feel uneasy. He cursed himself already for not calling a cab or taking the bus.

"Relax man, I was just joking." Jacob slammed Edward on the shoulder again, telling him that it was all good, that he was just teasing him. Edward exhaled with relief when he registered the huge smile that plastered Jacob's features. Jacob was only joking, although there was nothing funny about the situation.

"It was probably her fault, she is very clumsy and she is always late. I told her she wouldn't make it on time this morning and she didn't. She never does. She pulled a Swan again man, she always does," was Jacob's last sentence before he opened his car door and took a seat behind the wheel. Edward followed a second later, taking a deep breath because he knew a long ride awaited them.

"You said she 'pulled a Swan' again, what do you mean by that? Did she have an accident like this before?" Edward asked, trying not to sound too curious when Jacob started the car and left the parking space.

"Oh man, things like this always happen to Bella. She is a shit magnet. Whether it's an accident, diving from a cliff or a cut in her finger, she's always in that damn hospital." His scornful tone was hard to miss.

"Yes, but doesn't she work there?" Edward inquired, confused.

"Do I need to draw a picture for you, man?" and when Jacob saw that Edward still didn't get it, he added, "she spends half her time there as a patient and the other half as a doctor. I'm always getting calls saying that she's been hurt for some reason or another; I think the hospital has my cell on speed dial. So that's what I mean when I said she pulled a Swan… again."

_Why am I discussing this with this dude?_ Jacob wondered, but shrugged mentally. It wasn't like this was a secret or anything, right? _Right._

Edward nodded his head in return, drinking in the information he just received and he couldn't help but notice that Bella wasn't the type for doing reckless things, on the contrary; she was a doctor, a pediatrician for god's sake. But this Jacob-man made is seem like being in a hospital bed was normal for Bella Swan.

He wondered what Bella would do if she knew her boyfriend sounded so annoyed because she was accident prone. Complaining about a loved one's biggest weakness was not something to do with a stranger. And although Edward was a very warm and loving individual who got along well with just about everybody, he realized that Jacob would never be a man he would hang out with. He simply did not like Bella's boyfriend one bit.

_-End flashback-_

They spent the rest of the ride in complete silence; at least, no words were spoken. The only sounds came from the lyrics Jacob warbled in his nasally off-key voice and the loud inhalations from his cigarette. Listening to Jacob sing was more horrible than the torture of hearing his absolute worst student attempt to carry a tune. At least Edward was getting paid to teach the student; there were absolutely no benefits of suffering through the painful musical stylings of this idiot.

It was the longest drive from the hospital to his place and Edward was relieved when he finally closed the door of his apartment behind him and sank into his comfy sofa, closed his eyes and shut every sound out for awhile. He let the events of that day play in behind his eyelids and wondered how on earth all this had happened.

Why was it that he didn't see Bella Swan cross the street? Was it because he was mesmerized her warm brown hair and how her loose curls danced around her shoulders, with every step she took? Was it because her long elegant legs seemed to float over the sidewalk? Edward shook those thoughts out of his head and decided it was time to take a shower and afterward relax at his piano.

He longed to let his fingers caress the black and white keys, hear how his fingers produced a beautiful song and just feel the music like it was part of him, the notes wrapping themselves around his spinal cord and his whole body vibrating to the synchronous chords. Music was always his medicine when his head was full and needed to be emptied.

***

It was already 9 pm when Edward searched for his phone. He was one of the last people he knew to buy a mobile, and he was somewhat careless with it. There could be days that he might not even find his mobile, and other days that he did not want to find it. It bothered him that others might expect him be available all the time, and today wasn't an exception. He hadn't checked his phone the entire day and hadn't missed it one bit. He wasn't controlled by his mobile, like some of his friends were.

Edward had forgotten that he had given out his number at the hospital, so when he saw the blue flickering light of his mobile, he wondered who on earth had tried to contact him. What Edward didn't know was that when he would read that message, everything would change for good. He would check his mobile every hour for messages or missed calls; he would curse himself when he forgot his phone at home. He would keep his phone close by his heart, never to miss a message from the brown haired woman that lived in his head and wandered through his daily thoughts. And although Edward would do his best to block out these feelings and thoughts, he came to know that once Bella Swan lived in your head, she didn't plan to leave it soon.

Edward unlocked his mobile, went to his inbox, and saw a number he did not recognize. He pressed the green button and read the message that popped onto his screen:

_Hi Edward it's me, Bella. I hope you reached your house safely and that you stopped feeling guilty. I am sorry for Jacob's behavior, normally he isn't like that. The lack of sleep is probably to blame. Anyway, now you have my number, have a good night. ~Bella._

Edward indeed felt guilty; for hurting her, for breaking her wrist, for the concussion he caused. He hated that he had hurt another human being, even though it was an accident. She probably wouldn't be able to do her job for a few weeks because of him, and that thought made him sad. If she enjoyed her job as much as he did, he knew she would miss the daily contact with the kids. He hated that he couldn't avoid her that morning when she crossed the street suddenly, and that guilt for colliding into her would linger for quite some time. There is no cure for guilt; only time can make it fade away.

Edward read the message again, and realized that Bella had excused herself for Jacob's behavior.

_Strange,_ he thought. An individual in a happy relationship did not tend to apologize for her partner's rude behavior, and Edward wondered about the strength of the relationship between Bella and Jacob. While he wished the best for Bella, he guiltily realized that part of him was slightly pleased by the tension that seemed to be there between her and Jacob. Maybe that very tension might propel her into someone else's arms; someone who knew how to treat her right. Like himself, for example.

Edward wondered if he should text her back right away, or if he should wait 'til tomorrow.

"Should I text her back right away?" he asked his old border collie, sleeping in front of the open fire. The old dog, named Jona, wearily opened just one eye when Edward asked him what to do, but soon closed it again, continuing to snore away and ignore his master.

"Thanks Jona, you really are a great help to me," Edward commented sarcastically, while he petted his loyal dog. He stroked the smooth fur and soused the collie's floppy ears. Jona groaned with pleasure and Edward took that response as a yes, nodding his head while he informed his dog, "Ok, I will text her," and his fingers typed quickly on the small phone.

_Hello Bella, Edward here. I am home safely, so no need to worry and please don't apologize for Jacob's behavior. If you like, I can come over tomorrow again, before you go home, and bring lunch. What do you think? And try to sleep a bit! ~Edward_

He switched on the television, flipping through the channels mindlessly. Of course he could not find one interesting program broadcasted on any of the over one hundred channels, so he switched it off. He took one of his guitars from the stand and let the music relax him again, while his eye never left his mobile. He couldn't help but hope that Bella would agree to lunch together; he would love to see her again, if only for a few minutes. Maybe he could ask her out or something, buy her a drink; go to a concert with her.

_She has a boyfriend, lover boy, _his mind scolded.

"Yeah I know, and I am not a lover boy. I just think she could be a nice friend," he said out loud, like he was hoping that he would believe it himself if he could hear the timbre of his own voice repeat the words in his head. Jona opened both his eyes this time and Edward didn't know if it was his imagination, but it seemed like Jona just shook his head.

_See, even Jona knows better._

Edward's cell phone beeped, and the smile that was plastered on his face communicated his excitement better than words ever could.

_I would love to eat lunch with you again tomorrow Edward. I am a vegetarian; I just hope that isn't a problem. See you tomorrow, good night._

Edward typed away:

_Not a problem at all. I'll think of something. I have class till noon, but around 12.30 your lunch will be served, ma'am._

His teasing tone at the end of the message brought a grin to his face. He pressed the send button and closed his phone contentedly.

_See, definitely a lover boy, _his mind said again.

Edward shook his head, turned of the lights, brushed his teeth and stripped off his clothes. He went to bed, dressed in only his wife beater and boxers, and entered a dreamland where only brown haired women with eyes of deep chocolate pools lived. Visions of that luscious auburn hair brought a huge grin to his face…

Tbc

Chapter notes:

I would like to ask to leave me a short review if you want me to go on with Collide... Thanks!


	3. Chapter 3: Mrs Jennings

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own 'Twilight'. I hope you enjoy this new chapter. _Thank you_ Kristine to be my amazing beta and another t_hank you_ goes to Pauline, my amazing Prison Break and Twilight friend, who made a beautiful banner, which cannot be seen here. But leave me a review and I'll send it to you!

PS: It's worth leaving the review because the banner is GORGEOUS!

**Chapter 3: Mrs. Jennings**

Edward turned his head a little, opened one eye lazily and stole another disheartened glance towards his alarm clock. He was stuck in limbo, having awoken before his alarm but unable to fall back asleep, and the countdown towards the buzzing sound of his alarm was proceeding forward whether he wanted to leave his cozy bed or not.

It was still dark outside and if there was one thing that Edward didn't like about autumn and winter, it was the long dark nights and the short, grey, rainy days. A person needs light to charge his batteries and Edward pined for the long days of summer to energize him again. He longed to wake up with the sun lighting his room, to eat breakfast out on his terrace with the wonderful view of those endlessly long trees covered in green displayed before him, or to play piano with all the windows open. He craved those warm days again; Edward definitely was a summer-minded person!

Only one minute had passed since the last time he had checked his clock and still he remained in bed, groaning slightly. He had actually been awake for the last 22 minutes, feeling an excited rush of butterflies in his stomach. Those butterflies were the one to blame for waking up that early, the butterflies that had just settled into his system less than 24 hours ago.

Lingering in bed too long was one of Edward's bad morning habits: he refused to leave the bed before his alarm clock beeped, and when the shrill sound of that alarm filled the room, his morning ritual unfolded itself. At first he waited for Jona to begin whining outside his bedroom door. When the stubborn dog started to push and jump against the door, Edward then knew it was finally time for him to crawl out of bed and take a walk with his loyal pup. But before that shrill sound filled his apartment, he remained stubborn and enjoyed the warm cocoon of his fleece blankets.

_6:58_

He had only two minutes left to spend in his too big bed_. My too big and too empty bed…_ he mused sadly. Edward couldn't help but hope that one day the dark brown haired angel who played the main character in his dreams last night would be filling the empty space beside him, and he would snuggle close to her to keep her warm.

"One day..." Edward whispered into the darkness of his room, and sighed deeply.

_How did this happen?_ Edward wondered._ Less than 24 hours ago I didn't even know Bella Swan existed and now she orchestrates my dreams and my mind. The image of her roused me from sleep several times last night and my stomach is jumping up and down because of her, because of our lunch date today. What has she done to me…? _He said sighing again.

Guiltily Edward thought, _Too bad she is taken_. He told himself forcefully, he therefore needed to block such thoughts from his mind. His mother had always taught him that when a woman was already taken, you absolutely should not pursue her. And Edward was an honourable man, but blocking her out of his mind wouldn't be as easy as he thought.

_6:59_

Edward had woken up a few times during the night, only to realize hopelessly that she wasn't there with him, that they weren't at La Push, the beach, watching the sunset together, that they were not creating sweet music together by making out on his piano. The cold realization of his current position –lying alone in bed, being a single music teacher who hadn't had a date for how long… seven months… maybe eight?- hit him hard, especially just below his middle. He craved the soft touch and love of a specific dark brown haired woman, and if he somehow were to receive her love, he hoped she would understand his passion for music.

Unfortunately that is where all his previous relationships went wrong: the woman in question didn't understand that he needed music in his life; that music was like oxygen for him. If his girlfriend did not get the importance of music, then she did not get _him_.

In the beginning, all his previous partners seemed to find his musical interests "cute". But when they learned of his agenda full of concerts, performances, and lessons, they sooner or later all ran away. The lack of attention or the lonely evenings on the sofa… he had heard all of their complaints. Sadly they forgot the songs he wrote for them, the tender notes he left in the morning, or the breakfasts in bed he had made for them. He just hoped this time could be different; that this time she would stay.

_Forgot about her current situation lover boy? She is living together with her partner, HER PARTNER remember!'_

_Yeah__, yeah_ he thought, rolling his eyes at the critical voice in his head that sounded somehow like his father, a man full of discipline._ I had hoped you would still be asleep,_ he snapped silently, telling his mind to leave him alone, especially this early in the morning.

_You are a man of your word Edward. You can't go after her since Jacob is the one that holds her in his arms, and comforts her when she cries or when she is scared. He is the one that gets her to laugh and makes love to her. _

A throbbing pang hit him in his heart and he erased those painful thoughts out of his mind, and _tried_ to send the image of her to the back of his head, but she was too stubborn to leave his imagination. He knew that she would wander through his thoughts all day long, causing him to grin spontaneously. She would distract him with her gorgeous and infectious smile, with her glistening eyes, and with her warm brown, wavy hair.

His body craved release and it had been very obvious during the night. Whenever Edward woke up after another romantic or passionate dream, his blood had gone south but he refused to give in with a little self-pleasuring. He wasn't a 15 year old boy damn it, he was 28, a grown man who no longer felt like he would die from a lack of sex. However, he would give in eventually, that morning to be more specific, right after the time Jona was acting naughty by jumping onto the sofa. Edward would frown upon observing his dog leap onto the forbidden furniture and would order, "Jona, off!" He would then follow his own orders during a subsequent long, hot shower.

_7:00_

Beep beep! Beep beep! Beep beep!

Edward groaned audibly when his alarm clock produced the most annoying sound he had ever heard, and he turned it of abruptly.

_Why didn't his alarm make beautiful sounds? With a tune that made him happy instead of annoyed? So he would wake up with a smile on his face instead of being aggravated from the first second he opened his eyes in the morning?_

Edward rolled over, and blocked the whining noises of Jona by pulling his pillow over his ears. But Jona knew his master too well; he knew that when he continued his whimpering for a few more seconds, his human would eventually give in.

Edward left the warmth of his bed, opened his door, and patted Jona teasingly on the head. He dressed first while Jona searched for his leash and when they both were ready, they left for a 15 minute walk through the forest. Edward showered afterwards, ate a good breakfast, and headed to the Academy, today wouldn't be any different, well, except for his shower taking longer than normal.

***

Mrs. Jennings noticed that Edward was distracted from the first moment their weekly piano lesson had started. Normally he was concentrating intently, encouraging her, and gently correcting her mistakes, but not today. Today, he was physically present but mentally off in space. What was it the kids said these days? _The lights are on but nobody's home?_ That was Edward today. He sat next to her on the piano bench, smiling and staring out of the window distractedly. And he was smiling more than usual, a secret crooked smile, leaving Mrs. Jennings curious about what or who was inspiring such mischievous expressions.

She was playing a piece by Debussy; one of her favourites. When the song was finished, she placed her old wrinkled hand on his knee, squeezing it softly while asking him what was going on. He hadn't even realized that she had stopped playing; he was so enveloped in his Bella trance that he hadn't even heard anything at all, he was lost in his thoughts for the entire piece.

"What did you say, Grace? I am sorry, I have some things on my mind," he admitted while his cheeks turned crimson. He was replaying the 'making out session on the piano' dream from last night, and he had forgotten Grace completely. He hadn't even heard what she was saying; he had only felt how her knuckled fingers squeezed his knee gently.

"I think you better fill me in, young man. Tell me who is on your mind, who is the woman making you smile like this." Her sparkling eyes didn't go unnoticed by Edward.

Mrs. Jennings had lost her husband seven years ago, after a long and stressful deterioration of his health. He had suffered from Alzheimers, and Grace had refused to send him to a nursing home. She wanted to be with her soulmate every second of the day, take care of him at home, even if he didn't know who she was anymore. She had told Edward a few times before that his inability to recognize her was the absolute hardest thing about his illness. When she watched him die, he lacked the peaceful look on his face one normally displays when surrounded by loved ones. In Albert's eyes, he was surrounded by strangers, and he was terrified; terrified to go to a place he didn't know. Seeing him die like that made Grace a broken woman.

A few months after her husband died, Grace contacted Edward and she rekindled her passion for music again. She had always played piano when she was a child, but coming into adulthood and finding herself married with 4 children, piano was the last thing on her mind.

She was an old and broken lady when she first played the piano again. But over the years, the music made her alive again and her lacklustre eyes filled themselves with sparkles when her fingers touched the black and white keys of the piano. Grace refused to go to a nursing home, like her kids had recommended a few times before. She always told them the music kept her young; her weekly session with Mr. Cullen kept her that way. And the moment she stopped feeling so young and vibrant, she promised her children that she would go to the rest home. But in her heart, Grace sensed that day would never come.

"You know me too well, Grace," Edward admitted when the red of his flustered cheeks faded away slowly. If there was one weekly lesson Edward looked forward to, it was the hour and a half with Mrs. Jennings. He didn't need to teach her anything; she played the piano perfectly. But he knew that what she truly sought was his company, for the therapeutic healing of the music and the playful conversations in between. Grace was a woman possessing immense wisdom, and she could easily read a person just by looking them in the eyes. But Grace had to admit she had never seen him like this before.

"Come clean, young man. I am may be old, but I am not easily fooled. I've never seen you like this before. I can see the excitement in your eyes and the nervousness in your body with every minute the clock gets closer to noon. So boy, tell me what's going on and make me feel young again," she demanded with a soft smile on her red lips.

"It's really nothing Grace, nothing really important," Edward lied. He needed to say those words out loud, not because he wanted to fool Grace, but because he _needed _to hear those words aloud. He needed to hear those words to convince himself that there really was nothing… nothing _real_ between them. But with Edward's body, with his longing heart, he could not deny that there was something really going on. _That_, he couldn't ignore.

"Edward Cullen, hasn't your mother told you that lying is bad? And you are such a bad liar, you know that." She patted his knee again. Edward's fading cheeks turned deep red again, the second he heard her accusation. _How could Grace see through him so easily?_

"If there really is nothing important, how come you are distracted all morning? You are grinning like a teenage boy who fell in love with the most beautiful girl at school. When you are not staring out of the window, you are obsessively checking the clock. You didn't even hear how I –on purpose off course- played a _mi_ instead of a _la_ every time. So please tell me Edward, what unimportant thing is on your mind? Or should I say; which unimportant girl is wandering through your head? Tell me about this little minx."

Edward smiled when Grace's playful voice filled the quiet music class. He knew she was right; he had been distracted all morning. One could tell from a mile away that Edward looked like a lovesick teenager; even a blind person could easily see that.

"You are right Grace. Someone really unimportant is distracting me today." And they both laughed when he used the same word and same intonation as her.

"I have an idea Edward. We'll stop practice for this week, so you can go to her sooner. But you have to tell me a bit, give me a teaser Edward, and keep me young." Edward saw the sparkles in her eyes again and he knew he couldn't refuse her. Mrs. Jennings was a bit like his mother: she had the same softness in her eyes and the same friendly voice, and Edward just knew he couldn't say no to her. He just didn't know how to start and where to start, because there really wasn't anything going on between Bella and him. He had collided into her with his bike, and she had collided into him right back… really hard, with her heart!

***

"So we need to kick that Jacob guy's ass Edward, it's as simple as that," Grace stated definitively. She was a bit shocked from the naughty words escaping her lips; the influence of her 13 year old grandson was obvious now. She covered her mouth and excused herself, but Edward chuckled and eventually Grace began giggling too.

"I just wish it was that simple Grace, but it isn't. My mother taught me not to go after a girl when she is taken, and I always listen to her. I am a man of my word and I would never do something like that. I want her to love me as I love her, I want her to decide that I am a better man than Jacob, and I want her to choose me like I have chosen her. And until that day, I won't do anything." Those last words were hardly a whisper.

She reached up to pat his cheek lovingly, touched by how damn adorable he was. "You are a very handsome, attractive, creative and sweet young man, Edward. If Bella doesn't see that, then she isn't the right one. If I were 50 years younger, I would definitely go after you," Grace added teasingly, hoping she would see him smile.

"You are a frisky one, Mrs. Jennings!" Edward retorted shooting her the grin she was seeking. "But she has to be the right one. I've never felt like this before, ever. I have only known her for 24 hours and I can't even remember _not _knowing her. When I close my eyes, she is there in my thoughts. When I take a walk with Jona, it's like there were brown haired women everywhere! She is already part of me Grace; she already has my heart and lives in my mind, and nobody has ever done that to me before. It scares me you know, this effect she has on me, in only 24 hours…" Edward lowered his gaze. "I think I never loved a woman like this, not from the first day, not… ever I think."

"That's how I felt the first time I saw Albert dear, and you know how that worked out. Don't lose your head and heart in this Edward, but don't get all gloom-and-doom either. And just because she is already taken for the moment does not mean that all is lost. Let her know the real Edward Cullen and she will come to see that Jacob is _nothing_ compared to you. Make her feel special, treat her like a princess, and give her the attention she deserves. Make her feel loved, Edward; no woman can ignore that. Let her experience what she is missing in her current relationship and she will come to you, eventually. Just give it time. Speaking of time, now it's time for you to go. Buy her some lunch and make sure you keep your nerves under control ok?" Grace teased.

"Thanks Grace, I'll make it up to you next week. I'm taking you out for lunch after our lesson."

"That's a deal, young man. We'll go to a restaurant my friends frequent, so that I can show off my handsome music teacher." She patted him arm gently. In return, he gave her his most beautiful smile and helped her with her jacket, handing over her walking cane.

"Grace, just one more thing, I want to buy her something, a gift because I am the one to blame for her being in the hospital. But I am not sure what to buy…"

"You said she would probably have to stay at home for awhile, that she couldn't go to work, right?"

"Yeah," Edward replied, not knowing what Grace had in mind.

"Well, buy her something to fill her days. Nothing is as boring as just sitting at home all day, trust me, I know what I'm talking about."

"A book, you mean?"

"It's tricky to buy a book for someone you know so little about, Edward. What about… what do they call that again?" She tapped her chin, attempting to stimulate her memory. "Oh yes, a movie series or something like that."

"A dvd box-set you mean? Hmm, I think I'll go for that. Maybe buy a few snacks too, to make her all comfortable when she is watching."

"That's my boy. But now I'll go and get out of your hair; I don't want you to be late because of a wrinkled old lady. And I don't want Bella to be jealous." She teased. Grace received a quick kiss on the cheek in return, something Edward had never done before. But he was very grateful that she had listened to him and had given him sound advice, so this was the least he could do.

"Thanks Grace; I will see you next week. And make sure a lot of your friends are around, so you can show me off," he teased back when he guided Grace out the door.

"You can count on that Edward. I will call them right away!" and she waved, while heading back home.

After he took his jacket and car keys, he locked up the music class and left for the local video store to look for the perfect dvd box-set gift. After he found it, he walked to the nearest deli to buy the lunch he had promised.

_Hospital food is disgusting_; Rosalie had told him when she had given birth to Emmet's and her first child, and his godson Liam. His sister-in-law's words played in his head when opened the door of the deli.

When Bella had professed to being a vegetarian, he knew just where to go. At _Greg's Eggs_ they featured the most delicious quiches in the neighbourhood and he thought he remembered correctly that they specialized in vegetarian quiches. Edward was right indeed: he ordered two feta-spinach quiches, diet cokes, and brownies for dessert, and headed to the hospital.

The closer he got to the hospital, the more nervous he became. He rubbed his hands when he turned off his car engine, closed his eyes, breathed in deeply and decided it was time for action. Grace's words rang through his mind as a mantra:

_Let her know the real Edward Cullen and she will know that Jacob is _nothing_ compared to you. Make her feel special, treat her like a princess, and give her the attention she deserves. Make her feel loved Edward, no woman can ignore that. Let her experience what she is missing in her current relationship and she will come to you, eventually. Just give it time. Make her feel loved Edward…_

He was about to knock on Bella's door when he heard soft whimpers from the inside of her room. S_he was crying._ Her broken sobs tugged at his heart and made his knees buckle. He forced himself not to run inside and scoop her up into his arms. He forced himself to wait a bit, to give her time to compose herself.

_Just give it time_, he heard Grace say…

Tbc...

Chapter's note: Feedback is appreciated and makes me update faster. And I would love to know Twilight-fics you like, because I'm only reading 'Comings to terms' this far and I would love to read more great fics. So please, tell me! Thanks for sharing! Oh and remember, a review for the banner -which is absolutely gorgeous-!


	4. Chapter 4: The Lunch Date

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own 'Twilight', I just play around with the characters.

I am very sorry for the delay in between the updates, but my beta's real life has exploded and she is so busy that she has hardly time to open her computer. I asked sorceresscirce to beta this chapter for me and I hope that Kristine is okay with that. I won't bother you much longer because I'm sure you're all eager to find out about their lunch date.

**Chapter 4: The Lunch Date**

For the second time on the second day since the collision, Edward was standing in front of Bella's hospital room and he didn't really know what to do. He heard her voice on the phone through the half-open door, but her tone didn't capture the same light mood as yesterday. Although she was whispering and Edward couldn't really hear what she was saying, he could pick out the emotions laden in her voice. She sounded sad, broken and most of all disappointed. Edward couldn't understand who on earth could let down such a beautiful and funny girl. She was a princess and just as Grace told him, she needed to be loved. She earned and deserved to be showered with attention and love from everyone around her.

_Ok not everyone, _Edward told himself, _not Jacob, because he is a first class bleep. _Edward shook that cruel thought out of his head because it was so not _him._ Typically he wished only the best for others, but in the last 24 hours, the mean thoughts coursing through his mind made his cheeks turn deep red. Thinking such uncharitable wishes for Bella's boyfriend was definitely not how his mother raised him.

Edward heard how she closed her mobile and blew her nose. Silence filled her room and just like the day before, Edward counted to ten before he knocked on the door.

_Knock knock_

Edward registered another sniffle before she told him to come in with a friendly lilt in her voice. With the bags in his right hand; he pushed the door open with his left and entered her room slowly. The room was still a bit darkened, he noted guiltily, realising that the concussion was still giving her a hard time and she certainly did not deserve that. Edward closed the door again and crossed the room to where Bella was lying. The autumn sun was shining through where the curtains touched, and it lightened Bella's face a bit. Where the sun kissed her pale skin, it made it almost translucent and it looked like the softest skin ever, making him long to reach out and touch her.

_If I could just kiss that spot_, he thought but shook that image out of his head immediately. The sun set her hair on fire, and it was the first time he noticed that her dark brown hair contained some hidden shades of red as well. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen; her vibrant hair, combined with her soft alabaster skin, made her look just like the princess who escaped from _The Land of 1001 Nights_.

Instead of the plain hospital gown, she wore a light yellow camisole with muted white polka-dots and she looked stunning. _If she looked so gorgeous in a camisole,_ _what would she look like it she wore a dress or a satin night gown?_ Edward wondered.

All these thoughts raced through Edward's head while crossing the room, and when he reached her bed, he was speechless, afraid to say something stupid. Her cheeks still carried the remnants of obvious tears. Her normal glistening chocolate pools were dull and he could still see tears in them, tears she was trying to hold back. A pang hit his heart but Bella's soft smile that floated across her tear-strained features warmed his heart. Thankfully his presence seemed to restore the twinkle in her eyes that he liked so much.

What Edward didn't know was that his presence was something she had been thinking of the entire night and day since he had left yesterday afternoon. In fact, he was the reason why she hadn't slept nearly all night. The craving to see his brilliant features and the crooked smile she already loved had been too overwhelming and had kept her awake through most of the night.

He didn't even know that Bella had nearly texted him several times throughout the day but stopped herself every time, afraid to make a fool of herself. Or maybe she couldn't handle the rejection that she somehow expected to get, the lack of text message back or no lunch date together. She had been longing for him to keep his promise and come and visit her; she desperately hoped that there was at least one man in the entire universe that _did _keep his promise and that that specific man was Edward Cullen. Not a man like Jacob who promised things only to cancel them last minute.

But Edward _had_ kept his promise and although she had been crying one second ago, a warm feeling spread through her body and erased all the pain she had gone through before.

Edward was unaware of all of that, and he couldn't help but stare at her beautiful appearance for a few more seconds. He knew that it was inappropriate and that he needed to say something –anything- but he was afraid to make a fool of himself as well. Eventually, it was his heart that made him ask if she was alright.

"You okay Bella?" but Edward immediately regretted the question since it sounded stupid to ask –she was in a darkened hospital room. But for Bella it wasn't, no one had asked her how she was feeling, not Jacob, not even her father.

"Except for the lingering headache, I am feeling better. Thanks, Edward." Those words were whispered into the semi-darkened room, and her voice still sounded broken and a bit unstable. Edward could tell that she felt uncomfortable with the situation, so he decided to end the prying questions for now. He simply took her slender hand in his and squeezed it gently. Words were unnecessary; it was a gesture that said it all.

Bella knew at that moment that Edward was a man who could communicate volumes without using any words. He was a man to yearn for and he was standing right next to her, holding her hand, staring into her eyes with a soft smile around his full, cherished lips. Cherished lips she wanted to taste and feel all over her body. Lips she wanted to hear sing and wake her up in the morning, placing lingering kisses on her naked shoulder blades down to her spine. Oh, there were a lot of things he could do with those cherished lips of his, and a soft blush colored her cheeks when those images flipped in front of her eyes.

Realizing they had not exchanged a proper greeting, he said in a soft voice, "Hi, by the way."

"Hi back at you", she responded, pulling her mind back to the present and willing the naughty fantasies to fade from her eyes. She closed them for a split second and composed herself, forcing the incendiary images of those lips on her heated body to the back of her head.

_I have a boyfriend. I have a boyfriend. A good boyfriend._

Thinking about Jacob painted a bittersweet smile on her face; she longed to see him but she hadn't heard from him since yesterday.

"I brought something for you." He let go of her hand, took out a red shiny gift bag, and handed it to her. "I hope you like it; it's something to fill your days, when you need to stay at home after you leave the hospital. I really want to apologize again Bella, for what I have done to you. I am truly sorry."

"Ssss, Edward there is no need to ramble and to feel nervous. Whatever is in the bag, I will love it. And no need to apologize again; it was my fault," she said honestly as she eagerly tore into the gift, rustling through the tissue paper to reach down to the depths of the bag.

Bella always loved gifts, big or small; it didn't matter. What mattered was that the person buying the gift gave it to her in person. Her father was rarely in attendance to hand-deliver her gifts, and the cold, impersonal shipping of her presents through the mail was something she hated. If only her father could spend more time with her; that would be the best present of all. However, _this_ gift, from the special and gorgeous man standing next to her, this gift had to be perfect. Of that her heart was sure.

"Oh Edward, thank you, you shouldn't have done that. This is too big, too expensive, I can't accept it, really." In her hand she was holding the dvd set of Grey's Anatomy, season one, a bag of Doritos, a jar of salsa and guacamole, and a box of candles.

"You bought me a 'make yourself comfortable at home' package. Edward, that is so sweet of you." Tears started to form in her eyes –this time out of joy- and she could nothing do to prevent them from falling. She placed the gifts in her lap, swiping quickly at her tears and gesturing for Edward to come closer.

Bella enveloped his neck with her warm fingers and guided his head closer to hers. She kissed him on his cheek, whispering in his ear that she loved it, but that he shouldn't have done it. Edward felt himself stop breathing when she pulled him close, and his heart pounded nervously and it seemed to him –extremely loudly in his chest. He somehow softly kissed her back on her cheek, drinking in her flowered scent and storing it in his mind for the rest of his days.

Bella's warm fingers on his cool flesh… they burned his skin. His body was a minefield full of little goose bumps and he was certain that Bella was similarly stimulated by the shared touch.

The moment lasted for a second or two too long, too long to be… _normal_; too long to be the way friends touch. No, Bella's slender fingers lingered on his neck while she closed her eyes and enjoyed to feeling of their touching skin. The subtle stubbles lining his jaw caressed her warm cheeks and she just loved that sensation. It tugged at her heart and tears started to flow again when she realised that this man wasn't hers; that tonight another woman would lie next to him and feed his sexual hunger.

For the first time in years, Bella Swan felt jealous over something or someone who wasn't hers. She felt a certain longing she hadn't experienced in many years either, and when she was alone later that day, she would realize that such a longing was something she had never experienced _at all._ It was a longing that made her throat dry and tighten, her stomach hurt when he was away and set a warm fire through her veins, making areas of her body alive that hadn't been on fire for ages, to be honest. Edward Cullen made her senses alive like they had never been alive before, so alive that it hurt because he wasn't hers –and she wasn't his.

Bella enjoyed his close presence for a few second more and Edward didn't pull back either; he savoured the physical contact and wasn't going to break the moment until he felt how a tear moistened his cheek. He looked her in the eyes and saw that she was crying softly. With his thumb he swabbed away the salty pearls, while his eyes penetrated her soul.

"Don't cry, Bella…it will be okay; you'll be smiling again soon. You are so gorgeous when you smile. You look like a princess, you know?" and before he realised what he had said, her giggling chuckles filled the room, warmed his heart and erased the feeling of stupidity he experienced after telling her that she looked like a princess. She _was_ a princess, but maybe he shouldn't have told her that the second time he saw her. But her warm smile made him feel less self-conscious and when she told him he didn't look bad himself, they both laughed warmly.

"I think it's a funny gift Edward. You bought me a dvd set of a hospital series… was that meant ironically?" she teased.

His reaction was one of blushing and stuttering. "I am sorry Bella, I eeeum, I haven't thought of that when I bought it… it's just… you are a doctor and I… my sister-in-law Rosalie is quite addicted to it so… I eeum... thought you would… like that too… but eeuhm, now,… I maybe… it was a bad choice…" he stuttered while he stared down at his twisting fingers. A small chuckle filled the room once again and when his eyes locked with her beautiful orbs, he knew that she was just teasing.

"I am sorry Edward, I shouldn't have said that. But I think that's part of me; I like to tease people," she admitted.

"I noticed that," he replied while laughing, telling her it was all good. "I brought lunch by the way, but only for myself." Edward removed his jacket and reached for the bag of quiches.

When he saw questions in her eyes, he mischievously countered, "Teasing back, Bella." She giggled and patted him appreciatively on his arm. He looked astonishing; his faded jeans hugged his body at just the right places, and his black shirt was ruggedly handsome. The top of his shirt was unbuttoned and she thought she could see a bit of his chest hair peeking out at the opening. Oh god, she loved chest hair, _his chest hair_ her mind added. His sleeves were rolled up a bit and his arms were beautiful, perfectly shaped and still a bit tanned from last summer. His melodic voice brought her back to reality.

"I hope you like quiche with feta and spinach, and a brownie for dessert," he offered while he removed the food from the bag and placed it on the stand next to Bella's bed. "I brought you a coke too, do you drink that?" he asked.

"Perfect choice. Did I tell you yesterday that feta and spinach is my favourite Edward or did you just guess it?"

"Nope, you just said you are a vegetarian. But is it your favourite, really?" he answered with a smile that lightened the entire room.

"Yeah, it really is." And it was the truth. The combination of those two food items, it was like tasting heaven in Bella's mouth. Too bad Jacob wasn't fond of feta, forcing her to avoid using it more in her cooking.

_Would Edward like feta? _she wondered and she was about to ask when he told her he brought the same flavoured quiche for himself. The idea that he liked the same food made her smile, and the remnants of tears and sadness were nowhere to be found.

Edward opened her cola, which would be difficult for her with one wrist in a cast. He pulled the rolling night stand closer to make it easier for the bedridden patient to eat, and handed her a fork and a knife. He sat next to her bed, and they ate in silence.

***

Edward glanced in her direction a few times while eating, only to find Bella staring out into the distance or down onto her plate. He wondered what was wrong, worrying that the quiche wasn't good or if there was something else that prevented her from eating.

She was playing with her food, poking in the quiche with her fork, but except for two bites, she hadn't eaten anything. Bella knew Edward would notice the fact that she was not eating. But she couldn't force herself to swallow down the food given that her appetite had left her since experiencing her loved one's reactions to her accident. She was too sad to eat.

"The quiche is delicious Edward, but my stomach is a bit unsettled because of the accident and the meds they gave me yesterday." It wasn't a complete lie, but it wasn't the truth either. Her father's earlier phone call and the lack of Jacob's text messages or phone calls (there had been none to be exactly specific); those events had squelched her hunger. But she shouldn't burden him with that, right?

Edward's warm hand enveloped hers once again, and his thumb caressed the inside of her palm. It was a gesture meant to be friendly, but for Bella it went beyond friendship to one of the most caring gestures she had ever received. It was exactly what she needed at that moment, and it was the second time in only 15 minutes that Edward knew perfectly what do say or not to say; what he needed to do to make her feel at ease again. The sweet strokes of his thumb, the soft squeezes; it was the final signal she needed to open her heart and tell him what was bothering her. And while she filled him in, his hand continued to caress her and she loved it. It was one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done for her while she was venting and crying.

"That wasn't the entire truth Edward. I am sorry for lying; normally I am not like that. Trust me."

_a soft squeeze_

"It's just…"

_a friendly caress_…

"My father never has time to visit me, not on my birthday, not when I am sick, and not when I am in the hospital. He always has other, more important things to do and he never has time for me. Never has and never will. His work is his first and only priority."

_Squeeze squeeze _

"I already lost my mother when I was 17"

_squeeze and strokes _

"and to be honest, I feel like I have lost my father as well. He's really busy; he is the police chief of Fork, you know. And although nothing really ever happens in this town, he is always away."

Edward arched his eyebrows in surprise and wondered how on earth he hadn't made the connection yesterday. Chief Swan was a famous and honoured man in this town, but it seemed as if that wasn't the same with his family.

"I'm sorry about the loss of your mother, Bella, and I'm sorry about your father, too. So you are the rebellious daughter everyone in town talked about some years ago?" Edward asked and regretted those words immediately. His felt a bit flustered again because of that question. But now it was Bella's turn to make him feel at ease and squeeze his hand.

"No need to feel guilty for asking that Edward, and yes, I am that rebellious daughter you are speaking of. I should have known that no one would ever forget that, not here in Forks." And she scoffed when she thought about the things that had probably made her the talk of gossip years ago.

When her mother divorced her father when she was four, she moved with her mother to sunny Arizona, paying Charlie a few visits every year but never liking the cold and rainy weather of Forks. But when her mother died of breast cancer when she was seventeen, she was forced to live with Charlie for the rest of her senior year. A decision neither of them was happy about, it appeared, since they had never lived together for more than a few days, or weeks tops. And although she had never been very rebellious while living with her mother –she had been taking care of her mother actually, not the other way around - she found herself rebel against every rule Charlie had set for her. He blamed it on puberty, but Bella knew better. The loss of her mother, the quick and sudden goodbye to the few friends she had in Arizona and the sudden change to live with her father were all to blame for her rebellion, but Charlie had been ignorant and unaware of them.

At the age of eighteen - both she and her father were glad they had survived those few months without killing the other -, Bella decided it was time to leave the green and rainy Forks behind her for good and go to medical school. It was a decision she knew neither her father, nor her mom had ever approved of or understood due to her clumsiness and her aversion for blood. But she was stubborn and determined to prove them all wrong. She had. She never really missed her dad and the visits grew less every year. Until she stood on his doorstep after she had graduated, searching for some fatherly support and love for the first time in years. But maybe the damage was done and irreparable, or maybe Charlie was afraid to get attached to her again and to be left alone all of a sudden, like he had been years ago...

"He always sends me flowers instead… his secretary brings them and I hate it." Tears floated again down to her cheeks.

_That_'_s the reason why fresh flowers laid in the dustbin_, Edward thought.

Seeing her cry broke Edward's heart and he stood up, joined her on her bed and gently gathered her in his arms. Her head rested in the crook of his neck while he stroked her back, quietly urging her to let it all go. She spilled the accumulated hurt out of her body, telling him in between angry sobs that she hated how she was crying like a baby… that she hadn't heard anything from Jacob since he brought her stuff yesterday and that she didn't like that either. She deserved to be treatened better, she said in between sobs.

Edward couldn't agree more with her negative assessment of her boyfriend and he told her as much, kissing the top of her head while massaging her shoulders. Edward noticed that when he massaged her shoulders, squeezing them a bit, she started to relax a little. Her muscles were stiff and tense, he noticed, and he continued his soothing touch a bit longer, until she had stopped crying. He tucked a lost strand of her auburn hair behind her ear, swabbing away her tears and looking her in the eyes, telling her she deserved the best. Hearing his words spoken out loud, his mind silently added, _She deserves the best… like me._

"Normally, I am not such a cry baby Edward, really. I think it's because of the lack of sleep. And excuse me for making such a mess," she laughed a bit while she wiped away her tears on his neck. She noticed those goose bumps again, when her fingers connected with the skin of his neck. His neck was probably a very sensitive body part, and she wondered what would happen when she kissed it. _Would he moan? Moan my name?_ _Beg for more? _

"It's nothing Bella. Really. We all need to cry or vent some time. That's what makes us human you know. And don't apologize for making a mess. Last week my godson puked on me, now _that_ was a mess."

_He had done it again, _she thought, _he made me feel at ease by saying what I needed to hear. The woman who sleeps next to him tonight is a very lucky woman._

"Thanks Edward, you really know how to make me feel comfortable. Your girlfriend is very lucky to have you." Surprisingly, she didn't see the expected reaction of his face lighting up in a brilliant smile while bragging how his girlfriend was the best. Instead, he lowered his gaze down to his twisting fingers.

"It's been awhile since I had a girlfriend," he confessed, explaining that his relationships always went wrong because of his passion for music.

"Oh," was all Bella managed to say, and she couldn't help but feel happy and relieved, although she wasn't single herself.

***

They chatted along for the next hour about things they both liked: their taste in music and their love for working with kids. Their easy banter made it seem like they had been friends since they were kids themselves, although actually they had only known each other for less than 48 hours. Edward did not want to leave, but he knew he should because he had caught Bella suppressing a couple of yawns. She was tired and needed to rest.

"I need to go Bella and you need to rest, you're tired." And he stood up and took his jacket. He walked over to her bed and was about to kiss her on the cheek when she turned her head suddenly. The quick turn of her head made their lips softly brush across each other, and Edward saw how Bella closed her eyes, like she wanted to capture that moment forever.

If Edward wanted –and hell yeah he wanted that-, he could kiss her and make her his right then and there, but the gentleman in him decided that this wasn't right. This wasn't right at all. She was with someone else, she was vulnerable, lying in the hospital bed because of him, and kissing her like he longed to do simply wasn't right. Instead, he took her head softly in his hands, and kissed the crown of her head. Her lips caressed the skin of his Adam's apple while he kissed her head, and the goose bumps she had expected, saluted her proudly. Bella couldn't see that Edward closed his eyes too when he felt her lips on his skin and how he did his best to suppress a soft moan.

"Take care of yourself, Bella. See you later ok?" and she nodded her head in return. It was like the charming effect of Edward Cullen had made her lose her voice and he was almost out of her room by the time she had retrieved it.

"Wait, Edward! Would it be okay if you joined me for a walk?" He had turned, nodding his head immediately and approaching her bed once again. She added, "I've been lying in bed for the last 24 hours and I think I need to stretch my legs." Bella crawled out of her bed, searched for her slippers and stood up. She needed to steady herself since the room was spinning a bit. The moment was over rather quickly and Bella joined Edward without him noticing that she felt a bit dizzy.

They strolled down the hall, talking about nothing in particular. They were almost to the end of the corridor when Edward noticed Bella's laboured breathing. He stopped in his tracks to gaze at her with concern, noticing that the colour had left her alabaster skin and that beads of sweat prickled across her forehead. She looked pale and ashen and Edward realised that something was wrong. He stepped a bit closer to Bella, asking if she was okay, and she wordlessly placed her left hand on his chest to steady herself.

It wasn't working; placing her hand on his chest didn't have the calming result she had hoped for. She couldn't stop the sights and sounds in the hallway from dancing across her field of vision, and the noises started to fade when she moved her head a bit closer, joining her hand and resting on Edward's chest. Beginning to feel even woozier, she inhaled his male scent, and his _aqua di gio_ perfume was the last thing she remembered before the lights went out again for Bella Swan.

Tbc...

A/N: I have the next two chapters written and a bunch of reviews could convince me to update faster... Just tell me you would love to read more, and your wish is my command!


	5. Chapter 5: McCatchMe

Hi there *waves*

Here is the next update. Thanks to sorceresscirce, who I begged to beta this chapter, I was able to update today. I would like to thank you all for the feedback you all left, here and on twilighted. You guys are my sunshine during the day and my stars during the night. Now enjoy the next chapter.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own 'Twilight', I just play around with the characters.

**Chapter 5: McCatchMe**

With every step Bella took, the earlier dizziness began returning. The lights and noises of the corridor were fading, and the room was spinning like she was on a carousel. It was getting harder and harder to breathe, as if someone was standing on her chest, and all Bella could do was gulp for air. But the deep breaths were not enough and the faster she tried to breathe, the more the room started to spin.

A dusting of sweat began to bead on the back of her neck. And suddenly, her legs were like rubber, seemingly unable to support her anymore.

Bella faintly heard Edward's voice but she could not figure out what he was saying, her mind lacking the ability to piece together meaningful words from his melodic syllables. She was losing the battle against the dizziness; even the draining colour of her face was claiming defeat. Amidst the confusion and panic of the spinning room, she somehow registered how Edward stepped a bit closer and she thanked god he did so. Now he was close enough so she could lean on him.

Placing her hand on his chest, one finger touching the naked skin and the hairs that met her groping touch, she prayed that the wooziness would subside. That when she steadied herself, the room would stop spinning and the dizziness would bend his head and begin its retreat.

She wanted to cry out, to warn Edward that something was terribly wrong, but the signal from her brain would not reach her mouth in order to form coherent words. There was complete silence, except for the fading noises in the hallway and her racing thoughts. Despite the calming touch of his warm skin, she continued feeling faint and she hated losing the battle against her own body. Why couldn't the world just do for once what Bella Swan wanted?

_Why,_ she screamed silently, _why is this happening to me in front of this gorgeous man? How embarrassing!_

With one last-ditch effort to avoid collapsing to the floor, she rested her head next to her hand on his chest. She felt how Edward's strong hand enveloped her elbow, his long fingers almost burning her skin because of his heated touch. But even his comforting closeness could not save her; the sweet and intoxicating cologne he wore, it made her feel even woozier than before, but for different reasons this time. Her body was shutting down and that is all there was to that. She inhaled his male scent sharply and with that striking scent filling her nostrils, she began sinking into the darkness of unconsciousness which was welcoming her with open arms.

Edward was about to close his eyes when her nose touched his naked chest softly, and the air that left her lungs felt like little feather kisses on his skin. He was about to imagine how it would feel when her naked body lay on top of him after their lovemaking, wondering if her exhaled breaths would still feel like feather kisses too. He was about to… but when he felt how Bella's body folded over like Jello pudding, how she slowly collapsed into him, his limbs went into action mode.

Edward felt how Bella's breasts brushed across his chest. Under different circumstances and in another setting, Edward would have moaned from pure delight because of the sensations those touches awakened in his body. But now, there was no time for pleasure. On the contrary, it was time for action before his precious Bella would hit the deck. It took him a fraction of a second to grasp her under her arms and prevent her from falling. But holding an unconscious individual upright was not easy, and Edward strained to keep her safe, to protect her. He watched with apprehension as her limbs just hung there, flopping by her side, like she was… _dead_.

Edward forced that awful thought out of his mind –_what would I do without her?_ - and scooped one arm under her knees while his other arm sustained her back. The cast on her broken wrist rested on her stomach, but her other arm and head bounced up and down with every one of Edward's steps. He was about to carry her to her room at the end of the corridor when he realised that he needed help. Not that he couldn't carry her weight, no, she was like a feather in his arms, but he was concerned about her recent concussion. Her neck and head could get hurt if they bounced up and down unsupported like that; he worried that such unrestrained motion could cause further damage. She had suffered enough pain because of him; thus he needed someone to help him.

"A nurse, I need a nurse!" Edward screamed at the top of his lungs. "Help me, please!" he insisted towards the nurse who popped her head out of a patient's room to see who was making such clamour. The nurse was agitated at first when she saw him, but when she registered the woman he carried in his arms and the horrified look on his face, she realised he really need help. She crossed the space in no time and was about to ask him what had happened when the attractive man filled her in.

"Bella Swan, Room 229, she fainted in my arms" –_Who wouldn't faint in your arms_, the nurse thought- "But I grabbed her just in time" –_Of course, you're McCatchme_- "She has a concussion from an accident yesterday and I'm worried that I might aggravate her head injury by carrying her this way."

_Handsome, strong and caring, why couldn't all guys be like this?_, the nurse wondered.

She nodded her head, telling him he had done the right thing by calling someone. "Can you bring her to her room sir, and I will support her head? She should be fine." The nurse positioned Bella's other arm on her stomach.

"Of course," Edward informed the nurse and slowly started to walk towards her room, the nurse right at his side providing support to the back of Bella's lolling head. Horrible thoughts popped into Edward's head with every step he took.

_Why had she fainted? Were there complications; problems they had overseen yesterday when they examined her? What was happening to this beautiful woman? What had he done?_

They were over halfway there when a soft and groggy voice he already knew by heart, whispered his name.

"Edward? Edward?" He heard a soft alarm in her melodic whispers; panicked because she didn't know what had happened, in whose arms she was and who was holding her head in a tight grip.

"It's me Bella. It's me, Edward. It's ok, sweetie, it's ok," he responded, shushing her. The nurse allowed Bella to lift her head up herself once she regained consciousness, resting her cheek in the crook of his neck. To steady herself, she draped her arm around his shoulder and her fingers enveloped the warmth of his skin. She wanted to ask what had happened, but she couldn't force herself to speak. Her throat felt like the desert: extremely dry like she had not consumed any liquid in days. It was hard to swallow, so she remained silent.

Her head was giving her a hard time too, pounding with each accelerated heartbeat like she had just run the New York marathon. She felt extremely weak and disoriented, yet somehow safe and protected in his arms. She closed her eyes and kissed him sweetly on his neck before she let her head rest on his shoulder.

She enjoyed the closeness of their bodies although she knew she _shouldn't_ enjoy it. She was with another man. _Jacob, remember him Bella? No, _she snapped back_, not a single phone call or text message since he brought my stuff yesterday. So no, I don't remember a boyfriend named Jacob._ With a soft grin on her face, Bella drank in Edward's masculine and sweet scent, and she let the warmth of his proximity infiltrate her heart until it was on fire.

The nurse stopped by a phone and quickly dialled a hospital exchange. "Doctor Daniels, Nurse Izzie here. Can you come to Room 229 as soon as possible? The patient lost consciousness and needs to be examined." The silence that filled the crowded corridor draped around Edward and Bella like a thick blanket. Both pretended they weren't listening, but both were eager to know what was wrong. Neither liked being in the dark about what caused Bella to faint.

Nurse Izzie memorized the doctor's instructions.

Edward entered the room and for some reason he didn't want to let her go. He slowed down his pace a bit and his heart sank into his shoes when he reached the bed only seconds later. His legs touched the cold metal of the bed and Edward just held onto her for one more second, to drink in her warmth and flowered scent one last time. Bella kissed his neck softly again and whispered an almost inaudible _thank you _in his ear. He smiled and suppressed a sigh when their skin touched. Edward loved holding her and wished that moment could last forever. He wanted to carry her in his arms for the rest of his days, if that meant that she would always be his. But the warm insisting voice of Nurse Izzie broke the magical moment.

"Um sir, is it possible to place Miss Swan on the bed? We need to run some tests to find out what caused the fainting." And so Edward did as he was told although he didn't like it one bit. The world was suddenly a lot colder without her in his arms.

Doctor Daniels stormed into the room a second later, instructing the nurse to guide Edward outside Bella's room under the motto: "Everyone deserves a bit of privacy." With his head hanging low, Edward left the room to pace up and down the corridor, desperately waiting for any news about Bella.

~In the meantime, in Bella's room~

"Izzie, I want a CBC, glucose, and vitals," Doctor Daniels instructed while he gestured for Bella to lean forward so he could listen to her heart and lungs.

"Inhale."

"And exhale," He demanded gently while he listened carefully with his stethoscope. Izzie took advantage of the moment to prick Bella's finger for a quick blood test.

"Inhale… exhale Bella… Your lungs and heart sound perfect. But when was the last time you ate a proper meal?" he asked while he glanced at the untouched quiche and brownie. Bella's cheeks flushed and she lowered her gaze so her auburn curls formed a curtain, preventing the medical staff from seeing how shame washed over her face. If she was honest, it was more than 24 hours since she ate an actual meal. She wasn't in the mood for eating, especially not since she had spent most of the time in the hospital by herself.

Izzie showed the doctor the readout on a handheld device, and he turned to Bella. "Hmm, your blood glucose is only fifty. I repeat, when did you last eat?"

Bella cursed the speed of technology, which required only a few seconds and a droplet of blood to detect if there was enough sugar in one's system, leaving her with no time to drum up a lie.

Bella shrugged her shoulders, telling him it had been a while, and Doctor Daniels took her hand in his, patting it gently.

"Bella, as a doctor you know how important good nutrition is for a quick recovery. You'll have another IV, but I order you to eat that lovely quiche and yummy brownie before I return to check on you again in half an hour. I'm going to keep you another night for observation, young lady."

Bella was about to protest but she knew Dr. Daniels wouldn't change his mind. And if Bella was honest, she knew he was right and that staying another night would the best idea. Edward wouldn't be there to catch her from falling when she returned to her lonely apartment.

"Edward…" she sighed longingly. She was a bit confused when she heard Nurse Izzie say that he was standing in the hall. Had she really spoken his name out loud? _What is happening to me?_ she wondered.

"Izzie, can you please make sure this quiche is warmed up again for Dr. Swan? Bye Bella, I'll be back in a few." And Bella nodded her head in return as the doctor left the room.

"I'll give the heated quiche to your boyfriend and tell him he can come in again. Ok Bella?"

Upon hearing Izzie refer to Edward as her boyfriend, Bella was about to correct her misperception, but instead she stayed quiet. A warm glow covered her face and made her smile when the idea of him being her boyfriend popped into her head. She liked the image in her mind and didn't want to spoil or destroy it. If only she could be so lucky to have Edward Cullen as her boyfriend.

***

Edward was still pacing up and down in front of Bella's room when the doctor passed him without telling him a thing about Bella's condition. Edward cursed under his breath and hoped the nurse would fill him in soon. And luckily she did while she took him to the kitchen.

"Now go to your girlfriend and make sure she eats this all," Izzie instructed while she handed him the heated plate and patted him cordially on the back. And just as Bella had responded, Edward's heart warmed with the image of spending long nights in bed with his "girlfriend" and he didn't dare correct the nurse. On the contrary, he beamed as he walked towards Bella. If only he could be so lucky as to have Bella Swan as his girlfriend.

Upon hearing a rap at her door, Bella called out, "It's ok Edward, you can come in." He strolled in, set down the steaming quiche, and sat beside her on the bed. He took her hand –with an IV in it again- and caressed it gently.

"You could just have asked me to stay a little longer instead of fainting, you know Bella?" Edward teased.

"Yeah I know, but I am a drama queen. Always have been," she laughed and squeezed his hand. Bella bent forward and to Edward's surprise, she hugged him tightly. The warmth of her body enveloped him again and he closed his eyes when warm sensations washed over him. He stroked her back up and down it made Bella shiver, though she was not cold. Their hearts melted together at that intimate moment and both secretly hoped that one day, their bodies would do the same.

"You have to eat now, Bella. I don't want you to faint again, I need you to be ok…" those last words were hardly a whisper but Bella had heard it anyway. She knew he was speaking the truth, she just felt it. And so Edward reached to the quiche on the bedside table again, cutting it into little pieces to make it easier for Bella to eat.

She bemusedly watched him cut her food as if she were a child. "I think you cut that piece a little too big," she suggested, arching one eyebrow testily.

He looked up at her, startled, before a slow grin spread across his face when he realized she was teasing him. "Well, with your extensive head injury, I wasn't sure you could feed yourself," he joked.

She giggled. "Oh, are you going to feed me too then?"

Edward wanted nothing more. He imagined lifting a forkful of food to her delicate mouth, watching her sensuous lips receive the nutrition, her tongue flicking over her flawless teeth… Suddenly aware of how inappropriate his fantasies of another man's girlfriend had become, he stammered, "If you want me to go, so you can eat privately, I…"

But Bella cut him off. "No Edward, please. Don't go. You're my only company, please… stay."

"Ok, but I can't stay that long because I have class from four 'til seven again."

"Oh… alright." Edward heard a faint disappointment in her voice, but he couldn't skip his classes, although there was nothing in the world he wanted to do more than stay with her all day.

***

More then an hour later, the quiche and brownie were long gone and Bella had suppressed a couple of yawns. They didn't go unnoticed by Edward and when he glanced at his watch, he knew it was time to go. He stood up, took his jacket and said his goodbye. The room was filled with an awkward silence, and Edward just stood there. Was this it? Was this the last time he would see her? Was this their final goodbye? Those ideas made his heart ache and he swallowed hard when he realised that he had nothing more to look forward to.

It was like Bella realised the same thing at the same moment and panic made her heart speak rapidly: "Can I text you tonight or can we see each other again soon, Edward?" Bella knew she sounded too eager but she didn't care. Hell yeah she was eager to see –_and touch_, her mind added- this gorgeous and stunning man again. He was the love she craved for but her mind was not ready to admit that right now. However, her heart already knew of her love for him since the first second they laid eyes on each other.

"I would love that Bella. We have each other's digits, so let's keep in touch. But now you have to focus on getting better so that you can leave the hospital soon and we can go out for lunch together. Ok?" Bella nodded her head, but realised that this vague plan wasn't enough. She needed specifics.

"What about lunch next week, same day and time?" Bella didn't want to push Edward but she hoped he would agree so she had something to anticipate while recuperating in her lonely apartment.

Edward's face lit up when her words sank in –she really wanted to see him, she _really really _wanted to see him- but when he remembered his 'date' with Mrs. Jennings, the smile on his face faded away. Bella saw it too and was about to tell him he didn't need to feel obligated or anything, but he informed her he already had a date next week.

"Mrs. Jennings asked me out today. Or actually I asked her out because she did me a favour. And now she wants to show me off to her widow friends." Registering how her disappointment had changed into confusion, question marks popping into her eyes, Edward chuckled, "Ok, and now I can see that you don't understand one bit of what I am saying." Bella shook her head with amusement and patted the bed, signalling him to sit next to her. She enjoyed the warmth of their touching bodies.

Edward explained, "Well, Mrs. Jennings is my oldest piano student, she is 74 I think and since I was kind of _distracted _this morning during her lesson, I promised to buy her lunch next week. And she obviously liked that because she wanted to show her, um…" Edward cleared his throat nervously, "um, _hot_ music teacher to her friends." Bella liked him when he was a little bit shy, obviously embarrassed about being called "hot" by a senior citizen. She also wondered about his earlier distraction. She could definitely relate; Edward Cullen's sexiness certainly distracted _her_ when he was nearby. She wanted to know what or who distracted him, but she decided she shouldn't be that nosy.

"But Thursday I am free Bella, we can go out for lunch then."

"I would like that Edward. But now you need to go, I don't want to make you late." Bella leaned forward, gently took his head in her hands and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks a lot Edward, for saving me today, and for the delicious lunch. Next time I have a head injury, you're the man I want to have nearby."

"It would be my pleasure, ma'am," Edward replied, his eyes twinkling as he left the room, intoxicated by her flowered scent and chocolate orbs. With a huge grin plastered on his face, he left the hospital and headed towards the academy.

***

It was past eight o'clock when Edward greeted an excited and hungry Jona. He gave Jona some of his dog food while he wokked some vegetables and chicken for himself. Exhausted, he plopped in front of the tele with his bowl of stir-fry, flipping through the channels to search for an interesting program.

"My mobile," he reminded himself and before he continued eating, he went for his phone. _Just in case somebody needs me_. He switched off his t.v. when he couldn't found something interesting. Mind and heart were racing; his eyes never really left his mobile, not even when he played the piano to distract himself. Music didn't have the same relaxing effect anymore, not since Bella Swan walked into his life, unannounced and uninvited. Uninvited and yet _very_ welcome.

The blue flickering light of his mobile made his mind and heart race again, and even Jona seemed curious to know who was messaging his master this late. Edward almost ran towards the sofa where the mobile was laying and the smile that tugged his features enlightened the entire dark forest of Forks.

"Bella," he almost sang and Jona sighed deeply like he wanted to say, _Oh come on Edward, stop acting like you're 15. _Edward quickly read the message:

_Hey prince charming, thanks again for the delicious lunch and your strong arms that caught me when I fell. I hope to see you again soon, and I like to think that our accident was meant to be since it gave me a great friend in return. If I had to collide with somebody, I'm glad it was you. ~Bella x_

Edward literally beamed when he saw the last letter of the message. And he snickered when he reread it, replacing one word to read 'a great _boyfriend_ in return'. "I would give anything to be her boyfriend," Edward sighed. He bit his lip, deep in thought about what to text back, and when he settled on a reply, his fingers moved along the keys eagerly. He pressed the _send_ button and went to bed with a satisfied feeling and up-and down bouncing butterflies in his stomach. A few miles away, Bella's eyes wandered over the screen of her mobile when she got Edward's message.

_My dear princess, it was my pleasure to collide into you and then carry you to your room in my arms. I'm looking forward to our date next week, and for now; I wish you a good night's rest full of sweet dreams. ~Edward x_

_Definitely teasing back_, Bella decided, and when she closed her eyes and drifted away from consciousness, this time she did it voluntarily.

Tbc...

For those of you who want a preview for the next chapter, leave me a short message and I'll send you a short preview. And the next chapter will be up on Sunday. Sounds good, right?


	6. Chapter 6: The Luckiest Accident Victim

Thanks to both Skybel and Sorceresscirce, who betaed this chapter. You girls rock *kisses the ground you walk on* Thanks for all the comments and great reviews, they made my cheeks blush and I looked like a sunburned tomato for the entire week *blushes some more* Now, enjoy the next chapter.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own 'Twilight', I just play around with the characters.

**Chapter 6:**** The Luckiest Accident Victim**

Grace was sitting on a chair in the hallway outside the music class, cradling a plastic bag in her lap. She was waiting for Edward to open the door and to announce that the class was over for today. The class would end soon, Grace knew, and she waited patiently, something she had done her entire life: wait.

Waiting until her husband came home from work to eat together, waiting for her kids to grow up and make their own home, waiting until her first grandchild was born. She waited her entire life and instead of being sad or bitter for all the lost hours while waiting, she was truly grateful to _have _the opportunity to wait for the ones she loved. It was not a waste of time for Grace, all those waiting hours, because she had loved ones, to wait for.

The sound of approaching footsteps made Grace stop twisting her two wedding rings, Albert's and hers, and she lifted her head to see who was coming her way. She could not really identify the arriving individual, but the sound of heels clicking on the tile floor made Grace surmise that a woman was approaching. Her vision was not what it used to be, and the light that shone through the window at the end of the hall behind the woman acted like a spotlight, almost blinding Grace. The autumn sun was making a last effort to warm the hearts and souls of Forks' inhabitants.

It was only when the young lady was at arm's length away that Grace could see how beautiful she was. Her long dark brown hair pulled up in a high ponytail, with some curly strands dancing around her shoulders. The hair in the ponytail curled at the end too and if Grace did not know better, she would think the approaching woman was a famous film star sashaying down Hollywood Boulevard. She had a graceful stride and she had the looks of a star, of that Grace was sure. She herself had looked so young and beautiful too, a long time ago.

The passing woman nodded her head to Grace in a friendly gesture and read the board that hung in the middle of the door:

_Classroom 4_

_Music 102: Piano Level Two_

"Excuse me ma'am, is this the music class that Mr. Cullen is teaching right now?" Bella asked with a warm smile. She hoped that the old lady could help her, because she had been walking through the hallways of the Academy for 15 minutes now, trying to locate Edward but having no luck. Downstairs one of the staff members had said something about "room number four", and she hoped that she had finally found him.

'_Why on earth don't they hang name tags outside every classroom?'_ she wondered, unaware that Edward did not have his own private class room, but needed to switch locations depending on which musical instrument he was instructing.

"Yes my dear, if you are looking for Edward Cullen, he is in there," she gestured with her head towards the door next to Bella. Grace's eyes registered that Bella was about to knock, but the elderly woman quickly discouraged her from doing so, knowing how Edward might react to a disruption to his class.

"He doesn't like to be interrupted Miss, not when he is teaching. He only wants to be interrupted if there is some kind of emergency, like an earthquake or if the Academy is about to burn down. But he will be out here in a few; his lesson is over in 5 minutes tops I think."

"Oh", was all Bella could bring out, and the old lady gestured to an adjacent chair, inviting the beautiful girl to join her. "Thanks…"

"Grace, Grace Jennings my dear. I am sorry for not introducing myself properly," she shook her head softly, with her eyes closed. "Let's do this again dear: I am Grace Jennings, nice to meet you." She extended her wrinkled hand towards the young lady sitting next to her.

Bella stretched out her left hand while gesturing embarrassingly towards the cast encasing her right wrist, as a way to excuse herself for not shaking with her proper hand before returning, "I am Bella Swan, Mrs Jennings. Nice to meet you."

Bella heard how Grace let a soft "Oh" escape from her mouth, like she wanted to say "Oh you are _Bella_; I've heard a lot about you." Bella did not quite understand her reaction, but Grace filled her in soon enough.

"You are the one Edward collided into last week, am I right my dear? My mind sometimes betrays me," she confided, tapping her forehead softly with her finger, "so please forgive me if I mixed you up with someone else."

"Oh no Mrs. Jennings, you are right. That's me, and it was last week indeed, Tuesday to be precise. But it wasn't his fault he collided into me because I crossed the road without looking where I was going or who was approaching," Bella confessed.

"So that's how you hurt your arm dear?"

"Yeah, I think I tried to break my fall by placing my hand on the ground, but the impact was too great so my wrist fractured." Noticing the old woman's sharp memory and keen powers of observation, Bella's brown eyes lit up with kind amusement. "There certainly appears to be nothing at all wrong with your mind, Mrs. Jennings."

"Stop with the Mrs. Jennings talk. I like Grace better, Bella. And it is hard to forget that the accident happened. I have never seen Edward _that_ distracted as he was last Wednesday." She stressed her words so Bella would know that he was really off the planet last week. "He was distracted, but in a very good way," Grace informed Bella with a little wink.

Grace and Bella were on the same wavelength immediately, like they had known each other for quite a long time.

While the two women were chatting away in the hall, Edward was slowly growing annoyed by the disruptive noises from the hallway. He wondered who on earth was chatting and giggling so much out there, and he was glad when he glanced at the clock to see that it was 5 o'clock. A lingering headache drew his long fingers upward to rub the bridge of his nose, hoping to lessen the pounding in his forehead.

These eight little devils, eager to learn how to play the piano at the beginning of the class, had grown restless the last few minutes. When they begged for release after demonstrating rapt attention for almost one hour, Edward was more than willing to give it to them. He informed the students that he would see them the following week and was rewarded with small voices calling 'oh yes' and 'cool'.

However, there was one little girl in the front, Camille, who was a bit disappointed that it was already time to go. She was a young but very brilliant student and Edward knew that she would conquer the world one day with her precocious musical talent.

"Can't we stay a little longer, Mr. Cullen?" Camille inquired, batting her eyelashes towards him.

"Now Camille," Edward smiled at the endearing little girl, "I need to slow you down or soon you'll know more than me about playing piano. If you keep doing so well, _you_ will be the one teaching this class and then I won't have a job!"

She flashed a bright grin towards him and joined her peers, jostling towards the exit.

When Edward saw that they were all ready to go home to their parents, he walked to the door, opening it so all the cute devils could storm out of the class without getting hurt or ramming the door. However, when the door opened, he was dumbstruck and blinded by the beauty he saw, who was waiting for him and was chatting along with Mrs. Jennings. The lingering headache was nowhere in evidence, and the irritation he had felt one minute ago melted in the hallway sun when he drank in the view of his princess. A soft smile tugged up the corners of his mouth upon noticing Grace and Bella immersed in conversation. They liked each other, and their immediate ease with each other meant a lot to Edward.

The autumn sun lit her auburn tresses and to Edward, it was as if her hair was on fire. She looked gorgeous with a ponytail, her loose strands accentuating her perfect face even more. The dress she wore - a beautiful black woollen knee-length dress - accentuated her female curves and made all his blood suddenly go southwards. Edward gulped when he felt himself harden just below his belly, and wondered how he had become _that_ kind of guy. He knew the answer to that question was standing in front of him.

She wore high-heeled black leather boots, boots that hugged her lean calves and slender feet. He longed to touch those feet, give them a massage after a long day of wearing those heels and place little kisses on every toe. He longed to do many things to the woman who had settled herself into his mind and soul less than a week ago.

Her dark green winter coat draped over her right shoulder, along with a black woollen scarf to make sure she did not catch a cold. The cast on her wrist was the only aspect that broke the perfect picture, and he knew he was the one to blame. He hated that feeling.

The little devils were running excitedly down the hall but it was as though Edward did not hear them. He did not hear anything at all, except his heavy breathing and hammering heart.

It was Grace that broke the spell, sensing that she represented the third wheel in this lovely picture. She did not belong here amongst these two beautiful young people and she decided to give these two lovebirds the time and space they needed. She took Edward's hand to bring him back to the present, and pressed a plastic bag into his hand.

"Here Mr. Spellbound, I had some guests over yesterday and I made my grandmother's roasted pork with port, raisins and grapes. I made some croquettes too, and you know how much I hate to throw food away."

"And how much you hate to eat the same meal twice," Edward responded, grinning at her. "Thank you, Grace. I'm looking forward to tasting your delicious cooking once again." He really was grateful for Grace's homemade meals. She was a splendid cook and sometimes Edward did not have the energy to prepare dinner when he came home at eight or later. However, he was a bit embarrassed too, with Bella standing here watching the food exchange. It was as if he could not take care of himself and he wondered what would she think?

"I'm going now; I think you two have a lot to talk about. Oh and Edward, there is some dessert in the bag too, in case you want some." She smirked and patted his arm fondly. She knew how much he loved sweets and she predicted that he would love her tiramisu. Tiramisu was his favourite, if she remembered correctly.

On her way out, Grace kissed Bella on the cheek, and whispered into her ear, "Be gentle with him, he has been hurt so many times before." Bella's heart tightened when Grace's words sank in, how did Grace see through her? How did Grace know that the status of Edward's heart was indeed quite important to her?

"See you Wednesday Grace, and don't forget our lunch date," he said while waving at her.

"I may be old Edward, but I would never forget a date with my handsome music teacher," she waved back before she turned the corner and adeptly made her way down the stairs, out of the Academy.

~*~

Edward and Bella stood there, Bella nervously twisting her hands and Edward fiddling with the door handle, not knowing what to say to each other. Edward enjoyed the view he had before him; she really was stunning and perfect in every way – _except for the cast on her arm which you caused, idiot _- and the fact that she and Grace were chatting amicably, filled his heart with joy.

Bella was doing the same, drinking in his perfect features, because, god, this man was handsome. He should have a warning label on his head: _'Stare at Your Own Risk', _or_ 'Common Side Effects Include Fainting and Drooling', _or even better_ 'Hotness __Alert__' _.

He was attractive, hell yeah he was. He wore faded jeans and sneakers, and the light blue shirt he wore, with rolled up sleeves, well, it pulled her gaze away from his dazzling green penetrating stare and for once, she was grateful. She was afraid she would pass out again when their eyes locked, or that she would drool all over the place. There even was a small part of her that was afraid she would orgasm right in front of her if his eyes wandered over her body again, like they had done two minutes ago. That was what Edward Cullen did to women: he made them hot and bothered just by looking at them.

Bella knew she needed to speak, to say something; she was the one who showed up unannounced after all, but her mouth was too dry and her mind was too blank. Luckily, prince charming's brain was functioning just fine so he stepped closer and placed a soft kiss on her warm cheek.

His cologne filling her nostrils did not make it any easier to come up with an explanation for her presence. "Oh Edward…" Bella finally managed to say. Those two words sounded like a soft moan, and Bella knew that he heard their true meaning; her longing to be with him was obvious in her voice. However, when Grace's parting advice filled her mind, she realised she needed to restrain herself in order not to hurt the man who was staring at her so lovingly.

"Oh Edward… ahem," she cleared her throat and hoped she sounded more composed. "Ahem, I'm sorry to bother you while you are at work… but… well…" Edward stopped her from rambling and babbling by taking her by the hand and guiding her inside the music class.

They both swallowed hard when the realisation sank in that their connecting skin and laced fingers felt absolutely perfect and so normal. It was as though Bella's hand was designed for Edward's and they both realised that easy fit at the same moment. It was scary for him to realise that she was designed for him, especially when she did not belong to him.

Still holding each other's hands, Bella could not hide how bowled over she felt when she saw the piano, the teaching board, and the little tables and chairs. She thought back 17 years to when her mother had dragged her to the Academy for violin lessons, but she doubted that she herself had such a handsome teacher as Edward back then. If she had, she probably would not have cut through the strings of her violin. Nevertheless, she had cut them through, hoping the defiant act would make her mother realise that she did not want to play an instrument. She did not want to do anything. Not the ballet lessons her mother had signed her for, nor the gym sessions her mother had dragged her to because she was such a klutz who managed to fall down on a flat surface. She just loved reading books, being captured in the world of it and reading the words until the images role in front of your eyes as if you were watching a movie.

When her mother realised that she had damaged the expensive violin on purpose, she was so angry that she told her daughter she could not do anything else. What her mother did not know was that it was not really a punishment – staying indoors. A book was all she needed.

Bella's memories floated back to her childhood days before Edward pulled her back to earth.

"Wow, you were far away Bella. Are you alright?" Edward guided Bella down until she sat on one of the little chairs.

"Yeah, I'm fine Edward, thanks. Entering this room took me back to my childhood I guess."

"Oh and from the look on your face, I doubt those were happy memories. Can I get you something to drink? The only thing I have is diet cola or water."

"A diet drink sounds great, please. When is your next class Edward? I can go if you want me to…"

"No, no, I insist you stay a little longer. Next class doesn't start until 5:30 so we have awhile." Edward handed her the bottle of diet coke and sat next to her on one of the miniature chairs. It was a funny view, two adults hunched over on little chairs, but for Bella and Edward it did not matter where they sat, so long as they were together.

Their knees touched, and in the beginning, they excused themselves, repositioning their legs modestly, but it was as if their legs were magnets, drawn to each other. So after a few moments, they stopped excusing themselves and just enjoyed the hot feeling of touching limbs. Edward gazed at her with twinkling eyes.

"So Bella, did you come here to sign up for one of my courses?"

"Oh, well if I did that, I would pay for private lessons so I would have you all to myself."

_Oh yes, bring on the flirting Bella, _Edward thought.

Edward suggested coyly, "Well, I would have to schedule those private lessons at my apartment, to make sure nobody would interrupt us."

_Definitely flirting back, jiha,_ Bella triumphed.

"I came here to thank you, Edward, for everything you have done for me."

"You came to me to thank me because I collided into you, breaking your arm and preventing you from working for the next four weeks Bella?" Edward asked, surprised and agitated. However, Bella calmed him down when she took his warm hand in hers and stroked his palm gently with her fingers.

"You and I Edward, we both know that I crossed the road without looking and that the collision wasn't your fault. So stop feeling guilty for the cast on my wrist, for my concussion, and for the fact that I am stuck home for the next four weeks. I came to thank you because you are such a sweet guy."

Edward dropped his head shyly but Bella could still see the blush colouring his cheeks. Waiting until he looked up at her once again, she continued, "I did a _Grey's Anatomy_ marathon last night, and there was an accident in just about every episode. When I watched all those accidents on the show, I couldn't help but think that I am very lucky that you collided into me. Everyday tons of accidents happen, but it doesn't often happen that someone is sweet enough to visit the victim more than once. And you did that for me Edward; you came back. You carried me to my room when I fainted, you entertained me with your daily text messages, and I wanted to thank you for that. Thank you for being who you are… you are a very good man Edward Cullen," and she kissed the inside of his palm. Twice.

Bella wanted nothing more than to feel their lips connect, but she knew that when she once tasted Edward Cullen, she would become intoxicated and addicted, and she just could not do that. Bella _would not_ be that woman; she would not be a woman who cheated on her boyfriend. She had too much honour and dignity to do that. She _could not_ be that woman because Edward Cullen deserved so much better than a cheating girl who'd tried to kill herself only months ago.

"Thanks Bella, your kind words make me blush," he lowered his gaze, speaking to the floor nervously. "You made it easy to want to visit you. I've never met a woman who is so pretty and smart, all together, and I feel lucky to have met you. I'm glad you were my collision victim."

With those last words hanging in the air, their shining gazes found each other and soon their hands did the same.

The sound of approaching happy children's voices broke their moment abruptly. They quickly said their goodbyes and gave each other a quick peck on the cheek while the next class waited impatiently outside the room.

"I'm looking forward to Thursday Edward," Bella beamed before she left the room, feeling like she was walking on cloud nine.

"Me too," he whispered, but she was already in the hall, the sunlight bouncing off her hair shining like zillions of fire flies.

Their hearts and souls felt warmed with the love of the other. A love that grew deeper and stronger with every passing hour. A love they both knew they _should not_ feel.

But if there is something you can't fool, it's the heart…

Tbc...

A/N: Do you want to read more? All you have to do is ask...


	7. Chapter 7: Mimosa

Thanks to AnUnborkenHorse aka RushtonElf who turbo-betaed this chapter. You are amazing and a warm hug and your own personal Edward is what you deserve *hugs you tight and sends you a copy of Edward Cullen*. Thanks for all the amazing comments, great reviews, the ideas and speculations in the Collide thread on the Twilight website,… You girls are made of awesomeness! This chapter is dedicated to Skybel, who is stuck in bed with a cold! Enjoy the next chapter and reviews are highly appreciated!

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own 'Twilight', I just play around with the characters.

**Chapter 7: Mimosa**

Edward was checking his watch for the umpteenth time while he was waiting in front of 'Mimosa', the Moroccan restaurant Bella had suggested they meet at for their lunch.

_She is officially late now_, Edward thought, and he was pulled back in time to the day they first met, eight days ago. She was late back then too and it was her tardiness that led their paths to cross. He thanked god for that serendipitous event and the memories of their unexpected meeting warmed Edward's cold body. The chilly wind however forced Edward to pull up the collar of his jacket and shove his hands deep in his pockets.

Edward was about to text her to ask if she had collided into another man, when his mobile signalled him that he had a new message. Convinced it was Bella, he opened his mobile and the oh-so familiar number of the one he was waiting for came into view.

_Sorry Edward for being late –which you figured out already I guess- but I couldn't find my home keys so I missed my bus. But I got them now and I am only one bus stop away. Love, B x_

Her message made him smile; he found her bad habit –being late- cute for some reason. It was probably because if she hadn't been running late that fateful morning, they would have never met. Or maybe he just found everything about her cute, even her foibles like running late or nervously tucking her hair behind her ear.

He imagined her sitting on the bus now, checking her watch constantly, cursing the bus driver for every stop he made and begging him to drive faster. Every red light and each slowly crossing pedestrian made her foot tap a little more impatiently, and she sighed deeply when the minutes ticked away so quickly.

He chuckled softly, picturing her frantically running to the bus-stop, but his laughter was interrupted when the voice of the woman he had been thinking of filled his senses.

"What is so funny Edward? Did I miss something?" and Bella kissed him softly on the cheek. Her warm skin connected with his cold face and a shiver travelled down to his spine. That shiver didn't go unnoticed by the trained doctor's eye, and Bella pushed him gently towards the entrance of the little restaurant.

"Sorry for making you wait in this cold and windy weather. I hope you got my message?"

Edward opened the door so she could enter the warmth of the restaurant first, telling her as they stepped inside, "I did get your message, thanks. I couldn't stop laughing at the image of you rushing around as usual."

"So you were making fun of me, Edward Cullen? Laughing at one of my bad habits? Well that is the first boy… erm sorry, … friend that ever did that before." Bella was teasing him, but her blunder didn't go unnoticed by either of them and it elevated the teasing banter to something slightly more intense, more illicit, more dangerous. Their eye-fucking was over too soon, when the voice of the waiter pulled them both back to the real world.

"Did you make a reservation, Sir?"

Bella was the first to answer. "We did, I made a reservation for Swan," she informed the waiter before turning to Edward, her face slightly flustered with a plastered soft smile. They'd been together for only two minutes and the flirting and teasing were already back full speed.

"You can follow me, Mister and Miss Swan. Your table is right here." And he guided them towards the table, a lit candle bouncing a soft purplish glow off the butterscotch yellow walls in the extremely cosy restaurant. This was the second time in eight days that someone had addressed them as a couple, and just like the time in the hospital, neither of them corrected the waiter. Both their hearts skipped a beat from the idea of being together as a real couple.

Edward helped Bella remove her coat, before she sat on the dark red velvet cushions of the wooden bench. He sat on the mahogany chair across the table from her after he hung up their jackets.

"Always the gentleman, Edward. Tell me, do you have any bad habits too or are you really Mister Perfect like Grace told me?" Bella stared at him, a twinkle in her eyes that was hard to miss, but for some reason, Edward lowered his gaze the second he sat down himself. His hands were twisting in his lap, Bella could see that, and she wondered if she had said something wrong.

Sensing that he needed to say something, anything, Edward stuttered a thank you. "I am not good at… well at compliments I guess. Receiving them I mean," he confessed. Bella's cold fingers on his wrist and the soft squeeze she gave him, sent an adrenalin shot to the butterflies in his stomach and they started bouncing up and down once again.

"I do have bad habits though, but since I don't want you to run away screaming, I'll keep them to myself for now."

Smiling broadly, Bella asked, "Should I be scared?"

"I'm not a serial killer, nor a 107 year old vampire, Bella. Well, actually I only murder the women who annoy me, so as long as you stay on my good side, you should be fine." Edward took her hand in his and stroked the inside of her palm slowly, and his stare was so intense that it was as if his eyes were reaching across the table to stroke the smooth skin of her face as well. They just stared at each other for a moment, until Edward spoke softly, with a low melodic voice that Bella hadn't heard before.

"So Miss Swan, or should I say Dr. Swan, what do you like to eat here?" That sound, his low and husky voice, abetted a moan from deep inside of her and she forced herself to gain some composure. Bella swallowed hard and cleared her throat before she answered his question.

"Ahem. Well, I always order the vegetarian tagine, but that is of course, without meat. But Angela, a friend of mine, is fond of the chicken tagine with raisins and gember. And red wine goes well with many of their entrees."

Without letting go of her hand, Edward opened the menu and glanced at the selections. He was not really paying attention to the meal descriptions, his mind wandering back to the soft contact of her hand in his and how normal that gesture felt to him. Bella didn't pull back either; the same joy raced through her body because of that human and extremely lovingly contact.

~While waiting for their lunch~

"It's sometimes very late indeed Bella, when I come home from the Academy. I'm sometimes really exhausted, although my job doesn't require that much physical exertion. But teaching little overactive kids, some of them forced to be there by their parents, can be exhausting. But I guess, being a doctor, you know how it is, working with kids."

Bella nodded her head in return and smiled at him sympathetically. "So does Grace do that a lot Edward, bringing the poor bachelor some food, after an exhausting day at work?" The little teasing strain in her voice didn't go unnoticed by Edward and a tiny pout appeared on his face.

"Are you mocking me, Isabella Swan?" Edward asked teasingly.

Bella couldn't help but love the way he said her full first name. She had never liked it when someone called her Isabella Swan, but when it came to Edward and how his sexy voice caressed the letters -making it seem exotic and fresh-, she just loved it.

"Oh stop sulking Edward." Bella chuckled softly, but hesitated when Edward continued to pout. For a second she feared that she had crossed a line but Edward put her out of her misery real soon.

"If you're so good at dishing it out, just be sure that you can take it too. But yeah, Grace does that sometimes. Since her husband Albert died, I give her piano lessons. And one day, a few years ago, she brought me some food she had made herself, food she hated to throw away. She doesn't like eating the same meal twice in a row, and I guess, a little part of her likes to play mother for me. But it's not that she does that every week, it's more like… once a month."

"And what do you do the other days of the month Edward? Do you have other mothers cooking for you?"

Amused by her continued teasing, he looked her in the eyes; a deep stare that made her light headed and took away her ability to speak. She could only shake her head softly, while her eyes were still absorbed by the deep green pools of the man sitting across from her. Amused by her speechless state, Edward explained her that he did love to cook, when he had the time and energy to do so.

"My speciality is bami goring, but since that involves a lot of preparation, I don't cook that dish when it's only for me. That's something I prepare when there are friends or family coming over. Maybe I can cook it one day for you, if you like Chinese?"

Still hypnotized by his green orbs, Bella remained silent and could only smile sheepishly. God, she felt stupid and like a little schoolgirl with a major crush, and she had a major crush indeed. _A crush you need to fight Bella, you are no good for him. Edward deserves better than someone like you. _Her destructive mind and her low self-esteem were back, abruptly breaking her hypnosis.

"Erm, I need to use the bathroom. Be right back, Edward." Bella excused herself, fleeing to the restroom, leaving a completely dumbfounded Edward behind. He wondered what on earth had happened, if he had said something wrong, and his mind was going in overdrive trying to make sense of her abrupt departure. Was he too forward in inviting her to his place for dinner?

~*~

Bella's head rested against the ladies room' wall and she sighed deeply while closing her eyes. She focused on her ragged breathing and tried to bring it back to its normal pace. She hated the destructive part of her personality, but for some reason, she couldn't make it shut up. On the contrary, it popped in more often since she had tried to kill herself and it left more nasty comments than before.

She walked to the basin and splashed some cold water on her face. Looking in the mirror, she told herself she needed to relax and enjoy her lunch with the man that was the main character of her thoughts lately. Straightening her clothes and breathing in deeply, she nodded to her reflection in the mirror and headed back into the restaurant.

Their lunch had already arrived when Bella came back, but Edward had been waiting for her to start eating.

"Sorry Ed…" Bella tried but was interrupted by Edward's shushing sweet voice, telling her there was no reason to apologize. He took his glass, filled with red wine, and suggested that Bella do the same.

"I wanted to make a toast for an expeditious recovery and for a life long friendship." He winked, and Bella wasn't sure how to interpret his cautious words. Limiting themselves only to "friendship" did not sound appealing at all. She forced herself not to think about it and so she took her glass and clinked his glass with hers.

"I wish you a splendid music career Edward." And they both nodded approvingly before they sipped from the wine.

"Bon appetit."

"Bon appetit."

Dinner was spent in an extremely pleasant atmosphere and smooth surroundings. They exchanged appreciative comments about the delicious lunch and they laughed and chatted amicably. The teasing and flirting was back full speed again, but Bella craved for some physical contact now that he couldn't caress her hand anymore while eating.

Being a girl on a mission, Bella crossed her legs and as she hoped, her pump accidentally touched Edward's jeans clad calf. She had excused herself, shifted her body to another position but after awhile, she longed to feel his leg again. She didn't excuse herself anymore when her shoe touched his calf again, and Edward didn't pull away either. Instead, her foot rested against his calf and once in awhile –when he was teasing her-, she moved her foot up and down slightly, to caress his leg. They both loved the hidden touch and it warmed their bodies to a dangerously high temperature.

~*~

"So Bella, what I've wanted to ask you but always slipped out off my mind; how did you get home from the hospital last week?" Edward took his cappuccino and sipped it. When he didn't get a response, he looked up to find Bella fiddling with her sleeves. She lowered her head to avoid his staring gaze that penetrated her heart and soul.

"Please tell me Bella you didn't take the bus home?" Edward was getting pissed off. Not at Bella, but at her boyfriend and family that didn't treat her like she deserved to be treated. Sitting across him was a beautiful woman with a great sense of humour, a woman he had fallen in love with from the first second he saw her in the hospital. And Edward didn't quite understand the lack of attention from her father and boyfriend. This woman was so easy to love; why couldn't they see that?

"Oh no, no," Bella reassured him, but she still refused to look him in the eyes. She was afraid to see disgust and misunderstanding, reactions she saw almost daily when she looked in the eyes of her boyfriend.

"Jacob arrange me a cab." It was just a whisper, almost not audible, but there was nothing wrong with Edward's ears. On the contrary, if he heard it correctly, she was apologizing for something she didn't need to blame herself for in the first place.

Edward shoved his chair behind him and walked over to the bench where Bella was sitting. He sat down on the cushions beside her, their bodies touching side to side but Bella still refused to look him in the eyes, afraid of what she expected to see. Edward took both her hands in his to stop her from twisting and fumbling, and he caressed the inside of her palms with his thumbs.

"Bella, you don't deserve to be treated like that. Your boyfriend should have picked you up; he should treat you like a treasure, a princess. And if he couldn't make it, your father should be there for you. You should have called me Bella, I would have dropped everything for you," and he kissed the inside of her hand.

Bella's trembling hand enveloped his cheek and her thumb stroked his warm and smooth skin slowly, while she let her watery eyes find his depths. The rejection and disgust she had expected to see was nowhere to be found. She could only see love, kindness and sympathy in his eyes and she exhaled a breath she didn't know she was holding.

"I didn't mind Edward and you're too kind for me Edward. I don't deserve your goodness and friendship." She dropped her hand from his face and lowered her head when a single tear –a tear she had tried to hold back so desperately- rolled down her chin.

"Nonsense Bella. A princess like you deserves to be treated like one." He tried to ease the mood a bit and to make her smile again, but he failed.

"Yeah, a princess who tried to kill herself," Bella said softly. She didn't know if she had really said it out loud or if she had simply thought it in her mind, but when she looked into Edward's eyes again, she realised that she _had_ said it out loud.

"Look Bella, I don't judge people on their past. So you don't need to apologize or explain things to me. For me you are a lovely woman with a great sense of humour, and any mistakes or stuff from the past won't change the way I see or think about you."

Edward took her head in his head and kissed the tear away that was about to fall down on her cardigan. It was a gesture that left Bella breathless and she longed to relive that feeling again. He moved her head to the crook of his neck and comforted her by stroking her hair up and down.

Bella closed her eyes and just let herself experience the feel of his strong body beneath her while she enjoyed their warm embrace. The tears in her eyes slowly faded away and her fear shrank away too. She searched for his free hand and brought it closer to her mouth to kiss it, just like Edward had done a few minutes ago.

"Would it be okay if I told you what happened Edward?" Bella inquired with a tremor in her voice.

Now his hand embraced her cheek and he forced her to look into his eyes. He nodded his head and spoke some encouraging words before Bella began.

"I always wanted to help others Edward, and that's the main reason why I decided to be a doctor, although my parents didn't approve my attendance to medical school." She explained about her clumsiness and the salty smell of blood which caused her to feel nauseous "which I have learnt to control very well actually. '_Be the change you want to see in the world'_ was and will always be my favourite quote; my guiding philosophy. Working with kids has always been a dream come true for me. I was a dreamer and a bit naïve when I first started working in the hospital. I always thought I could heal and cure all my little patients, but sadly, that isn't how life goes."

Bella took a second to compose herself and to drink her coffee, telling herself she could do it. Edward squeezed her knee softly, and when his hand remained of her leg, she continued her confession.

"Julie was a 6 year old kid who was diagnosed with asthma. One day, Julie and her mother came into the hospital because she had major breathing problems. I ran some extensive tests until I found the reason behind her breathing difficulties. Julie's lungs weren't functioning properly and she needed a transplant. She was such an optimistic little girl, full of dreams and hopes. And I never thought I would lose her…" A single tear ran down Bella's face and again, Edward leaned in to kiss it away again, tenderly.

"We couldn't find a good donor on time, Edward, and Julie was forced to… she was… she died too young Edward. I blamed myself, voices in my head told me that if only I had diagnosed her sooner then Julie would still be alive. I blamed myself Edward and part of me still does. I couldn't cope with those feelings, I tried to but I couldn't. I tried to talk about it with Jacob, but he wasn't there for me. He didn't have time for my bullshit because he was a photographer back then and he was always away for shoots. Colleagues didn't have time either so I tried to cope with it on my own."

"I was such a wreck and emotionally screwed up, one days I was walking up and down La Push to clear my mind when I saw some guys cliff diving. I was intrigued and terrified when I ran over to them – I thought they were all killing themselves while the others were cheering and laughing- and screamed hysterically what they thought they were doing. I don't know how long it took for Sam to calm me down, but he talked some sense into me and explained to me why they were doing that. It was the best experience ever, he said, it felt as if you could fly and clear your head after a long day of work. And in the next few days, I found myself walking around La Push more and more, knowing more about the cliff diving and what to do when your body crashed into the darkness of the water. After a week or so, of begging and convincing them, I was finally able to join them. That first time, I will never forget. I was so excited about the lack of voices in my head that I did it again and again. The voices stay away for longer than the diving – in the beginning- but after awhile, it wasn't enough. The voices came back, even louder and harsher than before. And so I dived again one day when I was all alone and decided that there was only one way to stop the voice; not fighting for death when my body was swallowed by the dark water of the Pacific. And so I did. I didn't swim or fight. I didn't do anything at all."

Silence filled the almost empty restaurant until Bella continued a little more. "I'm not sure if I did it on purpose... I don't think I wanted to die, I just wanted to stop the voices and get help. Real help. It was some kind of an accident, although cliff diving wasn't an accident... Please believe me, I just wanted help. I owe Sam for getting me out of the water, although it was a very close call..." The desperation in her voice was hard to ignore and the previous tremor increased with every spoken word.

Edward sensed that Bella was about to break down completely. This was the first time she had been able to talk about Julie and what happened back then, and she felt simultaneous pain and relief when telling the story. Edward took her in his arms and repeated over and over again that he believed her.

"It's okay sweetie, I am here for you."

"You don't think I'm crazy? For hearing voices in my head? Or that I'm stupid for trying to kill myself?" Bella cried out loud in astonishment. She didn't know what she had expected, but she absolutely hadn't expected his understanding. Not at all. But he told her that she wasn't crazy and stupid at all; "You're just human, Bella, that's all." He kissed the crown of her head. A comfortable silence fell between them until Bella disentangled herself from his tight embrace.

"I don't usually cry this much, Edward," and she wiped away the tears.

"I know you don't, Bella. You are an extremely strong woman, and I am very proud to be your friend." His kind words were rewarded with her female curves touching his broad chest, due to the exchanging of hugs.

"Thanks Edward."

"No need to say thanks Bella. I do what friends are supposed to do. And I want you to be happy again." She deserved happiness and most of all; she deserved someone who fought for her.

"I want to be happy too Edward," Bella sighed deeply. She didn't know she was unhappy until she met Edward Cullen. She longed for him like she hadn't longed for someone in her entire life. She realised that Jacob didn't make her happy, not anymore, but for some reason she still stayed with him. Bella wasn't the kind of woman that gave up easily.

"When does your next class full of devils start, Edward?" Bella changed the subject subtly.

"I have 25 minutes left Bella. And no devils this time, but two middle-aged women; they are both sisters in fact."

A slight pang of jealousy entered Bella's heart. The idea of those two women spending some time with Edward wasn't a pleasant thought. She wanted to be the one to spend some more time with him.

After they drank their coffees and paid the bill, Edward helped Bella with her coat and guided her outside the restaurant. The cold wind made both of them quiver, so they exchanged their hugs and kisses rather fast. Bella took the bus home while Edward walked towards the Academy.

***

Later that night, Edward couldn't help but think that Bella wasn't happy; she didn't seem to be happy at all. Like all the previous nights since they met, Edward took his mobile to send her a message before he went to bed.

_My dear princess, don't let go of your dreams and ideals, you are a good doctor and a terrific person. When you trade all your dreams for compromise, it's never what you have in mind. And you, off all people I know, deserve some happiness in your life. Sweet dreams, ~Edward x_

Bella was already in bed but ever since she'd met Edward, she always left her mobile on. Half asleep, she looked for her cell phone in the dark and lonely bedroom, since Jacob was working again. She flipped her mobile open and what she read touched her heart.

Her eager fingers wandered over the keys of her mobile and when her message was sent; she closed her mobile and laid it back on the bedside table.

_My perfect friend, your words touch my heart and I'll keep them in mind whenever I consider giving up a dream. I'm always there for you Edward, if you ever need me. The prospect of seeing you back next Thursday for a new lunch date makes me extremely happy. I'll try not to cry this time ____ Hugs ~Bella x. _

With an ecstatic feeling due to the lovebirds in her stomach, Bella fell asleep smiling, just as Edward did some miles away.

Tbc...

A/N: Reviews are love, love is all we need so you know what to do! _Please_...


	8. Chapter 8: Mojitos and Muses

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing, sending sweet personal messages or adding this story to his/hers alert function or even to his/hers favorites. I have to confess though that I'm feeling very unconfident about posting my fic here and that feedback is something I crave for. I probably am to blame myself because of the time in between the updates, but I promise you that things will get better. My boyfriend and I bought a house and we moved into it this weekend, and although we're still surrounded by a large amount of boxes, I'm confident that things are getting less hectic, soon.

So, I hope this update is quick enough for you... Enjoy it. You should thanks **AnUnborkenHorse aka RushtonElf** for the betaing of this chapter, **Skybel** is still sick in bed and I hope she feels better soon *hugs to both of you, my angels*

Oh and I case you doubted: I don't own the characters, I just play around with them and have dirty daydreams about certain ones *g*

**Chapter 8: Travelling M****emories**

_~On a Sunday afternoon in November~_

Jacob was hanging out on the sofa, flipping through some sport channels while Bella was putting away the plates and cups, trying to clean the kitchen. She cursed a few times under her breath; the cast encasing her right wrist was a pain in the ass, but Jacob didn't really bother to ask his girl if she needed some help.

She had another three weeks until the cast would be removed and she counted down the days painstakingly, eager to move around freely again. She'd never realised quite how often she used her arm throughout the day… writing, dressing, cooking, cleaning, taking a shower… all of those tasks were now difficult with the heavy plaster immobilising her wrist.

Bella sighed deeply when she tried to clean the table and realised that the crumbs from their brunch had tumbled onto the floor. The destructive side of her personality took control over her once again, telling her she was such a failure, a nothing, a big loser. Rage raced through her veins and her blood pumping upwards to her head turned her face turn into a red balloon or an overly ripe tomato. Closing her eyes and chasing her negative thoughts away, she forced herself to breathe in and out deeply and slowly. She was so sick of _this_. So, so sick.

_This_ referred to so many things, things she had ignored for such a long time. But the descending crumbs lying on the floor shattered her denial, resembling the crumbling world around her. She felt broken and inarticulate. _This_ wasn't the life she had dreamed of; a father who neglected her, a lack of supportive family members, a boyfriend who didn't seem to notice that she existed. _This_ was so wrong in so many ways.

Why had it taken months to realise how her life was crumbling in front of her? Edward's wise words echoed in her ears, and she realised that he was damn right. _When you trade your dreams for compromise, it's never what you have in mind._

_How did it come this far?_ Bella wondered when she glanced towards her lazy boyfriend, lounging on the couch, doing his thing without wondering how his girlfriend felt. There was a time that his presence delighted her; a time when they longed and craved for each other. But now he didn't even pay attention to her anymore, not like when they first met.

-Flashback-

Funky beats and heated bodies filled the crowded dance floor of _La Luna_, a trendy night club in Waikiki. It was one of the hottest evenings in the summer of 2005, and Bella was enjoying the last night of her well deserved holiday with friends. She had spent the past ten days in Hawaii with Angela and Jessica, two of her college buddies, and to celebrate the end of their trip they had decided to check out this club. It was _the_ place to be, the handsome receptionist of their hotel had informed them.

The friends were dancing, shaking their hips to the beat, feeling the rhythmic music pulsate through their bodies. They periodically raised their arms up in the air as they swayed to the beat, laughing with abandon while bumping hips and entertaining each other with amusingly seductive dance moves. The warm atmosphere made them sweaty thirsty, although they wore only soft summer dresses and sandals. Fruity cocktails were the perfect refreshment in between trips to the dance floor.

Bella looked behind her for the third time now. She had the feeling that someone was watching her, was staring at her direction, but the darkness did not allow her to determine the identity of the potential Luna-stalker. She told herself she was being paranoid, imagining things that weren't there, and so she forced herself to enjoy the next song that blasted through the speakers.

"It's so hot; do you girls want another drink? The same cocktail as usual?" Bella shouted while she wiped away some sweat from her face. Her two friends nodded their heads vigorously in return while shaking their hips for the salsa song just starting.

Bella made her way to the bar, looking for some money in her little purse and ordering two mojitos and a piňa colada. The bartender winked at her when he took her order, and when he walked away to prepare the exotic cocktails, a male stranger voiced her thoughts.

"That bartender was definitely flirting with you." And the attractive dark haired man took place beside her. Bella gave him a soft smile, and she blushed when he informed her he did not blame the bartender for his good taste; he was flirting with her too. His comment made Bella's face fluster even more but she enjoyed his kind words.

"Erm… thanks," Bella muttered back, "You make me blush."

"Oh no need to blush beautiful girl, you are stunning. I'm Jacob by the way," and he stuck out his hand, waiting for her to do the same.

It was a lame and non-creative pick-up line, but nonetheless his words made her smile.

"I'm Bella, and thanks again Jacob." His strong hand enveloped hers and her heart skipped a beat. It was the first human contact with a guy after she had dumped Mike over two months ago, and for some reason, her hormones became rejuvenated by just a few seconds of basking in his appreciative attention.

"I have to admit Bella, that I have been watching you for a while now," Jacob confessed with a slight twinkle in his eyes, a twinkle Bella couldn't ignore, although the room was dressed in darkness. "But I can explain."

_So I was right after all. Someone had been__ indeed watching me, _Bella thought. Curious about what he had to tell her, she replied: "Okay Jacob, I'll give you exactly two minutes to explain while I'm waiting for my drinks."

"No pressure!" he laughed. "Well, a few months ago, I started my own photo studio in Seattle. I'm in Hawaii for a professional photo shoot, and tonight I'm 'working'_,_ well, as much as a person can work on this beautiful island. I always have my camera with me, and I let my eyes wander from person to person until I spot the photogenic ones. You are definitely one of them Bella. I would love to take some pictures of you."

Bella did not know how to react to his words. He sounded and looked serious but a part of her did not believe him because no one had ever mentioned before that she was photogenic. This suave Italian-looking man, standing in front of her, staring at her because she hadn't said one word upon hearing his confession, was the first who had ever remarked that the camera loved her.

Bella let his words sink in and a soft smile tugged at her features when she spoke boldly, "Well, thanks Jacob. Maybe we'll have to test how photogenic I really am some time?"

"I would love that Bella." He offered to help her with her drinks and joined her with her friends. They chatted, talked, laughed and danced all night long before he suggested taking some pictures of all of them on the beach. It was full moon and he thought he could frame some nice images with the natural soft moonlight glowing in the background. The three friends, all a bit tipsy from too many cocktails in their system, agreed gigglingly. They took their belongings and removed their shoes, dangling them from their hands while they strolled on the white sandy beaches of Oahu.

The light-headed friends laughed non-stop while Jacob gave them some instructions for each picture. He acted professionally, took his job seriously and he nodded with satisfaction every time he checked the result of the picture on the small screen of his camera. He was flipping through all the images while Bella and her friends exchanged some whispers.

"He wants you Bella, can't you see it?" Jessica questioned intensely. Bella had realised that Jacob had some interest in her, and it felt really good to receive some male attention again.

"Yeah, I agree with Jess, it's obvious you drive him crazy Bella. Go for him." Angela supported her friend's encouragement. It was time for Bella to move on and to force Mike out of her mind.

Bella was about to protest, telling her friends that she wasn't ready for a relationship, not so soon after the break up with Mike, and that she wasn't the type of girl for one night stands either.

"Bella, Mike didn't love you and you didn't love him. It's been more than two months now, time to move on. And all women need random hook-ups in their lives at least once." Jessica's logic made Bella laugh and she moved her gaze to where Jacob was standing. He flashed her a breath-taking smile and when Bella moved her gaze back to where her friends had been standing one second ago, she saw how they had disappeared and were already waving goodbye to her from quite a distance. Jessica and Angela headed back to the hotel while Bella was left behind with Jacob.

"What do you think about some personal pictures Bella? Only you?" and the previous twinkle was back again. He looked gorgeous in the moonlight. His dark long hair, his bronzed skin and dark brown eyes; the visual was perfect. Perfect back then. He was a good looking guy, someone she could fall in love with eventually. But she had to admit that it wasn't love at first sight, like it had been with Edward.

_Love at first collide_, Bella thought and those words painted a bright smile on Bella's face.

"Sounds good to me," a still slightly tipsy Bella responded, before Jacob instructed her how to position herself for the pictures he had in mind. She was a natural beauty, Jacob realised, causing his breath to become stuck in his throat while observing her stunning physique. Her eyes gazed to the horizon, where the sea disappeared and was absorbed by the sky while the moonlight gave a surrealistic complexion to the scene in front of him.

He took scads of pictures and from time to time, Bella changed her position, snaking her hands through her hair with a sultry expression or smiling brightly. Several flashes and pictures later, she just decided to collapse on her back in the sand to stare at the stars in the sky. Jacob moved closer and was about to turn her chin slightly towards him, when Bella took him by surprise and pulled him down on top of her. The memories of their frantic kisses and lovemaking under the full moon painted a soft smile on Bella's features.

For Bella, it wasn't supposed to turn into a relationship, but for some reason it did. He had contacted her when they were both back in Washington, desperate to show her his pictures and to see her again. And what was supposed to be another one night stand had turned into a full-blown relationship, full of personal, luxurious photo shoots and resulting beautiful pictures embellishing the walls of her apartment. He had charisma and charm back then, and it felt so good to be loved again. He took her to fancy places and arranged some special, private photo shoots in which she could model expensive designer clothing without anyone knowing. She felt so loved and adored, basking in the flashing light of his attention. Attention she had been craving for, for years. It didn't take her long to return his love and it felt good for awhile. Not perfect, just _good_. Really good sometimes, if she was honest, until Edward came around.

-End flashback-

It was a compromise, but not a dream, Bella realised now. She didn't really love him for who he was, but for what he _did_. She loved his attention and artistic photographic talent and he loved her natural beauty and photogenic quality. But they didn't have stimulating conversations and they couldn't laugh so hard together that their stomachs hurt and tears floated down. They didn't have one equal passion or a topic they could talk about for hours. They couldn't even fight ardently or scream at each other. There was always some _painful_ silence between them when they didn't speak. Painful wasn't the right word, _uncomfortable_ was better, Bella corrected herself.

They were good when he was standing behind his camera and she was modelling; when he played the adoring artist snapping pictures of his muse. But besides that, they had nothing in common. They didn't share each other's interests and Bella couldn't remember what kind of passions he had these days. She remembered something about cars and motorcycles, but only vaguely as she didn't really share that particular passion. She knew so little about him; he knew even less about her. Bella realised this all on this sunny but cold Sunday in November.

She didn't know how long she stood there or if Jacob had asked her something or had glanced in her direction. The rest of the world didn't matter right then when that painful realisation hit Bella hard. The accident with Edward and the crash onto the ground… her physical pain was nothing compared to the heartache she felt at that moment. It seemed like the last two years of being with Jacob had been for nothing; had been a waste of time.

Bella forced these thoughts to the back of her mind, searched for memories of their _really _good days and told herself she needed to try harder. She told herself that if she made a concerted effort, she would be able to forget Edward Cullen and be happy with Jacob. She acted like her painful realisation never had happened and told herself a strong woman would try harder. But she didn't realise that a strong woman was someone who dared to admit that she had tried everything but that _they _weren't meant to be.

"Jacob? I want some fresh air. Do you want to take a walk in the forest?"

"Mmm." He didn't even bother to look at her, like he hadn't heard one word.

Bella forced herself to stay calm and act lovingly, and repeated her question again. "I'm stuck in the apartment all day, and I want to go out. With you. Take a walk. In the forest. Together."

"It's Sunday Bella, and it's almost winter. You know I don't like the cold." And he continued surfing channels for something interesting on television.

"I promise it won't be long. And besides, they said it would be the last good autumn day before it starts to rain and snow. Please?" She had closed the distance between them, and straddled him on the sofa, blocking his view from the soccer game he had just found.

His hungry hands found her hips and he pressed her deeper into his lap when he found his body reacting to her close presence. She kissed him softly on his neck, just where he liked to be kissed, and when she nibbled on his earlobe, she felt his eager hands cup her breasts through her shirt.

"I'd prefer to stay here Bella, and take a walk with you to our bedroom instead. What do you think of that?" and he kissed her breasts through the material of her shirt.

"You proposal is very tempting sweetie, but you know I perform better with some fresh air in my lungs." And she left his lap, leaving him heated and dumbstruck on the sofa. He swore, he cursed and pouted, but he knew she was a stubborn woman. And if he wanted her in his bed, he needed to take her out first. He didn't like it, hell no, he hated it. He was aroused and craved a release.

"I can't walk so far, this boner" - and he pointed towards his middle – "will prevent me from walking easily Bella, come on. I know you want it too." He tried but he knew he had lost this battle. She was sliding on her jacket and scarf in the hall, and when she returned to the living room she had his belongings with her too. He re-straightened his pants and took his coat, trying one last time to win this battle by plying her with a deep French kiss.

The kiss literally took her breath away and it took Bella's ability to speak away as well. But her gasp was for different reasons than Jacob had in mind. She had just been thinking of Edward, wondering what he was doing right now. Was he playing one of his guitars or composing some music? Was he visiting his godson Liam or was he watching some soccer game too? Thinking that Edward wasn't the typical sports fan, she had felt crashing lips on her mouth and her day-dream fantasy had pushed away the reality. The idea that Edward might kiss her like this one day forced all the air out of her lungs and took away her voice.

Bella turned around abruptly when the emerald green pools she had hoped to see wheren't there. Instead of those beautiful eyes, she saw lustred dark brown depths, clouded from arousal as Bella walked out the door. Jacob was left dumbstruck for the second time in only five minutes, and he groaned when he closed the door behind him.

They neared the forest in less than ten minutes, and they had walked the entire trip in complete silence. An uncomfortable silence. Sensing she needed to say or do something, Bella moved her free hand towards his pocket and looked for his hand. She wasn't sure if he had groaned again, but she forced that idea out of her mind when their glove-covered fingers laced together. A content smile appeared on Bella's cold lips and she glanced lovingly at her boyfriend.

_See, if you try hard enough, you can work things out again. It's going smoothly so far,_ Bella encouraged herself.

"How are things going at the bar sweetie?" Jacob moved his eyes quickly towards Bella, feeling unease and discomfort about her question. He wasn't quite sure if Bella suspected anything and he couldn't read her face. Considering he needed to play it safely, he asked her "What do you mean, schnookums?"

"Well, you work five nights a weak lately, instead of four, because it's busy, you said. I was just wondering if you like the job? If you need to keep working that hard?"

"Oh," and he felt how relief washed over him. She didn't seem to suspect anything fishy about where he spent his fifth night. He planned to keep it that way, at least for a while.

"It's not my dream job Bella; we both know what that is. But for now, it's ok. It's not too hard, although the long shifts wear me out you know. I am sure you understand that… your job requires a lot of hard work too." And as he had hoped, she veered the discussion towards her job and how much she missed working with her little patients.

Jacob interrupted her suddenly, not really paying attention to what she had been telling him, when he saw the kind of dog he knew was Bella's favourite.

"Look Bella, that's the dog you always wanted when you were a kid." And Bella followed the direction of Jacob's finger, a bit aggitated because he had interrupted her in the middle of a story. But a warm glow entered her heart when she realised that Jacob had remembered what her favourite dog was. Maybe they were meant to be after all.

"I still want that breed of dog Jacob, but since you are afraid of dogs we are stuck with boring goldfish in a bowl," she teased. She opened her mouth to continue but her words were stuck in her throat when she saw whose dog it was…

Tbc...

End notes: So should I continue posting my fic (I have the next chapter already in my possession, thanks to **AnUnborkenHorse aka RushtonElf** who turbo beta'ed it for me) or should I stop writing and delete this fic instead?! It's up for you to decide...

*hides under a rock for the next few days*

ETA: I'm very sorry for even considering the option to delete this fic, just ignore my insecure-self, I'll be okay!


	9. Chapter 9: No Way to Live, No Way to Lov

A/N: Okay, I came out of my hiding position (the rock was a rather uncomfortable position) and am handling you the next chapter. And apologies. And an explenation for the end notes of chapter 8.

I'm very sorry for considering the idea to delete my fic and that I doubted the fact that there are people out there who like what I'm doing with the characters. *hangs head in shame* On Twlighted, a girl told me it felt like review-blackmailing, and although that wasn't my intention, I know it seemed like that. It wasn't my first intention to get tons of reviews (thanks btw) but to hear (in an email, PM, review, whatever) that people are enjoying it and that I should continue. I was and am an insecure 26, soon to be 27, woman and when I posted ch 8, I had a shitty day and felt miserable. For those of you out there who have moved out/in a house, packed, unpacked, painted, cleaned,... as if if were the only things that you're doing lately, I think those will understand that it brings a lot of stress. And sleepless nights. And tons of stress. And sleepless nights. Did I say stress and sleepless nights? No, well, it does! And the combination of stress, sleepless nights and me being edgy, results in an increase of my insecurity to an ashamingly high level... But that's still not an excuse to doubt you all. SO I excuse myself honestly, and I promise to never to it again.

So that were my apologies and explenations, I even threw a promise in between there and people who know me, know that promises are there to keep. So I will never doubt you guys/girls again. Now enjoy the next chapter!

Oh and I still don't own Twilight *pouts* but Edward lives in my dreams and no one can take them away from me. Thanks **AnUnborkenHorse aka RushtonElf** for the betaing of this chapter, you girl rock my socks!

**Chapter 9: No Way to Live, No Way to Love**

"Isn't that the dude who hit you with his bike, Bella?" An amused, teasing twinkle crossed Jacob's face as he studied the back of the tall, lean man facing away from them, just inside the forest. Suddenly an evil idea popped into his head.

Even before Bella could give him her affirmative answer, he jogged towards Edward and slowed his pace when he almost reached him. Doing his best to be as stealthy as possible, he snuck up to Edward from behind to surprise him.

"Boo!" he yelled loudly near Edward's ear and he was rewarded by an intense startled response with Edward seeming almost to jump out of his skin. Edward dropped Jona's leash and moved his hands to his heart, which was pounding furiously.

"God damn," he swore, turning behind him to find that idiot Jacob shaking with laughter**.**

"Great," Edward sighed when he realised that Jona wasn't sitting next to him anymore and he looked around frantically for some sign of his dog. He was becoming agitated; he had anticipated a peaceful walk in the forest, but that peace was now brutally destroyed and he didn't like it one bit.

Jacob was the last person on earth that Edward had expected to see but for some reason he wasn't surprised at all. Such a move was so typically Jacob, even if he didn't know what was typical for Bella's boyfriend. But from what he heard and had experienced himself, this juvenile behaviour was something that suited him perfectly.

_Pulling a __Jacob_, Edward thought, and a soft smirk was plastered on his face.

"Yo Edward, got you there! You almost jumped a mile in the air; you must be a little on edge man," Jacob chuckled while thumping Edward's shoulder rather brutally. And before Edward could reply, Jacob rambled: "Since you crashed into my girlfriend so badly she needed to be hospitalized, I think you deserve this. I'm stuck with her now during the day, thanks dude," and his words were joined by another rough pat on his shoulder with some accompanying eye rolling.

"Good thing you take her out for lunch sometimes, so I have some peace and quiet now and then." Then he winked at Edward, though Edward didn't have a clue why.

_Was he joking about being _stuck_ with her at home or was he serious? _

_Thanks for reminding me that it was my fault that __Bella was hospitalized, you crass and undeserving dog_, Edward thought, and massaged his nose bridge to rub away the agitation and anger boiling inside his body.

Irritation had settled itself in Edward's system and he was about to answer him that he should enjoy his time with his girlfriend; his beautiful, gorgeous and sweet girlfriend. But those words were stuck in his throat when her emerald voice filled his ears like it was the best symphony he had ever heard in his life.

She was holding the leash of Jona in her slender hand when she joined him and her boyfriend.

"I think you might be looking for this little guy, Edward?" and when she looked him in the eyes, the previous flash of anger and irritation was nowhere to be found anymore. His pools were filled with joy and gratitude for her bringing his loyal pet back to its rightful owner. He nodded his head as a gesture of thanks, and wasn't sure if he could kiss her hello like they had done last Thursday.

Sensing that in Jacob's presence such a greeting wouldn't be appropriate, he flashed her one of his breathtaking, crooked smiles as a substitute greeting. A bright smile and blushing cheeks were what he got in return, and it was the most beautiful gift she could have given him right then. He realized that his smile evoked the same reaction as when he used it in the restaurant on their first lunchdate and he made a mental note to do it again. Her flustered cheeks were beyond cute; the warmth radiating from it was heartwarming.

She handed him Jona's leash and even with both their gloves on, the electricity of touching hands was impossible to ignore. At first, Bella wasn't really sure if he had felt the same jolt, but when she noticed the aroused look in his deep green orbs and how his eyes were alight with energy, she realised that he had felt the sparks too.

Both too shy to look at the other anymore, they lowered their gaze to hide their blushing faces. Edward feared that his hammering heartbeat was audible for his spectators and prayed to God that they couldn't hear it. It was like his prayers were heard when Jacob suggested buying a hot dog at the nearest street vendor around the corner.

"Can I bring you something Edward? Bella? Oh no," and he slapped his forehead and laughed loudly at his own stupid joke, "you don't eat meat you veggie-head, how could I forget?!"

Bella rolled her eyes at him; he used that joked all the time. She used to laugh with it – with his rather stupid humor in general, this 'joke' in parituclar - but today, she was emberassed 'cause Edward was standing by her side.

Edward was really dumbstruck; Jacob was making fun of her in public again – like the day Jacob drove him to his apartment and talked about her attempt to kill herself like it was the most usual thing in the world to tell strangers - and he couldn't stand it. Jacob was humiliating her and she didn't deserve that. Not on this sunny day, not ever.

Why couldn't Jacob love her with all his heart like she deserved to be loved? Why couldn't he see what kind of diamond he possessed? Bella was a dazzling ten carat stone and Jacob was the crappy fake metal ring setting. A man of his quality needed to get himself a cubic zirconia and leave the shining crystal rock for Edward.

_I would love her and care for her like a precious diamond_, Edward thought, but he shook his head to chase away these thoughts. She wasn't his.

Jacob interpreted his shaking head as a no on the hot dog question and not bothering to wait any longer, Jacob walked away to leave them alone. He quickened his pace when he heard Jona growl at him and he almost jogged when Jona threw some of his loud barks at him too.

Both Edward and Bella chuckled at the sight of a grown man scuttling away from one pissed off dog, and they both thought he got what he deserved after his stupid joke.

Edward's chuckles stuck in his throat when Bella gave him a quick peck on his cheek and leaned into him. The material of their jackets touched and her presence made all his blood go southwards. Edward closed his eyes and swallowed hard, trying to keep it together. He was having very bad thoughts about violating her body in all kinds of ways and he hoped she couldn't read his mind.

He didn't notice when Bella knelt down and he wondered if she was talking to him when she cooed, "You are a good boy, aren't you?" _No,_ he silently answered before snapping his eyes open.

Lowering his gaze to where Bella was crouched, he realised that she was talking to Jona, fondling his dog just behind his ears where he liked to be soused**.** She had removed her gloves and was pleasing his dog with her ministrations. Oh how he wished he were a canine in that moment! Exhaling the breath he didn't know he was holding, he felt how his cheeks turned crimson red.

Crouching down next to Bella, he removed his gloves too and patted his loyal dog's back while he informed Bella that Jona really liked her.

"He does?" she asked beamingly, and placed her broken arm on Edward's upper leg to steady herself.

She squealed and giggled softly when she felt Jona's raw tongue lick the inside of her hand as a way to prove that his master was right; he did like her. Her shrieking sounds and close presence warmed Edward's cold body and he wished life could be that good all the time.

_Too bad there is still one person too many in this fairytale_, Edward thought..._The prince, the princess, and the dog otherwise known as Jacob._

"Yeah, he really does, princess. He didn't growl or bark at you, like he did to your boyfriend."

He felt a slight pang of jealousy enter his heart when the word _boyfriend_ left his mouth. Calling her "princess" was so easy to do, but there was nothing easy about knowing she already had her prince.

"He isn't fond of dogs, never has been. I however always wanted a dog, since I was a kid. I still want one, I realise now, cuddling with your cutie-boy Jona. And do you know what Edward?" She waited 'til he shook his head to continue her story. "Border collies have always been my favourite breed of dog."

"Really?"

"Really," she admitted honestly.

The love Edward Cullen felt for Bella Swan grew tenfold, even if his love for her was already astonishingly large. Jona adoring Bella and vice versa was like the icing on the perfect cake for him. Of course, who _wouldn't_ like Bella, human or canine or otherwise?

After the painful realisation that she had endured only an hour ago, Bella wondered if meeting Edward today was just a coincidence. Or was it God who was trying to tell her something? But she didn't allow herself to think about divine intervention sending her into Edward's arms right then and there; not on the same day that she had told herself she needed to fight even harder for her relationship with Jacob. Because if she was completely honest with herself, she knew that Jacob and her did have beautiful days together, days she would never forget. Like when they went to Disney land; enjoying the roller coasters together. Or the several photoshoots he arranged for her; the concert of Sarah Mclachlan they went to as a surprise for her Valentine last year,... But things had changed when she lost Julie and jumped off that god damn cliff, bringing a burden to their relationship with doing so. Bella realized that Jacob and her did match before and they would again, if she did her best again to make it work!

Edward however realised that this wasn't coincidence at all, but destiny and he really felt like _they_ were meant to be. She deserved so much better than Jacob and he was willing to do his absolute best for her. He couldn't identify one thing in the world he wouldn't do for her; his passion for music was even nothing compared to his passion and love for Bella. He never thought that _anything _would surpass music as his highest priority, but he realised that when it came to Bella Swan _everything_ was possible.

While Edward moved to a standing position again, he took her cast-free wrist in his hands and pulled her up with him. His long fingers around her gentle wrist felt like feather touches on her naked skin and Bella stared at his fingers while he caressed her hand with perfection, like she was the most valuable thing on earth. She was the most valuable thing for him, but she didn't think that much of herself.

The sound of his melodic voice, husky and almost a whisper, made her break the spell and she moved her eyes to level his. The question he had asked her changed the cold but sunny air into a dangerous electric field. The tension was palpable while seconds ticked away silently.

Edward expected her to pull back her hand any second; he waited for her to slap him hard in the face or turn around and never speak to him again. He probably deserved all these things since he had been rude and brutal. But instead of that rejecting response, she stared back at their touching hands and let his words sink in.

_Why do you stay with __Jacob, Bella if he doesn't make you happy anymore? There is no twinkle in your eyes, only a sad glow._

_How dare he ask me something like that?_, she would have thought and said when another person had asked her that question. Or, _this is none of his fucking business._ She would probably have yelled at that other person, slapped him in the face too, but none of these responses popped into her love-clouded head when Edward Cullen was the one that had asked her this question. He was right; her eyes didn't sparkle anymore.

She considered his question and was pondering her reply when she felt one of his elegant, long but cold fingers under her chin to tilt her face upwards. Their eyes connected and she read apologies in them. He was so damn cute when he looked a bit scared. He was _always_ damn cute, but particularly when he was worried or angsty, he looked so… fuckable and hot. How on earth could she yell or be angry at someone that looked so cute and hot? Asking her this question was a bit arrogant but even an arrogant Edward was irresistible.

His mouth was slightly open because he was about to say something, probably to apologize. But Bella prevented him from speaking those words by answering his question.

"I asked myself that question today too, Edward." Her eyes took on an intense gravity, realising that this confluence of events - running into Edward just as she was fantasizing about escaping into his arms - was no coincidence at all. This was fate or destiny... something Bella never thought existed.

"It wasn't always like this Edward, there were good times too you know. Times very close to perfection, times when I was very happy. We were happy, but everything changed when I tried to kill myself by diving off that stupid cliff and when Jacob lost his own photo studio a few months ago. It was his one and only passion, Edward, and when he was forced to let it go because of a failure, he became a broken man you know. He will never be the same Jacob as before. He was already changed when I jumped of that fucking cliff; losing his studio made it even worse. I can't just leave him like that because I love him. I need to love him more and try harder."

She did love him – or at least she thought that love felt like that- although her annoyed her enormously sometimes. But that was normal, right? _Right?_

Those last words were only meant for herself, as a way to convince herself that she was doing the right thing. She wanted to fool her heart with her mantra, but she would find out that the heart can't be fooled.

She was pleading again, pleading that he would understand why she stayed. He realised that his concern and apprehension were really important to her.

"How would you feel, Edward, if you were forced to stop pursuing your passion? No more music in your life? And when your girlfriend tries to kill herself and you didn't even know why she did it in the first place?" and her pleading eyes bored deeply into his soul. The intensity of her stare made him swallow hard and he reflected and carefully weighed his next words.

"I would be broken too, and devastated. I would be sad and angry. And probably scared as well. But I would never hurt you in any way, and I would definitely not stop loving you like you deserved to be loved Bella. Never, no matter how devastated, broken or sad I would feel. Never."

A painful smile kissed Bella's lips because this man in front of her was too cute and sweet for his own good. She knew she was stupid for not straddling him right then and there, but she couldn't do it. She had made herself a promise and promises were meant to be kept. She should try harder to be a strong woman.

"I'm not the perfect woman you think I am Edward. I jumped off a clip instead of asking for real help. I let my boyfriend down when he needed me the most; I wasn't there for Jacob at his most desperate time. I'm not the princess you think I am."

She knew she wasn't stating the entire truth: Jacob had not allowed her access to his heart. He blocked her out every time she offered him her shoulder. He refused to accept her money; her savings from her mother to save his studio. He was too stubborn, wanting to do it on his own, thus blocking her efforts to help. He soon found his job at the dance club and fled away in the night. He had changed and she had changed. Sadly those changes made them grow apart.

"I know you're not perfect; neither am I. But in my heart, Bella, you are perfect and you are a princess. To me you are _my_ princess." He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed her palm, tenderly.

His ministrations and honest words made her feel fuzzy and she lost her ability to speak once again. They just stared at each other, smilingly, letting the true meaning of the spoken words sink into their hearts. It was Edward who broke the spell, when he let go of her hand, informing her that Jacob was returning.

Hastily, Edward kissed her goodbye, telling her he needed to go because he had some stuff to do. In reality, he couldn't stand to be close to Jacob because he was afraid he wouldn't be able to control himself. Not that he was a violent man, not at all. But one can be violent by the words one speaks too. He couldn't stand to be near Jacob because Jacob was the one who walked her home instead of him. Bella knew that jealousy was the real reason he excused himself so quickly, and with an aching heart, she was left behind waiting for Jacob to join her.

~*~

He kissed her tenderly, licked her lips to ask for her permission to let him in and she invited him in eagerly. He tasted like she had expected but his kisses were much more sensual than in her dreams. She had never been kissed like this before. Breaking the kiss and penetrating her eyes with his intense green stare, he let his long fingers travel from her bare shoulders to her naked breasts, to stop at her hardened rosy nipples and caress them like they were the keys of his piano.

She had expected that he would have that impact on her body, but now he was really touching her here, _there; _it felt so surrealistic. The sensations in her fantasies were nothing compared to the intensity of her now oh-so heated body. She craved for his fingers to explore her lower regions, but he took his time to suck her breasts and to violate them with hot and wet kisses. She moaned his name and arched her back when he abused her body with his hungry lips, eager tongue, and willing fingers.

His naked erection touched her aching core and she knew she wouldn't last that long anymore. He was driving her crazy. She longed to feel him inside her for the very first time in their fresh and young relationship, and she wanted to move together in a slow but steady pace. She longed for him so much it physically hurt.

He took her breasts in his palms while he sucked his way to her craving core and she couldn't stop moaning his name over and over again. It was like she knew just one word and that was _Edward_. When he moaned her name back, she feared that she would orgasm before he even touched her heated centre. He said her name with such attention, perfection, and his voice was full with arousal and longing.

The tip of his tongue caressed the entrance of her wet valley and the wave of sensations that were caused by that action of pure love made her entire body shiver. She entangled her fingers into his messy hair to encourage him to continue his lovely violations.

"Oh Edward…" and she opened her eyes to look at him while he licked her intimate places, but the man she hoped to see was replaced by darkness.

"Oh…" she cried disappointedly, the painful realisation of her current situation – alone in a dark bedroom, no lover between her heated thighs - hit her really hard. The dream seemed so real and vivid; and her body's reaction to this dream was real. A racing heart hammering in her ears, a warm glow between her thighs... and she feared that if she stood up, she would fall because her legs felt like quivering matchsticks.

A deep and agitated sigh filled the silent bedroom and Bella rubbed her temples. _It was only a dream. A god damn hot and oh so vivid dream_ and she cursed all the gods in the world at that moment.

"What a day; what a night," she told herself. The memories of her afternoon and evening with Jacob felt like a cold shower right now because there was nothing exciting or pleasant about what they had done. Her heated body returned to its normal temperature, and a slight shiver of self-loathing ran down her spine when she was pulled back in time.

-Flashback-

After Edward had fled Bella and her approaching boyfriend, she decided it was time to go home too. She didn't want to walk in the forest anymore, not if Edward wasn't with her anymore (although she didn't let herself think that). Jacob didn't protest at all and they made their way to their apartment in complete silence. An awkward, painful and uncomfortable silence... a silence she needed and hated in equal measure. This wasn't how things were supposed to be.

Bella had just closed the door of their apartment when Jacob's hungry, eager hands were sliding all over her body. She had really considered feigning a headache or a sudden stomach flu, but she knew that it wouldn't work. She had promised sex and if she cooperated, it would be over very soon. So she did what he expected her to do: rip his clothes of his body, drag him to the bedroom and please him like he wanted to be pleased.

He wanted to satisfy her too, and she had almost said, 'Oh don't bother Jacob, just make it quick'. Instead of that dismissive order, she had told him with pretend enthusiasm, "Oh no Jacob, I want to come with you inside me," and then he had filled her in one swift movement.

She moved her body like she was an automatic sex robot and she faked her orgasm. In reality, and for the first time in their relationship, she hadn't felt anything. He didn't arouse her and she sensed an abrupt nausea wash over her. She hated herself for acting; she really hated what she had done. But she wanted it to be over as quickly as possible and faking it was the only solution.

Just like the artist hiding behind his camera and the muse striking poses in the spotlight, they both played roles in the act of sex, but neither truly felt anything.

He had gone to work afterwards, even if tonight was his supposed to be free night. With the excuse that one of his colleagues had the flu; he fled the bed and took off. Instead of feeling sad about her current, lonely prospect of spending the night on her own, all she felt was relief.

-End flashback-

Bella glanced at her alarm clock to check the time, but the soft flickering light of her mobile grabbed her attention instead. She knew whose message it was, answering her previous question if their lunch date for next Thursday would still be on.

_Of course __Bella, there is nothing in the world I look more forward to than our lunch date. I'll see you at Greg's Eggs around 12:30, ok? And Bella, staying in a relationship out of an obligation is no way to live, no way to love. ~Edward x_

Closing her mobile and placing it back on the bedside table, she sighed deeply when her head touched her pillow again. Happiness entered her being when she thought about next Thursday, and at the same time she realised that Edward Cullen was a wise man with wise words. This was indeed no way to live, no way to love. But did she stay out of an obligation? Was there no fire in her heart for Jacob anymore? She thought there was and with that idea in mind, she drifted into the darkness of the night.

---------------------------

Tbc... this week!


	10. Chapter 10: You Are My Evening Star

**Chapter 10: You Are My Evening Star**

Author's note: I made a jump in time, 3 or 4 weeks. Edward and Bella have seen each other every Thursday on their weekly lunch date. They also call and text each other regularly. Bella is still with Jacob (*hides*) and she _thinks_ that they are doing a better job as a couple; but we all know that she is fooling herself, don't we? Or are they back on track?

In case you wondered: Twilight isn't mine, it's Stephenie Meyers. But this plotbunnie is mine and so I like to play with the characters she created.

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_Thursday evening, the 18__th__ of December_

Bella was finally returning to work!

The doctor had removed her cast a few days ago and the tan-coloured bandage around her right wrist was now the only visual reminder about what she had endured. Excited that she would be back to work in a few days, on Monday to be precise, she had gone to her office at the hospital to clean her desk and to catch up on the progress her patients had made. She had just returned to her apartment with a stack of medical charts tucked in the crook of her arm when her mobile rang.

Placing the charts hastily on the table, she frantically searched in her bedraggled hand-bag and cursed when the melodic sound of her mobile faded away. She was too late _as usual_ and she made a mental note that she needed to clean out her purse soon. Still wondering who had called her, she continued her quest for her mobile.

"There you are," she reprimanded her cell phone and flipped it open to discover the I.D. of the missed phone call. The twinkle in her eyes and the soft _oh_ that escaped her half-open mouth betrayed the identity of the caller. She pressed the redial button and waited for him to pick up his phone after the second ring.

"Hey Bella." His optimistic voice greeted her.

"Hey Edward. You called?"

"Yeah, and you couldn't find your phone right? That purse really needs to get cleaned out, Bella," Edward teased. Soft chuckles were what he got in return, when Bella realized that he was right: her purse really was a miniature garbage can these days. But she couldn't help it; she was a hoarder who never threw anything out.

"Stop giving me a hard time, Edward. Make yourself useful and help me clean it out, okay?" she teased back and was rewarded with a loud throaty laugh that made her head spin. She turned around in the kitchen and noticed the beautiful black-and-white picture of Jacob and her, taken a few weeks before she had met Edward. When she caught a glimpse of the photo, she composed herself, removed the grin from her face and searched for her ability to speak. _He is just a friend,_ she told herself, but her heart rejected those words.

Bella asked, "So why are you calling? Do you already miss me after our lunch date this afternoon?"

Silence filled the other side of the line and it sounded like Edward was carefully weighing his next words. He was struggling with the decision to either be completely honest or mask the truth a bit, but decided that honesty was the best policy.

"You always know I miss you to death, princess. I will not be able to sleep tonight, thinking of you." His last words were meant to be a joke but there was a hint of truth in them as well. When she laughed heartily, he was relieved that she took them in a humorous way.

"Tell me Cullen, do you want me to sing you to sleep tonight over the phone?" Listening to those words leave her mouth, she slapped her head. She couldn't remember the last time she actually sang, but it was a while, of that she was sure.

"Oh, I would love to hear you sing me to sleep, Miss Swan."

Bella winced. "Let's pretend I didn't make that offer, Edward. I'd hate to subject you to my hideous singing voice... that would hardly be a lullaby."

Silently Edward agreed, knowing that hearing her melodious voice singing to him would be so stimulating that he would not be able to sleep for the entire night. However, he did hope that one day he would hear her sing for him.

"Anyway, I called because I needed to ask you something. My brother Emmett and his wife Rosalie are celebrating their second wedding anniversary this weekend and Emmett has made a reservation in a fancy restaurant, to surprise his wife, on Saturday. He asked me to baby-sit for Liam, their baby." And before he could even ask for the favour, Bella's enthusiastic voice filled his ears.

"I would love to join you Edward, if that was your question?"

"You read my mind, Bella. Can I pick you up around 6:30?"

"Perfect. I'm already looking forward to see that little cutie. See you soon."

"Me too Bella. See you Saturday."

Bella murmured her goodbyes before she flipped her phone closed, and couldn't help but smile the entire time she prepared dinner.

~Saturday night~

"Just come up Edward, it's on the second floor, the first door to the left," Bella instructed through the intercom, while she continued to put on a bit of soft pink lip gloss. Leaving the apartment door open a crack, she ran back to the bedroom and searched for the right boots to wear.

"Knock knock. Can I come in?" Edward asked tentatively through the half open door.

"It's open, Edward!" Bella yelled from the deep recesses of her closet while sliding on her brown leather boots.

"Are you sure? No indecencies?"

Her voice sounded less muffled as she emerged from the closet. "If you call putting on leather boots indecent, then it's safer for you to wait outside. Or maybe you have some sort of shoe fetish?"

She heard him chuckle while he closed the door behind him. Popping out of the bedroom, Bella took in the image of him entering her apartment, the image that literally took her breath away. She stared openly at him and she didn't even try one bit to hide her admiration. When he entered her apartment all Bella could think of was that he looked... Stunning. Breath-taking. Gorgeous. Amazing.

Her eyes wandered from his black all-stars peeking out beneath his jean-clad legs, to the white long sleeved t-shirt that hugged his male, muscular shape in all the right places, to his oh-so messy and wilde but inviting bronze hair that was half covered with the dark blue cap of his hoodie. His lips caught her attention when she made her visual journey down his face and her eyes rested there, caught in the pinkness of his lips. The winter cold was probably to blame for that tantalizing pink colour. She saw how his lips moved; they formed words that were addressed to her but she couldn't hear anything. She could only stare at those perfectly formed lips and the scruffy stubble that lined his face. And when he gave her the crooked smile she loved, her heart stopped while her brain went blank for several seconds. This man came straight from professional photo shoot, or so seemed.

She had never seen him looking so casual before. When he was at the academy or when they had lunch together, he was always freshly shaven. But now, probably because it was the weekend, he hadn't shaved, and it suited him perfectly. His stubble made his casual, sporty outfit complete although Bella realised that this man in front of her never looked casual. He would look hot and well-dressed even if only a plastic bag covered his body.

Edward rubbed his cheeks when he realised that she was staring at him and that gesture brought Bella back to earth.

"Don't you recognize me anymore with this stubble, Bella?" The teasing banter was there already, even if they had been in each other's company for less than a minute.

Searching for the right words while she zipped up her boots, she looked away from the beauty that had just entered her apartment. "I wasn't sure if it was you, that's all."

"Oh should I feel offended now Bella? Do I look that ugly on a casual Saturday night?" and he closed the distance between them to kiss her hello.

"No no, you always look hot and…"

_Did you just say that like that?! Hot?! That doesn't even cover it properly! _Her mind screamed while she nervously bit her lower lip. She looked at him, caught in the moment of her childish honesty. She could slap herself right now for eagerly saying out loud the naughty thoughts that inhabited her brain. Her words were covered with a blanket of sexual attraction and she knew he had tasted her sexual hunger too. Their lusty pools locked and they entered a struggle to see who would speak first. It was Edward who gave in and Bella exhaled the breath she didn't know she was holding.

"You look stunning too Bella, you always take my breath away," Edward confessed when he drank in her appearance. She looked casual but stylish with her dark blue jeans and a simple black long sleeved t-shirt. He could easily see the curves of her breasts through the fabric of her t-shirt and he forced his eyes away of them, realising that it was inappropriate to keep his eyes there.

He turned his head to the left and looked at the large black and white photographs that covered the white wall. Bella was the main subject of the photos and it didn't matter what kind of pose she struck, she looked stunning every time. He couldn't hide his admiration and he overloaded her with compliments to show it.

"Wow Bella, you are a professional model; those pictures are really beautiful."

"Actually, Jacob is the one that deserves the compliments. He always knows how to manipulate the lighting, how to create the perfect background, and when to snap the photo. He is the artist; I just do what he tells me to do. He is really good at what he does, you know."

"He definitely is. How are you two doing by the way?" Edward asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

"We are good actually. I think we are back on the right track. And I think that my return to work will do our relationship good." Her answer left a bitter aftertaste, Bella realised. Shouldn't a couple love their free time together? Bella didn't want to think about Jacob right now; she and Edward had a lovely night planned and Bella looked forward to holding baby Liam in her arms.

"Can we go?" Bella asked, her eyes pleading to drop the subject, when she wrapped her elegant fingers around the sleeve of his hoodie. She got a confirmatory nod back and they made their way out of the apartment, to Edward's car.

"Your apartment looked so… clean, Bella." Edward said with a look of surprise on his face when he opened the passenger door of his car for her.

Bella frowned, attempting to appear offended. "Just because my purse is a pigsty doesn't mean that my house is too, Edward!" She playfully slapped his shoulder while ordering him to remove the smug smile off his face.

~*~

"Why do you have your guitar with you?" Bella asked, confused when Edward grabbed the guitar case out of his car before shutting the door. He locked the car and placed his hand on her lower back to guide her to the front door. Through the material of her thick, warm winter jacket she could feel his long fingers on her lower back and she just loved that. She leaned back into his touch and enjoyed his caring gesture like it was her first time experiencing such a touch.

He wasn't the first man to place his hand on the small of her back, but he was the first to do so in such a loving and protective way. There was a certain pressure in his touch, but not insistent. It wasn't like he was pushing her forward; it was more like he wanted to be the guide that let her safely through the dangerous night. Like she was the princess and he the true and loyal knight whose main concern was her safety. Not that there wasn't anything dangerous about the walk to the door, but the night had fallen over Forks and he wanted to avoid another collision if he could.

"Last time Liam was at my apartment, he stayed overnight. But it was after midnight and he couldn't sleep. He cried and cried and I tried everything; but nothing helped. Desperately, I took my guitar out to sing a song for him and miraculously it helped. He stopped crying when my fingers touched the strings and when I sang; he smiled and waved his hands enthusiastically. It was amazing and finally, he fell asleep. So this time, I'm a prepared man."

They were smiling coyly at each other when a tall, muscular and extremely attractive man opened the door. The moment she saw his eyes, his short cropped hair, and his softly tanned skin, Bella knew this was Edward's big brother Emmett.

"You must be Bella," and he stuck out his hand to welcome her. "Since my brother is such a dork, I'll introduce myself: I'm Emmett, the bigger and handsomer brother of Edward. Nice to finally meet you."

"Nice to meet you too, Emmet, Edward's handsomer brother." Emmett liked her immediately, grasping that she was a woman with a good sense of humour. He invited her inside into the warmth of his house.

"We heard a lot about you, and it's nice to finally put a face to the woman my brother is always talking about."

_Emmett_! Edward wanted to scream, and tell him that he wasn't allowed to say that, but the calamity had happened and there was nothing Edward could do to erase those words. Bella looked over her shoulder to shoot him a mischievous smile, excitement twinkling in her eyes. She was pleased to hear that Edward had talked about her, although she felt a bit awkward too. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to accompany him to his brother's place when she already had a boyfriend, but she could not deny how right it felt to spend a date babysitting with the man who was blushing from his brother's confession.

Licking his lips, Emmett guided Bella towards the living room, where Rosalie was changing Liam's diaper. Rosalie looked gorgeous in her dark blue dress and stiletto heels. She wore a matching blue woollen cardigan and a scarf to keep her warm. She had smoky eyes and shiny earrings; and her ensemble all matched together perfectly. Her long blond hair was pulled up with some pins and several loose, curly strands cascaded down her shoulders. Edward had told her some things about Rosalie, but he'd never told her she came right from a Vogue or Elle magazine too. Bella felt plain and somehow out place in this house where she was surrounded by beautiful people... But she snapped back out of her revelry when Emmett introduced them to each other.

"This is my wife Rose. Rose, this is Bella." The two women smiled at each other and when Rose had finished redressing Liam, she walked over to Bella to give her a kiss.

"Nice to finally meet you Bella."

"Nice to meet you too, Rose. You look stunning, and this little baby boy looks so cute too." Bella lightly brushed her slender fingers across the baby's cheek, caressing his cherubic face. She received a bright smile from Liam in return, and she was surprised to find Emmett pouting at her when she looked up at him.

"I thought you were talking about me, when you mentioned the cute boy. What does my son have that I don't have?" he joked while he shrugged on his black jacket.

"I already told you that you looked good, remember?" Bella reminded him with a wink. She was referring to their meeting at the door, charming him by repeating his own words that he was handsomer than his baby brother. He looked amazing, that was a fact. The baggy jeans combined with the long sleeved black t-shirt and designer jacket suited him perfectly.

"Don't pay attention to him Bella. Since we had our baby, he can't handle the fact that Liam gets more attention from women than he does." And with that comment, Rose handed the baby over to Bella. Rose went over to Edward, kissed his cheek and told them both what they needed to know about Liam and his daily routines.

"She's a paediatrician Rose; she knows what to do when he has a problem. Come on, let's go, our dinner is waiting for us." He rolled his eyes at the pointy glare his wife gave him. God, she even looked beautiful when she glared at him. _Sexy as hell, my stunning wife_, he thought.

Realising that her husband was right; Liam was in good hands, they exchanged their goodbyes and Rose kissed her son tenderly before they left.

~*~

"You're good with kids Bella, really. You're a natural," Edward offered while Bella fed Liam his last bottle of milk before his bedtime. The bottle was almost empty and Liam was sliding into dreamland, although his lips still sucked on the bottle hungrily. Tiny fingers of one hand grasped the warm bottle, like he was trying to feed himself.

Bella holding a little baby, feeding him; it looked so natural and easy to Edward. It felt like watching her feed their own children and he closed his eyes when that thought crossed his mind, a deep sigh escaping his lips. He wanted her; he craved her. Every fibre of his body longed for her. He wanted to touch her all over her body. He wanted to hold her every day for the rest of his life and make love to her until the sun came up again. His desires concerning Bella Swan were multi-dimensional but spending nights in bed together and making music for her were definitely part of them.

A bit frustrated by what he longed for but couldn't have, he stood up and walked to the French window to stare out at the traffic lights and the stars. Observing him gaze into the distance, Bella watched the frown on his forehead and wondered what was wrong. She walked over to him, resting Liam against her shoulder, gently patting his back to burp him before she took him to bed.

She leaned into his back, Liam between their bodies, while she asked him in a low voice what was on his mind. "What's wrong Edward?"

He took his time to answer and with a deep sigh, he turned around and hugged both of them, carefully, so he wouldn't wake up Liam. He stroked her back up and down with both his hands. "I like babysitting my nephew, but it makes me wish I had kids of my own," he admitted, adding silently in his mind, _with you._ He had said the truth, although not completely. But sometimes _knowing_ the truth is easier than saying it out loud.

A single tear was visible in his left eye when he told himself he needed to stop loving her like that. She was nothing more than a friend, a friend who already had a boyfriend. He needed to stop longing for someone he could never have. Bella's words about how she and Jacob had worked things out ran through his head and it stung. Not a little, but very much.

Bella saw how the watery droplet made its way to the side of his nose, down to his lips. She moved her free hand up to his cheek and with her thumb she wiped away the tear. Her hand remained on his cheek and he leant into her touch, while he closed his eyes and enjoyed the warmth of her proximity.

"You know you can tell me everything, anything that's on your mind, right Edward?"

He nodded his head in return, although he knew he couldn't tell her _this_. He feared that if he told her what was on his mind, it would ruin what they had, and he couldn't let that happen. He couldn't pour his heart out, telling her he yearned for her so much that it physically hurt. That he couldn't eat properly anymore because the butterflies in his stomach flip-flopped all the time. He couldn't tell her his true feelings because he didn't want to force her into an ultimatum. It would hurt her and he couldn't do that to her, not after what she had been through. He didn't want her to force her to choose between him and Jacob; he just wanted her, completely. And he wanted her to come to him out of her free will.

Bella's hand guided his head closer so their foreheads touched and her worried voice made him open his eyes again.

"Edward, look at me. You do know you can tell me everything, right? I'm your friend; at least, I hope I am." Her chocolate orbs filled with concern when they locked with his warm green pools.

His breath tickled her lips - the smell of him tantalizing her senses to extreme - and his words sounded almost musical. "You are a very good friend Bells, one I'd like to keep close. You live in my heart. And I know that I can tell you everything," he responded honestly. As honest as possible.

Their heads moved a bit closer, - automatically, naturally - causing their lips almost to connect. Bella wanted it and Edward wanted it too. He had longed to feel her lips on his for a long time now, and Bella desired the same thing. His hand moved to her hip and pulled her closer so their lower bodies connected in unison; while Bella's hand moved from his cheek to his scalp, entangling her fingers _finally_ in his messy hair, to guide his head closer to hers. Their lips were only inches apart from each other and they could feel the other's rapid breathing, tingling and teasing the other's lips. They closed their eyes while a warm heat had nestled itself in their hearts and lower bodies.

Edward's quivering lips connected with Bella's, but the moment lasted only a thousandth of a second because the loud burp of Liam brought them both back to the reality of the present. Flustered cheeks and avoiding gazes filled the next few moments; both Edward and Bella didn't know what to do or say. A painfully awkward situation and their pounding hearts didn't make the situation any easier.

Bella handed Liam over to Edward and when their hands touched, firework filled the room. Edward jumped a bit but made sure that he held Liam carefully in his arms as he made his way to the stairs, to put the cutie to sleep.

She looked around the room, panting, trying to busy herself after that almost-steamy kiss had totally disoriented her. "Is it okay if I put the pizzas Rose left for us in the oven, Edward?" Bella's voice was unsteady and she felt wobbly standing in the middle of the living room, glancing about to find anything to avoid the painful and awkward tension that was hanging between them so suddenly.

"Sounds good to me Bells, be right back." And he walked up the stairs with Liam cuddling in his warm embrace.

"Oops, I doubt he will be right back," Bella said to herself when she heard the loud and insistent screams and cries of baby Liam. Rosalie had told them that he had often gotten cramps after his bottle of milk and that he wasn't fond of going to bed either.

_Just like his father, he won't go to bed at a decent hour, _Rosalie's words echoed through Bella's head.

Bella smiled as her gaze fell upon the guitar case that Edward had brought with him, and she decided to take it up to him. Hopefully singing a song for Liam would calm him down so they could have some time together. Less awkward than their previous moment.

She walked upstairs to find Edward in the main bedroom where he was caressing Liam's tummy, like Rosalie had instructed them to do when he cried.

"Here Edward, maybe this will help." And she unclasped the case then handed him the wooden, light brown acoustic guitar.

"Thanks" and he placed the leather strap around his neck and shoulder, while Bella took over the soft caressing of Liam's belly. She made soft circles through the material of his flannel pyjamas and his loud cries turned into soft sobs. But they stopped abruptly when Edward started to sing. She had never heard him sing and it was even better than she had imagined. His velvet voice made her head clouded and her heart started to race again.

_Sometimes I try to count the ways and reasons that I love you  
But I can't ever seem to count that far  
I love you in a million ways and for a million reasons  
More than this I love you as you are  
More than this I love you as you are _

Bella stopped her sweet ministrations and turned her head slightly to look at him while his ebony voice filled her heart with tenderness. She swallowed hard when she drank in the view of his long fingers caressing and wandering over the strings. She was certain that those fingers could do some magic to her too.

When his sang his next words, he turned his head softly to her and their eyes locked the moment he poured his heart out to her.

_  
You are my inspiration, you are the song I sing  
You are what makes me happy, you are my everything  
You are my daily sunshine, you are my evening star  
Everything I'll ever need or want, that's what you are  
Everything I'll ever need or want is what you are_

Bella realised that he was referring to her and a sad but warm glow washed over her. This was wrong in so many ways. Wrong because Jacob was still in the picture, wrong because she knew her unavailability hurt the man sitting in front of her. She was no good. She was damaged and imperfect and he deserved so much better than her.

She avoided his penetrating gaze by looking at Liam who was already fast asleep, struggling with the dark mood that had fallen down on her again. She kissed Liam's head and wished him sweet dreams while Edward played the last notes on his guitar. Bella forced away the tears that had appeared in her eyes and tried to keep them from falling. For once, she succeeded and she was grateful for that.

"The pizza is almost ready Edward; do you want to come downstairs?" Bella whispered into the darkness and when she saw him nod his head in return, she tiptoed out of the darkened room.

~*~

Bella had divided the pizza slices onto two plates and brought them into the living room. Edward was opening a bottle of red wine, and he proceeded to fill the large crystal glasses before he plopped on the sofa next to her.

"Here you go, the pepperoni pizza like you asked." And Bella handed him the dark grey plate.

"Thanks."

"Mmm yummie," Bella said after she bit a large piece of her pizza. "Spinach with mozzarella is my all time favourite!" and she flashed a brilliant smile at him, feeling happy again.

He rewarded her with one of his breath taking crooked smiles and they ate in silence, sipped from their wine from time to time and when they'd both finished eating, Edward cleared his throat and voiced something that had been on his mind for weeks now.

"Bella," he began, taking her hands in his and enveloping them in his warm palms, "I need to tell you something. Something that has been on my mind for quite a long time now, something that keeps me awake at night. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing sharing this with you, but my mother always told me that honesty is the best policy, so I'm doing it anyway. Know I don't say it because I want to mess up the relationship you have with Jacob, especially since it has going better with him lately. But I need to say it, because it doesn't feel right _not_ telling you."

He looked into her questioning eyes before he told her what had been on his mind and in his heart…

TBC... during the weekend.

------------------------------------

*lyrics: Dolly Parton: _You Are_

Reviews are better than cliffhangers or so they say :)


	11. Chapter 11: Bittersweet Symphony

Happy belated Easter for all of you! For those living in Belgium (like me) or the Netherlands: Vrolijk Pasen!

I'm sorry I wasn't able to update yesterday (as promised) but my internetconnection was dead *shakes fist at the internet*. Luckily it was working when I woke up this morning.

Thanks for the amazing reviews/PM, you guys are the best! Here is the next chapter, I hope you enjoy it. **AnUnborkenHorse aka RushtonElf** did the supertrooperquick beta of this chapter, you girl rock my socks! *hugs you tight* And in case anyone is wondering, I do NOT own Twilight, nor Edward Cullen; but I would love to *sighs*

Now go and read!

**Chapter 11: ****Bittersweet Symphony**

While eating his pizza, Edward's mind raced a hundred miles an hour, thinking over all the possible scenarios that might result if he spoke to her from the heart. He wasn't really sure if he should tell her what was on his mind for weeks but he didn't like the idea of _not_ telling her either. It was a messed up situation with only two options: pony up and tell her his true feelings and opinions, or wuss out. It was as simple as that, although in reality, life was never simple.

Each option had consequences, pros and cons, but weighing the balance in his head didn't seem to help. He had the choice of being honest or keeping quiet.

Honesty was always the best policy. His mother had firmly ingrained that philosophy into him and his brother when they were kids, but he feared that such honesty would ruin his burgeoning friendship with Bella. And he couldn't stand the idea of a fissure in their friendship; it made his heart ache and bleed. The idea of losing her friendship caused a physical pain; the thought of not seeing her anymore made his stomach contract painfully.

He feared that if he told her the truth, she would think he wanted to destroy her relationship with Jacob, and that was not his intention. He was only concerned about her wellbeing and wanted the best for her.

The second option was not telling her and keeping the information to himself, hoping that the bad feelings the situation created inside of him would slowly fade away. It was the safest thing to do - no harm would be caused, at least that was what he thought. But now that he was carefully considering the situation, this second option wasn't a real option at all. His parents hadn't raised him to withhold the truth so he couldn't let them down, even if they were no longer on this earth to guide him and teach him.

Edward was agitated about the way Jacob treated her and how he had talked about her attempt to kill herself with him while he drove Edward home from the hospital. He needed to tell her that she deserved better, although it felt like he didn't have the right to tell her. But for Edward Cullen it was very important to be honest about such things with his friends and family. _Really_ important.

He swallowed hard and forced the pizza down his throat, washed down with sips from the red Chilean wine, and told himself to breathe in slowly. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Bella finishing her pizza and when she put her plate down on the table, he decided it was time to speak and be honest.

"Bella", his wobbly voice spoke softly and he took her hands in his to envelop them in his warm palms. His heart made a high-speed hammering sound in his ears.

Telling himself he needed to calm down, he cleared his throat and said, "I need to tell you something. Something that has been on my mind for quite a long time now, keeping me awake at night."

He paused for a second, hoping his little introduction to the topic would help her feel more prepared for what he was about to say. But in reality, those words frightened Bella even more. Something really bad was about to come and she wasn't sure if she could handle it. His facial expression showed a bit of angst, mixed with sadness. A serious frown crossed his face, a frown she had never seen before. She started to sweat and her breathing came in rapid pants.

"I don't know if I'm doing the right thing telling you, but my mother always taught me that honesty is the best policy, so I'm going for it. Know that I don't tell you this because I want to mess up the relationship you have with Jacob, especially since you said it's going better with him lately. But I need to tell you, because it doesn't feel right _not_ telling you. And believe me that I truly want the best for you; nothing but the best."

He looked into her questioning eyes, and he noticed her swallow hard like she was digesting his words, word for word. He gulped too and his hands trembled softly when he brought her hand up to his lips, kissing her delicate fingers softly before he told her what had been on his mind and heart.

"You told me about the cliff diving a month ago Bella, but…"

_God, maybe I'm not doing the right thing after all, _Edward feared suddenly. _Maybe I shouldn't butt in to her life._

But her urgent voice brought him back to the present, encouraging him to go on.

"What is it Edward? You can tell me anything, you know." And she moved her hand to his chin to tilt his face up again. She nodded her head in confirmation and as a stimulant to go on.

"For you Bells, it seemed like I didn't already know about that, but I did."

A shocked expression was plastered on Bella's face while shame washed over Edward. He had hurt her; betrayed her trust, and he wished he could make it right.

"How?" she demanded in a shaky voice. Her thoughts were racing, and she thought through possible ideas for him finding out about her overdose but none of them seemed plausible. Waiting for his answer seemed like a lifetime to her.

"Jacob told me the afternoon he drove me home from the hospital. He was talking about _pulling a Swan_ and I asked him what he meant by that. I shouldn't have been so curious, I know. But I asked him if you had experienced an accident like that before, or something similar. But he laughed at me and told me the true meaning of that expression."

Edward blushed with embarrassment for Bella. "He told me that _pulling a Swan_ meant that you screwed up and made things tough for him." Watching her hurt expression, he quickly added, "I'm so sorry Bells, for not telling you this the day you confessed about the cliff diving and about your precious little patient Julie. I'm truly and deeply sorry." And he lowered his gaze to avoid meeting the sadness and anger in her eyes.

Bella remained silent and speechless, letting the true meaning of his words sink in slowly.

Still afraid to look at her, he continued his confession, pouring his heart out.

"That wasn't the only thing I wanted to tell you my princess. I don't like the way Jacob talks to you and I don't like the way he talks about you. He's so negative, disdainful and contemptuous. And I can't stand it Bella… you don't deserve that. You deserve so much better." His last words were only a whisper but Bella had heard them anyway.

She was mad, pissed, and angry. Her eyes were misting over with tears, and her cheeks gradually turned redder with every second that passed.

_How __dare he talk about that with a stranger! He never even talked to _me_ about it, that god damn son of a bitch! _

Tears of rage spilled down her cheeks and she didn't even try to hide them. She was a fire-spitting volcano right now and Jacob should be thankful that he wasn't around. She would eat him alive, rip his limbs apart, and give him a slow and painful death. She was out of her mind with fury but instead of screaming, she cried silent frustrated tears.

She didn't know how long they avoided each other's eyes, maintaining the silence between them. Bella wasn't really in the mood for talking anyway. As an alternative to words, she let her actions communicate for her, pressing her female curves against his warm body and hugging him close.

Caught by surprise, Edward was a bit shocked by her reaction. He had been afraid that she would run away, informing him that her relationship with Jacob was none of his business. But she clung to him as if her life depended on it, and slowly, still surprised, Edward brought his arms around her tiny figure to melt their bodies together. He caressed her back with slow but rhythmic strokes and kissed her head a few times to comfort her.

"You're not mad at me?" He could barely force himself to ask her that, because the silence and very close contact between them was quite satisfying; a bond he did not want to break. But he knew they couldn't clamp together like this all night and he wanted to make sure that they were alright.

"Of course I'm not mad at you Edward, why would I be? The only person I'm mad at should be grateful that he isn't around because it would not be pretty when I finished with him."

Edward looked deep in her eyes, cradling her head with his hands. Trying to lighten the mood a bit, he inquired, "Should I be scared? Scared of the angry she-beast, Bella Swan?"

She giggled. "Oh, you should never be scared of that, pumpkin. I can't imagine you being a jerk like that, ever. You are too good to be true. Too good for me." She closed her eyes while a deep sigh escaped her lips.

"You deserve the best Bells, never forget that," and he kissed her closed eyes tenderly before leaning back and letting go of her.

"What are you going to do?" Edward asked nervously. He didn't want to be the reason they broke up but he could not deny that he would love for Bella to be free of Jacob. He felt like a horrible person for wanting their relationship to end, but he was still human and couldn't ignore the butterflies of attraction that had been filling his ecstatic body for weeks now.

"I'm going to enjoy the rest of this wonderful night with you Edward, and deal with Jacob later. He gets one last chance and he better make sure he doesn't ruin it this time."

_You already gave him that last chance, remember Bella._

_Shut up_, she scolded. _This is something he has done wrong in the past, he hasn't pulled such a stunt on me lately_, she tried to talk some sense into the voices of her heads.

_True but..._

_No buts, one final chance so shut up._

She waited a few more seconds to make sure the voices in her head agreed with her, and when she was greeted with silence, she stared at the beautiful man in front of her.

A sad glow spread over Edward's face and Bella had seen it. Placing her hand on his leg, she squeezed it softly.

"I need to give him that last chance Edward. My mother always told me to give a person one last chance, and that's what I'll give him. I won't be that woman that runs away without trying. I would die trying you know? You have to know that when I give myself to someone, I give myself completely. Utterly. Truly. Mind, body and soul. I can't let him go before I've tried everything. If I wouldn't give him that last chance, I would always feel like I've failed and I don't want that pumpkin. I can't and I won't. And I guess that some part of me still loves Jacob, we have our good and romantic moments too you know? And he has been so good for me lately, and like you said, this happened a month ago."

_Who are you trying to convince Bella? Edward or you?_

_Shut. The. Fuck. Up!_

A confident and strong Bella sat in front of Edward, and Edward did his best to act as upbeat as possible by smiling at her. It was a forced and bittersweet smile, but he needed to support her completely. As her friend, he needed to be strong by ignoring his own feelings.

"He would be stupid to let a beautiful flower like you go, princess." And they both smiled a bit bitterly at the other.

Bella didn't like the awkwardness that was hanging between them; she wanted to see him smile genuinely again. He was gorgeous when he flashed her that breathtaking, flirtatious crooked smile, exposing his brilliant white teeth. She loved the sound of his infectious laughter. It was the best song she had ever heard, one she could listen to all day, for the rest of her life. She wanted to lighten the tension and wash away the awkwardness. Fortunately, an idea popped into her head.

"Did you see Jimmy Kimmel's show last week, the one with…?"

But even before Bella could finish her sentence, Edward's sensual voice sang, "I'm fucking Ben Affleck, he's fucking Ben Affleck!" Of course he knew about the skit; everyone was talking about it!

Bella giggled and joined him in singing "I'm fucking Matt Damon! She's fucking Matt Damon!" They laughed and continued their singing together in lusty, throaty voices. They ended up shaking with laughter while tears floated down their cheeks, leading Edward to grip his stomach, in pain from laughing so hard. (AN: If you don't know the clips, look on YouTube, they are hilarious!)

~*~

Edward washed his hands before he left the bathroom and headed back to the living room, but the person he had hoped to find wasn't there anymore. He called out for her but he was met with silence, and his visual scans of the kitchen and garage did not produce the desired result either. He closed one door in the hallway and hurried back to the living room, a slight apprehension slipping into his heart. But then he smiled at his own stupidity when he heard her soft voice through the baby monitor.

"You sweet and beautiful baby." Her voice was hardly a whisper and her deep, loving sigh filled Edward's ears. He waited a few seconds to listen to her hushed tones, pronouncing sweet words, and let her enjoy her time cooing over the baby before he climbed the stairs to join her and Liam.

"There you are," he whispered into the darkened nursery while he closed the distance between them. Her tiny frame was resting against the wooden slats of the crib and Bella didn't even bother to turn around to look at him. She instinctively sensed his presence and let her back melt into his broad chest. Her head rested in the crook of his neck and they closed their eyes to enjoy this moment.

Edward embedded this stored memory in his heart and mind, but his imagination altered a few subtle details. In his fantasy they were watching _their_ first baby, and it was like Bella could sense his trip to fantasy land. She turned around and buried her body in his tight embrace while he caressed her back with his long fingers. But his ministrations stopped abruptly when her soft whispers clouded his brain.

"I'm thinking the same thing, Edward, but I need to give Jacob one more chance. I can't and won't be the kind of woman who runs away without trying. Just give me this once last chance with him, please?" and she moved her lips away from his ear to look him in the eyes, shining in the dim light of the nursery.

He digested her words and wondered how on earth she could read him that easily. They had only known each other for a few weeks, and she could already read his thoughts and heart so well. It was a frightening sensation, but comforting and soothing at the same time.

Her words sank in and he realized in that specific moment that she felt the same way about him that he did about her. It was as if she made a promise that they would be together someday, but not before she had given Jacob one last chance. He knew they would be together, he could feel it, and all he needed to do was be patient and respect her decision. This was the Bella he knew so well: strong, loyal, and persistent. So fucking loyal that it hurts! But to him she was worth it, every minute!

It was comforting to sense that they would be together someday, but inhumanly painful to accept their current distance. He would have to abide by the limitations of friendship, having to say goodbye to her tonight, before sending her off to her boyfriend once again. She longed for him as much as he craved her, but she couldn't give herself to him completely before she had tried everything. And Edward wanted to have her completely and utterly, without second guesses or divided loyalties.

He knew he needed to say something because she was still staring at him, her dark coppery mines boring deep into his soul. But he couldn't speak. She had taken away his ability to form words and the only thing he could do was nod his head and kiss her forehead softly. His response was enough for Bella, though, and after she glanced one last time at Liam, she took his hand and guided him downstairs again to watch the movie he had brought.

~*~

Edward closed the plastic box after he had put the DVD of _Ae fond kiss_ into the DVD player.

"Come here Edward," and Bella patted the cushion of the leather sofa next to her. She missed his close presence and wanted to snuggle next to his warm body. It was ice-cold outside and although the heat was on in Rose and Emmett's house, Bella found it difficult to get warm.

He smiled warmly and closed the distance between them. He went to sit down and when Edward's body crunched down into the cold leather of the sofa, the cushions sank down which made Bella slip a bit closer to Edward. Their sides were touching and Edward pulled her even closer by extending his arm over her shoulder.

"Come here princess," he invited and patted his chest with his long fingers. A wholehearted smile was what he got back in return and a feeling of completeness washed over him the second her head rested on his chest and her fingers rested on his belly.

He pressed the _play_ button and they both began to watch the movie.

A shiver ran down Bella's spine when Roisin and Casim made love on the wooden floor of the apartment. Their lovemaking awoke a warmth inside Bella's body; the lust transferring from the screen to her spine causing her to shiver. But Edward misunderstood the lustful quiver for coldness and informed her that he was a bit chilly too.

"Here," and he took the blanket that was lying on the table next to the sofa and spread it over her body.

"But what about you? You said you were cold too." A worried frown creased her forehead.

Edward wanted to assure her that he was fine when an idea popped into Bella's head and she instructed him to stretch out on the couch while she positioned herself in front of him, pulling the blanket over both of their bodies. They soon discovered that with Bella sitting between Edward's legs and leaning back against him that they had no need for the blanket anymore. The close proximity of skin against skin was enough to warm the entire Arctic, and the sexual tension that hung between them most of the time was back tenfold.

Every surface of her aroused body was in contact with Edward and her body fitted perfectly into his. It was like every angle of his stretched out body was designed to meld together with every swelling of her elegant curves. One leg slipped between his and it took them only a fraction of a second to find the right position to watch the rest of the movie in comfortable silence.

Bella knew they were dancing on a thin line, one they had probably crossed already. This wasn't just a friendship anymore, and now that Bella thought about it, they had veered into dangerous territory a while ago. Their flirtatious banter, their stolen touches, their suggestive text messages and secret glances; they weren't as innocent as Bella had tried to convince herself they were. Their _almost_ kiss tonight, the song he had sung for Liam _and _her, their cuddling on the couch and the heat their touch had created; they were all examples of dancing on the thin line. Examples of crossing the line, Bella realized now.

Feeling his hand on her sweater covered belly, their harmonious bodies and his steady breathing caressing the nap of her neck; it all felt so normal and thrilling at the same time. And still so wrong too. It was a combined ease and a thrill that she _shouldn't_ feel, but she couldn't force her heart to feel anything else.

~*~

Bella sighed deeply when the credits rolled on the screen. She felt satisfied that Roisin and Casim had been able to work things out by conquering their cultural differences and prejudices.

"I liked it," she whispered into the quiet living room but silence was the only greeting she received in return. She remained silent herself and focused on the soft noises of the slow breathing from the man behind her. His chest rose and fell beneath her with each breath, and she contentedly closed her eyes just to enjoy the moment.

Bella turned around as soundlessly as possible, to view him in his sleep. A peaceful acquiescence was painted on his angelic face and she brought her hand to brush against his cheek in a soft caress. He whimpered at the sudden contact and parted his lips a bit to let a soft moan rumble out between them.

Admiring him while he was sleeping, Bella was in awe of the perfect texture of his skin, the olive tan hue probably covering his entire body. She was also jealous of his long eyelashes. She was about to reach out and touch those soft lashes when Edward suddenly adjusted his body so that he was lying on his back lengthwise on the sofa. But instead of pushing her off of the sofa, he pulled her down with him so she was lying on top of him. She gasped from pure surprise although she realized that this man below her would surprise her every single day. Even in his sleep he took care of her and made sure that she was close to him.

The idea that he took care of her, even in his sleep, was a comforting feeling that warmed her from her head down to her toes. The astonishing Edward Cullen did not have any walls or barriers, of that Bella was pretty sure. And with that satisfied feeling washing over her body, she laid her head on his chest and listened to the steady hammering sound of his heart.

She closed her eyes and focused on the pulse of his vital organ and she sighed deeply. Listening to the sound of his heart was as sweet and beautiful as listening to his serenade before; he even made music with his heart. It was the best symphony she had ever heard and their close proximity made it even richer.

His arms rested on her lower back under the blanket, and one of his fingers connected with her bare skin. Her sweater and t-shirt had ridden up a bit when he had pulled her on top of him. The sensitive skin of her lower back, just above the waistband of her knickers, was on fire from the contact with his tantalizing fingers. Fingers she longed to make music with, and not in the literal sense of the word. Bella was pretty sure that he could move his fingers over her body like she was the most precious instrument he had ever played. He would caress and stroke her sensitive and sensual strings and the moans that would rumble from deep inside her would be the bass of the song he played. The song _they_ played together.

Bella was about to lull herself into sleep land as well, the heartbeat her companion in the far away country, but she forced herself to stay awake. Rose and Emmett would be back soon and she didn't want to be found in a compromising position. Not that she minded the compromising position; hell, she would compromise on any sort of position when it came to this scrumptious man beneath her, but she didn't want to get caught. And she was pretty sure that Edward wouldn't like it either.

Looking at her watch, Bella decided it was time to wake up Mr. Sleepy Head. She positioned herself a bit so that her mouth was near to his ear, and moved her lips closer to announce quietly that he needed to wake up.

"Hey Edward, it's time to end your beauty sleep. Wake up, wake up." As she tickled his neck and face with her breath, a soft, amused moan left his sensual lips before irritated groans followed. His eyes were still closed but the groans signaled to her that he was waking up and that he did not enjoy it one bit. He was sound asleep and she didn't want to disturb his slumber, but he needed to get up sooner or later.

Instinctively, his entire hand flipped under the warm material of her clothing and that sudden movement made Bella gasp in return. He opened his eyes abruptly and realized what he had done. He was still half asleep when his right hand had given in to the desire to connect with her bare skin and the dream he had about her didn't make it any easier.

The images of the dream had forced his blood to travel southwards, causing him to swear softly when he realized that his discomfort was obvious and probably sensed by Bella. Not bothering how to ask how they came into their current position, she being on top of him and he being pinned between her breathtaking body and the leather sofa, he just stared into her stimulated pools and prayed silently that she didn't feel his arousal.

She brought her hands to his chest and pushed herself up, her legs folded next to each of his legs. She was sitting on top of his hard discomfort now and Bella sensed that something was wrong. The soft swear, the sudden flustered cheeks, the worried look in his eyes; Bella saw it all and when her body felt the throbbing hardness centered in the middle of his body, the picture was complete. She understood.

"Oh," was all Bella could utter when her heated centre felt his throbbing hardness, begging for some kind of satisfaction. Removing herself from his lap was the only satisfaction she could give himfor now and she excused herself, while she brought the plates and glasses to the kitchen.

~*~

Bella removed herself from Rosalie's warm embrace and walked over to Emmett to say her goodbyes. They exchanged a brief kiss on the cheek while Edward hugged Rosalie and wished her a good night's rest.

"Bye Bella, hope to see you soon," Emmett told her honestly when he kissed her warm cheek. His light stubble caressed her skin, and she was caught by surprise when he enveloped her in his strong, muscled arms and pulled her into a tight hug.

"He's been hurt many times before Bella; too many times." Emmett whispered in her ear so quietly that his wife and Edward couldn't hear.

It was the only thing he said, but Bella realized the true meaning of his words. He hoped she wouldn't hurt him, after Emmett had witnessed the love for her in his brother's warm green eyes.

She swallowed hard, feeling a bit uncomfortable with their current situation, and she nodded her head silently when he let her go, avoiding his searching eyes.

Edward freed her from the awkwardness by striding over to her, guiding her outside the house and towards his car.

~*~

The entire ride to Bella's apartment was spent in complete silence. Bella stared outside into the darkness while Edward focused on the road in front of him. He had glanced a few times in her direction but she was too stubborn to meet his gaze. To top it all off, she had refused to allow him to walk her to the door. His only option was to watch her enter her building, waiting until he noticed the lights flipping on in her apartment.

She had refused his offer to walk her to the front door rather harshly. He knew that she didn't mean to be harsh and he knew the real reason behind her snappy response. He had read it in her eyes and heard it in her speech. There had been many awkward and uncomfortable -but thrilling- moments between them tonight, and Edward knew that Bella was confused about it. She needed time to think it over and to clarify what she wanted to do.

He sensed that she would have loved for him to walk her to her door, but she feared that things would run out of hand if he did. After experiencing his stimulated physical reaction to her touch, Edward knew things could escalate easily and he might not be able to control himself. So maybe it was for the best that he stayed in the car. His hunger for her had been very obvious tonight and now it was her time to show her desire for him. If they were meant to be, she would let him know… one day. She was his life now - hell, she was his life since the moment he collided with her - and he would wait for her. For as long as she needed.

Edward sighed deeply when thoughts of an uncertain future crossed his mind, realizing that he wouldn't sleep much tonight. Bella probably wouldn't sleep well either. Neither of them seemed to thrive when they were apart from each other. But would they be able to come together?

* * *

Tbc later this week...

3 more things:

- _Ae fond kiss_ is definitely a movie you HAVE to see, so check it out!

- If you're not reading 'One of the guys' already, then check that fic out too. It is amazing!

- Reviews are better than Bella's loyalty towards Jacob...


	12. Chapter 12: The Glue for a Shattered Hea

A/N: Another update is in the house for you, on this shitty, rainy and cold day (the Belgium weather is like Edward's mood swings in the beginning of Twilight). I will update chapter 13 on Sunday night, I hope you all like the sound of that. Thanks for the amazing reviews and PM, you guys are better than the best!

**AnUnborkenHorse aka RushtonElf** did the supertrooperincrediblyfastandmegaquick beta of this chapter and you should thank her for that! You, Courntey, are the best. And in case anyone is wondering, I do NOT own Twilight, nor Edward Cullen; but I would love to. Does anyone know if you can find him on eBay because I would give all my savings to have my own personal EC :)

Now go, read and enjoy this chapter!

* * *

**Chapter 12: The Glue for a Shattered Heart**

_  
A few weeks later, Saturday night January 12_

For once in her life, Bella arrived at a concert on time. In fact, she was more than twenty minutes early, providing ample time for her, as well as Grace and Alice to check their coats and make a quick stop at the ladies room before they entered the enormous theatre.

Bella glanced at her reflection in the mirror and nervously studied her appearance.

"You look stunning, my dear," Grace informed her when she joined Bella at the basin to wash her hands. Alice approached them and nodded her head in agreement.

A deep sigh escaped Grace's dark red painted lips and she closed her eyes for a second. Images of her first date with Albert flashed in front of her eyes and a bittersweet smile touched her lips. Her memories about her former husband were still quite vivid and real, making Grace's heart ache.

Sensing that she had an audience, she opened her eyes again and told them her first date had been a while ago and that she had spent hours in front of the mirror primping, curling her hair and applying her make-up.

Grace turned to Bella. "I love it when your hair hangs in long, loose curls, cascading over your shoulders; it gives you an angelic look. And you too Alice, you are adorable as well. It reminds me when I was young and was dressed up to go on a date."

Bella lowered her head a bit, not knowing how to handle the compliment, while Alice chuckled and thanked Grace. Alice had met the elderly woman only ten minutes ago, but she already felt like her own granddaughter after they had spent the entire ride from Grace's house to the theatre chatting amicably. It was easy to grow fond of Grace since the beautiful and witty lady had an infectious laugh combined with a clever sense of humor. She had a gift for making everyone feel comfortable and at ease around her.

Bella met Grace's eyes in the mirror, and they both smiled warmly. The younger woman realized that the wrinkles etched into Grace's skin represented a life-long history full of memories, hope, laughter, and tears.

Alice held open the door for her two companions, to accompany them to their seats. Grace glanced at Bella whose cheeks alighted with a soft pink glow, and closed the short distance between them, whispering in her ear that Edward would be breathless when he saw her.

"Good thing he won't see you before the concert; he probably wouldn't be able to keep performing once he saw your dazzling beauty. You look like a princess Bella... you are a gorgeous young woman; never forget that." With those soft words of encouragement, Grace walked towards Alice who was still leaning invitingly on the open door.

With a last quick glance into the king-size mirror, Bella joined her friends as they searched for their seats in the theatre. The tickets were actually a Christmas gift from her father. He had bestowed upon her a gift package for the theatre, and when Edward informed her he would perform in a New Year's concert with one of his colleagues from the Academy; Bella just knew she had to attend. She had called Edward immediately, asking him if he could arrange two tickets for the concert.

_-Flashback-_

"Hey Edward, I didn't wake you up, did I?" Bella asked him guiltily while she glanced at the clock and heard his hoarse voice filling her ears.

"No, not at all Bella. Is there anything wrong? I'm just wondering since you're calling me on Christmas day? Merry Christmas by the way."

"Merry Christmas to you, Edward. And no, nothing is wrong. Jacob and I just got home from lunch with my father. And do you know what I got?"

"Not those damn flowers again, that you hate so badly?" he asked with a sad strain in his voice. He hoped she would receive a nice present, because she really deserved to be spoiled with the best things in the world.

"Oh no, he only sends them when he can't meet me in person. But he gave me a gift box for the opera. I just checked my emails and saw yours about the New Year's concert, so I was wondering if you could arrange two tickets for me?"

"Of course, Bella. Grace called this evening too for the same thing. Is it okay if I arrange three seats next to each other, on the balcony? You have the best view from there and the acoustics are the best upstairs."

"If you say it's the best, I would love to have those seats, next to Grace. So she has some company for the night."

"She would love that." Edward knew that Grace would be thrilled. Since the day that Grace had met Bella in the corridor of the Academy, she couldn't stop talking about how Bella was so beautiful, sweet, and friendly. As if Edward didn't know that already. It was like Grace almost enjoyed torturing him about his lack of progress with Bella, asking if there had been any developments in their _relationship_. He always informed her that they were just friends but every time he reminded her of their status, Grace rolled her eyes and let a soft scoff escape her lips. She was a feisty lady, Mrs. Jennings.

"If she wants, we can pick her up and bring her back after the concert. I don't like the idea of her walking around alone late at night."

A soft and honest "Oh that's very sweet of you Bella, she would love that," was his reply and after making some arrangements, they said their goodbyes.

_-End flashback-_

Once seated in the comfortable dark-red velvet cushions of the chairs on the first-floor balcony, the triplets talked along, reviewing the program for the evening: first Edward's colleague would perform, then Edward, finishing with both men on stage. As the lights went down in the theatre, an excited Bella twisted her hands in her lap as she felt as though the curtains shrouding the stage could not open up fast enough for her.

Since their baby-sitting date with Liam, Edward's throaty, infectious voice singing that Dolly Parton song echoed through her head all day long. And now he would sing and play the pianoall night long, she mused dreamily. It was a pleasant thought that spread a warm glow through Bella's eager body.

A feeling of disappointment violated her ecstatic heart when Edward's colleague Jasper Hale sang and played the piano for the first forty-five minutes. However, Alice was euphoric, bouncing up and down on her chair with her eyes glued on the handsome man hammering out tunes on the piano with such determination and passion. She vigorously clapped her hands after every song and glanced at Bella, communicating non-verbally to her that Edward indeed had some very handsome friends.

When the lyrics of a slow, romantic song tumbled out of Jasper's mouth, both Bella and Alice felt their throats catch. Even Grace was holding her breath because she hadn't expected that such a deep baritone voice would conceal a softness that lit heat in her heart. With every word he sang, the crescendo of pleasure increased until it was almost unbearable.

The softness of his deep voice stroked Alice's body to the core in a torturously slow vibe that almost set her on fire. A fire that was nothing compared to the electricity that was coursing through the theatre. His voice was a sweet torture and even her body couldn't hide the pleasure his voice caused. Her skin was draped with a blanket of little goose bumps and when Alice glanced at Bella's and Grace's bare arms; she realized that she wasn't the only one touched by the timbre of his sensual voice.

Although Bella couldn't hide the pleasure that this man's voice was unfastening in her either, she was looking forward even more to the next performer. She had longed to hear Edward's voice, admire him openly while he caressed the black and white keys of the grand piano and let his vocal ministrations wash over her. She knew what his voice would do to her. It would set her heart, body and soul on fire and increase the temperature of her body inhumanly high.

She chuckled softly when fantasies of passionate nights popped in her head, and the ladies next to her shot her puzzled glances.

"It's nothing. Just an inside joke," Bella whispered quickly and clapped her hands enthusiastically when Jasper had finished his last song.

~*~

The next hour, Bella and her companions sat in complete silence, eyes wide open and mouths slightly agape, admiring the sounds that this gorgeous man produced on the stage below them. With every song, the audience clapped their hands louder and harder, to encourage Edward endlessly, begging him not to stop.

This New Year's concert was atypical in several ways. It wasn't only classical piano music, but there were some modern and upbeat songs too. The variety provided the concert with a special touch, one the audience definitely enjoyed. It was time for Edward's last solo song, and he took the microphone in his trembling hands and gazed into the audience.

"On behalf of Jasper Hale and myself, Edward Cullen, I would like to thank you all for the wonderful attendance at this New Year's concert. Jasper and I decided that the revenue from this evening will go to the Children's Cancer Fund."

A love song of _oooh_ was the reply, accompanied by warm and long applause while he bowed for the enthusiastic audience. When the clapping faded away slowly, he announced his last solo song and that they would end the night with a _quatre main_.

"I want to dedicate this last song to my parents, who were brutally ripped from me and my family much too soon. It's one of the last songs I played for them the night they died. Mom, Dad, this one is for you... you are my guiding stars during the day and night."

Bella heard the small hitch in his voice when he devoted the song to his parents, and she sensed that he was in pain. She had come to know that his voice could not hide his emotions. She wondered what had happened to his parents and was surprised that they hadn't talked about them before.

Bella's questioning eyes found Grace's tearing pools and she took her wrinkled hands, squeezing them gently. A single tear cascaded down Grace's cheek and crashed on her woolen cardigan. Bella's soft, concerned voice asked her to explain what had happened to Edward's parents.

While Edward walked back to his piano and composed himself to start the song, Grace filled her in about the events.

"Three years ago, Edward and Jasper held their first New Year's concert together. It was here too, although it was somewhat different back then. Anyway, doesn't matter. His parents never made it here." And another tear fell down, quickly swiped away by Grace's trembling hand.

"It had snowed that day and the roads were slick. A truck had to break suddenly, causing it to skid on the icy streets. Edward's father was driving, and he couldn't avoid the truck careening into his lane; the truck driver didn't have any control over his vehicle. The truck slammed into them and their car was smashed against an electrical pole. His parents died immediately upon impact, or so they said, but who can ever know for sure?"

Delicate tears cascaded down Bella's and Grace's cheeks, creating warm, flowing rivulets down the smooth alabaster skin of the younger woman and the drawn, wrinkled lines of the older woman's face. A huge lump caught in the middle of Bella's throat, as she experienced a palpable ache upon hearing the awful way Edward had lost his parents.

"He wasn't able to say goodbye to Carlisle and Esme, his parents, because their loss came so suddenly and so brutally. Edward felt horribly guilty that night and a part of him still does I assume. Guilty because they were on their way to his concert, a concert for which he had given them tickets. I think that's the reason why he waited a few years to organize another concert. It hurt too much, I assume."

Grace took Bella's hand before she said her last words because Edward was starting the song.

"He has been hurt so many times before, Bella. His heart is still shattered, but you have the glue to make his heart whole again. Please don't hurt him, but put him back together again."

The elderly woman's true plea bore into Bella before she turned her attention back on the music.

An even bigger lump than before stuck in the middle of Bella's tight throat once she heard the almost identical words that Emmett had used with her floating through her mind. She swept away her tears only to make place for more fresh tears to fall down. They would definitely come, since Edward sang Jeff Buckley's amazing _Hallelujah_ with such emotion that no soul in the theatre was left untouched.

While he initially chose the song for his parents, Edward could not help but think about Bella when he sang,

_Well baby, I've been here before  
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor  
__you know, I used to live alone before I knew ya_

He still lived alone, though Bella had already moved into his heart. But considering that Jacob, not him, had won _her_ heart, the lyrics of the next stanza echoed his hopelessness that she would ever be his.

_  
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch  
__and love is not a victory march  
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah_

The massive lump that was stuck in the middle of Bella's throat swelled with every word that Edward sang. She could feel the physical and emotional anguish in his voice while he forced himself to stay strong. If everybody in the theatre was touched by Jasper's last song, no cheek would remain dry after the last note of Edward's _Hallelujah_ faded away.

His hands moved over the keys in slow motion and Bella could hardly concentrate on the lyrics he sang. It was like she was in some kind of trance. Grace and Emmett's words echoed through her head, growing louder with every heartbeat. Guilt had nestled itself in her heart, while sorrow washed over her in engulfing waves.

The sad strain in Edward's voice wasn't only because of the loss of both his parents; she was part of his pain too. Another Christmas and New Years spent alone, without a partner who loved him by his side...

The truth was that Bella longed to be that woman by his side. Her body begged to snuggle close to him on a cold winter night, to warm her cold feet with his warm body. She craved for him to undress her teasingly slow, remove every piece of clothing with his full, sensual lips or elegant, long fingers. She hoped she would find passion, lust and desire in his aroused eyes, blanketed with a duvet of truthful and honest love. She wanted to touch, kiss and feel all of him, to place feather-like kisses over his entire body. She dreamed of driving him crazy with her sweet ministrations until he almost exploded.

She knew he would make her nuts when his lips moved over her body. She would totally lose her mind when he'd let his fingers wander over her craving flesh and make music for her. There was nothing in the world she was surer of than wanting, needing and loving Edward Cullen. If only he wanted her back as much as she did, she thought.

After Edward finished the song, he started the _quatre main_ with Jasper but Bella didn't hear any of the finale'. She could only hear the mantra of Grace and Emmett's words in her head while her heart decided that there was no more Jacob and Bella. _Finally_ she dared to admit the inevitable truth and it felt like a huge weight lifted off of her shoulders. Her heart had made up its mind; now she only needed to tell Jacob that there was no more room for him anymore. Literally and figuratively.

Enough with second chances.

Enough with loyalty.

Enough with love that wasn't even worth the name love. Sometimes butterflies die; sometimes things aren't meant to last. It didn't really matter if Edward wanted her or not, - who was she fooling with thinking this?! - the point was she didn't want Jacob anymore. It was enough.

Over.

Possible break-up opportunities flashed through her head, but for every occasion she came up with, her mind told her why that time wasn't a good one. The restaurant dinner he had arranged for her tomorrow, him working late, the charity event at the hospital... none of those were ideal. It was like the gods were against her breaking up.

She sighed with frustration because she hated this part of relationships: ending them. But she had to do this. Soon!

With a gentle poke from Alice, Bella was pulled back to reality and she found that everybody was standing, clapping their hands furiously while Jasper and Edward bowed for the standing ovation. Bella stood up rapidly to join the others in their clapping song of admiration.

She tried to avoid the curious stares of her companions by looking straight ahead. She gazed at the handsome man on the main stage, waving towards the audience before he left with flowers in his hand.

It didn't take long for the theater to be filled with silence and empty seats again. Grace was the last person in the parlor, looking around and drinking in the chic ambiance. With a deep sigh she left the balcony to join Alice and Bella on their way to the grand café.

"I'll pay," Grace said when she handed Bella some money, although Bella tried to refuse her offer.

"No buts, Bella. A red wine for me and order something for you and your friend too," she instructed.

Grace sought a comfortable seat and a free table with Alice while Bella ordered the drinks at the bar.

_  
At the bar_

"Hello Bella," a deep masculine voice said into her ear which made Bella jump a little.

"Emmett, you scared the hell out of me!" Bella exhaled with relief and patted him teasingly on the shoulder. He kissed her hello and informed her how stunning she looked.

"You don't look bad yourself. Is Rosalie here too?" Bella searched the crowd to catch a glimpse of his beautiful wife. Emmett pivoted her around a bit and waved in Rose's direction. Once Rosalie saw Bella, she smiled brightly. Bella waved back enthusiastically while she asked Emmett if they wanted to join them at their table.

"I'm sitting over there," she pointed, "with my friend Alice and Mrs. Jennings, one of..." but before Bella could finish her sentence, Emmett started to walk towards the table to kiss Grace hello. Bella joined them with the wine and was surprised to find that they knew each other very well.

"Feisty Grace, you look mind-blowing hot."

"You are still as rude and ill-mannered as ever Emmett," Grace shot back when she pulled him into a tight hug.

The moment they let go of each other, Grace started to cough really hard, like she had done a few times earlier that night. Bella helped Grace into her seat and handed her some water. It took her a while to stop the coughing; a red flush covered her entire face as a mark of the physical effort the raspy coughs had taken from her.

"You need to go to a doctor, Grace; this is not just a cold. You need to take care of your health."

Grace nodded her head in return, telling Bella that she would call her doctor first thing Monday morning.

"How come you and Emmett know each other?" Bella wanted to know after she had kissed Rose and introduced them all to Alice.

"Oh that's a long story my dear. But to make the long story short: one day, a few years ago, I had locked myself out of my house, so I went to the Academy to use Edward's phone. Emmett was there too, talking to Edward and he offered to help me out. He is a handy man, Bella," and Grace's words were supported by a wink in Emmett's direction.

"Since that day, he visits me when he is in the neighborhood. Speaking of that, Emmett, it's been a while", and she eyed him suspiciously.

"Are you seeing someone else?" Grace teased.

A gruff laugh filled the café but for Bella all the sounds faded away when the man with the widest, most breathtaking smile walked towards her. He closed the distance between them in no time, his long legs guiding him closer. He was almost there when he started singing softly.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Bella, happy birthday to you."

She lowered her head to avoid the staring eyes of the rest of the group who suddenly shot the same question to her: "It's your birthday? Why didn't you tell us?"

But Bella blocked them out; she only paid attention to the melodic voice of the man standing only inches away from her. He whispered so only they could hear.

"My beautiful Bella, you look amazing." He had moved his finger to her chin to force her pools to connect with his warm green mines.

"You are astonishingly gorgeous." And he let his eyes wander over her body which was covered in a black designer dress, highlighting her perfect figure.

"These lilies are for you. I know you don't like flowers when your father gives them to you, but I hope I can persuade you to like lilies, flowers representing beauty and happiness. Especially lilies cause they are my favorite Bells. Happy birthday."

His hand never let go of hers, not even when he moved his hand towards her ear, to rest under her hairline. He guided her head closer and kissed her three times, the last one extremely close to her lips. Their gaze connected and arousal filled their depths.

She accepted the flowers he gave her, brought them to her nose to let her mind become clouded by their specific aroma. She closed her eyes for a second, opened them again to stare into his eyes glistening with intensity and caring.

"Thank you Edward, I love them." He smiled softly and arousal filled his eyes one again. It was gone too soon, when he blinked his eyes, but Bella had seen it nonetheless.

She gushed, "You were absolutely amazing up there! I adored your performance!"

Edward blushed and dipped his head self-consciously, murmuring, "Thank you, Bella."

Their cocoon was broken when the others surrounded her, waiting in line to give her kisses and overwhelm her with positive wishes.

"I'm sorry," Edward whispered, moving his lips but making no sound. He was unaware that she hadn't shared with them that it was her special day.

After birthday kisses were exchanged and toasts were said, the rest of the evening was spent in easy conversations about everything and nothing. Bella had eyed Alice a few times, but Alice had winked at her friend while she listened enthusiastically to whatever Jasper was about to say. Someone was falling in love, Bella thought and she felt happy for her friend. Although she and Alice had recently met in the hospital, a few weeks ago, she had felt an immediate connection with her and it was so easy to be friends with Alice. Sometimes it felt as if Alice knew what Bella was about to do or say, as if she could look into the future.

_Don't be ridiculous_, she thought. _People cannot look into the future. You watch too much TV young lady._

_Alright alright, no more __TV for me._

And when she returned from whatever planet she was on, Edward looked into her eyes deeply, winked and gave her the crooked smile he knew she loved. Bella blinked her eyes a few times, unaware of what he was doing to her and it took her a moment to restart her heart again.

_Oh. My. God._

_So that is what they call 'being dazzled'!_

_Holy shit. _

_Breathe Bella. _

_Breathe._

And so she did. She forced herself to inhale deeply while she broke the dazzling stare he was still giving her.

~*~

"Thank you Grace for coming. I hope you had a good time," Edward told her while he helped Grace into her long dark red coat. Grace turned around to kiss him good night.

"You are the one to thank; you did a wonderful job my son. Your mother and father would be proud of you; they raised you well. Giving the money to charity was very noble of you."

A smile curled up the corners of Edward's mouth when Grace overloaded him with compliments.

"I love you Grace, you are like a mother to me. You are a very good person." Edward pulled her in a warm hug and kissed the top of her head when they let go.

"I love you too my son. Take care of Bella; she will need your support soon."

A frown covered the question marks in his eyes because he didn't know what she referred to. Grace saw the confusion on his elegant face.

"Just believe me Edward, she will need you. Don't rush things, give her time, support her and be patient. In the end, it will be all worth it."

Edward didn't know what she was talking about but he trusted her instinctively.

"I love her with all my heart Grace, even more than I love my music. I'll definitely take care of her. But Grace, why do I have the feeling you are saying goodbye to me?" Edward asked.

"Because I am Edward, it's late and I'm tired. I'm going home." A last kiss was what they exchanged before Grace stepped aside so that Bella could spend some time with him.

Edward held up Bella's short winter jacket, which reminded him of one of his mother's jackets when he was young. Bella slid her arms into the sleeves before she turned around to face Edward again.

"So any birthday plans Bella?" Edward asked, breaking the awkward silence hanging between them, while he positioned her dark woolen scarf around her delicate neck. His gentle care in dressing her for the cold weather touched her heart, reminding her of being tucked into bed by a loving caregiver.

"Yeah, Jacob arranged a brunch with him and my father tomorrow, and he said something about going to the movies afterwards."

"Sounds like fun."

"I hope so. Did I tell you I love going to the movies? I used to go every week when I was a student, mostly on my own. But when I did my internship, I didn't have the time to fit movies into my schedule anymore. So I'm really looking forward to the cinema date." And the break up afterwards, she almost said, but didn't.

"I bet you are. Question Bella. Any plans Monday night?"

Shoving my ex-boyfriend out of my apartment, she thought. Instead of saying that, Bella shook her head and wondered what he had in his gorgeous mind.

"I have a real birthday present for you at home. I wanted to cook the famous Edward Cullen bami goring I told you about, all for you."

"Sounds perfect, but I can't accept another present. You already gave me flowers, Edward."

"The flowers weren't meant to be a gift, but when I got them tonight, I just knew I had to give them to you. Lilies are so beautiful Bella, and it's a shame you don't like flowers in general." He caressed her hand while he said those words.

"I used to like flowers Edward, but when my father started to give them as a substitute for his presence, I started to dislike them, I'd prefer his company but instead of that, I got flowers. Do you understand?" Her pleading eyes bored a hole in his heart.

"Yeah, I do, my princess. Tell me, how come Jacob didn't join you for the concert tonight? Wasn't that the plan?"

__

~Flashback, one week ago~  


"Hey sweetie, did you sleep well?" Bella asked, upbeat, after she hung her coat in the hall. She gave Jacob a quick peck on the cheek while he continued cooking.

"Yeah, I slept like a baby."

Bella smiled and waited a few seconds, but when the question she had hoped for - _How was your day sweetheart?_ - didn't come, she hadn't yet told him about the concert and was hoping that him asking her about her day would give her an opening

"I saw Edward today, we had lunch."

"Mmmm," was all she got back in return.

A bit agitated about his lack of interest, Bella continued. "He gave me the tickets for the concert I talked about. We have the best seats in the house apparently." Finally, she got his attention, but not the kind she had hoped for.

"A concert? I never said that would work for me, Bella. You know I don't like classical music and by the way, I need to work." His voice was cold.

The disappointment was written all over Bella's face, but Jacob didn't notice because he was still focused on the cooking pots in front of him. He had planned to make her a delicious meal, like he used to do before he started working so much, but another fight was coming and he wasn't in the mood for that.

"It's my birthday," Bella responded in a sad voice, but once again, her feelings had little impact on Jacob.

"Since when do you celebrate birthdays Bella? You never liked to before... why would it be different this time?" Jacob turned his head to look her in the eyes, but Bella stared at a hole in the floor.

"Because this time Edward performs in a New Year's concert on my birthday. I want to go to the concert _with you_" she demanded softly, continuing staring at the linoleum kitchen floor.

"I can't Bella and I won't. And besides, what is the fun of watching a gay man play the piano?" Jacob scoffed.

His words made her snap her head up, shocked by his comment. "Edward isn't gay, and what if he was?!" Bella yelled. She was completely agitated, perhaps overreacting. The bright mood from before was nowhere to be found.

"Oh come on Bella, he is de-fi-ni-te-ly gay. It's written all over his face, his girly taste in clothing, the gestures with his fingers and hands, the way he looks. The fact that he plays piano. He is gay all the way! Do you think I would let you hang out with him and have lunch dates if he was straight? No way in hell." Jacob's arrogant tone left Bella speechless from pure anger.

He had hit a particularly sensitive spot in the feminist and independent figure of Bella Swan. How dare he try to tell her who to hang out with, judging and selecting them on their supposed sexual orientation! How dare he talk about Edward like that!

Her face was dark red, her pulse hammering in her ears, but instead of yelling at him, she remained silent. She didn't want to waste any energy on Jacob. Not anymore.

_~End flashback~_

Now Bella mentally revisited that night; she had closed her heart to Jacob back then, and tonight she realized that Jacob didn't have the key to it anymore. He had lost her for good. She decided that after the birthday dinner at Edward's place, she would tell him that she was his. Bella nodded her head to reassure herself, but when she noticed the amused smile on Edward's face, she realized that she hadn't answered his question yet.

"He had to work this weekend, I'd forgotten that. So I asked my friend Alice instead. And seems like I made the right decision to bring her; I'm sure Jasper didn't mind I brought her."

And she winked at Edward. He winked back because he had seen the connection Jasper and Alice apparently shared; which he was happy for. He was about to make a witty remark about it but was interrupted before he could say anything.

"But Edward, now I need to go, Grace and Alice are waiting for me. It's getting late." She glanced at his watch.

"Okay princess, good night and once again, happy birthday." He took her head in his hands and kissed her goodbye sincerely. "Drive safe and text me when you got home, okay? I don't like you out driving when the roads are slippery."

After hearing the gut-wrenching story about his parents, Bella knew the reason why he was afraid. He was scared that he would lose her too, so she reassured him she would be all right.

"I'll text you when I get home, promise. And Edward, you look inconceivably sexy in that tux." He smiled warmly, staring at her hips, alluringly swaying from side to side in her black dress as she walked away from him.

Bella glanced over her shoulder one last time when she turned around the corner, waving in his direction. The smile, plastered on both their faces, would still be there when they both drifted off to dreamland later that night...

----------

Chapter End Notes:

Tbc... this weekend!

You can listen to the song Edward sang on youtube. Do it, it's a very beautiful and touching song!

Reviews make Bella break up with Jacob faster...


	13. Chapter 13: Positive

A/N: If I could give you all your personal (Collide) Edward Cullen, I would. Really. Because you girls are made of awesomeness². But I don't have my own Edward -not yet- so for now, I'll stick with the fanfic version of it. I hope you like that as well.

Thank you Courtney *bows for her beta master* for editing the crap out of it.

Watched 'Into the wild' with Kristen Stewart on Friday and cried my eyes out. If there is someone out there who felt like this too after seeing it, let me know. And I _finally _saw lumdog Millionaire yesterday and god, me loves that movie. Little Yamal was such a cutie *writes Slumdog Millionaire on to buy list* That's all I had to say. Now go and read. I'm preparing myself for all the anger that is definitely coming my way!

**Chapter 13: Positive**

~*~  
Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better...  
~*~

Bella sat on the cold white bathroom floor, dumbstruck and in shock. This _couldn't _be true, she told herself, staring at the white stick clutched between her thumb and index finger. She blinked a few times, hoping that the soft pink dot would fade away. But regardless of how many times she flicked her eyelids, it became more and more obvious that the pink dot wasn't a fantasy but a hard fact in the harsh, cold reality.

In nothing but her underwear, her back resting against the cold tiles, Bella closed her eyes to cry silently. Contradicting feelings attacked her heart, overshadowed by a bittersweet sensation. She was pregnant, carrying a child inside her. Jacob's child. Jacob, who she would leave tomorrow, like she had planned. This pregnancy wouldn't change that. She could do this, on her own. But right now, she didn't want to think about tomorrow. She didn't want tomorrow to come. On the contrary, she wanted to die right here and now, on this spot on the bathroom floor. To close her eyes and never wake up from the nightmare that her life had become.

A small part of Bella was happy that she would be a mother in less than nine months. Her maternal instinct and biological clock _had_ been ticking louder lately. But a much bigger part of her hated the idea that the baby would have to deal with separated parents, even before it was born. A broken family even before they'd be a family. This wasn't how she had dreamed of having kids. Indeed, this was the furthest thing possible from her dreams. She didn't want kids with Jacob, not anymore. Not now. Not in less than nine months. Never.

Thick, salty tears rolled down her cheeks, while she banged the crown of her head in a steady rhythm against the cold bathroom wall.

_How could this have happened,_ she wondered out loud. She hadn't forgotten one of her pills, had she? She wasn't sure, since she didn't pay much attention to routines and self-care lately, consumed instead by deciding how to handle the two men in her life. She was to blame; she should have been more careful.

Bella swallowed hard, to ingest the horrible taste of the pregnancy she had just discovered.

She knew something was wrong; she had sensed it for a few weeks now. Her painful breasts, the waves of nausea that washed over her when she smelled coffee in the morning, the absence of her menstruation... all indicated that something was off.

When she didn't have her periodicals around Christmas, she thought she had miscalculated her schedule. When they didn't come through after New Year, she told herself she was just a bit late. But now, more than 2 weeks later, she had suspected that the result of her pregnancy test would be positive.

She didn't know the exact moment of conception, but she knew that she had to be pregnant for a few weeks now, maybe more than a month. Deep, frustrated sighs escaped her lungs while silent sobs joined them.

She continued the wall banging until her head started to hurt. The physical pain was more dominant than the emotional hurt, and for Bella that was exactly what she needed right now. She would deal with the pregnancy tomorrow. Not today. Now she needed to get ready for her date with Edward, although she dreaded that too.

She wasn't sure what she would say to him about the break up or the pregnancy. She wasn't sure about anything at this moment.

Deciding that it would be best to keep the news quiet until they had broken up and until she had seen her gynecologist, Bella stripped down her underwear and took a cold shower to freeze the thoughts that raced through her mind. She couldn't handle the overwhelming truth, not now and definitely not alone.

She didn't want to think about the financial consequences the pregnancy would bring. But most importantly, she blocked out of her head the horrible thoughts of losing friends and more specifically Edward, and focused on simple things like washing her hair and applying some make-up. She would put on a mask tonight and deal with the cold reality tomorrow. Alone.

~At Edward's place~

"I called Grace by the way, this afternoon, to ask her about her health. The doctor had visited her earlier today and told her she had a lung infection but that everything would be okay if she took some medicine and stayed inside for a few days. So there's no need to worry about Grace anymore," Edward informed her. He hoped telling her about the phone call would break the ice between them, but it didn't have the desired effect.

Bella only nodded her head while she replied absentmindedly, "Good, good. I was worried about her. Thanks for letting me know Edward."

She continued playing with her food a bit, fumbling with the sleeves of her dark navy blue sweater. She didn't make any eye contact which hurt Edward deeply. He wondered what was wrong but he wasn't sure if he should ask.

"Is everything alright Bella? You seem so absent tonight. Are you feeling your age princess?" Edward tried to lighten the mood a bit, to end the painful silence hanging between them. He had sensed something was wrong the second she had entered his apartment.

He had looked her in the eyes and their former twinkle wasn't there. When he kissed her hello and told her how stunning she looked, she smiled softly, but not as joyously as she used to do when he complimented her. The smile on her beautiful features was a forced one but Edward decided not to comment on it. If there was something going on, if she wanted to talk about it, she would open herself up to him. Of that he was sure.

But she hadn't opened herself up this far. On the contrary. She had been extremely quiet the entire night and it was like she had lost her appetite.

Bella chuckled softly at his "feeling your age" comment but she couldn't force herself to meet his gaze. She could easily drown in his warm concerned green eyes. She knew he could see through her with no trouble; he could read her like an open book. But for some reason he hadn't yet insisted to know what was wrong, although she realized the question had been on the tip of his tongue the entire evening.

She swallowed down the spoon of bami goring she had brought to her mouth before she told him she didn't feel her age at all.

"But what is the problem then Bella? I hoped you would have fun tonight but I don't have the feeling you are enjoying yourself right now. Did I do or say something wrong? You can tell me," he pleaded in a very low voice, a voice that was hardly a whisper. His words were supported by his hand covering hers, a sweet gesture that moved Bella's heart.

"Of course you didn't do or say anything wrong Edward. You are the personification of perfection. If someone asked me to describe the perfect man on earth, I would describe you Edward Cullen. So stop thinking you are to blame for..."

_To blame for what?_ Bella wondered.

_My pregnancy? _There were only two people to blame for that and too bad he wasn't one of them.

_For my stampeding hormones?_ Well part of him was responsible for that, but she knew that due to her condition, her hormones were out of whack.

"To blame for what Bella?" Edward asked gently, but insistently. "Look at me Bella and tell me what is on your mind. You don't have to go through whatever you are going through on your own. My broad shoulders and I are here for you. Always and forever."

His lame joke didn't have the impact he had hoped it would have and he cursed himself.

_This isn't__ the time to tell lame jokes, Cullen;_ the voice in his head reproached him.

Bella forced herself to meet his gaze. How could she avoid fulfilling his request, when the most beautiful man on the planet asked her to look him in the eyes? Her hard chocolate pools softened immediately when they connected with his warm green stare.

"It's nothing Edward, really. Nothing I can't handle." She lied, but right now, that was the only solution Bella Swan could identify. She tried to change the subject when she rewarded him with compliments about his cooking skills.

"The bami goring is really delicious Edward; you didn't exaggerate about your cooking skills. I could get used to this."

"Thanks Bella, but for some reason it's hard to believe since you haven't eaten much of anything tonight." He had observed her carefully and most of the time she had been playing with her food, like a little kid who was forced to eat something she didn't like.

A deep red blush crept up Bella's cheeks. She hadn't eaten that much indeed even though the plate looked delicious when Edward had served it. But the smells of the shrimps, combined with the mushrooms, made her stomach do flip flops. She had managed to swallow down the first few prawns and mushrooms with a bit of the tremendous red wine he had served, but the gag reflex she had endured afterwards had made her change her strategy.

She had eaten most of the rice, she thought, but now she looked at her plate again, it wasn't _that_ much. She hadn't had that much to drink either, but how could she refuse the wine after she had told him that this red wine was her favorite? She still had to get used to her current condition.

But how could she say that she would adore the bami_ if she wasn't pregnant_? She couldn't come clean and so she lied again.

"It looks, smells and tastes marvelous Edward, the best bami I have ever eaten before, and I had my share of Chinese takeout when I was a student. But my stomach isn't feeling well; I think I'm coming down with a bug or something."

The instant those words tumbled from her lips, she regretted them immediately. She wished she could take them back, especially when she heard Edward respond that she should have told him. That she shouldn't have come and instead should have gone to bed early. He felt guilty, although she knew that he shouldn't feel guilty at all. This wasn't his fault. Not by any means.

But Bella didn't want to be alone. Not tonight. Not after what she had found out earlier.

"I didn't want to be alone Edward...I just wanted to be with you." Her last word was hardly a whisper, but Edward heard it anyway. His body reacted almost instinctively when he walked towards her, grasped her hands, and pulled her gently up off her seat.

"Come here my sweetie." He guided her into his warm, comforting embrace and stroked her back up and down with his long, elegant fingers. In the beginning of the hug, she seemed a bit tentative and uncomfortable. But he didn't plan to let her go easily, and he maintained his soothing hold on her for quite a long time. Her arms didn't encircle his torso, but instead they were folded up in between their bodies to let them rest next to her face, on his heart. The way her arms were cocooned by their bodies was very touching to Edward; he was protecting her and had enveloped her with his honest love. It felt like the wall of ice she had built around her tonight melted a bit, an idea that Edward liked very much.

"Thanks," she whispered, her lips torturing the skin of his neck because of their close proximity. It was the signal for Edward that it was time to let her go, but not before he kissed her forehead.

"I still have your gift Bella. I think you waited long enough for it." He walked away from her warm presence to the old cupboard in the living room, opened one of the cabinets and removed a small, red velvet box. Proudly, he walked back to her with a smile that left her breathless.

With trembling hands, she took it from him after he had once again wished her a happy birthday.

"Did you wrap it yourself?" she asked while she removed the golden ribbon.

"Yes I did Bella." Edward said with pride obvious in his tone.

When Bella looked at his long fingers she knew the answer had to be true. That man and his elegant fingers, they could do magic to her, the ribbon, the guitar, the piano, or just about anything else.

Inside the little box was a folded silver card with beautiful golden handwriting scrawled on the inside. Bella let her eyes wander over the letters rapidly and hungrily, and with every word she read, her mouth fell open a bit more. When she was at the end of the message, she brought her hand towards her mouth to look Edward in the eyes, shock and pleasure written all over her face.

"Are you happy with it?" Edward asked in an eager, boyish way.

"Off course I'm happy. Edward, I'm more than happy." Bella squealed because she couldn't believe that this was true. "Oh god, a two hour Swedish body massage, Edward this is too much."

"No princess, this is not too much. Rose has been to the masseuse and she said that her two hours were over in no time. And by the way, you deserve some quality time on your own. 'You will be reborn afterwards', Rosalie's words."

Bella closed the space between them and hugged him tightly to thank him for his thoughtful gift. This man knew her better than her almost ex partner, and they had only known each other for a few months. This man was the personification of perfection.

She disentangled herself from his embrace to take his head in between her hands, to place a soft, grateful kiss on his lips, an act that surprised both of them. She had done it as some kind of reflex, a habit she could get used to it very easily because it felt so natural to kiss him on the lips. And Edward definitely could become accustomed to getting kissed by her.

"Are you up for a tour of my apartment?" Edward asked, although he didn't really know how his brain had come up with those words or how he had been able to form a coherent sentence after what they had just experienced. He was intoxicated by the sweet taste of her lips, skin touching skin, and he knew he needed to do something. Anything to make sure he didn't rip her clothes off of her and straddle her right there, in the middle of his living room.

His question, immediately after the touching of their lips, had caught Bella by surprise, a heaviness making its way to her heart. It felt like he had rejected her, pushed her away, although she didn't know what she had expected him to do. Maybe she longed for him to deepen the kiss or to envelop her in his strong and warm embrace. She had expected something, anything but this chaste offer of an apartment tour.

She lowered her disappointed eyes while she scraped her voice to try to sound as upbeat as possible.

"I would love to Edward."

~*~

"So this piano is from your grandfather? It doesn't look that old Edward."

"It is though. But as you see, I handle her with care Bella since she was the best gift I ever got in my life."

"She?" Bella asked with a surprised expression written on her tired features.

Edward smiled secretly, a soft blush creeping up his cheeks when he realized that she had heard him correctly. He was a bit afraid Bella would make fun of him, but he shook that thought out of his head as quickly as it had entered it because he knew that Bella would never make fun of him. He searched for the right words, finding Bella's loving eyes while he explained why his piano was a she.

"My grandfather told me you always have to take care of any musical instrument like it was your most precious possession in life. The more love you give to an instrument, the better the music it gives you back will be. I was 15 when I got the piano for my birthday, and in a naive way I asked him how I was supposed to love a musical instrument and treat it right. He said I had to think about the best experience in my life so far, and then to relive the feeling I had at that specific moment and always let my fingers wander of the keys with that feeling in my heart." Edward's cheeks turned crimson red retelling the childish tale.

"I'm not sure I understand Edward," Bella replied while she moved her delicate fingers over the black wood of the elegant piano. She didn't have a clue about what he was saying.

"Well on my 15th birthday, I got my first real kiss from a girl I desperately loved. The soft touch of her warm lips on mine, her tongue caressing mine with such sweetness... it seemed like the best experience in my life. So when my grandfather told me to conjure up my favorite memory, I relived that kiss. Since that day I talk about my piano as _her_. And although that girl broke my heart a few weeks later, I keep on reliving the moment of a first kiss, a simple touch or an honest compliment when I play the piano. I know it's stupid but..."

He was cut off by Bella's soft voice that reassured him, "It's not stupid at all Edward; it just shows your immense passion for music and what a good man you are. I'm really happy that you have such lovely memories to relive when you play the piano. You deserve happy, loving memories." She supported her words with a soft squeeze of his hand and a smile that made his heart skip a few beats.

"Can I touch her keys Edward?" Bella asked with a twinkle in her eyes that sent his blood southwards.

"Of course you can my princess," and he took her hand in his to guide her to the small leather bench that stood in front of the piano. "Be my guest."

With closed eyes, Bella's warm fingers connected with the cold black and white keys of Edward's piano. It was like the passion that was incarnated in the keys entered Bella's veins the second her flesh connected with ebony and ivory. She couldn't play, she had never learned to play the piano but it was enough for her to just feel the keys. Keys that were normally touched by Edward's delicate fingers; they were all she needed to feel tonight.

But Edward longed to hear Bella's music so he encouraged her to give it a try.

"I don't dare," she admitted.

It wasn't long before Edward took his place next to her. He covered her slightly trembling hands with his long warm fingers, pushed them down a little onto the keys until a heavenly sound filled the silent room. The second their bare flesh connected, the atmosphere in the room became charged, soon followed by the warmth that increased tangibly.

Bella couldn't think, she could only register her hammering heartbeat, the heat that had nestled itself in the centre of her quivering body and the arousal the made itself her master. Images of lovemaking on the piano flashed in front of her eyes, visions of his fingers playing her like she was the keys of his piano, as if she made music with her moans and groans when she came.

It was like Edward envisioned the same images because he turned his head towards her to let his aroused eyes connect with her sex clouded gaze.

_He is about to kiss me again_, Bella thought and instead of panic, she felt the thought comforting. So instead of saying anything, she just stayed still and longed for that kiss to come.

_Kiss her_, the devil on Edward's shoulder told him. And he would listen to the little voice in his head. He had enough of playing nice and understanding. He wanted her now, more than ever.

He let go of her fingers to make his way up to her slender wrist and elbow, while he brought his other hand to her other arm to turn her body towards him. He accidentally brushed against the side of her breast, an act that made Bella flinch. Not because he had touched her breast but because he touched her _painful, swollen_ breast.

A cluster of thoughts raced through Bella's mind. From painful breasts to the growing baby inside her, combined with the images of the positive pregnancy stick and the hurt expression she expected to see on Jacob's face when she would ask him to leave. Or the disgust and loathing she expected to find on Edward's handsome face when she'd confessed to him that she was pregnant, carrying another man's child. She could already picture the repulsion in his kind eyes, and when she looked at him staring at her lovingly from his close position next to her on the piano bench, Bella realized she needed to go. To flee, run away and never come back. This man deserved better than a woman who is damaged and carrying someone else's child.

Everything happened like someone pressed the fast forward button in Edward's life: the wounded, sad grimace on Bella's porcelain face, her trembling words excusing herself, mumbling something about needing to go. Edward cursed the devil, called out her name urgently, but she rushed out of the room, grabbing her bag and jacket on her way to the door. Even before he could move a muscle, he heard the smashing sound of the closing front door and a wave of desperation washed over him.

Dumbstruck Edward looked at the black and white keys in front of him although the view of the keys slowly blurred when tears filled his sad eyes. Waves of hopelessness combined with feelings of rejection and abandonment took over Edward's body, heart and soul.

All he could see in his mind were the photographs of Bella plastered on her apartment wall; photographs that Jacob had taken of his model. A model who did not belong to Edward; a model who had just fled from his apartment, probably never to return.

Like some kind of reflex, his fingers found their way to the cool keys and words tumbled out of his mouth. The words had been written within his heart, for months now.

_He goes to snap the shutter  
I feel a __tantalizing flutter  
she's the most perfect, picture perfect, object of my dreams_

_He has her strike a pose  
my heartache ever flows  
She's the most perfect, picture perfect, inspiration to me_

_I'm riled up  
I can't see straight  
I don't want a model  
Hidden behind the lens  
I want the real thing_

_He wants to turn her in and out  
I'm the one left to sit and pout  
She's the most perfect, picture perfect, object of my dreams_

_He can call her 'mine'  
But together they don't rhyme  
She's the most perfect, picture perfect, inspiration to me_

_I'm off kilter  
I've lost my filter  
Afraid of what I might say  
I want her all the way  
I want the real thing_

_Love, love, love, my Bella love_

_She's the most perfect, picture imperfect  
she'll never be with me_

Crying silently, Edward turned off the lights without being bothered that there were still plates on the table. His apartment was a mess but it was nothing compared to the mess in his heart. He didn't understand what had happened ten minutes ago, although he had replayed the scene in his mind over and over again. He didn't understand. He _couldn't_ understand because Bella had not let him in her heart, not yet.

He walked towards his empty bed in a daze, not even bothering to strip off his clothes; he just lay down fully dressed and waited numbly for the sleep that wouldn't come that night.

Sobbing in her car, Bella watched him while he made his way upstairs to his bedroom.

"Another broken man with a crushed heart," she whispered into the darkness while she slammed her fist down hard on the wheel. She drove home to her empty apartment to do exactly the same thing as Edward: lay down on the bed for the sleep that wouldn't come. She knew that she would not sleep well tonight. She was positive.

* Picture Imperfect by Pbswimmer

* * *

**Chapter End Notes: **Bring on the bashing reviews, I'm ready to hear all the 'how dare you make Bella preggers from that bastard and son of a bitch Jacob, you stupid ****'-reviews (see, you can just copy paste it! Isn't that easy and sweet of me to do that?).

*Elke takes a karate-pose to prepare for all the bashing that will come although there is definitely a solution for this problem!*

If you still 'like me a little bit': I will update two chapter next week. *takes Karate position, positions safe mask in front of face and inhales deeply: bring it on*


	14. Chapter 14: My Light in the Darkness

A/N: Sorry for the delay. I know I had promised two updates this week but I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm sick, a throat infection that hurts a lot, a fever that doesn't seem to be killed and so so tired. But I'm home next week as well and you can expect two updates then.

Thanks for Courtney for the _supercalifragilisticexpialidocious_ beta! You are my light in the darkness girl! *hugs* Another big thank you is for you, you and you. All of you. Because you have given me so much crazy reviews after pulling that pregnancy stunt in the previous chapter. I love every one of you and adore you to pieces for sticking with me. I promise you, all the angst and shit I'll drag you through, will be so worth it when they make up *giggles* Oh yeah, your mind can go straight to the gutter :) Anyway, enjoy the next update!

**Chapter 14: My Light in the Darkness**

_The next day: Tuesday, around noon_

The words of Dr. Forster echoed through Bella's head when she walked back to her office on the second floor of Forks Hospital. She didn't know how she returned to her office in one piece, without bumping into someone or something. She was lost in a trance, trying to discern when this five week-old baby, growing inside her, was conceived. She couldn't remember if she had simply forgotten to take the pill one day but it had to be something stupid like that; a pregnancy didn't just happen out of nowhere, _unfortunately. _

_Fuck, why did__n't I take better care of myself?! __T__he amount of curses and swearing that she directed at herself would have made all the devils in hell blush in shame._

Five weeks. Five weeks of growing a life inside her without her knowing it. She had pictured her first pregnancy very differently, and keeping the precious baby inside of her hidden from her friends, family and partner wasn't part of that picture. But it was Bella's burden; she needed to carry it, and she needed to carry it on her own. Alone. At least for now, until she figured out what to do with her life and the life growing inside her.

The annoying sound of her office phone snapped her out of her trance. A quick glance to the clock told her it was already noon and before she picked up the phone, she made a mental note that she needed food, soon. She was starving. And the baby inside her needed food as well; it would be her top priority from now on.

Before she would have skipped lunch but not anymore, not with the miniature human being she was responsible for now.

"Good afternoon, this is Doctor Swan." Bella forced herself to sound casual and upbeat.

"Bella, its Rosalie, Edward's sister-in-law."

Rose's low, serious tone made Bella's stomach clench with fear, horrible thoughts flashing through her mind. Rosalie calling her wasn't good; it wasn't good at all.

"Did something happen to Edward?" Bella asked worriedly.

It seemed like it took forever before Rosalie answered, but in reality she only hesitated a second, attempting to compose herself.

"Edward is okay Bella. It's Grace. She... she died last night." Rosalie broke down when the word _died_ left her lips, it was a harsh word; a word that she hated.

Tears flowed down Rosalie's warm cheeks, although she had told herself she had cried enough already today. Since the second Edward had called them this morning, she had been crying non-stop. She had wanted to be as strong as possible when she called Bella, but was failing miserably. Though Rosalie didn't care... she knew that she could feel horrible and cry her eyes out when she was around Bella; there was such a deep connection between them. A connection that made her feel safe enough to open up emotionally.

Bella couldn't believe it, not after what Edward had told her last night. Grace was alright when he had called her, learning that the doctor had told her she would be fine if she took some medicine and stayed inside for a few days. This couldn't be happening. This had to be a sick joke.

Bella's attention shot back to the phone and to the person at the other end of the line when she heard Rosalie sobbing on the other end of the line. Bella could hear how a male voice comforted her and took over the phone. As expected, Bella identified Emmett's deep baritone voice, asking her if she was still there.

Shock was written all over Bella's face. Her mouth hung half open and tears prickled her eyes, although her brain couldn't believe it. Not yet. But soon the sober realization would hit her when she heard Emmett confirm what his wife had told her.

"This can't be true Emmett. Edward had called her yesterday, she was fine. This can't be true Emmett. It just can't." Bella was trying to convince Emmett, but she was fighting a losing battle.

"It's true Bella," he whispered miserably. "Can you please come over to Grace's? Edward needs you right now. We need you." Those last words came right from his heart. He had felt a connection with the mysterious brunette the second he had met her and he just knew she could help ease the pain a bit for Edward; for all of them.

"I will Emmett; I'll be there as soon as possible, depending on traffic. Just give me a half hour, okay?" If they needed a rock to lean on - to support them through this dark, painful period - then they were at the right address. Bella Swan had definitely experienced her share of losing loved ones. She knew how to handle things on her own in the past, resiliently, stoically, and she would do it again. Be the light in the dark for Edward and his family, but absorb her loss on her own. Because she had lost someone too, a witty lady she loved since the first day they'd met. She was like the grandmother Bella never had. It was a deep loss that washed over Bella Swan.

She and Emmett said their goodbyes quickly so that Bella could arrange things at the hospital. Luckily she didn't have any appointments scheduled that afternoon. But tomorrow and the rest of the week she had morning shift at the hospital. Telling herself she would figure out something later, Bella closed the door of her office, walked towards the exit of the hospital, and looked for her car.

Bella cursed under her breath when thick raindrops poured down on her, obscuring her vision as she searched high and low for her vehicle. Dark clouds and miserable weather fit this day perfectly. Sunshine wouldn't be appropriate, not even snow.

"Where did I leave that god damn car?" Bella asked herself, agitated. She kept strolling through the rows of vehicles in the parking lot, becoming more drenched by the moment. When she finally found her car, she laughed at her own stupidity; she had walked past it a few times already. She pulled a Swan again, she told herself hopelessly, before beginning the drive to Grace's former home.

~*~

She didn't know how long she had been standing outside, but when she looked down at her soaked coat and sopping-wet hair, she could only imagine that it had been quite some time. She wasn't sure why she waited outside the house when she knew that she needed to go inside. Bella didn't know what to do, because conflicting emotions violated her heart.

She feared that when she entered the house, she would feel like her limbs were being ripped from her body, that the grief within would crush her heart and leave her devastated and helpless. The image of people crying, a desperate Edward and a devastated family... Bella just didn't know if she could handle it. After the news about the baby, she didn't know if she was strong enough to be their light in the dark. It was ll coming down on her at the same time, and she worried that she wasn't strong enough to carry the burden on her own.

So she just stared at the porch, gazing at the raindrops crashing on the ground, lost in thought. She felt drawn back to the day her mother died, a time period she had tried to lock deep inside her.

It was Emmett's questioning voice that transported her back to the present. She was caught by surprise, and realized that there was no way out anymore. The only right thing to do was go inside, pull herself together, and help them with whatever she could. And so she did.

"You alright?" he asked, concerned, when he closed the door behind her. He looked at her current soaked state and drank in her pale skin, the rings under her eyes and the shiver that ran down her spine. He closed the distance between them, took her winter coat and pulled her close in a hug, without waiting for her answer.

"Thank you for coming," Emmett said close to her ear. He placed a soft kiss on her ice cold cheek before he let her go, to guide her inside the living room, where all the others were gathering together.

"Emmett," Bella whispered. She brought her hand to his wrist to pull him aside, to give them another private minute to speak before entering the scene of mourning.

"How is he holding up?" A worried frown covered her angelic features and Emmett realized that his wife had done the right thing by calling her.

"He's broken Bella, but he won't show it. He hasn't cried a single tear, not one. He occupies himself, helping the family to organize everything, from writing the obituary to the funeral arrangements. He closes himself off Bella, just like he did when Mom and Dad died. He will cry when he is alone at night. He doesn't want to _bother_ anyone with his loss, although I've told him a hundred times that we are there for him. My little brother is just too stubborn."

A single tear rolled down the impressive jaw line of this strong man standing in front of her, something Bella had never expected to see. She could only imagine how Emmett had loved Grace, whose feisty and caring spirit had settled into his heart. But his love for his brother was even more evident in that moment.

Bella brought her slender arms around his muscular torso that somehow didn't seem to be that big and strapping anymore. Emmett felt like a fragile and broken man.

"Why didn't Edward call me?" Bella wanted to know after Emmett had pulled away to compose himself. It was a question that had invaded her mind since Rosalie's phone call, a question that made her agitated and annoyed although she couldn't really blame Edward after what happened last night at his apartment.

"He... he said you ran away last night from the dinner. He just feared that he was..., you know Edward, and he took the blame for it."

A painful, short silence hung between them before Bella spoke again. She didn't know why she decided to spill the truth, but somehow it felt good to know that she didn't have to carry the burden on her own anymore. And Emmett's shoulders seem big enough to carry her burden with her.

"I'm pregnant Emmett, pregnant by my boyfriend... the boyfriend that I'm going to leave tonight. I don't know why I ran away last night, but I'm no good for your brother, he deserves so much better. He does not and cannot know about the pregnancy Emmett, at least not now. It would crush his heart _again_."

Bella stepped forward to open the door but Emmett's sincere words stopped her for a second. Bella could see the astonishment written all over his face due to the bombshell she just dropped on him, but she could also see honesty in the sad glow of his eyes. A look of compassion she had never expected to see in a man so gruff and masculine.

"You _are_ the best for my little brother Bella... don't you see that? Grace told me so at the concert. Grace was always right you know, so I believe her. And a baby won't make any difference to my little brother. So don't be so hard on yourself; make him happy. Be happy yourself. We all deserve someone to come home to, Bella, and you know that you don't need to carry this burden on your own." With those last words hanging in the air, Emmett opened the door to the living room leaving Bella dumbstruck; _another man's baby wouldn't make any difference to Edward?_

Composing herself, she stepped inside the circle of mourning family and friends, to share her condolences and to wish them all the strength they needed right now. It was a long trip: shaking hands, holding broken people, comforting them and trying to say the right words to encourage them to hold on, for Grace. She would have wanted them to be strong.

Bella was at the end of the table, greeting Grace's children and grandchildren, when she realized that Edward wasn't in the room. She looked around for a bit until she heard his smooth voice in the nearby kitchen where he was talking to the priest about what songs they would use during the funeral.

A surprised look crossed over his pale features when Edward saw her approaching out of the corner of his eye. His warm green eyes weren't glistening as usual; they had lost their spirit but not their penetrating power. He excused himself from the priest and opened his arms to welcome Bella. Although he was surprised to see her, Edward's most dominant feeling was gratitude towards his brother and sister-in-law who had undoubtedly called her. He was immensely thankful to have her here with him.

Enveloping her fragile body with his arms felt like coming home to Edward, a feeling he worried he would never experience again after the events of last night. It was like Bella could sense his confusion when she tilted her head upwards to look him in the eyes.

"I'm sorry Edward, for everything." And he knew she referred to yesterday, as well as the loss of Grace. But he didn't realize that she was talking about the baby too; a baby he didn't know existed, _not yet_.

~*~

Darkness had enfolded itself onto Forks when Edward and Bella left Grace's house. They had said their goodbyes to Grace's children Lucy and Georges, and their respective partners, promising they would be back tomorrow to help with funeral arrangements. They wanted to choose a photograph of Grace at her most beautiful to display at the funeral.

They made their way down the pathway to Bella's car. It was Bella who placed her hand on his lower back, a supportive and protective gesture, to guide him closer.

"I'll bring you home okay?" she proposed softly. A thankful smile combined with a small nod was what she got in return, before they drove to Edward's apartment in silence. It didn't take Bella very long to arrive at his apartment since he lived only a few blocks away from Grace. Bella turned off the engine after she had parked her car in front of his block.

"Do you want me to come in Edward, to chat a bit or make you some coffee?" Bella suggested. She hoped he would take her up on her offer to talk, so maybe he would open up. But when he turned her offer down, she didn't push it because she knew he would come to her when he was ready. For now, it was too early. Waiting patiently was all she could do.

"No thanks Bella, it's getting late. You should probably go home too, catch some sleep. But..." he hesitated, but when her right hand connected with his knee and gave it a soft squeeze, he felt encouraged to continue his sentence.

"But is it possible for you to come back tomorrow, so we can pick out Grace's photo together?" His sad eyes bored deep into her soul. He could read the affirmative answer in her warm chocolate pools which made him feel safe. She was his rock, his shelter to rely on.

"I will, Edward. I have to work an early shift at the hospital first but I will come to your place around noon, if that's alright with you?" Her voice was warm in the cold car, and it was just the warmth he needed right now.

"Thanks Bella. I love you." He placed a soft kiss on her cheek and left the car, even before she could reply. This man, who was walking towards the door of his apartment, would never fail to surprise her, of that Bella Swan was sure. She closed her half-open mouth, smiling wistfully when she whispered into the night _we love you too Edward_.

~*~

_Saturday morning, at the funeral _

Bella sat next to Edward on the leather bench facing the keys of the black grand piano. When she glanced around the cold, crowded church, she felt really nervous. Nervous, although all she needed to do was turn the music pages, like they had practiced before. A task she had willingly accepted because she wanted to be as close as possible to Edward, _if_ he needed her.

Thus far he hadn't needed her at all, at least not like she had expected him to need her. He longed for her presence, close by his side, to touch her hand or hold her in his arms but not to talk about what happened. In fact, they hadn't talked about the loss of Grace at all. It ripped Bella apart because she _needed_ to talk about it, god she missed Grace and her witty comments. Her sparkling presence that Bella would never see again; that thought made Bella's heart ache with need. But the tears that threatened to fall were forced back to where they came from because Bella had told herself she would be the strong woman who Edward could rely on.

She glanced in Edward's direction, staring at him until his eyes found hers to calm her down.

"You'll do fine Bella. By the way, I know most of the songs by heart by now." He reassured her by taking her cold, trembling hand in his. She wondered how this man was still able to calm her down; after all he had been through these past few days. He had barely slept, and he had not eaten anything when she was around. He had lost weight and his face was pale with rings under his eyes but still he looked gracious and strong. He was a professional in hiding his feelings of loss. No tears or painful grimaces; only his eyes betrayed the hurt that was hidden inside.

She did fine during the church service, just as Edward had promised her she would. It was like they worked together this all the time, him playing the piano with her adeptly assisting him. His heart-felt rendition of the classic song rang true and clear throughout the musty, ornate church:

_And as we wind on down the road  
__our shadows taller than our soul.  
There walks a lady we all know  
who shines white light and wants to show  
how everything still turns to gold._

_And she's buying a stairway to heaven*_

Relief washed over Bella when Edward closed the cover that protected the black and white keys, soon followed by a sadness that captured her heart in a tight grip: this was their final goodbye to Grace. The coffin was carried away by four men in grey uniform, to bring Grace to her final retreat, next to her husband Albert. A reunion Bella knew Grace had eagerly anticipated. It was goodbye even before Bella and Grace had a chance to get to know each other. This wasn't how things should be. Bella closed her eyes when she realized that a lot of things aren't the way they should be...

Although Edward had behaved professionally during the song, he couldn't ignore the sudden, invincible grip on his throat. Edward couldn't hide his true feelings anymore when the painful realization hit him - this had been the last song he would ever play for Grace. The wall he had built around him was slowly crumbling as the last stragglers in the mourning crowd slowly departed from the church. This couldn't be true, this couldn't be the end. He had so many things to tell her, so many songs to teach her. And now there was nothing left but an aching need and a deep emptiness.

"I can't do it on my own Bella," Edward said with a trembling voice. His shaky hands tried to collect the scores of music together but the tremor was so heavy that the papers fell to the ground. They resembled his shattered heart, his broken life.

Bella misunderstood his words at first; she thought he referred to the pages he couldn't get together. But when she noticed the thick tears in his eyes, the sadness written all over his face, she knew that he _needed_ her right now. For the first time since Grace's death, it was Bella who opened her arms to guide Edward closer. He buried his head in the crook of her neck, closed his eyes to let waves of painful memories wash over him. It was in that moment that Bella felt like she was the home he could come home to.

"She was the only one I had left Bella. She was like a mother to me, now I have no one anymore. No one." Bella stroked his back up and down while his confession went on.

"She was such a strong and gracious woman, who always knew how to make me see things clearly. She was so full of wisdom and good advice... I loved her Bella. It hurts so much to let her go. I'm not ready Bella; I'm not ready at all."

Edward didn't even feel how Emmett's strong hand squeezed his shoulder or how Rose kissed the top of his head when they left the church. He was unaware of his best friend Jasper patting his shoulder in a supportive gesture and he would never know that Alice and Jasper left the church together, side by side, a love blossoming between them, of that Bella was sure. Grace would have wanted it this way; she always wanted the best for everyone. Edward didn't know how long he sat on the stage floor or what he had told her, but when he brought his red, puffy eyes to meet hers, all he saw was a warm love reflected in her pools. The pain in his stomach was still there, his heart continued bleeding but the tight grip on his throat had loosened a bit. The door to his heart was opened just a crack, but it was open, which was the most important thing.

Bella kissed his tears away, took the papers from the ground and pulled Edward up by his hands.

"Let's go home my love," she said after she took his hand in hers to guide him towards the exit.

Willingly, like he was on automatic pilot, Edward joined her, his head resting on her shoulder while their arms wrapped around each other like some kind of support.

Silence had taken over the impressive building when the heavy wooden church doors closed behind them.

~*~

They had spent the entire afternoon and evening together, chatting or just sitting in amicable silence. They didn't need to talk constantly when they were around each other... sometimes words cannot express enough and silence itself carries such meaning. Bella had put together something for him to eat, a light plate so his stomach could get used to food again. She made him some chamomile tea before she ordered him to go to bed, an offer he accepted without protest. He was emotionally and physically worn out after last week, and he knew that he couldn't fight the sleep anymore.

"Stay with me tonight Bella," Edward tried but he knew that what he asked wasn't possible. She was still with Jacob, and he despised him. He had often tried to dislike Bella for it as well, but how hard he tried, he ended up loving her more instead. Her loyalty and devotion was remarkable, but she was fooling herself. Or was he the fool in this? All he knew for sure was that he had the picture imperfect and he hated it, especially today when he felt miserable.

"You know I can't Edward, but there will come a day." _Soon_, she added in her mind. She would go home and do what she had planned to do for the entire week: confront Jacob with the end of their relationship and tell him it was time to pack his things and go. She hadn't been able to talk to him after what had happened to Grace. She had hardly seen Jacob because she had spent all her free time at Grace's or Edward's place, and absence was certainly not making the heart grow fonder when it came to Jacob.

She didn't look him in the eyes when she said her goodbye; she couldn't handle the hurt that was evident in his handsome anguish at the moment. Closing the front door with a soft thud, she walked towards her car. Self-assured, she drove home to the new start she had wanted for a very long time now. She was ready to end it, now more than ever.

~*~

A cold shiver ran down her spine when she closed the door of her apartment behind her. Her throat felt sore and she felt a stabbing pain in her stomach. Was she coming down with something? A fever maybe? The flu? Ignoring the signals her body gave her, she dropped her bag next to the shoe rack in the hall and hung her coat on one of the kitchen chairs.

A frown was painted on her face when she drank in the scene in front of her. The room was lit with candles as if Jacob had planned a romantic night for her. But he himself was nowhere to be found. The flickering candles were odd; she wasn't expected to be home right now. She curiously looked around the apartment, sighing as she walked through the rooms. She didn't want to make a drama over this; all she hoped was that he would understand, take his things and just leave.

This confrontation wasn't something she looked forward to, but if she wanted happiness she knew this was where she needed to start. He was no good for her. Not anymore.

Strange noises that were coming from the bedroom caught her attention, causing her to crease her forehead in confusion. When she opened the door, she gasped at the sight greeting her widened eyes. A blond bimbo was sitting on top of Jacob, straddling his naked body, riding him like he was some kind of dirty horse.

_A second__hand pony_ popped in Bella's mind. Because that was what he was; nothing but a second hand lover who didn't even bother to please her. Never.

Expressions of shock showed on all three faces, mostly on Jacob's. He hadn't expected to see her so soon tonight. Hadn't she told him she was working nights this weekend? Or was he wrong? He tried valiantly to find some excuse in his head, but the facts were what they were: he was fucking around with some skanky ho, in their bed. No explanation could make that right.

"Bella, this isn't what it seems..." but he was cut off by her screaming voice.

"This is exactly what it seems Jacob, you fucking asshole! Is this the _extra _shift you take? Oh don't bother to explain, just make sure that you're out of MY apartment when I'm back!"

The screaming felt wonderful, her body was on fire and alive, although she felt nauseous for being so stupid all the time. Giving him all those second chances suddenly felt like the stupidest thing she had ever done, and while realizing that Bella began sobbing while turning and fleeing from her apartment.

She didn't want him to see her tears, because he would misinterpret them. She wasn't crying because she was hurt, no, mostly she was relieved that this was over for once and for all. She was crying because of all the wasted time with this stupid motherfucker who she had called her boyfriend for so long... who also was the father of her unborn child. She had given him so many second chances, too many she realized now, and she wished she could just turn back time to do it all over again. Differently this time. Better.

So Bella ran away, to put as much distance as possible between herself and the cheating motherfucker. She ran into the cold, rainy night with only her dark woolen dress and her purse. How or when she had grabbed that purse, she couldn't remember. Nor did she know where she was headed. She just ran and ran, not registering the aching pain coursing through her legs and the rest of her body. She twisted her ankle a few times, almost falling because of the rain plastering her hair to her face and making it difficult to see in the darkness.

She just ran, not knowing where she was running to, until she pressed the door buzzer and collapsed onto the ground, in front of his building, sobbing and feeling nauseous. She was sick of all the bullshit in the world. So, so sick. It was dark all around her and she desperately needed some light.

-----------------------------

*Lyrics to _Stairway to Heaven_ by Led Zeppelin.

And a quote that I really want to share with all of you, because I think we all know how it is to lose someone close to us...

_"In the Buddhist view, the bonds that link people are not a matter of this lifetime alone. And because those who have died in a sense live on within us, our happiness is naturally shared with those who have passed away. So the most important thing is for those of us who are alive at this moment to live with hope and strive to become happy. By becoming happy ourselves, we send 'invisible waves' of happiness to those who have passed away." _

A/N:

A preview for the next chapter will go up on the Collide thread during the weekend (probably on Sunday). There's a link to that thread on my profile page, feel free to check it out.

Reviews make:

--me happy

--my throat ache less and my fever cool down

--me update faster! And that's something you cannot ignore, right? _Right. _So bring the 'how dare you kill the oh so sweet and funny, gracious and beloved Grace, you f****** b****!'-reviews on (see, another copy/paste review, am I good or am I good?)

See you next week sunshines!


	15. Chapter 15: Role Reversal

A/N:

- I don't own nothing, except for a sore throat and a fever. Yes. Still! *grrrrrr*

- Courtney edited the shit out of this chapter and I kiss the ground she walks on! And because you love it when I hug you in public, Courtney, I'll do it again *hugs you tight and squeezes the air out of you*

- I'll shut up now. Have fun reading it!

**Chapter 15: Role Reversal**

Edward was lulling into dreamland when the low buzz of his doorbell pulled him back to the cold reality of the dark and lonely night here in Forks. Rolling over onto his back, Edward forced open one eye to stare at his ceiling through the blackness. At first he wasn't really sure if it was just a dream or his mind playing tricks on him, so he propelled his lean form upwards - his upper body resting on his elbows - listening intently to register any sound of someone at the front door. He held his breath for a few moments to make sure he didn't miss a sound.

_There is definitely someone out there_, he told himself when his brain registered distinctly human noises. The deep, loud inhalations combined with the sniffing sounds led Edward to believe that the person outside was crying, desperate, and in need of help.

Glancing around the room, he noticed that one of his windows was still cracked open from refreshing his room earlier that day. He would be thankful that he had forgotten to close it when he learned who was waiting outside his door.

He quickly pushed down the flannel covers off his bed with his feet and hurried towards the bedroom door. He flipped on the light, searching in his closet for a sweater to pull over his dark blue wife beater. When he located the warm item of clothing, he scrambled downstairs while he forced the sweater over his head. He had completed the task by the time he reached the front door, his heart pounding loudly in his chest. He was not out of breath due to the short run towards the front door, but rather because he was alarmed by someone crying at his door in the middle of the night. A quick glance at his watch made his realize that it wasn't as late as he thought--it was only 11 pm--but his brain was still a bit fogged from sleepiness.

With one slight movement, Edward opened the door and gasped when he drank in the view in front of him. He first noticed a small, miserable sum of human flesh crumpled on his doorstep, though when he looked closer, he saw the familiar warm brown color of hair he would never tire of looking at, touching, and smelling. But it wasn't the appropriate time to get lost in trance. Soaking wet, sobbing at his front door and covered in nothing but her woolen dress, Bella Swan was in need. She was a broken woman who desperately needed help, right now.

Only a second had passed since he opened the door and his brain was already engaged into full-speed action mode. He needed to get her inside his apartment to warm her up again. There was no time to ask her what had happened; they would deal with that later. Now she simply had to get out of those soaking clothes that stuck to her body like they were her second skin.

Lowering his body next to hers, he took her head in his hands, gently pushed aside the strings of wet hair plastered over her eyes, and bored his worried pools deep into hers to tell her what he was about to do.

"Bella, we need to get inside okay? I'm going to take you in my arms and carry you inside, if you're alright with that?" he suggested. But Bella didn't answer his question; she just continued her sobbing serenade.

Willingly, she accepted the warmth and safety of his body when he scooped her up. He carried her in her arms like she was a feather, closed the door behind him with his foot and made his way back upstairs. A few hours ago, it was Edward who had buried his head in the crook of her neck, when he confessed his miserable state after Grace's funeral. Now it was Bella who did the same thing, while she clenched her arms around his neck. If she had been the rock and he had been the sorrowful, vulnerable one a few hours before, their roles were now reversed.

Edward carried her into the living room, the warmest spot in his apartment. He placed her down on his leather sofa, where Bella crumbled into a little ball with closed eyes. Jona immediately leapt up on the sofa next to her and for once Edward did not shoo him away, due to his intense focus on the soaking-wet woman in front of him. She wasn't really cooperating when Edward unzipped her boots, nor did she help him when he tried to draw her body up to remove her clothes.

A painful grimace was painted on her pale face while Bella moved her trembling blue fingers towards her stomach.

Suddenly and unannounced, Bella sat up and ran rapidly towards the bathroom, but unfortunately, she couldn't make it on time. The contents of her stomach, although not much, covered the dark grey bathroom tiles. However, the first wave of nausea that had washed over her was nothing compared to the second and third that tortured her body. Luckily, she was close to the toilet this time, so Bella sank in front of the porcelain god to spill the remaining contents of her stomach into it.

Edward had followed her, the sounds of vomiting making him quicken his pace, and sat behind her while waves of nausea washed over her again and again. He carefully held her hair away from her face in his right hand, while his other hand rested on her belly as a gentle gesture to ease the pain.

It seemed like it took a lifetime for her body to stop panting and gasping for air in between each round of heaving. He didn't know how long they sat there, her back resting against his chest, their legs open, both in front of the toilet surrounded by soiled bath room tiles.

"I'm sorry for making such a mess Edward," Bella plaintively murmured, her eyes closed, her head resting in the hollow of his neck.

"No need to worry about that my princess, we need to get you out of those wet clothes first," he replied when he registered another shiver that ran up and down her spine.

"Oh Cullen, we haven't even had our first date yet and you already want to get me out of my clothes?" Bella surprised herself with her teasing him given her absolute misery in the moment. The soft chuckling sounds combined with the vibrating chest behind her were quite comforting.

Several different emotions violated her body; feelings of sickness combined with the realization that she had a cheating partner.

_Ex partner_, she told herself mentally. _An ex fucking scumbag of a partner!_ She screamed mentally and it felt good to finally scream it, even when those words weren't spoken out loud.

She wondered how it was possible that she had been blind to Jacob's adulterous behavior. The long nights, the double shifts in the club, the red lipstick on his cheek... the telltale signs all came crashing down on her and Bella needed to repress another wave of revulsion from washing over her again.

Jacob never comforted or cared for her, unlike the sweet man now sitting behind her.

Not wishing to bother Edward further with her neediness, she unzipped her dress while she tried to pull herself up. However, she felt weak--the loss of appetite this last week was catching up with her--and she almost tumbled to the floor again. But Edward's strong arms captured her fragile body on time, preventing her from falling backwards.

"Whoa, careful sweetie. Come on, let me help you." Bella accepted Edward's offer willingly since she didn't have any energy left to fight. She couldn't even feel any shame anymore; no vigor was present after what she had been through that evening. So she let Edward undress her, stripping her clothes down her shivering body until nothing was left but her black silk bra and underwear.

Under different circumstances, Edward would have admired her beautiful figure. He would have commented how stunning and gorgeous she looked, let his eyes and hands wander over her female curves, and draw her close. But now he acted as quickly as possible, wrapping a thick towel around her to warm her up while he walked to the bath tub for the sweatpants and hoodie that hung on the edge of the tub.

"Can you pull your left leg up Bella, to step into these pants," Edward softly instructed while he guided her cold left foot into the sweatpants, soon followed by her right foot. He pulled the pants upwards, his fingers grazing over the goose bumps that covered her entire body. He was grateful for the cord in the sweatpants, preventing them from falling down off her lean waist.

Like an efficient team that had worked together for years, Bella and Edward's orchestrated movements warmed her body quickly. She dropped the towel to the floor and extended her arms upwards into the sleeves of his hoodie, smelling the musky scent that was definitely Edward Cullen's trademark. With a smaller towel, Edward dried Bella's soaking wet hair, gave her some of his woolen socks and carried her towards to sofa.

"Thanks, but I think I can walk you know," she protested. However, the ever charming Edward wanted nothing but the best for her.

"I wanted to make sure you didn't slip," he responded, referring to the mess on the bathroom floor.

"I'm sorry once again Edward, I'll clean it up." But she was cut off by him, telling her there was no way she would clean the floor in her condition.

Those words evoked a mixture of feelings inside Bella, mostly regret.

_My condition_, she sighed, feeling sad. She worried that withholding the news of her pregnancy was

betraying Edward in some way. But how could she tell him that a baby was growing inside her womb? A baby that she longed to have one day, but not now and definitely not to Jacob… Hadn't Edward Cullen endured too much already, these past weeks? Bella liked to believe he had and so she remained silent about _her_ condition.

"Here, wrap this blanket around you while I make you a nice, warm cup of chamomile tea. Okay?" Edward was already walking towards the open kitchen, closely followed by a curious Jona.

"Jona, go back to Bella, lay down at her feet, go!" Edward commanded his dog. The loyal Border Collie obliged his master willingly and ran towards the shivering woman on the leather couch. He jumped on the sofa, positioned himself right where he belonged -on her cold, sock-clad feet- to make sure they became toasty warm.

A soft caress on the head was the return Jona received from Bella, which made him instantly love the woman. He licked her hand to show her his sympathy and let his head rest on her lower leg while he closed his eyes.

Jona snuggled into the sofa and soon began snoring his way through to dream land, the soft snores warming Bella's heart immediately. Since the first day she'd seen Jona, she knew he was the kind of dog she had dreamed of her all life.

"There you go," Edward's baritone voice said while he offered her the steaming tea cup. The view in front of him gave him a satisfied feeling... somehow it felt like _home_ watching his dog lay at the feet of the woman he cared for with all his heart.

Completing the endearing home scene, Edward knelt by the fireplace and lit a crackling fire to make sure the room was covered with a blanket of warmth.

"I need to clean the bathroom a bit; can I leave you alone for a few minutes?" Edward asked softly, the concern obvious in his voice. He wanted to talk to her, to ask her what had happened, though part of him knew she just needed time to open up. When she was ready, she would come to him, of that he was sure.

Bella nodded her head in return, moving the cup towards her purple lips to swallow the hot liquid down. "Thanks Edward, for everything." she murmured gratefully.

"You're welcome Bella," and he meant it.

~*~

They sat on the sofa together for a while, talking about nothing in particular while they listened to some classical music and stared at the dancing flames in front of them. The snoring sounds of Jona became more dominant, creating a soporific effect on both Bella and Edward. When Bella tried to suppress another yawn, Edward decided it was time to call it a night, although he still didn't know what had brought Bella to his door in such a distressed state.

"Come on princess, time for you to go to bed." Edward took her hand in his to pull her up, an act that wasn't approved of by Jona. The cold leather instead of the body warmth of this beautiful woman; even the dog knew what to choose.

"But, I-I-I can't stay Edward, you have only one bedroom," Bella stuttered. There was nothing that she wanted more than to lay in his arms all night long, but she wasn't really sure if it would be suitable, or if Edward would want that too. She needed to speak, to tell him everything, but she couldn't. She couldn't seem to find the right words or the energy to talk.

"That's not a problem; I'll let you sleep upstairs in my bed, if you don't mind that. I'll take the couch. I can change the sheets if you want?" he frowned. He was wondering if it was appropriate to let a guest sleep in his bed without changing the sheets. But his worries ended abruptly when Bella reassured him it was okay.

After they had brushed their teeth, they walked upstairs in silence, Edward's hand resting on her lower back to make sure she didn't stumble or fall. Edward flipped on the lights when he entered the bedroom, crossing over to the other side of the room to fold down the sheets. He straightened them a bit before he waved Bella towards the bed.

"Your bed is ready, don't be shy Bella." Edward tried to lighten the mood a bit. Bella nervously glanced down at the sweats she was wearing, realizing she did not have pajamas, and was not sure what to do. Should she strip off her hoodie and sweatpants before sliding under the sheets? She tried to voice her insecurities, but Edward didn't need to hear much before he knew what she meant. He could read her so easily; understand her without her needing to say much at all.

"But, Edward I don't..." Bella ventured, fumbling with the sleeves of his hoodie.

"I think you better sleep in those warm clothes Bella, to make sure you don't get cold again. No need to worry about that okay?" Edward reassured her. It was all Bella needed to hear to accept his offer and crawl into his bed.

"Is this your side of the bed?" Bella inquired when he pulled up the sheets close to her chin. She felt like a little child who was sick and spoiled by her daddy, a feeling she absolutely loved right now. The warmth of Edward's love, the tenderness of his good intentions; it was all Bella Swan needed on this Saturday night, after Grace Jennings died...

"No, mine is the one close to the door. Why?" Edward wanted to know.

"Would you mind staying with me Edward? Just lay close to me, or..." she paused, and then blurted out, "...hold me in your arms?"

He didn't seem fazed at all by her request, but he checked with her one last time, "Are you sure you want that, because I can always spend the night on the couch you know?" Truthfully there was nothing he'd love to do more than hold her and promise her everything would be alright.

"I'm sure Edward. Just heal me," Bella whispered.

Warm, coy smiles erupted on both their faces when Edward nodded his head in return, dimmed the lights and walked towards his side of the bed. He crawled into the bed quickly to make sure none of the warmth escaped, yanking the sheets swiftly upwards again before he moved closer to Bella. She had rolled herself into a small bowl, a human bowl around which Edward's warm body fit perfectly.

Bella's back was pressed against Edward's chest, but somehow the contact didn't seem to be enough for her. She wriggled her body backwards a bit, to make sure that not a molecule of air was left between them. Edward wrapped his arm protectively around her waist but even that was not enough. Bella took his hand in hers and moved their intertwined hands towards her chest. Finally satisfied, she closed her eyes and attempted to drift off into dreamland.

Unfortunately, sleep didn't come that night for either of them. Although both their bodies were dragging with fatigue from the past week's events, neither of them could sleep. They tossed and turned, but didn't let go of each other. It was like they clenched on to each other, afraid to be alone. Afraid that when they let go of each other, they would wake up in the dark, cold world, _alone_. They needed each other, both physically and emotionally.

Neither Edward nor Bella knew how late it was, but for Bella the time was right to start being honest and tell the truth. Admitting the truth about Jacob and her intentions to go home and break up with him was the start. She would deal with the rest later, she told herself, turning around in his arms to face him.

"Edward, you awake?' She whispered into the darkness although she already knew the answer.

"Yeah, I can't sleep either," he spoke softly, wondering why she broke the dark silence all of a sudden. She filled him in soon though and it what she had to say, warmed his heart even more. What she told him made him feel over the moon with joy – though he would never admit it out loud. Because for the first time since he met Bella Swan, he had the feeling that finally that she was being completely honest. Not only with him, but with herself as well. It was another step closer to their future or so he liked to believe.

"I want to apologize for the past few months because I think I might have hurt you. Actually, I don't think that I might have hurt you, I'm pretty sure I did." The frown on Edward's face informed Bella that he didn't know what she was talking about.

"I mean, about... well... I was blind to so many things, I ignored my true feelings for you and I didn't want to believe that a sweet and beautiful man like you could ever fall in love with someone like me," Bella whispered into the night. But Edward couldn't let her do this, let her break herself down in front of him; she deserved so much better.

"Don't say that Bella, you're not just anyone to me, you're my perfect princess." He brought his hand towards her chin to draw her head up so she would meet his eyes.

"But I tried to kill myself Edward because I heard and still hear voices in my head. What kind of princess hears voices Edward? None!" Bella stressed, sounding like she wanted to scare him or push him away. "I regularly think about erasing all the white noise in my life. I just want to block everything out, make the racing thoughts in my head stop for only one minute. But I can't Edward, they never stop racing and doing reckless things like cliff diving or anything that could stop them, if just for a little while."

Edward's heart skipped a beat. He had not known that she still struggled with her past, but he wasn't so easily pushed away. On the contrary. He didn't even know why he did it, or where his sudden, bold behavior came from, but he abruptly took her head in his hands and guided her closer. It all happened so quickly that she couldn't pull away or stop him. He brought his mouth towards Bella until their lips were only inches apart. The only sound in the room was Bella who gasped for air before she closed her eyes in surrender.

The feeling of his sensitive, full lips colliding with hers was better than any jump off the highest cliffs could ever be. Touching lightly at first, caressing the other's lips, they drew their faces closer. Bella moved her hands to the back of his neck and stroked his skin softly while their lips separated briefly only to connect again quickly. It was only lips touching lips, but the connection contained such loving and passion that both lovers felt it was the best thing they had both experienced in a long time.

Edward sucked on Bella's lower lip before he let go of her, a separation they both knew would come but neither wanted. They opened their eyes when their lips didn't tantalize the others persons anymore, to then be drawn in by the each other's aroused pools. Seconds ticked away while their eyes flirted and Edward was the first to speak again.

"I hope _that_ could erase the white noise in your head for a few seconds," Edward whispered softly.

The honesty of his words had paralyzed Bella's ability to speak the instant she realized the true meaning of them. Even in his romantic gestures, Edward was thinking of how to care for her; thinking only of her. Bella could only nod her head softly, afraid to break the precious moment and make the negative thoughts start racing again.

Watching her nod in agreement, Edward suggestively flirted, "That's good, because I can always do it again."

Bella looked pained. "Edward... Jacob..." was all she said, causing him to freeze immediately and pull away. However, Bella would not let him pull away too far; she forced him to stay where he was so that she could confess what had happened. She ordered the thoughts in her head to focus before she started.

"Look at me Edward, please." And when he did, she began. "There was nothing I wanted to do more than stay with you after Grace's funeral Edward, you have to believe me. But I had planned to break up with Jacob tonight, something I've actually wanted to do since the concert last week. But it was never the perfect time or place. Monday night I told myself to do it on Tuesday, and I would have done it though I couldn't force myself to do it after I heard that Grace had passed away, I just couldn't."

"That's okay Bella," Edward said to comfort her, but Bella knew he just said that to soothe her, to make her feel at ease. Deep down however Bella realized that it was not okay what she had done, not okay at all so she voiced her thoughts, spoken into the cold night.

"It's not okay at all Edward; I've hurt you by giving Jacob another chance. It feels like I used you as a substitute for the love and caring Jacob didn't give me. What I did is very wrong," Bella confessed as a single tear slid down her cheek and onto the pillow. She slammed her fist on the mattress really hard to canalize her aggression towards herself. She was mad, especially at herself, and the truth was that the worst had yet to come since Edward knew nothing about the unborn life that was growing inside her.

"What happened tonight Bella?" Edward wanted to know. Although he had told himself not to ask that question, the words suddenly tumbled out of his mouth. He wanted to apologize for being so curious, but he was silenced by the voice of the princess who he was sharing a bed with, lying in his arms nonetheless.

"He has been cheating on me for a long time, I assume. He was having cheap sex with a random bimbo in our bed, the sneaky son of a bitch. I opened to door to our bedroom and saw him and... _her_. Fucking around, riding him like a horse. Oh I hate him. He's such a lame lover, only pleasing himself, never caring if _I_ came or not!" The anger that was boiling inside of Bella was obvious by the volume of her speech.

Edward was getting angrier as well, with every second that ticked away. _How dare Jacob hurt her like that? In their house. In their bed. _ He fought with all his willpower to control the anger racing through his veins and focused on his breathing. He needed to calm down, for Bella's sake. She wouldn't be helped with him beating up Jacob, right? Or would she?

_She is free man. She. Is. Free. FREE!_

"I just ran away, disgusted about what I saw. Humiliated because I trusted him, and I had given him so many chances, chances he didn't deserve. He used me Edward just like I used you." She whispered while she tried to escape the warm, loving arms that enfolded her.

He knew what she was doing; she was blaming herself and trying to push him away. But if there was something Edward didn't intend to do, it was letting her push him away. They had gone through so many things before; they could handle the future together.

"I'm no good for you Edward," Bella said while she slammed her flat palms into his broad chest but it didn't have the effect she had hoped for. The harder she rammed her hands onto his chest, the more he hugged her closer and caressed her back with loving strokes.

After awhile, Bella just gave in because she knew he would never let her go. Her hands stilled in between their entangled bodies, her breathing had calmed down again, and together their exhausted bodies somehow lulled into a deep, much welcomed sleep.

~*~

"Edward?" Bella whispered hoarsely, the hours of deep sleep making her voice sound raspy. She shook his shoulder softly to wake him.

"Mmmm," he groaned, opening one eye lazily to gaze into her chocolate pools. But the warm hazel he had expected to see wasn't there. Instead, a painful frown covered her pale face. It was already noon; the sun shone through the curtains and onto her face and highlighted the sharp contrast between her pale skin and the dark marine blue sheets.

"You okay princess?" Edward asked his eyes wide open now.

"Can you please move your leg a bit? My stomach really hurts." Bella shifted her hand towards his upper leg that was draped over her belly to push it a bit lower. But the relief she had expected to feel, the fading of the pain did not materialize. On the contrary, the pain increased.

Once his blanketing leg left her side, she realized that the former warmth of his body resting on her abdomen had apparently quelled the painful cramps that now viciously attacked her body. It was like needles were pushed into her tummy, which were soon replaced by the feeling of hard fists rammed into her stomach.

Bella doubled over when another wave of pain washed over her, both of her arms enveloping her lower body. She realized that the signals her body was sending would force her to return to the bathroom any second. She had a sense that she knew what was happening, and that knowledge sent sickening chills up her spine.

Forcing her body up, she crawled out of the bed while Edward worriedly asked what was going on.

Bella crossed the room as quickly as she could, but the cramps didn't make that task an easy one. Appearing alarmed, her arms still wrapped around her abdomen protectively, Bella backed towards the door when his concerned whisper abruptly stopped her in her tracks.

"Bella, you're bleeding..."

----Tbc later this week.

A/N: 10 000 new reviews make me give you the next chapter *g* Okay, not 10 000 but... 1000. Still too much? Okay 100... Nope, not that much either? *shrugs* Anyway, quantity doesn't matter. Yep, you heard that right; and I learned that from you, my amazingfantasticsupertroopersplendidmadeofawesomenessrocking reviews! Give me whatever you want and I'll give you whatever I have: the next chapter! Sounds like a good deal to me.


	16. Chapter 16: Loss

A/N: Thank _you_, _you _and _you _for all the amazing feedback you have given me after the latest chapter. I adore every one of you *kisses the keyboard you type on*. I'm going to visit my aunt, uncle and crazy niece (la bella) Luna today and when I'm back home tonight, I hope to find a s***load of reviews in my inbox *hint hint*

Thanks to Courtney for the double beta and for editing the crap out of it. *hugs you tight and doesn't let you go* You're amazing girl! And a special shout out goes to Lindsi, who helped me with the difficult subject of this chapter. So before you read, I should warn you that this was painful to write and it's probably painful to read... If you're not up to it, don't read it, okay?

**Chapter 16: Loss**

"Bella, you're bleeding..."

His words kept on echoing in the room, although Bella had closed her eyes and tried to block out every sound. Frozen on this particular spot on the wooden floor, Bella Swan wished she could die right now, immediately. If there was any scenario she hadn't thought about, it was _this_. Standing in the middle of the master bedroom, bleeding, her back turned on the man she loved, losing the child he had not fathered; this scenario was the last thing she wanted.

_Why does this have to happen to me?_ She wondered silently, dumbstruck, while Edward kept on staring at her with widened eyes. She didn't even need to open her own eyes to know that he was still staring at her; she just felt his penetrating gaze on her back. He was completely still himself, she could tell because of the lack of noises in the bedroom and Edward probably didn't know how to process the current situation either. Bella was lost in thoughts as well, going over everything she'd done in the past few weeks.

The destructive part of herself wandered over all the things she could have done wrong - because she would have done something wrong, right? She kept questioning herself mentally and asking if it was a punishment for something. She didn't even know what was happening but she was already blaming herself wholly for everything.

It was only when Bella's body was attacked by another painful cramp that she found her legs moving again towards the bathroom. Speeding up when she heard Edward's voice calling out for her, Bella opened the bathroom door, closing and locking it behind her when she was finally safely inside, hidden from his prying eyes.

Panting, arms enfolded around her tummy, Bella rested with her back against the door while tears prickled her still sleepy eyes. She closed them to force the tears back from where they came, an attempt that would succeed, for now at least.

"Bella, _please_, please let me in. Please let me help you!" Edward's pleading voice was drenched in pain and confusion. Pain for so many reasons. He was worried, hurt and confused; he didn't know what was happening and felt like he was locked out again, literally and figuratively.

He was also becoming angry. He was always standing outside, unknowing, waiting for someone to fill him in. He was pissed off because he didn't have a clue about what was happening. More pissed and irritated with every second that ticked away with silence as his only companion.

A loud knock on the door with his fist canalized his aggression, and the desperation that was draped over his soft, pleading voice expressed the worried thoughts that raced through his mind.

"Please Bella, let me in. Let. Me. In." He stressed every syllable, the disappointment obvious. Bella had heard it too and suddenly her legs felt like they weren't strong enough to hold up her body, so she slid down until her bottom rested on the cold, dark floor; her back still pressed against the door.

This time, Bella didn't fight the stinging tears. On the contrary, the tears flowed freely down the side of her pale nose to her trembling jaw, to end their journey by plopping onto the soft material of Edward's sweat pants. It was only when she stared down at the pants that she saw the angry crimson splotches. She was hypnotized by the structure and dark red color of the blood that was still a bit wet to her touch.

It took another loud knock to bring Bella back to the present, and she realized that she hadn't said one word to Edward since she had fled to the bathroom.

_He's probably worried as hell, _Bella thought. She knew his anguish for sure when his next words sank in.

"I'm coming in Bella," he insisted, convinced that something had happened to her, making his heart beat faster with distress.

"No Edward, it's okay. Please," Bella pleaded, hoping that he would let it go for now. "I need some privacy, just a minute okay?"

He hesitated for a moment but his brain commanded his lips to speak without hesitation.

"Okay," he replied stoically, although she sensed that he wasn't happy with her standoffish maneuvers. But she didn't blame him; he had every right to be mad, disappointed or angry. Hell, he had every right to be all of that and more! But she couldn't think about his dismay when she felt more droplets of blood slide down the inside of her thighs.

She needed to get to the toilet first, and then take a shower afterwards to wash herself as well as her clothes.

_I should probably go to the hospital too_, Bella thought, which made fresh tears travel down her face.

She didn't want to face the cold reality; she couldn't bear to hear the truth that she had lost her unborn child, because she knew that this was indeed happening. Life had been dripping out of her, slowly and surely, with every ounce of blood that seeped from her cold body.

_And it's all my fault_, she thought, which caused another wave of despair and self-hate to wash over her.

Bella felt disgusted with herself because in some way, she was happy... a feeling that wasn't appropriate to experience when you lose the child you'd always longed for. Frustrated and sickened with herself, Bella's mind told her that she didn't have the right to have a child in the first place, which made another stream of tears appear.

She felt destroyed, berating herself for being unable even to carry a child inside of her, the most natural and defining activity of womanhood. She was a walking disaster, of that she was convinced.

Forcing herself out of her self-reproachful trance and into action mode, Bella glanced around her. She was relieved to see her purse still in the bathroom, next to the clothes that had hopefully dried already.

Grabbing her belongings, she walked towards the water closet where she collapsed after she had stripped off her sweat pants and bloody silk panties. The cramping caused immense pain and she tried to avoid crying out in agony as she sat miserably on the toilet, all alone.

With trembling hands she grabbed for her purse and was grateful to find the 'in case of emergency panties' still scrunched up at the bottom, together with some feminine pads she always kept inside her cluttered bag. Relief washed over her along with hope that there was at least one aspect of her fucked-up life working out right now.

She cleaned herself as well as she could before she headed in the shower.

~*~

The warm shower was refreshing for both Bella's spirit and body. The aching muscles lining her back, neck and stomach had ceased tensing in pain, and it was such sweet relief to be released from the gripping clutch of those awful cramps.

She had made her mind up too; she would tell Edward about the baby, and then head to the hospital with the hope that she could see a gynecologist on a Sunday afternoon. Deep down, she maintained a tiny sparkle of optimism that the bleeding was a false alarm; that she had nothing to worry about and that the little life was still growing inside of her. That could be medical possible, right? Right, she told herself, forcing her spirit to be one of hope instead of despair. But she could not ignore the nagging tendril of frightening reality that was working its way up her spine.

Brushing her teeth, Bella looked in the mirror at her pale and sleepy reflection. She had dark rings under her eyes, eyes that had lost every twinkle. She was not even close to cracking a smile either; there wasn't any reason to smile. Even her hair had lost any life that was in it and it hung in lose strands around her face. The sun, brightly streaming into the bathroom, seemed to be mocking the current situation in which she found herself. On a day like this, the sky should be grey and be raining cats and dogs; but instead, the sun was playfully flitting through the leaves of the trees, creating dancing sunbeams on the tile floor. Gazing wistfully at the spectacle of nature playing out before her eyes, Bella bowed her head.

She moved towards the door that separated her from the man she loved; from the cold, painful reality facing them both. Taking her belongings with her, she took a deep breath, attempting to suck in some strength and resolve, before opening the door.

The turning of the doorknob sounded surreally loud, for both Edward and Bella. And although Edward wanted nothing more than to run to her, he remained seated on the stylish, leather bar stool near the cooking island. She crossed the room and approached him from behind.

He could sense her close presence; even if he were deaf and blind, he would be able to feel her. Bella Swan had a specific smell and typical warmth that characterized her; every time she entered the room an electrical field buzzed through his body and hummed in his ear. He could hear that familiar buzzing sound right now, since she was physically close, but emotionally she was probably as far away as she'd ever been.

She laid her head with her damp hair on the back of his shoulder, while she caressed his lower abdomen with her right hand.

"I'm sorry Edward," she finally spoke after what felt like an eternity.

He exhaled a breath he didn't know he was holding when her voice penetrated his ears. He reached down to his belly, folding over his hand on hers and guiding it towards his rapidly beating heart.

"Can you please tell me what's going on Bella, because I really hate being in the dark." His voice was hard and although he wanted to apologize for that -for being so demanding and harsh- he remained silent. He was getting so sick of it: yesterday things seemed to start working out for them and now he could feel as if their future was falling apart, even before it had started.

There it was -the irritation combined with desperation and annoyance she had feared to hear- hovering over the cooking island, making its way slowly to her throat, tightly constricting her airway until she had no air left. If there was anything in the world that Bella hated, it was the fact that she had disappointed this man in front of her, who had been nothing but noble, gentle and loving towards her. The guilt her actions caused was more intense than the pain of walking barefoot over nails. But it was a pain she deserved, Bella thought, because she had used him for months, locked him out whenever he came close and she had been so selfish she was ashamed of herself more than ever. _Losing this baby is all my fault for the horrible things I've done in the past few months_ she thought to herself, while sighing loudly.

_Why did everything need to be a mess when all I wanted to do is live and be happy?_

Bella wanted nothing more than to run away again like she had done after the birthday dinner, but during the past week she had learned something: the truth always comes out, no matter how hard you try to hide it into your heart or soul. It was time to tell the truth because if there was one thing this man deserved, it was honesty. Finally. At last. So Bella pushed her feelings aside and tried to breathe slowly. She composed her thoughts before she confessed,

"I think I'm losing my baby, Edward."

It was finally out, and a long, painful silence filled the room. Bella had hoped that she would feel relieved that now she was finally being honest with the man who would move mountains for her, but she didn't feel relieved at all. On the contrary, the silence that had locked the man in place was hard to bear. It was irritating, but she deserved nothing less, right?

_Right._

He had closed his eyes and then squeezed her small hand as a gesture to go on. And she did go on, admitting everything she had wanted to say since she had found out that she was pregnant; pregnant by the man who had already created so much trouble for them both.

She admitted the devastation she felt when she shakily had held the pregnancy stick in her hand--the pink dot that had loomed so incredibly large that night. How she had tried to pull herself together when she was eating the birthday dinner he had cooked for her, but how every piece of shrimp made her feel increasingly nauseous. How sorry she was when she ran from his house, leaving him all alarmed and in the dark, for all this time. But she could not force herself to tell him the truth that night; she had been so afraid of being rejected by him. She told him about the joy she had felt the moment she held the first black-and-white scan of her baby in her trembling hands, about her longing to be a mother but how she had failed at that too, like she always failed at everything in her life.

"You know that's not true Bella," Edward tried to comfort her, but she didn't even hear his words of support. She'd blame herself wholly for everything not matter how much people -today, tomorrow or next week- would tell her otherwise.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he added a question that was lying on his tongue since the second she'd spoken. "I'm your friend; you know you can always rely on me, no matter what."

It was true, he was a good friend to her... maybe the best she had ever had. And it was even truer that she could always rely on him, but when she saw that frightening pink dot staring at her, nothing had seemed the same. Everything had changed, in her mind at least, because Bella feared that everyone would turn their backs on her. She could picture her father's disgust when she would tell him that she would be a single mother, raising a child on her own. Edward's likely rejection had haunted her in her sleep for the past few nights and it was the combination of all these fears that had made her carry her burden on her own.

The silence that greeted Edward's question made him open his eyes in shock, turn towards her and grab her shoulders, forcing her to tell him she knew he was her friend. It broke his heart that she didn't speak, although Bella wanted nothing but to reach out and reassure him. But she couldn't speak – guilt was still squeezing her throat shut- because she didn't feel like _she_ had been a good friend.

Bella sensed that her silence was misunderstood, so she pulled him into a hug, hoping that the gesture communicated more than words. In some way her embrace was more than enough; in another way it felt far less than sufficient for Edward. But quietness had enveloped him too and he swallowed the bitter pill without saying anything.

"I think I'd better go to the hospital." Before she could finish her sentence, Edward grabbed their coats and walked towards the front door. He opened it for her, which painted a soft smile onto Bella's face.

"Always the gentleman," she observed sadly. She kissed his cheek lovingly while she stepped out the door. He returned her sad smile, which gave Bella a bit of hope that she hadn't messed things up completely.

The entire ride from Edward's place towards the hospital was drenched in a complete silence, which was overwhelming but also comforting in a way.

Focusing on the road in front of him, Edward's thoughts raced. He was pulled back and forth among swirling doubts, questions, and insecurities. The fact that she hadn't confirmed their friendship was hard to bear although the hug afterwards had stilled his doubts somewhat. And her allowing Jacob to get her pregnant was beyond comprehension for Edward. She was a doctor and they should know all about birth control.

_She should_, the devil on his shoulder sneered.

_She's only human Edward, and not perfect like you like to think she is__, she has gone through a lot of things lately as well. And 1% of the pregnancies happens while taking the pill_, the angel on the other side of his shoulder whispered in his ear.

A mental fight started in his head which caused the lingering headache to rise up again. He had enough on his mind so a headache was the last thing he needed.

_Shut up. Both of you_. He sneered back and was rewarded with a peaceful silence.

Bella herself was quiet too. She knew there was nothing she could do to make things better; all she could do was wait and hope that the doctor had some good news for her. For them... her, the unborn baby, and the gorgeous man sitting next to her. Maybe they could have their happy ending after all, she naively hoped.

When they arrived at the emergency entrance, Edward looked for a spot close to the entrance to park his car. Both were relieved that the parking lot wasn't crowded.

Edward shut down the engine but kept hypnotically staring at a particular spot in front of him, lost in his own thoughts. Bella took his hand in hers, telling him that if he didn't want to go with her, she'd understand.

"You've done so many things for me Edward, I can't ask you to wait for me here. I can take a cab home if you want," she offered while caressing the inside of his palm with her thumb. He didn't reply but shook his head, opened the door and walked her to the entrance. Before the automatic doors opened, he moved his left hand to her right palm to take it. They entangled their fingers, intertwining their souls in order to share the pain that was waiting for them together.

The warmth of his fingers was the comfort Bella sought; it was the strength she needed to face the fact that she was no longer expecting a little baby.

"Thanks Edward," she whispered loud enough for him to hear. A soft squeeze of her hand was his reply, a caring gesture that Bella appreciated immensely.

~*~

Once they informed the friendly nurse of her specific problem, everything went quickly and Bella was whooshed away into one of the examination rooms. They had an unspoken understanding that Edward would remain in the waiting area, something he understood completely and hated utterly. But this was her privacy, something he needed to respect. His mother had taught him that.

_"Mom"_, he sighed when flashbacks and memories floated through his head. How she had brought him to the hospital when he was only six years old, a bleeding wound on his head because he had fallen from the tree house he and Emmett had made. She had comforted him when he was so afraid of the big doctors and their needles. And now Bella was lying there, on her own, with no one to comfort her and assure her it would be fine. That thought sent a shiver up his spine, propelling his legs for the umpteenth time to cross the room back and forth.

When all these thoughts -long lost memories about his childhood- came back, his cell phone started to ring. It was like the caller knew the time he most needed help because Edward sighed contently when he saw his brother's ID on the screen.

"Hey Em," Edward greeted the man who saved him from his darkest thoughts.

"Hey Ed. Just wanted to check on you. Got some rest little brother?" Emmett tried to sound as upbeat as possible, to hide the lack of sleep he had endured last night. It seemed like little Liam knew when he had to keep his parents awake all night, after a dragging and exhausting week.

"Long story Em. Bella stayed overnight but not in the way you think." He heard how a '_nicely done stud, you finally got her in your bed'_ was about to leave his older brother's mouth but was swallowed down when Edward qualified his response.

"Tell me bro." Emmett said, wondering what had happened.

"Can you come over to the hospital Em? I'm waiting 'til they release Bella and seems like no one is in a hurry today," Edward vented when he looked at his watch. He was waiting for more than an hour now with not one single doctor or nurse filling him in.

"What? What happened?" Emmett asked in agony. Horrible thoughts raced through his mind and he felt a headache coming on.

"I'll tell you when you're here Emmett; I don't want to do this through the phone." Edward tried to soothe his brother and magically, it worked. Shutting his mobile, Edward walked over to the soda machine and bought himself a cold fresh bottle of coke.

~*~

"What?" Edward screamed, although Emmett tried to calm him down. "You knew about Bella being pregnant and you didn't bother to tell me?" The anger and disappointment was obvious in his voice and for once in his life, Edward didn't bother to hide it. He felt betrayed by his brother, seemingly conspiring against him with the one he loved.

"Calm down Edward. Try to see it from Bella's point of view. She had just seen her doctor who had affirmed what she feared -she was pregnant by a man she didn't love any more. How would you react?"

"How long?" he asked angrily. "How long did you know?"

Emmett was thinking, which took him too long leading Edward to grasp his brother by the shoulders and almost shake him.

"How long, I said?" he hissed through his teeth while fury flashed in his eyes.

"I don't know. Grace just died, a few days, maybe a week; I can't remember the exact day. And calm down Edward."

Emmett tried to pull his brother into a hug. Edward refused at first, attempting to yank himself free, but his brother was stronger. When Edward realized that Emmett didn't plan to let him go, he resignedly brought his arms around his bigger brother's form to hug him back. It felt like coming home for both of them, a feeling Edward had missed for a long time.

"I just hate being in the dark Em, you know that," Edward whispered after awhile. Emmett took his brother by the arm and walked him towards the little cafeteria at the end of the waiting room, buying them both a strong coffee while they talked about the things that bothered Edward.

"What happened little brother; I've never seen you that angry. Not even when Alex sat on the little sick bird you had found when we were kids." Emmett tried to lighten the mood a bit although the subject wasn't light at all.

Despite himself Edward chuckled, remembering the shocked look on the eight year-old Alex' face when he unsuspectingly sat on the bird. Edward grinned when the image of his little neighbor running home, crying, with a dark spot on the backside of his spongy yellow shorts, popped to mind.

"I'm sorry Em, I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I'm just tired, very tired. Last night, when Bella came over, I thought my life could finally start again. She fell asleep in my arms... it was the best rest I had in weeks. But when I woke up, everything seemed like a dream that was exploding in my face. I'm not made for being happy Emmett, every time I am, there is always some bad luck lurking behind the corner." He bowed his head that felt suddenly too heavy to keep up.

"You've had your share of bad luck, I agree, bro. But I truly believe that good times are coming... you will have your luck, dude. Just be patient." Emmett tried to pep his brother's current negative mood up, but it did not have the desired effect.

"I think I've been patient enough Em -I've been waiting for months for Bella- I'm sick of waiting and being patient. I just want my life to move on. It hurts loving her that much, you know. It hurts to fall asleep, hurts to wake up or to eat. It's fucking frustrating to let her go home, to sleep in bed with another man who doesn't deserve her. It hurts and there aren't words that can describe that."

"I know, I believe you. But have you ever told her that? Have you ever tried to open her eyes or to explain how you felt, like you just did to me?"

Edward shrugged his shoulders while he gazed at his brother. He had never thought about telling her, because he wanted the best for her. Nothing but the best for Bella Swan, his top priority. He didn't want to put her in a difficult position or to make her choose between him and Jacob and he definitely didn't want to lose her! But by avoiding that ultimatum, he had ignored his own feelings; put aside his needs. Right now, it felt like he had lost himself while he searched for love; all the time craving to be loved back as much as he loved her.

He took his own head into his trembling hands, bit his lip, and closed his eyes.

Emmett watched his anguished brother and his firm jaw set with resolve.

"Tell her bro, that you can't do it anymore, that you can't wait forever, and that you have to move on with your life. Maybe Bella will realize then that she is letting the best that ever happened to her slip through her fingers. If she doesn't realize that, she isn't worth waiting for Edward. But honestly, I think you two are made for each other."

Emmett really meant what he said -he could read love in Bella's eyes although they barely knew each other. But he also sensed that she was afraid to love someone back, afraid to get hurt. Maybe that's why she always pushed people away... she was afraid to get hurt. He voiced his concerns and thoughts but his little brother seemed lost in his own conflicting feelings.

It was only when Emmett informed him that Bella had arrived in the waiting room that he was back on earth. He was on his feet in no time, crossing the space that separated them, to pull her in his arms. Her puffy eyes communicated volumes, and Bella confirmed his suspicions when she whispered close to his ear.

"I lost it Edward, I lost the baby." The emotion in her voice was obvious but she didn't have any tears left to cry. She had cried enough while the doctors performed all the tests they needed. The blood test and ultrasound were nothing compared to the invasive pelvic exam that she had to undergo. And Tuesday she needed to come back for a dilation and curettage, a scraping of the uterine lining. But she had come this far... she could take the rest on her own too.

Emmett registered the events playing out in front of him, and calmness washed over him when he saw them together. How could they not make it work out between them? Their combined chemistry and warmth was palpable, and he had never witnessed his little brother show such love in his eyes for a woman. Emmett truly believed that everything would work out for both of them.

Acknowledging that the couple had to work things out themselves and that his presence was no longer required, Emmett walked over to his brother and Bella, hugged them both, and left them alone.

"Was... did... did I cause the miscarriage?" Edward asked, voicing the question that had been racing through his head for forever now.

"What? No, no!" Bella told him firmly. "If you ever dare to think that you're responsible for it Edward, I will never forgive myself. It wasn't your fault." _It was mine_, she added in her head while tears prickled her oh so tired eyes again. She was so sick of it. This. Her life. Everything.

~*~

"Do you want me to come up, to help you grab your things Bella?" Edward asked after he turned off the engine. They were seated in his car right outside Bella's apartment and Edward assumed that she would go home with him so they could finally make things work, together.

Bella was furling with the sleeves of her dark woolen dress, her hair draped in front of her face like a curtain. Her curly locks typically shined so brightly but now there was no sparkle left. The silence in the car was hard to bear for both of them.

It was Bella who cleared her throat, before she forced out, "If you're okay with it, I would like to be alone for awhile Edward. I need to clear my head and sort some things out. But I will call you, if that's alright with you?" She made eye contact for a second, but broke it as soon as she saw his tired, watery green eyes, with a shade of anger and disappointment that touched the deepest of her soul.

"I'm sorry for everything," she whispered as she swiftly moved her right hand towards to door handle and fled out of the car towards the heavy wooden door of her apartment building. She couldn't stand the sadness in his eyes and fleeing was the only thing that Bella knew to do.

She hadn't heard him coming behind her, her own hammering heart beat making her deaf to any other sound. She jumped a little and gasped audibly when he placed his hand on her shoulder to catch her attention.

"I didn't want to scare you Bella."

She nodded her head while she turned around, with closed eyes, to face him. It was only when his trembling fingers cupped her cheek that she dared to open her eyes again. They immediately locked with his dim green pools, and when his hand dropped from her face it caused a shiver to travel up and down her spine. It was like she was experiencing a sixth sense, somehow knowing that trouble was ahead.

Swallowing hard anticipating what was to come, she stepped closer to cup his cheek lovingly, but he pulled away even before their skin connected. It felt like a knife that cut right through her heart when he took a step back and the expression in his eyes turned from sad to hard.

"I can't do it any more Bella; I just can't, and won't, do it anymore. I'm tired, worn out, and I feel like I'm being helplessly sucked down by quicksand. I want to move forward. I want to start a family instead of being a substitute or stand-in lover. I was always there for you Bella, even when maybe I shouldn't have been."

Bella cut him off, trying to communicate what he meant to her. "I'm very grateful Edward, I really am. I never meant to hurt you, although I know I did and still do..." She tried to convince him otherwise but he continued to confess the frustrations he had endured in the last few months.

"I always tried to cheer you up when you felt down, although I knew that in the end that you would go home to the man you loved and I would be left behind. It frustrated me endlessly that I couldn't kiss your fears away. You used me Bella, you really used me. But honestly, for a long time I didn't care if I was used, because it was _you_ that used me. It was you, my princess." He smiled bitterly. "However, I can't do it anymore."

Although Bella tried to interrupt him again, he continued, determined to tell her everything that had bothered him.

"I'm freaking tired! You always block me out or try to push me away and I'm sick of it all." Although he didn't intend for his voice to become louder, vehement emotion spilled out of his mouth. "I love you with all my heart, you know that, but I can't love you for the both of us. You need to start loving yourself first. You need to accept who you are instead of trying to be perfect. If you're ready to love yourself, only then you can love another person. And that Bella is something you have to do on your own. I can't help you with that."

"I just want to be the best version of myself that I can be, Edward." Her voice lowered to a whisper as she confessed, "Even Bella Swan at her best doesn't deserve you."

"You are the best Bella, you are. And I would take you at your best, your worst, or anything in between Bella, because I'm not perfect either. I just want you to commit to me, whatever it takes. But it doesn't seem like you can do that, 'cause you always push me away, and want to do things on your own." He meant what he'd said with all his heart; she was the best version of herself she could ever be, at least in his eyes she was. That said he walked away, ignoring her pleas, begging him to give her another chance.

Bella stood there, stunned and alone. She had lost her boyfriend, she had lost her baby, and now she had lost Edward. Right now, Bella Swan felt like _she_ was being helplessly sucked down by quicksand and there was no hand that would reach in and catch her.

Hanging his head, he walked towards his car while one lonely tear rolled down his unshaven cheeks. He didn't even look at her before he drove away, an act of restraint that had cost him all the effort in the world.

More tears flowed down his face while he drove further away. All his past losses were coming down on Edward; the fatigue and lack of sleep from the previous week, Grace's death, and how badly he missed his parents. He so desperately tried to be a good man like his parents had taught him... to care for others with honesty and love - with the tiny hope that someone special might care for him too.

His body craved to be loved by someone who was able to take his breath away every minute of the day. He longed to make love to someone who begged him never to stop. But that kind of love was apparently something he would never experience, at least not tonight...

* * *

TBC Soon I hope...

A/N: I know that I've been telling everyone that they are going to have their happy ending... and they will. And although it probably seems further away after this chapter, it is coming closer. Really. This step (Edward standing up for himself and telling her to take care of herself first) needed to be done and IS a step forward in the right direction. So don't go all negative and think that this was a step backwards, it wasn't. Only 3 more chapters and happiness will be yours (13 more chapters left of this fic). So does anyone want a preview for the next chapter? Send me a review and I'll send you one.

ETA: Tell me **explicitely **in the email that you want a preview for the next chapter!

Reviews are much better than lonely tears rolling down Edward's unshaven cheeks!


	17. Chapter 17: Hold on to Yourself

A/N: Does someone still remembers me? *waves* It's me, Martinibaby1. I know, it took me awhile to post this new chapter, but I'm back to work and it's rather hectic. I hope to be able to update once a week, and will even do my best to post more than one chapter but don't kill me when I fail okay?

Thanks to AnUnborkenHorse aka RushtonElf who turbo-betaed this chapter. She is amazing and I adore the ground she walks on *hugs you tight* I don't own anything, except for the dark rings under my eyes due to the lack of sleep (went to a wedding last night and came home when the sun was raising already hehe).

The next chapter opens with the lyrics of a Sarah Mclachlan song: Hold on. If you don't know the song, _please_ listen to if before you start reading (youtube) because the song contains/sets the same 'timbre' as this chapter. I hope that does make sense...

This is my pre-birthday-present from me to you (it's my b-day May 11th, woot woot!). I expect a pre-birthday present (aka review) back from you. And if the reviews blow me away, I'll give you a post-birthday-present aka preview for the next chapter on Thursday (check the link on my profile).

Now, enjoy the chapter.

**Chapter 17: Hold On To Yourself**

~*~

_Hold on,  
Hold on to yourself,  
'cause this is gonna hurt like hell  
_-Sarah McLachlan: Hold on-

~*~

Bella hadn't tried hard enough when she had looked for a free spot in the hospital cafeteria, away from all the noise, activity and curious glances that were thrown her way. She'd thought no one would see her here, nestled in the back of the large sea-blue room. But when the voice of a dark haired woman pulled her out of her hypnosis, she knew that she hadn't succeeded in keeping out of sight.

"Is it okay if I join you?" a beautiful woman with glistening black hair stood in front of the table, her pleading eyes boring deep into Bella's worn-out soul.

Although she wanted to be alone more than anything, she couldn't force herself to say those words out loud, afraid to hurt someone _again._ She had done enough harm to Edward, she thought, and if she really wanted to be the change she wanted to see in the world, she better start acting like it. So Bella nodded and pointed to the free chair in front of her, inviting the young woman to sit down and join her.

When she gazed at the fragile person opposite from her, Bella realized that maybe this woman was looking for a hiding place too. Her pale skin, with dark rings under her eyes, along with the lack of enthusiasm in her words made Bella wonder that maybe she wasn't the only one in the world with a messed-up life.

"Hiding, huh," the young woman asked after awhile, in between bites of her turkey sandwich. It was more of a statement than a question; a statement that didn't need to be answered but Bella did anyway.

"Sort of, but next time I should try harder, because you found me a little too easily," she replied in a flat tone with an almost invisible, forced smile. She didn't intend to sound harsh though she knew she came across that way. But it seemed easier to be defensive than polite after the night she'd endured.

"Okay, I know when my presence isn't appreciated," the female icily stated the same anger and need to be understood hidden in the coldness of her voice and the precise choice of words.

It was like Bella sensed that this woman in front of her felt the same need --craving solitary time--but at the same time, was afraid to be alone with her dark thoughts, and instinctively, she placed her hand on top of hers while she whispered "Stay. _Please_".

The honesty of her emotions entangled with the pain that was draped over those two words made the woman sit down again; it was all she needed to hear.

Both relieved by the other's honesty and sense of forgiveness, they took a new second start, properly introducing themselves to one another.

"I'm Dr. Clearwater, but please call me Leah." She stretched her hand in front of her.

Bella rapidly did the same while she said in a hoarse voice "I'm Dr. Swan, but Bella will do."

They both smiled softly while they maintained eye contact and shook each other's hands. The two ladies felt the same coldness in the other's skin.

"Sleeping badly too?" Leah wanted to know.

She saw the frown cross Bella's face which made her add, "When people have pale skin, cold hands, and look like a train wreck, I always assume that they are sleeping badly... just like me." Bella heard the hesitation in Leah's voice during her confession of insomnia.

Her truthful words turned up the corners of Bella's mouth, and she instantly liked the woman's directness.

"Is it that obvious?" Bella wondered openly. "So the makeup I put on this morning was actually a waste of energy?"

"Well, at least you tried Bella, I gave up applying makeup awhile ago," Leah retorted, although normally she wasn't the kind of woman who shared personal matters with a stranger she'd just met. But the familiar pain she saw painted on Bella's face made her feel at ease. The words of her own therapist floating through her head... _Shared pain is half pain..._

"So, why do _you_ have insomnia, Leah?" Bella asked after they had both eaten their sandwiches in complete silence. It was finally out, the question Bella had been chewing on from the minute Leah had informed her of their commonality. And although Bella knew that it was inappropriate to be so curious, she couldn't keep herself from _not _asking it.

She had expected to hear silence hanging in between them following her question but instead she heard Leah's soft words: "I wish we had more time to talk Bella, but in less than 20 minutes I have to give a lecture about self harm and I kind of want to prepare myself for it. But maybe we can talk afterwards, in a bar or something?"

"Oh, you're giving the lecture? Well, I'll be there too, I need to get my continuing education credits," Bella added enthusiastically. It was a forced enthusiasm, but it was enthusiasm nonetheless. No one could say she didn't try.

"So you're familiar with the topic too?" Leah inquired.

"Well, sort of." She knew it wasn't the truth, but it wasn't a lie either. Bella gave a wry smile. Ironically, she wasn't familiar with the topic in her professional life, but in her personal life she was a professional at self harm.

"Same for me. But if you're coming to the presentation, you'll find out why I don't sleep well," Leah added before she stood up and took her plate. "I'll see you afterwards, and maybe we can have a drink if you're still willing to talk to me."

Leah walked away before Bella had time to reply. Dumbstruck by her words, Bella stared after the fading figure of Leah Clearwater.

_I'll see you afterwards, and maybe we can have a drink if you're still willing to talk to me. If you're still willing to talk to me. If..._

Leah's words kept on floating through Bella's head. It was as if Leah wasn't sure that Bella would still like her after the lecture. As if Bella would turn her back on her; judge her.

That was exactly what Leah feared. She had lost so many friends while mourning, so many friends who didn't know what to do or how to react when Leah still wasn't her old, cheery self. She knew that she would never be her old self, how could she, when she had lost the love of her life without getting the chance to say goodbye properly. Some people cannot handle another person's sadness or grief, at least not for long, and Leah knew it. She didn't expect Bella to be any different.

~*~

"Good afternoon everyone," Leah started with a trembling voice and slightly shaking hands. Although she had delivered lectures many times before, she still couldn't get used to that adrenaline rush that accompanied public speaking.

It wasn't the full room that scared her, or even the questions afterwards. It was plain and simple: it wasn't in Leah's nature to speak to a crowd of any kind. Five people or five hundred, it wouldn't make any difference; she wasn't _the speaker; _on the contrary. She was the one who normally listened to what her patients had to say. She was _the_ _listener_; focused, analyzing, helpful.

It was her own therapist who had encouraged her to do this, and she still didn't understand why on earth she had let her talk her into it. She had probably hoped that it would take the pain away, but her hopes weren't realized thus far. It didn't have the effect she had wanted; she didn't feel relieved or healed afterwards, not at all. Quite the opposite. She felt lonely and sad when she was the only one in the room after all the others had left, returning home to their husbands or wives, probably some kids too, telling them how much they loved them. Leah had nobody to come home to anymore and the place she used to call home wasn't a home at all now.

"I'm Dr. Clearwater, but I'd prefer to be called Leah. I'm a psychiatrist and have been for almost 4 years now, and my specialization is trauma and self harm. Most of my patients are female and younger than twenty, but sometimes, although not that often, male teenagers come knocking on my door too. Today, I would like to tell you about the different types of self harm and how to recognize them. I would like to offer you some kind of guidelines, but I don't pretend to be the self harm bible. You can interrupt me at any time; just raise your hand okay?"

Leah registered a few nodding heads in the front row, which made some of her nerves fade away since she got the impression that at least a few of them were really interested and listening to what she had to say. She didn't notice the fact that the audience could hear a needle drop to the floor, a sign indicating the rapt interest of all the attendants. She was just too nervous to notice.

Her damp left hand moved towards the glass of water sitting on the podium. The cold liquid traveled down her dry throat, a much welcome refreshment in this suddenly warm room. Forcing some deep breaths, Leah cleared her throat.

"There are several ways to harm yourself, both physically and emotionally. Some people cut or burn themselves, others slowly poison their body, using drugs or medicines, some overdose, others hang themselves until they almost faint, and so on...the list is never ending. But whichever way the person chooses, it is very painful and has drastic consequences. Some of the consequences can never be undone, although the relatives would like to be able to undo the scars. I wish I could too. I wish I could turn back time and erase everything. But living with the past is my burden for the future."

Leah paused a few seconds because painful images of the lifeless body of her lover resting in her lap flashed before her eyes. Forcing herself to take some deep breathes until the images were nothing but an even present scar on her soul, she continued her speech.

"We all know that self-harm and suicidal behavior are two different things, but sometimes they are very much alike. Mostly, self-harm is considered as para suicidal behavior, meaning that suicide is usually not the intent, but relieving emotional pain is. But sometimes the line between these two is very small, sometimes we can't see the difference until it is too late. What I want to stress is, that although we are all professionals, we can't see and know everything, although we'd like to believe that we can. At least, _I_ believed that I could see everything. Until I found my husband, the love of my life, dead in our house, after he'd hung himself, more than a year ago."

It was dead quiet in the auditorium, and Leah continued, "All day long I work with people who want to harm themselves, trying to find a way to help them cope with immense emotional pain, yet I was blind to the struggles of my own partner. It was only when I held his lifeless body in my arms that I noticed the scars on his skin and soul, that I remembered all the signals he had given me. But I couldn't see the real impact that his burn-out and emotional pain had on his mental and physical health. I don't want to go into further detail about the emotional struggles he was coping with when he was a teenager. It was in October 2007--the second that I realized that I couldn't see or know everything, although I really wished I could. It was that day that I really lost everything. My husband and myself."

Bella was speechless, her mouth hanging open in shock when this young, strong woman standing in front of more than 60 doctors and nurses, confessed that she wasn't perfect. Leah wished that she was perfect but indeed she was not. Because if she had been perfect less than two years ago, she wouldn't be dealing with this devastating loss. At least, that was what Leah thought.

_Perfect._

It was something Bella wanted to be too: perfect. Because she didn't deserve Edward, or happiness or luck, or any good thing in her life if she wasn't perfect. At least, that thought was what occupied Bella's mind. And the more that she strove to be perfect, the further perfection seemed to be out of her reach. But reaching perfection is impossible for the simple reason that perfection just doesn't exist.

"A lot of people make it their goal -to reach perfection- and when they can't seem to reach it, they feel they are never going to be good enough and that they are a disappointment to themselves but more to those around them."

For Bella it felt as if Leah was speaking about her life, because that's exactly how Bella had felt most of the time the past few years.

"But aren't mistakes a given in life? Aren't mistakes in life the things that give us our humanity and allow us to embrace those around us, whether in business, friendship or love? I think so," Leah said to the crowded room although to nothing in particular.

Bella was lost in her own past, thinking about all the mistakes and examples of self harm from her past. Cliff diving was the first way to harm herself--to scream for help--but no one seemed to hear her pleas. She knew that she didn't eat properly the past few weeks and that her poor nutrition was yet another way to hurt herself. And Bella Swan had a long list of emotional ways to harm herself.

Her thoughts traveled further back in time, flashes of her childhood and teenage years coming into mind, examples of self harm back then washing over her like a cold shower, which made her zone out completely.

She didn't hear any more of what Leah was saying; she could only hear her own desperate pleas for help, over and over again. It was then that Bella realized that there was a problem that needed to be dealt with, in some way or the other. Sooner rather than later. Especially if she wanted a chance with Edward... there was no time to lose. Not only because she _couldn't_ lose him, but because she didn't _want_ to lose him either. She wanted to love him as much as he longed for her. She wouldn't settle for less.

~*~

Leah was a bit surprised when she returned to the lecture hall after she'd left for the bathroom following the conclusion of her speech. She was accustomed to returning to a darkened space where she would inhale the scent of loneliness before she headed home. She was ready to do the same today, maybe grab something to eat on her way home, when she saw that the light was still on and one solitary familiar person was still sitting there, twisting her hands, fumbling with her sleeves, unaware that all the others had already departed a while ago.

The distance between them was soon crossed but it was only when Leah's hand enveloped Bella's slouching shoulder that her trance was broken.

"Sorry Bella, I didn't want to make you jump," Leah murmured while Bella's heartbeat hit a crescendo. "But I think this room will soon be locked up. Do you want to grab some coffee together?"

It was a suggestion Bella liked very much; her system craved some caffeine to awaken her senses again. A sudden fatigue had claimed victory over Bella; a strong need for sleep she had been able to ignore the entire day so far. But now her eyelids felt heavy and her limbs felt like lead. It was time for some strong, black coffee indeed.

"I'd like that." Bella rose to a standing position. Together they walked out of the room and left the hospital to cross the street and enter the warm, cozy atmosphere of _Nero_, an Italian cafe with the best coffee in town.

Leah and Bella were both easily seduced by the chocolate cake sitting in the glass case, and fortunately the cake tasted as delicious as it looked.

"Mmm," Leah exhaled with pleasure, "It's been months since I've had good chocolate cake." She raised another forkful to her mouth and swallowed it down with the hot, dark liquid of her coffee.

"Are you not eating well Leah?" Bella asked.

"Not exactly, especially when I'm not at work. It's been weeks since I cooked a proper meal for myself; when I come home, I don't feel the need to cook, since it's only me. Does that make sense?"

"It sure does; I experience that too. I really like to cook though -my ex-partner was rather clumsy in the kitchen- but why cook when you're home alone? Why prepare an extended meal, to eat it on your own and are stuck with the dishes afterwards?"

"Sounds familiar," Leah retorted. "Paul always took care of dinner if we didn't go out to a fancy restaurant." But those days were over, for always and forever, Leah thought sadly. "So tell me Bella, what kept you awake these past few days or weeks? Because you haven't slept well in a while right? Or am I wrong?"

"No you're not, but it's a long, boring story and I don't want to bother you with my tale of woe."

It was the truth--it was a long story and it was her burden--she didn't want to bother anyone else with it. But the woman sitting in front of her was very stubborn.

"It's not that there is anyone waiting for me to come home Bella; I have all the time in the world. I won't be able to help you, but telling someone about it can feel like a relief. Shared suffering is half suffering, you know," she offered, an offer that Bella accepted after she had thought about it for a few.

"I will make it short," she started, but was soon cut off by Leah's hand enveloping hers, while she insisted that she wanted to hear all of it. Instead of breaking the human contact by pulling her hand back, Leah's hand remained where it was. She squeezed Bella's hand from time to time, to encourage her or to support her whenever she could. It was the only thing she could do while she listened to the story of Bella's life.

They were two different people but were both so similar, Leah thought, both marked by their past and afraid of what their future would bring. They'd both wanted to be the best they ever could be but still they knew that they would never achieve such heights. Humanly perfection just doesn't exist.

_A few hours later_

It was already dark when Bella had stopped talking and had shared her misery with this strong woman in front of her. Because strength was something that characterized this lady, of that was Bella sure. She had listened to every word she'd uttered, had accepted Bella's occasional silence and struggles for words with an ease that Bella had never encountered before. For the first time in her life, she felt like she had been able to open herself completely to someone, someone who didn't judge her in any way.

When she glanced at the mugs in front of them, she realized that she had been drinking a lot of coffee but she couldn't remember the waiter bringing it to their table. And now as she gazed outside, Bella saw that darkness had chased the light away.

"I'm sorry Leah, time has passed very quickly," Bella observed when she glanced at the nearly empty streets of Forks.

"First Bella, you need to stop excusing yourself all the time. I'm glad I could tell you more of my story, without feeling judged at all. And I'm glad that you could open yourself up to me because I have the feeling that you have never been able to do this before. Am I right?"

Bella nodded her head and wondered how Leah could know all of this.

"Why have you never thought to tell Edward everything? About how you feel that you don't deserve him? I think that he would understand."

There it was; the truth was lying in front of her, on the cluttered wooden table, full of empty cups and plates. The truth that Edward would understand and would love her even more than he already did.

"I do think he'd understand Leah, but I just wished I didn't _need_ to tell him, that I didn't carry this burden with me. He has been through so much; the loss of both his parents, so many failed relationships that I don't want to bother him with my struggles too. He is very susceptible to all the suffering around him, Leah, and he deserves so much better." It was the truth, at least to Bella it was. She could only see that Edward was perfection and she wasn't; and that thought stung at her heart.

"Better than someone who tries to kill herself by jumping off a cliff, is that what you wanted to say?" Leah cut off Bella. Bella lowered her head in return; the harsh words _killing herself_still had that effect on her. But Leah didn't say those words because she wanted to hurt Bella; on the contrary, she wanted to open her eyes.

"I don't think that you have to decide about that Bella, Edward does. And Edward isn't perfect himself Bella, although you like to think that. And you've told him about your slip in the past and the cliff diving, so he accepts that you aren't perfect either. Maybe you should try to do that too, accept that you are who you are, with your qualities and dysfunctions. I think Edward was right when he said that you have to love yourself first before you can love someone else."

"I know Leah, but when I look in the mirror I don't like my reflection."

"I understand Bella, I do. I always want to smash the mirror every time I see my own reflection."

"But you are so strong Leah, I know you don't believe that but you are. It was Paul's decision to step out of this life; you can't blame yourself for what happened." Now it was Bella's turn to envelop Leah's hand, which she took it in between hers and caressed gently. "You and I are so much alike Leah... we are both harming ourselves and like you said... we do it because we want to have control over something."

Leah laughed softly; it was weird hearing someone use her words against her. _Against_ wasn't the right word, but she couldn't find another, more appropriate word. "You still have another chance Bella; your love is waiting for you. Mine is too, in some way, but on the other side. A side I can't cross, not yet."

"That's not true Leah, someone can love again and you know that."

"I know, but you have to want it too. I don't want to love another man anymore." She had a far-off look on her face. "Paul was the love of my life; we were together since high school. He was my first."

"I understand but I'm pretty sure he didn't want to be your last either. The wound is still fresh, take your time. Take time to heal your heart and when you're ready, you will see that the sun is still shining and your heart is still beating."

"Thanks Bella." And after awhile she asked, "What did you do when Edward drove away?"

"I just stared -God knows how long- into the distance, to where Edward's car had faded into a dot and then disappeared into nothing. I really don't know how long I stood there or if anyone passed me. It was only when I heard Jacob's voice that I was pulled back to reality."

"He didn't just leave after you'd discovered he was screwing around on you?" Leah asked in shock. She didn't like Jacob, and now that she found out that he had the guts to show up on her doorstep after he was messing around with other girls in their bed, she had lost the last droplet of sympathy.

"Yeah, I think he really thought I was stupid enough to take him back. I gave him ten minutes to take his stuff and give me his key. I'd never thought that he would leave that easily, but he did. I felt so good afterwards, slamming the door so hard that the neighbors probably thought I'd gone out of my mind."

Bella chuckled softly, but stopped when the events of the night came back. "It didn't last that long actually, that wonderful feeling. I was still bleeding from the miscarriage and in pain, but it didn't prevent me from cleaning the entire apartment. I don't know why, but I wanted Jacob gone. Gone in every way. His smell, his pictures, everything. It took me the entire night, until it was almost morning, before I collapsed into the couch into a dreamless sleep."

"I think that's normal, that you wanted him out of your life completely, immediately. And tomorrow you need to go back to the clinic, for the dilation and curettage?"

Bella nodded her head nervously in return; the prospect of tomorrow didn't do her any good. But when Leah suggested she go with her, so she wouldn't return home alone, she knew that tomorrow wouldn't be that bad. She wasn't alone.

_Shared pain is half pain, _she thought to herself before she accepted Leah's offer.

"Thanks Leah that would be great."

A soft, honest smile crossed Leah's face for the first time in days, maybe weeks. Finally, she had the feeling that someone understood her, had listened to her without judging her. So maybe her therapist was right after all, maybe that was the reason why her therapist had made her do this: she would meet someone, someday, who would help her heal and stop the bleeding of her heart.

~*~

_Two weeks later, at Leah's place_

"Thanks Leah, that was really delicious," Bella murmured appreciatively after she'd cleaned her mouth with the dark napkin that had lain in her lap while eating. "I never tried white chocolate cake before but yours was really outstanding."

"You make me blush Bella. It is actually the only desert I'm able to cook. Did you like the vegetarian lasagna; 'cause that was the first time I made that."

"Mmm, I couldn't have done any better Leah. It was outstanding. Really. You're a great cook."

"Thanks," a smile warmed Leah's features. "Now tell me, how are the sessions with your therapist going?"

"Honestly? I have the feeling I'm wasting my time although he gave me some really good insights in myself already, but my slogan in college was _Be the change you want to see in the world_ and somehow, every hour of doing nothing but talking, seems a waste of time. It's hard you know, opening yourself up to a complete stranger. The man is really doing his best, but it's so hard. Too hard."

"I know that feeling Bella. I do. But no one said that therapy would be easy. You have to hold onto yourself, hold on to the core of who you are and you'll find yourself. I'm sure you will."

"I just hope so Leah, I have no other options left." The past two weeks had been very difficult for Bella. The sessions with Dr. David, her 58-year old therapist, were no exception. Bella felt exhausted and lifeless after every session. A washed-out, drained feeling she had never experienced before. "Isn't therapy supposed to make you feel better?" Bella wondered out loud.

"It is, and it will. But first, you have to go deep; you have to work on yourself before you can feel better." Leah repeated her therapist's words, in some way trying to convince Bella; in some ways trying to convince herself. There was a silence between them.

"I stopped therapy last week," Leah admitted after a while.

"Really?" Bella asked the shock obvious on her face. She had seen Leah last week and this was news to her.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I haven't told you before but I needed to make sure that I did the right thing."

"The right thing?"

"I'm going to Africa, Bella. I want to help people, really help them. I applied for a job with _Doctors without Borders _and I got my acceptance letter today. I'm leaving in two weeks."

She was afraid of Bella's reaction, since they'd become good friends these last two weeks. In some way she was afraid to let go of her; to be alone again. Afraid that Bella wouldn't make it without her. She shook that thought away quickly; Bella was a strong woman who didn't need any guidance, at least not from her. The way she had grown already over the past few weeks was remarkable although Bella couldn't see the difference, not yet.

"Oh," was all Bella could mumble. Helping those in need had been her dream since she'd started medical school, but she'd always shoved the dream away. A relationship, an apartment lease...there were always reasons connecting her to Forks and preventing her from taking the big step. She was surprised that Leah shared the same dream as her, but they hadn't really had the time to talk about dreams or passions, they'd just become friends.

A pang of jealousy and admiration attacked Bella's heart too, because Leah was realizing the dream Bella had always possessed.

Leah brought her hand to where Bella's was lying. "There are still free spots you know, if you want to join me." She said it somewhat as a joke, because she had no idea that Bella was really considering leaving Forks.

"I've always wanted to do that Leah, really. But it never seemed to be the right time. But maybe now it is. Edward is probably been over me already so there's no one to stay here for."

_Edward_, Bella sighed. She had tried to write him a letter every hour of the day, but she never could find the right words. The letters always ended up crumpled in the trash, a frustrated Bella left behind to stare hopelessly at the remaining empty paper in front of her. She had tried again today, but without result. She knew she had to make contact first, but part of her wasn't ready, not yet.

"I doubt that he is already over you Bella. But I can give you the phone number of the organization, if you want."

"I'd love that Leah," Bella replied enthusiastically.

For the first time in weeks, Bella felt like she could contribute - could find meaning in the world. For the first time in months, maybe years, she felt like she could really be the change she wanted to see in the world. She felt confident about herself, an unfamiliar feeling. She was trying to hold on; hold on to herself...

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

Thanks for the great singer Sarah McLachlan, whose music inspires me while I'm writing. And another big thank you goes to Night Orchid for the wonderful sentences about mistakes that I could use in this chapter. THANKS!

*offers you all a piece of chocolate-birthday-cake and something to drink*

Now, feedback is better than delicious chocolate-birthday-cake!


	18. Chapter 18: Need versus Want

**A/N****: **Does anyone remember me? Or my fic Collide? No one? *scratches head* The one with the angst-shit-load and a tiny light at the end of the dark tunnel? No? *swallows hard* The one with music teacher Edward Cullen and doctor Bella Swan who finally dumped her boyfriend Jacobwho made her preggers to be left alone with Edward as well and who is now thinking about fleeing to Africa? I hope that that rings a bell...

I'm not going to bother you with any crap, just this: Dear Courtney, thanks for being worried when you didn't hear from me. Thanks for betaing this chapter more than once. Thanks for your amazing feedback. *hugs* I adore you and I truly mean it.

Thanks to the ladies on the Twilighted-Collide-forum, for listening to my crappy feelings about the end of Prison Break. Thanks for cheering me up and for making my brain crash after posting those Edward Cullen-stripping-in-Italy pictures. You rocks my socks.

Thanks to all of you, for reviewing and standing by me when you secretly wished you'd never started reading this fic in the first place if you knew how long it would take me to bring Eddie and Bellie together *gigglesnorts* Eddie and Bellie, just love it.

Thanks to Robert Pattinson for his amazing feedback. You know who you are boy! *blushes*

Now go and read!

* * *

**Chapter 18: Need versus Want**

_Two weeks later, February 25__th_

Staring through the large French window of his apartment, Edward gazed out at the light blue Forks sky that was filled with wispy white clouds. It was still winter, with slowly passing weeks full of grey skylines accompanied by heavy rain and snow. But not today. Today was the first day that crystal blue painted the sky and even the sun was present, although not very bright.

The hesitant sun resembled the faint strand of hope Edward felt. He had been shocked, disappointed and angry when he read her letter for the first time. But he had gone through the letter over and over again, to make sure that he didn't miss something; _anything. _

And the initial shock was replaced by hope; hope and faith. It felt damn good to have a positive emotion now, after he had reread her letter for what felt like the hundredth time. It was Monday, February 25th and Edward felt like he could live again, after being in the dark for the past five weeks. Being alive and yet so far away from the woman he loved, it was a contradictory feeling to live with, but it was what Edward had to endure.

_Is she up there?_, he wondered, referring to the sky. Her plane had left thirty minutes ago; he had checked it online. He had considered going to the airport when he had reread the letter, but when he had checked the departure time; he knew he wouldn't make it there before she left. He couldn't stop her. Not anymore. Her mind was made up and somehow Edward believed that she had done the right thing. For her; for _them_.

Edward closed his eyes while his forehead rested against the cold glass of the French window, placing his hands flat against the window to support himself, while he thought about the letter lying on the couch together with the pictures. Pictures of him and Jasper during their concert almost two months ago. Bella had printed them, for him. She had copies for herself too, in her cluttered purse, on the plane to Africa. It was a comforting thought for both of them; that he was with her even when they were thousands of miles apart.

_Ea__rlier that day, in the morning…_

He had been tossing and turning in his bed for most of the night, but that wasn't new for Edward. He couldn't remember the night he had slept eight hours or the day he had woken up refreshed. He couldn't find solace or rest in his mind, always wondering how she was, what she was doing, how she was holding on. _Bella._ Bella Swan. The love of his life.

He had thought that his feelings for her would have faded away by now; Emmett had told him that the pain would decrease, but his brother had been wrong. Moving on was something you need to _want _to do, and when you want to do it; you will. But that was the problem: he didn't _want _his feelings to fade away. There was only one thing he wanted and it was her. Well, he also wanted rest... he longed to have a proper good night rest again, but Edward knew that Bella and sleep were entangled together; inseparable. He would not rest until he had her. So instead of his feelings decreasing, they increased with every second that ticked away; with every breath he took without being near her.

He loved her. He loved her so much that it hurt. Emotionally and physically. And it hurt a lot.

He was sick of lying awake in bed doing nothing, so he decided to get up. He contemplated going for a run with Jonah but he did not feel up to it, not today. It was just after eight a.m. when Edward walked towards his mailbox to check for something, anything from her, like he had done for the past weeks since they'd separated.

Opening the mailbox, he noticed his daily newspaper, some circulars and a letter. With a beating heart and racing thoughts, Edward made his way upstairs again, dropping the newspaper and advertisements on the floor. He sank down on the couch with the letter in his trembling hands, knowing whose handwriting was on the envelope although he had never seen it before. He just sensed that this was hers. It had to be.

He started reading, his eyes traveling over the words in record time; his chaotic, overwhelmed mind trying to make sense of it all. He didn't even notice that Jonah had walked over to the newspaper, took it in his mouth, and laid it on the couch next to where his master was sitting. But when that master didn't show any interest in him, he walked slowly to his cushion in front of the open fire where he laid down and closed his eyes with a deep sigh.

_My dearest Edward,_

_I know it's been a while since you heard from me. Too long probably. But I have tried to contact you. Every day. I wrote you letters, dozens of letters every day, but I always ended with an empty sheet of paper lying in front of me. In my head, it seemed obvious and clear what to write, but when I took my pen to paper, I realized that there were no words for what I wanted to say. No words can capture the emotions I feel and what I want to say; no words at all._

_The only thing I know, after the longest five weeks of my life, is that my heart aches. A lot. And yet, it seems not enough. My aching heart doesn't deserve you..._

_I'm deeply sorry that I didn't contact you before, in any way. Or that I didn't say this in person. But I do hope you know that I thought a lot about you and your last words. _You need to start loving yourself first_... It sounds so easy, to love yourself, but it isn't. I have tried to find myself these past five weeks, Edward. I even tried counseling. But it was too hard, too gut-wrenching. And I felt so useless talking about things, talking about the past. The past that I can't turn around, although I would love to do so many things differently. You are one of them Edward. You're not a mistake Edward; you're the best thing that ever happened to me._

_I never wanted to hurt you, but I know that I did and it tears me apart. Slowly. And it's like the wound hurts more and more with every day that goes by. Like someone's throwing salt in the wound, over and over again. __All the green leaves in Forks remind me about the beautiful shade of your eyes; eyes that I miss staring into. Every song on the radio is nothing compared to your sweet velvet voice, Edward. I can go on and on about all the things that remind me of you. Everything in Forks reminds me of you and yet you seem so far away. More than ever. Further with __every heartbeat._

_I keep having this dream that I'm reaching out for you, but you're always too far away. I'm always left behind, alone. This morning, staring around my empty apartment, I realized what that dream means, I'm always reaching for your help, but I need to do this on my own. I need to be strong and be the change I want to see in the world. Alone. _

_I needed to do something actively, Edward, instead of talking. So I'm leaving. I met a friend, Leah, some weeks ago. She is a doctor herself and we are going to Africa, joining Doctors Without Borders. I always dreamed about being part of that organization, but there was always something that prevented me from following through on it. But now it's time to fulfill my dream. I'm renting my apartment to a friend while I'm gone, I quit my job in the hospital, and I'm leaving on the morning when you will likely receive this letter. If I want to be the change in the world, I have to start acting like it. And I really need to find my purpose in this world; I truly need to find myself. I believe that I will find myself there. I have to; it's__ my last chance. My only chance; to be good enough for you. And so that I will be able to love myself and accept my strengths and limits. _

_I'm sorry if I've disappointed you, in any way. I suspect that I did and I'm deeply sorry for that. I want you to know __that I'm coming back, but I don't know when. When the time is right... sooner rather than later I hope. Part of me hopes that you will understand my intentions and actions, but I know I cannot expect that. I don't have the right to make any demands whatsoever. I c__an't ask you to wait for me, so I won't ask and you shouldn't wait. I adore you Edward; every fiber of my aching heart and soul wants to reach out for you but I can't. I won't. _

_I don't deserve you. Not as I am right now, anyway. _

_I want to wish you the best, in everything you do. You are so amazingly sweet and talented, and I hope that you will find love with a woman who deserves you. I keep my fingers crossed that everything will work out for you. Please say hi to Emmett, Rose and Liam for me._

_With warm love,  
_

_Bella_

_PS I printed these pictures for you (and for me). I will take them with me to remember the best thing that ever happened to me..._

The best thing that ever happened to me... He had reread that last sentence over and over again, afraid to believe the underlying honesty and vulnerability of her words. Afraid to feel hope that maybe wasn't there; scared to hold on to something that wasn't real. But his instinct told him to grip that faint strand of hope. He needed to believe in her. Because she believed that going to Africa was the right thing to do and so did he. Isn't it like the old saying "you don't know what you have until it's gone"? Maybe Bella just needed to put as much distance (literally) between them so that she realizes that they really were meant to be.

_Have a little faith_, the words his mother used to say when he felt pessimistic... now those words tasted bittersweet. But the sweet after-taste lingered in his mouth and made his senses alive for the very first time in weeks. He had to let her go, physically, but his heart still beat the same rhythm as hers. The initial shock of reading the letter; the following disappointment and anger... it all faded away and was replaced by hope. Hope and faith. And most of all pride. Pride that she was working on herself, on her dream. She was taking important steps towards healing, although she didn't even know it herself, not yet.

~*~

_March 28th_

The first month had been the hardest, for both Leah and Bella, but neither of them really showed their inner struggles. They worked long days and nights in the clinic, focused on everyone except themselves, and they hardly had time to eat, wash or sleep. They didn't go out much since it was raining most of the time. The rainy season wasn't something they had anticipated when they decided to go to Africa - to the Congo to be more precise. Although it was raining 90% of the time, the temperature was still hot enough to keep them awake at night.

It was during one of those sleepless nights that Leah had walked to the nearby creek, sat down and watched the turbid reflection of the moon in the water. That serene image was soon shattered by the thick raindrops that broke the surface of the water into a million little pieces. Ignoring the rain, she just sat there, holding the amulet her former husband gave her on their wedding day. She sighed deeply when memories of that magical day floated back, and suddenly she didn't know if her face was wet from the rain or from the tears that she had been holding back for so long.

At home, she had cried a lot. Especially the first two months. She was stunned by the lack of support from her 'friends', and the loneliness that had eaten at her. But one day she decided not to cry anymore. She decided to hold it all in... Until tonight. Until she was in the Congo, sitting amidst the softly falling rain, gazing out at the creek. All the tears she had been holding back for months poured down and mingled with the red African earth.

The dream that had awoken her this time was very vivid. It was like Paul was more present in the Congo than he was in their house because the dreams had been haunting her more and more recently. Every time she closed her eyes, Paul was always there. Watching her, reaching out for her, whispering sweet words in her ears, pleading for forgiveness. And every time, she woke up before she could answer him; before she could say anything back. Tonight wasn't any different. And she wanted to say something... scream at him to share some of her fury and fear she carried in her... kiss him in her dream and ask him to wait for her... but she always woke up too early. Oh god she hated that, and she smashed her foot into the mud to canalize her anger.

Closing her eyes, but still crying, she listened to the steady resonance of pouring raindrops.

The sound of nearing footsteps made Leah cautious, but when she turned around and saw Bella's drenched fragile frame, she breathed out a sigh of relief. Bella's dark blue camisole and matching shorts were soaked and stuck to her skin like she wore some kind of cat suit, although she had only walked in the rain for a bit more than 50 feet.

"What are you doing out here Leah - you'll catch pneumonia!" Bella whispered in a worried voice. She moved closer, wanting to pull Leah up and walk her inside, but Leah refused. Stubborn as she was, Bella sat down next to her, not caring about the wet mud beneath her.

"Couldn't sleep," Leah stated, sharing what Bella had already figured out.

"Me neither." Bella was still whispering, afraid to catch the attention of animals or worse - perhaps men out there, in the dark.

"Is Forks haunting you too Leah, or am I the only one who is still struggling with her past?" Not waiting for Leah's reply -it was like Bella realized that she had to speak up first before her friend would share her feelings and nightmares with her-, Bella continued.

"I see and hear Edward everywhere... a song on the radio reminds me of him, the taste of certain foods, the accidental touch of a Congolese, everything. And little Julie, oh god, I had hoped to leave her behind but the smile on the kid I helped this morning... it was like I heard Julie chuckle."

Bella was quiet for a second, remembering Julie, the precious patient she lost, leading her to her cliff diving. She smiled bittersweet but composed herself quickly and carried on. "Even my dad follows me all the way to Africa and I can't believe that I actually miss him, did you ever think _that_ was possible?!" Bella's incredulous tone made Leah chuckle.

"I think this is how it looks when hell freezes over," Bella added, referring to her prior cold relationship with her father contrasted by her current longing for him.

It was quiet for a while, except for the sound of rain splashing down. Neither of them moved or felt cold; this was the one time they were grateful for Africa's oppressive heat, even at 4 a.m. It was only when the rain had decreased a little -or was that only her imagination playing tricks with her? Bella wondered - when Bella ventured to speak again.

"How come we never take the time to talk anymore Leah? We used to do that a lot, before we came here." A question was hidden in those words, a question which neither Leah nor Bella knew the answer to.

"Maybe because we are busy all day with helping others? Too busy with being the change we all so desperately want to be? Or maybe because my problems seem so little compared to the suffering of the local inhabitants? I'm not sure, Bella," she shrugged her shoulders.

"But I do miss it. I miss _you_ Bella, and I miss Paul. I need you, really need you." She faced her friend when she said those words, admitting her purest feelings, something she had never done before except to Paul. She sounded like a broken woman but she didn't care. The truth was that she _was_ broken, shattered, pulled apart, and wrecked. But she wasn't alone anymore, like she used to be in Forks. She had a friend now, a true friend who cared and was comprehensive; patient and sweet. Leah was a broken woman, but she was not hopeless. And hope meant strength, the strength to live again.

"Likewise," was Bella's simple answer, and it was the only encouragement Leah needed to tell her about the nightmares and vivid, frustrating dreams that were her daily companions.

***

"Don't view it as a bad thing Leah, those dreams. View every dream of Paul as a text message from heaven. He is your guide Leah, in some way or another. He is looking out for you, watching you from above. There will come a time when you'll be able to forgive him in your dreams, but not now. It's too soon to forgive, I think. Now you're still angry with Paul for leaving you behind, and you have every right to be. But there will come a day when you'll understand his decision, and until that day you won't dream the dream you want to dream. Just give yourself time. Time heals everything." She sighed deeply, remembering Grace's words after Bella had told her about the loss of her mother.

"So Paul is emailing me from above?" Leah teased, but she enjoyed the comforting words her friend had just uttered.

"I'd like to think that, yeah. I know it sounds stupid, but you have your guardian angel Leah, you just have to believe in it." Bella entangled her hand with Leah's, the amulet stuck in between the two ladies' hands. The amulet warmed both ladies' hearts with renewed energy.

"Thanks Bella, but you have a guardian angel too; both your mom and Grace are out there, watching over you."

"Yeah, I know and somehow it seems like a big burden to carry because I have the feeling I'm letting them down, both of them. That feeling just kills me," Bella whispered into the night, forcing the prickling tears back to where they came from.

"Somehow Bella, I doubt that. You are one of the strongest people I know. You traveled down to Africa to help others and to find yourself, and that my dear, is very unique. You are special." And with those last words spoken, the sun woke up again in Africa, charming every insect, bird or plant back to life in the Congo. Even Leah and Bella felt a bit more alive after that night.

~*~

_More than 2 months later, May 2nd_

"I'm sorry, but he's dead Bella," Leah tried to talk some sense into her friend, who was still clutching the lifeless body of Samuel, the six year old Congolese child who had been hospitalized for the last four weeks. He was an orphan, with four sisters and three brothers, and he had been the youngest. It was his oldest sister who brought her youngest brother -who she cared for like it was her own child- to the hospital where Leah and Bella were working since the first day they arrived in the Congo.

"Help him," the sister had asked Bella in her native tongue while she pushed his fragile frame into Bella's arms. The locals saw_ Doctors Without Borders_ as messiahs who would cure them all, but the truth was mostly more painful and cold. The diagnosis came rapidly, confirming both Leah's and Bella's fears; he was HIV-positive and due to the lack of food, the infection had turned into AIDS. They tested the rest of his brothers and sisters and found two of them HIV-positive too. Samuel, the youngest, was probably infected during the pregnancy of their mother, who had died from AIDS two years ago.

He wasn't the first child they had lost due to this killer disease. But he was the first child to whom Bella had let herself become attached to.

Maybe it was his warm green eyes, reminding her of the sweetest man she ever knew, who she thought about every minute of the day, wishing he was there with her. He would have made a difference himself too, sharing his joy of music with the kids, playing instruments and making music with them. Or maybe it was Samuel's musical talent that took her breath away, when he played his handmade wooden instrument during the days he was feeling a bit better. Probably it was both reminders of Edward that bonded her with Samuel.

Bella had mothered him more than the other kids, she had realized that, but Leah hadn't noticed how emotionally attached Bella had become to the little boy with the infectious smile. It wasn't until Bella had stayed in the makeshift hospital overnight when his condition rapidly worsened that Leah realized that Bella wasn't only a doctor anymore. She felt like a mother too when it came to this child.

She had stayed awake for the last three nights, but fatigue had eventually enfolded itself around her like an invisible cloak. Bella had fallen asleep around 5 a.m. that morning; Samuel had done the same a half-hour later. The only difference was the kind of sleep; Samuel had slipped into a never-ending sleep.

It was after seven when she had awoken again, startled by the incoming sun streams and the increasing noises down the hall. Appearing disoriented, Bella opened her eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the rising sun. It was only when she looked at the fragile form in the bed next to her that she realized that she had lost him. He had slipped away when she had dozed off.

_Lost._ That's how she felt when she had taken his lifeless form into her arms, rocking him back and forth in a steady rhythm. She felt completely lost, like a mother who had to say goodbye to her little baby; her one and only child. Again.

Leah didn't know how long her friend had been sitting there like that, but the sight of dried up tears on her cheeks told her it was a while.

She'd crossed over to them, taking Samuel's wrist in her arms, placing two fingers on the skin where his heart used to hammer. But she couldn't register any heartbeat anymore. Sighing deeply, Leah moved her fingers towards his forehead, made a cross sign and whispered _God bless you Samuel. _They had to let him rest. Finally.

"He is dead Bella," Leah tried again, but her stubborn friend fiercely shook her head. It was only when Leah moved closer, wrenching Samuel's body out of Bella's tight motherly embrace that Bella realized that she had lost him. Lost him for good.

Handing Samuel over to the nurse who had moved in to take him away and prepare him for his last and final resting place, Leah took a nearby chair, pulled it closer and sat down on it, next to Bella. She drew her arms around to envelop Bella who was still rocking back and forth, whose arms had embraced her own fragile form now, as if she small arms were the only things that could stop her from falling apart, and Leah guided her closer until her head rest on her shoulder.

"Cry, my love. Just cry. Let it all out."

And so Bella did. She cried for the next 42 minutes, pouring out every single tear that she had in her body but not saying a word. Though the tears said enough. Bella Swan wasn't only crying for the loss of Samuel Jason Tchabé, but also for the loneliness that was her burden during the night. It was her shadow during the day, increasing with every day without _him_.

She longed to be with him more than ever, she craved for him more than she had ever craved for any rush of adrenaline like when she jumped of the highest cliff. She _wanted_ him badly, a feeling that felt so much better than _needing_ him.

Back then, in Forks, he was her sparkle of hope in the darkness, the light that guided her through the night. He was the pep talk, the best friend, the patient therapist, he was everything she needed. But she didn't _need_ him anymore; Bella realized that she could look out for herself now; the past few months in Africa had taught her that.

She had been a good doctor in Forks, but it took coming to Africa for her to become a good _woman_. She had to go deep to find herself, but when she looked into the mirror, she was proud of whom she had become. However, she hated the fact that no one was standing next to her in the mirror, that there was no one to share her happiness and tears with.

The need she had felt back then was now replaced by want and longing. She _wanted_ to be loved instead of needed to be loved. It was a whole new feeling for Bella Swan, and a much better base upon which to start a relationship. Her relationships could be stronger now that _she_ was stronger.

Leah took her friend home, tucked her in bed, and let her sleep for what felt like the longest sleep in quite some time. Although Bella cried herself to sleep, she rested blissfully and felt reborn when she woke up the next day. It was all clear now, as clear as his pure deep green, glistening eyes. She knew what she wanted, who she wanted. She was a woman on a mission, determined to reach her goal, no matter where it would take her.

* * *

Chapter notes:

Wow wow ladies, don't you dare to run away! Because.... *a drum is starting to add some suspense*

THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE UPDATED **TONIGHT **AS WELL! You heard it right. **TONIGHT**. As in **TONIGHT**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As in **TONIGHT**! In a few!!!!! Am I good or am I good? *is good*

But some support is appreciated. And if you don't know what to write in your review, here are some options you can copy/paste:

This sucked. Good thing there is another chapter coming for us tonight.

This sucked and I'm not going to read the rest of it. Bye *waves*

Thanks for updating, going to read the next chapter right now.

Thanks for updating, loved it.

*is speechless*

Don't know what to write in a review, so I just press the submit button right now and hope you understand :)

I could go on and on with options to write, but I'm sure that you girls (+ Robert) are more creative than my crashed brain at the moment.

PS Reviews are almost as good as Edward Cullen stripping in Italy *g*


	19. Chapter 19: Regret

**A/N: **This chapter is dedicated to Midsummerstars. You know why *hugs*

Thanks again to Courtney, who is rocking my world like the Kings of Leon rock on my iPod.

Oh and in case you wonder: I own nothing, I just play around a bit.

* * *

**Chapter 19: Regret**

~ *~

_Regret comes in all shapes and sizes.  
Some are small, like when we do a bad thing for a good reason.  
Some are bigger, like when we let down a friend.  
Some of us have little time for regret because we are looking forward to the future.  
Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past.  
And sometimes we bury our regret by promising to change our ways.  
But our biggest regrets are not for the things we did,  
but for things we didn't do,  
things we didn't say,  
to save someone we care about._

_-One Tree Hill, Season 4, Episode 7-_

_~*~_

Startled by the sound of the airplane's straining brakes on the hard runway Bella woke up, disoriented and still a bit groggy from the lack of sleep she had had over the past few days. How long had she slept these past two days? Two hours? Maybe three? She didn't know. What she did know was that she craved a good lunch, a hot shower and a non-stop sleep for the next two weeks; but not alone. Not anymore.

_The previous day: May 8th_

The entire week before her departure, Bella had been nervous. There were so many things to arrange for her journey back, so many patients she wished to bid farewell; so many doctors and nurses she wanted to thank for their efficient cooperation and medical support. The days before she left had been quite hectic and she had felt dead tired, falling asleep before her head even touched the pillow.

She had been so pleased and surprised by Leah arranging a small party for her before her departure. Tears floated down her cheeks when she saw how many friends she had made during her stay in the Congo... people she had started to care for, more than she dared to admit. She would miss them, definitely. But she needed to go back, to go _home,_ and fight for the man who occupied her thoughts non-stop. The man who filled her mind with regret for the things she hadn't done, things she hadn't said.

That night, after the party, she hadn't slept at all, instead staying up with Leah all night. Near the creek, they had talked, cried and laughed, and Bella had made the promise to come back. A promise that warmed Leah's heart with renewed hope; with the strength to proceed. Leah wanted to heal others and heal herself by the time her friend returned.

They had said their goodbyes the next afternoon, accompanied by fresh tears and intense hugs with warm wishes, and hopeful thoughts.

"Go get him Bella. Conquer his heart like he conquered yours."

Those were Leah's last words when she waved goodbye to her friend, who was now seated on the hot leather seat of an un-air-conditioned bus, and those inspiring words would keep Bella thrumming with anticipation the entire trip to Forks.

Leah had suggested accompanying her to the airport, but Bella had refused. She was a big girl now; she would make the four-hour bus trip to the airport on her own. Leah was needed here more than she was at the airport.

Honestly, for the first time in weeks -maybe even years- Bella Swan longed to be alone with her thoughts. Thoughts that didn't scare her anymore since the dark thoughts about the past were replaced by brighter hopes and dreams about the future.

Her plane had left the national airport of Kinshasa at 8:45 pm, with the destination of Brussels, the capital of Belgium and of Europe. She had learned a little about Belgium from her mom and dad. The land was famous for its chocolate but the truth was that she had never heard of Brussels before.

The moment she had been seated on the plane, she had reached for her purse and pulled out the wrinkled picture of Edward and Jasper, taken at their New Year's concert. Her eyes had been glued to the photograph for most of the flight. Everyone around her was asleep, and she had tried to sleep too. But every time she had closed her eyes, Leah's words and the flickering hope in her friend's eyes floated through her mind.

_"Go get him Bella.__ Conquer his heart like he conquered yours."_

The excitement was enough to set her heart on fire and make her hands damp with anticipation. And if the picture she had of him had been wrinkled before her trip home, it would become even more crumpled by the time she landed in Port Angeles.

She made a mental note to order some new pictures to keep in her purse; a crisp new picture for hopefully a fresh start. A fresh start _together_.

At times during the flight, panic seized her, but she forced herself not to think about possible failure in her battle to conquer his heart. She didn't know if he had met another woman, if he had moved on, or simply, if he didn't want to see her anymore. She would understand any of those possibilities-he had every right to live his life again, although she couldn't deny that there was a sparkle of hope racing through her veins; hope that he still loved her, after all this time. And if there was a small possibility that his heart was still beating for her, like it did before, she would fight for him with all the power she had in her. Hell, she would do _more_ that she could; if that meant that they could finally be together. Even if he wanted her to beg, she would. It was her turn to fight and conquer his heart like he conquered hers.

It was morning when they'd finally arrived in Brussels -May 9th- and she was happy that the eleven-hour flight from Kinshasa to Brussels was over. She was almost half-way through her trip home and she was eager to get on the plane to Seattle right now, immediately. Hell, she would give money to be on the plane from Seattle to Port Angeles already!

_God damn_, she cursed under her breath when she remembered that she needed to wait almost four hours in Brussels, for her layover. During that time, she ate some breakfast while perusing the New York Times, but she couldn't focus at all on the newspaper. She browsed through it, uninterested, and gazed ahead hypnotically while her memory floated back to all the times she and Edward had shared during the few months they had been friends.

She smiled when she thought about how a painful collision brought her together with the man of her dreams; something that only happened in fairy tales and in movies, she'd previously thought. She had never believed that something like that was possible in real life, especially not in _her_ messed up life, but she was immensely grateful for the gods that had sent Edward to her. Because she really believed that they were destined to be together. He was yin and she was yang; he made her complete and alive. She just hoped that he thought the same about her. _Them_.

The initial hours of the flight from Brussels to Seattle had been the same sleepless scenario for Bella Swan. She clutched the picture between her fingers; sometimes grazing over his elegant face or drawing the photo to her heart. She was in love. For the first time in her life, she felt like she really was in love with someone. And with that pleasant thought, she finally fell asleep for a few hours before they landed at Seattle Tacoma International.

She suppressed a yawn and stretched her arms above her head as the brakes halted the plane's forward progress. Rubbing her eyes to erase the sleep, she grabbed her belongings and straightened her clothes in preparation to deplane.

"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. American Airlines welcomes you in Seattle. The local time is 11:05 am and it a lovely summer day; seventy-eight degrees with a light breeze from the north. Thank you for flying American Airlines, where there is something special in the air."

The warm voice of the young stewardess echoed through the plane, soon replaced by the sounds of excited chatter, luggage clanging against the overhead bins, and ringing cell phones. The mundane crowd noises couldn't suppress the wave of excitement that washed over Bella. In less than three hours, she would be _finally_ in Port Angeles, physically close to Edward for the first time in months.

With hope and love in her heart, she swiftly absconded through the crowded airport, walked to the right gate where her plane to Port Angeles would be leaving in less than two hours and she had to control herself from not skipping and whistling her way through the crowd.

~*~

Closing her eyes for a second, Bella inhaled the scent of the city she had missed. The sounds of cars honking, planes taking off, people excitedly greeting loved ones...all those noises pulled her back to the task at hand and she hastily hailed a cab.

"Good afternoon Miss. First time in the Olympic Peninsula?" the Hispanic cab driver asked in an upbeat voice. It was a standard greeting, but it brought a smile on Bella face nevertheless, a smile that suggested she was a woman on a mission.

"Are you here to meet a man? A lucky señor, perhaps?" Richardo guessed, although it wasn't any of his business. But this pretty lady looked in love; the glow radiating off of her was hard to ignore. He had seen it before, people in love like _that_, though not frequently enough. This woman had been struck by one of Cupid's biggest arrows, of that he was sure.

She flashed him another one of her breath-taking smiles, whispered a soft "_yes, definitely a man"_ before she stepped into the cool car and told the driver to take her to the Red Lion Hotel, which he did without saying another word. Because of his twenty-year career as a cab driver, Richardo had learned that people in love don't want to talk, simply because they _can't _talk anymore. They can only feel and glow. And smile.

~*~

She had left her belongings in her hotel room when she decided that her system needed food; real American food. She had loved the African dishes; they were spicy with a lot of vegetables. But now she craved a more familiar plate and she found herself walking into _Lori's Diner__, _ordering a feta-spinach quiche, a coke and a brownie for dessert... exactly replicating the order that Edward had brought her in the hospital, months ago.

She requested her order for carry-out so she could eat outside in the sun that warmed her skin. Occupied by her own thoughts, she ate in silence, unaware of her surroundings. She just ate, drank and smiled, and felt happy for the first time in a long time.

With a content smile on her lips, she closed her eyes; mentally reviewing her plan. Although she longed to see Edward right now she knew that she couldn't just show up on his doorstep, not looking like she did this very minute. She needed to get some sleep first and then she would call him the next morning, to ask him out for lunch. They could go for a picnic if the weather was still as nice as it was today.

_Definitely a picnic_, she told herself.

The familiar feelings of regret entered her heart and she hoped that he would be agreeable to the plan she was concocting. With a deep breath she stood up, threw the leftovers of her lunch in the trash, and walked back to her hotel.

On her way, she found herself staring at a beautiful summer dress in a shop window. She shook her head, walked further, but after a few steps, she found herself slinking back to the shop to stare at that same dress again. It was a simple yet very elegant dress. The creamy white silk fabric was covered by beautiful yellow flowers with green and crystal blue leaves. She loved the jaunty, uneven hem of the dress. Although it was too expensive -she didn't normally buy such pricey clothing- she did enter the shop to ask if she could try it on.

She hadn't dared to hope that it would fit her so perfectly, but it did. The saleswoman agreed that the dress looked like it was sewn for Bella's exact measurements, and it was one of those rare times that Bella knew that she could believe an attendant. It was like this dress was designed with her in mind, a thought that caused a soft blush to bloom on her face.

_Everything is going so smoothly today_, Bella thought, when she bought the dress and the matching golden sandals. _I wonder how smoothly things will go tomorrow._

The next thing she did, almost unconsciously, was to buy some of her favorite perfume -the one Edward had once told her he loved so much- and ordered some body lotion of the same brand as well. She also bought some conditioning products to nourish her long hair, which had suffered from exposure to the hot, dry weather in the Congo.

With all her new purchases clutched in her hand she walked into the lobby of her hotel (she would look for a new apartment in Forks tomorrow), greeted the elderly male concierge and took the elevator to the fifth floor. Unlocking the door, she was welcomed by the coolness of her basic hotel room.

Stripping off her clothes and underwear, she crawled into the bed to fall in a deep, much needed sleep. The smell of freshly washed sheets was the last thing she remembered as she drifted away.

It was after eight in the evening when she woke up again, feeling refreshed and awake. She rolled over, with the white sheet draped over her female curves, to face the bright light of the sunset filtering through the large window. Before, she wouldn't be able to sleep in a room without blinds on the windows; but since her stay in Africa, she had learned to fall asleep even on the sunniest day. There simply weren't any blinds anywhere in Africa, except for in the houses of the very wealthy, mostly white residents.

She thought about Leah, wondering what she would be doing now. But when Bella did the math in her head, she realized that it was the middle of the night in Africa meaning that her friend was probably fast asleep. Or maybe Leah was crouched near their early morning rendezvous site by the creek, wistfully reviewing regrets of her own.

Looking around, her gaze landed on the summer dress hanging in the closet and Bella decided that she would wear it tonight. She longed to go to the movies again, on her own, like the good old days. She was excited about the prospect of sitting in one of those large, comfortable red chairs again, inhaling the intoxicating scent of fresh buttered popcorn. She clapped her hands together as if she were a giddy child attending the movies for the very first time.

Tonight would be escaping into a movie; tomorrow would be a whole other story, "_but I'll worry about tomorrow then_," she told herself out loud as she gathered her belongings to freshen up.

_Are they still showing the new Batman movie?_ Bella wondered when she headed to the bathroom to step into a long, cleansing shower.

~*~

She hadn't even left the hotel yet and she already had three men blatantly look at her, with wandering eyes and appreciative smiles. She wasn't accustomed to the attention of men anymore, not after she had lived a celibate lifestyle for the past five months. And honestly, she hadn't missed the ogling, not at all. She was sick of measuring herself to standards created by men, especially after Africa had taught her that life was too short to try to live up to others' expectations all the time.

But the men could not help but stare at her; she looked absolutely ravishing. Before departing for the movie theater, she had highlighted her hair and even applied some makeup, but only because she wanted it for herself. Her mother had taught her to put on eyeliner and Egyptian powder, and she fondly remembered sitting next to her mother while she was getting ready for one of her nights out. Dressing herself tonight had reminded her of such tender moments with her mother.

She liked the reflection she had caught in the mirror, smiling at her, whispering that tonight was the fresh start she deserved.

Walking through the hotel lobby, a deep red blush painted itself on her high cheekbones when the hotel concierge commented on her beauty. He winked at her but not in a suggestive manner. It seemed like he truly understood that she had a refreshing evening planned just for herself; that no man had prompted her visual metamorphosis.

She returned his compliments with a friendly smile before she made her way outside, welcomed by the warmth of an early summer evening in Port Angeles.

On the curb by the street, she hesitated, deciding whether to take a cab or go by foot. Determining that it was a perfect night to walk to the nearby movie theater, Bella started strolling forward with a wide smile on her face, one that would rival the Joker's grin.

The straps of her new summer dress held loosely in place with every elegant step she took. Her long, curly, rich auburn hair was swept up by the soft breeze that also billowed out the skirt of her dress. She was eager to settle into the soft, dark red cushions of Lincoln Theatre.

She strolled down each busy street, feeling content and almost complete. Having already ordered her ticket online in her room before she left, she had plenty of time to make the movie.

Placing one foot in front of the other, taking one step at a time, the walk to the theater symbolized her journey to the new life that lay before her. Little did she know that the night was young and full of surprises, one more pleasant than the other...

~*~

"Here you are; enjoy the show."

The African coworker of the movie theatre handed her the confirmation of her ticket. Admiring her freshly-scrubbed appearance, he flashed her one of his brightest smiles before she stepped into the large theatre lobby.

God, she had missed it... those movie nights on her own. The smells of fresh popcorn and chocolate candy, the specific feeling of walking on the soft, dark-red carpet, the sounds of enthusiastic people, all eager to sit down and watch a movie in the cozy, encapsulating darkness of the theatre... Bella Swan had missed it all so much. Embarking on a trip into another dimension, getting captured by a good thriller, or bawling when the hero's lover dies... it didn't matter what kind of trip it was. She loved it all, as long as she was seated in those immense theaters with their specific smells, conjuring up another time, another place.

She was about to walk over to the concession stand to order herself a diet coke when the sound of a familiar female voice snapped her out of her daze.

She stopped in her tracks, not knowing what to do. Turn around and greet her? Or pretend that she didn't hear her and walk away? That last option wasn't really feasible anymore since she was standing right in front of the woman and couldn't pretend like she hadn't heard her. And walking away from someone she cared about was not what her mother had taught her. It also wasn't something people did who wanted to be the change in the world.

Hearing Gandhi's mantra in her head was all Bella needed to turn around and face Rosalie, who probably would be joined by Emmett or some of her friends. The idea of Rosalie having a girls-only movie night seemed quite plausible and calmed Bella down a little. But when she turned around and looked into three sets of familiar, slightly shocked eyes, nothing seemed calm anymore. At that specific moment, time stood still for Bella Swan.

They were standing only a few feet away from her, but the distance seemed impossible to bridge.

_This _wasn't the plan; she thought when she stared at them, at _him_. _This _was far from what she had hoped their first meeting would be like. It was definitely not the light romantic picnic she had hoped for. On the contrary. Surrounded by his family, and with a woman standing next to him...

_A woman_... it was like a bucket full of ice gushed over her head when she realized that he had moved on. Off course he had moved on. Look at him; how gorgeous and breathtaking he is. How could a man like Edward Cullen not move on when the entire female population is waiting to get in his pants?!

The painful truth sank in that moment; the entire time they had been separated she had hoped he would wait. For her. Although she had always told herself that he wouldn't wait; that she couldn't ask that from him – yet there had always been a place in her heart that had hoped that he would wait. But he hadn't and she couldn't blame him. He deserved it; God he deserved to be happy. _Without her._

Still standing there, not knowing what to do, Rosalie was the first to take action. The slim blond-haired woman walked over to Bella and pulled her lovingly into a tight hug, like they had been friends since kindergarten.

"It's so good to see you again Bella," Rose murmured while she held Bella at arm's length to marvel at her. "You look beautiful, very beautiful," she added as she let her eyes wander over her entire body.

"Come on; there are a few others who are happy to see you too," and before she knew it, Rose had taken her hand in hers and guided her towards the others. Bella could not dare to look Edward in the eye; she was so nervous.

Emmett's eyes grew huge when he drank in her appearance. He had seen her all dressed up before but it was different this time. Her skin was radiantly tanned instead of her former pale complexion, and her hair seemed to be on fire, ideally suiting her passionate personality. The curls of her long hair seemed like they'd never end, and her dress..._wow_. Her dress made him speechless. The floral silky fabric hugged and accentuated her curves perfectly. It was like she came straight from a fashion magazine, although her smile was a bit too insecure for a cover-girl. He realized that she was astonished by their presence; caught by surprise, so he told himself not to tease her and instead just leaned in to give her a friendly kiss on her cheek.

"Welcome back Doc; you look gorgeous." And although he had cursed her to the moon and back when she had left his brother behind months ago, the warmth in his greeting was true. She had hurt and betrayed his little brother who he cared for so much. Left him behind with his own misery, fleeing away from him. Staying angry had been easier than trying to understand and forgive, Rose had told him, and he realized that she was right. She was always right when it involved women stuff.

"Hi Rose, hi Emmett," Bella returned their greeting, still a bit mesmerized by their sudden appearance.

"And thanks for the compliments; you make me blush."

She lowered her eyes after that confession; she wasn't good at receiving compliments. Never had been. Never would. But this time was different than all the others; tonight she really believed what they said, for the simple reason that she knew their comments were honest and true. When she had looked in the mirror before she'd left, she had seen a reflection she liked. She looked good, she knew it, but hearing others confirm it still made her a bit uncomfortable.

She realized that she had two more people left to greet, and fleeing wasn't an option. She had fled from Edward Cullen a million times now, and she had encouraged herself to do things differently this time. So she plunged ahead.

"Hello Edward," she said softly, looking for his eyes to read them.

To read what? Happiness? Anger? Disappointment because she hadn't contacted him before? She didn't know what she wanted to see, but she had longed to drown in those warm green pools for such a long time and now she finally could.

She had expected to read something, anything. But not _that_. She saw guilt in his eyes when their gazes locked, and before she knew it she found herself pulling him into a comforting hug as a way to erase his feelings of guilt. Feeling one of his hands resting softly on her lower back, the other hidden in her auburn curls, she breathed out and immensely enjoyed their moment together.

She closed her eyes as if she could block out the world by doing so. Edward's eyelids fluttered shut for the same reason. If he could only be alone with her, tell her what he had longed to tell her for months, but unfortunately it was not the time or the place to do so.

If she had her stethoscope with her, she could have detected how his heart raced a million miles an hour. But she didn't need to hear or feel his pulse to know that he still cared for her. She knew it the moment he whispered into her ear, so only she could hear.

"This is not what you think it is, Bella."

His whispering voice, so close to her ear, made Bella only seconds away from jumping out of her skin. She always had a weak spot when it involved Edward Cullen's whispers, especially when those words were whispered for her ears only. Those silky words evoked goose bumps all over her body and the cold air-conditioning wasn't to blame for that physical reaction. On the contrary, it seemed like the temperature in the large theater lobby had suddenly doubled.

In contrast to Edward's silky whispers, the high-pitched voice of the woman standing next to him rang out into the lobby like nails scraping against a chalkboard.

"Won't you introduce me to your friend, sweetheart?" Tanya inquired while she tried to look sad by putting on her best puppy look.

That voice gave Bella the creeps but to be fair, she could not entirely blame this specific woman for her shuddering reaction. Bella would be annoyed by _any_ woman who stood next to Edward.

Bella took a step back, affording them some space, making the distance more appropriate for the annoying girlfriend standing next to her man.

Edward's attention snapped back to the girl who was possessively clinging to him like glue, and her close presence suddenly irritated him enormously.

"Oh yes. Tanya, this is Bells, a good friend of mine. Bells, this is Tanya."

He couldn't bring _my girlfriend_ over his lips, because he realized that she wasn't his girlfriend. He had kissed her. Twice. And after that second kiss she had tried to get into his pants, but he had faked a sudden headache due to a lack of sleep. It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the truth either. Edward had hoped that at their third date he would start to feel something for her, but with the love of his life standing in front to him he realized that he didn't feel anything for her, except annoyance.

"His girlfriend," Tanya added herself and shook the hand Bella had offered a second ago. "Nice to meet you Bells, never heard of that name before."

Bella wanted to laugh at that, but when she saw the serious expression on Tanya's face, she understood that the oblivious woman holding her hand wasn't kidding at all.

"Actually it's Bella, but Edward always calls me Bells. Nice to meet you too, Tanya." She nodded her head while her thoughts went into overdrive, looking for a way out of this painful situation. There was only one thing that her fogged brain could come up with, and it was fleeing to the bathroom; anything to put distance between herself and this awkward meeting. She had promised herself to stop fleeing, though she didn't know what else to do.

"Excuse me; I need to visit the restroom before the movie starts. Well, have a nice evening together," she murmured while scanning the theatre for her safety route. She was about to leave, forcing her feet to scurry across the red carpet, when the high pitched voice she found so annoying screeched in her ear.

"I'll go with you Bella; I need to use the bathroom too."

Bella forced a friendly smile on her face while she tensed her fingers into a fist, as if she was about to punch Tanya in the face. Honestly, there was nothing more that she wanted to do than connect her fist with that smug grin on the woman's face, but she was a better girl than that. Edward deserved a better girl than that.

They left Edward, Rose and Emmett behind when they walked to the nearby ladies' room. Bella didn't want to talk to this girl, not even polite small talk. All she wanted was to turn back the time and do things differently. As quickly as possible. If she had come back earlier, then maybe she would be the one standing next to him, going home with him, making love to him.

Regret washed over her, because she had entirely missed her chance. She felt regret for the things she hadn't said and the things she hadn't done.

"It's weird that Edward says you two are friends, because he never mentioned you before. Not even your name."

Tanya was surprised by the harshness of her words but she did not apologize for her sharp tone. She had noticed the look on Edward's face when he had seen Bella again, how the frown on his forehead faded away when she had hugged him, like he was coming home. She wanted to be that woman for him, and she felt quite threatened by this "Bells" woman.

_He doesn't need to talk about me to think of me_, Bella wanted to retort, but that would probably end up in a girl fight where they would throw nasty comments at one another, and she wasn't in the mood for that. So instead of replying, Bella just smiled politely, wishing her a good night and closing the stall door in her face. Blocking her out, literally.

~*~

Bella had bought herself a large bucket of popcorn and a diet coke before she entered theatre number two. After that surprise meeting in the lobby, she desperately craved a sugar high or a carbohydrate induced coma instead of running to the closest cliff and jump off it.

She walked up the stairs until she was about halfway up, but she froze for a second when she saw the now four familiar sets of eyes staring at her, sitting a few rows above her. She smiled bitterly but held her head up before she excused herself to sneak past the other spectators, who needed to stand up for her so that she could hide in the middle of the row.

The lights faded and the advertisements started to fill the screen while Bella tried to relax. She attempted to recapture the same happiness and the _almost_ complete feeling she had experienced before she had walked into the theater, but no matter how hard she tried, she could not achieve that blissful, carefree state. He was too close and yet too far away.

She had been so eager to watch _The Dark Knight;_ she just loved the performance of Christian Bale as Batman. She had thoroughly enjoyed the first movie, _Batman Begins,_ and she had read reviews indicating this second movie was even better. She had longed to see it, but now with the love of her life sitting with another woman a few rows above her, there would be no way that she could get into this movie.

Her eyes locked on the screen but she was clearly not following the scenes in front of her. Cringing while replaying the awkward meeting from the lobby in her head, chiding herself for the long list of missed opportunities with Edward, Bella paused when the sound of her mobile rang out in the theatre. The embarrassing beeping of her phone pulled her back to the present. _Great Bella, you forgot to turn off your cell phone. Who in the world is calling me? No one knows I'm back._

She frantically searched for the phone in her cluttered purse - almost subverting the large bowl of popcorn in the process - and discovered that she had received a text message from... Her heart stood still when she saw Edward's ID on the screen, her fingers travelling over the buttons eagerly to open the message.

She wanted to look around to catch his gaze, but that was impossible because of their current seating arrangement. So instead, she read his message.

_Dear Bella, this is NOT what you think it is. Please give me the chance to explain it, to tell you what I've wanted to tell you for such a long time now. Please. ~Edward x PS: You look beautiful my princess_

Who was she to deny him that? She would be a fool if she did. Gripping the hope she felt inside her, she let her eager fingers wander of the keys of her mobile.

_I would love to talk Edward, but texting isn't ideal, don't ya think? :) I'll call you tomorrow. Bisou ~Bella x PS: Thanks, and in case you were wondering, bisou is the French for kiss... _

The rest of the movie she just sat there, staring at the screen but not absorbing any information. It was only when the end credits rolled and she saw the name of Heath Ledger on the screen that she was confronted with the painful realization that life indeed was too short to live with regret.

She stayed until everyone had departed - she hadn't even seen Edward or the others leave the theater - before gathering her belongings and strolling to the exit.

Tomorrow seemed so far away, too far away. Determined not to wallow in her own misery and regret, Leah's last words flashed in front of her eyes. G_o get him Bella, conquer his heart like he conquered yours._ And that was what she would do, not tomorrow but today...

* * *

Chapter notes:

So what do you think? Can you see the bright light shining in the dark tunnel? Put on some sunglasses because happiness is lurking around the cornor of this chapter. Big fluffy happiness and lemon. I hope you don't mind that *g*

I'm not sure when I'll be able to update but I was wondering: do you prefer two updates on the same day (every two weeks) or do you prefer seperated updates? Your wish is my command.

Option A: two updates back to back please!

Option B: one update every once in awhile is all I ask, b**** :)

Oh yes Robert, make commands, demands, wishes all you want and I'm yours baby, you know it!

And in case you forgot: Reviews are better than Tanya and Bella starting a cat fight :)


	20. Chapter 20: Second Chance

A/N: So this is the chapter you've all been waiting for (I hope). It took me +- 93 000 words to get here and I appreciate every single one of you who stuck with me, while most of you probably wished that they never started reading this fic in the first place. I'm sorry for that. To reward you for your patience, understanding and amazing reviews, I present you... the longest chapter this far (7000 words).

The fluff and smut is starting. Be prepared girls.

**WARNING**: This chapter and the next ones contain sexual situations. Minors, who are still reading this, shouldn't (but the forbidden is always so tempting to do, I know!). Go watch Sponge bob, or read Twilight *g* or whatsover.

*hands you all a ticket for the fluff/happiness/smut-train* Let's get this train started, okay?

F***, I almost forgot: Thanks Courntey who beta'ed this chapter faster than lightning. You're better than Edward stripping in Italy. Okay, not better but you get my point, right? And many thanks to Shabbyapple, for being the amazing beta for this fic here at .

*hugs you both*

* * *

**Chapter 20: Second Chance**

~*~  
_You know if I leave you now  
it doesn't mean that I love you any less  
it's just the state I'm in  
I can't be good to anyone else like this_

-Sarah McLachlan, Wait-  
~*~

She felt his penetrating stare on the back of her neck during the rest of the movie, but Bella didn't dare to turn around and search for his eyes in the dark of the theater. She just sat there, staring at the screen but not absorbing any information. Every image of the heroic Batman or the infectious sound of the Joker's smile passed by her in a daze. The movie didn't make sense to her since she wasn't able to connect the scenes together; it was all a blur. She just couldn't see the bigger picture because she lost her ability to focus; to think rationally. She was numb. A numbness that _he_ was to blame for.

It was only when the end credits rolled and she saw the name of Heath Ledger on the screen that she could focus again. She was confronted with the painful realization that life indeed was too short to live with regret, and suddenly she could see things clearly again. She needed to live _now_, without regret.

She stayed there until everyone had departed -she hadn't even seen Edward or the others leave the theater- before gathering her belongings and strolling to the exit. Tomorrow seemed so far away; _too_ far away.

Determined not to wallow in her own misery and regret any more -she had done that enough in the past and she didn't want to make the same mistakes again- Leah's last words flashed in front of her eyes.

_Go get__ him Bella; conquer his heart like he conquered yours._

And that was what she would do, not tomorrow but today. Right now.

~*~

"Uh Miss...? uh another customer is waiting for me. Could you please make up your mind?" The young cab driver pleaded to his passenger in the back seat. After he had calculated the fare, Bella had asked him to wait just a moment longer so that she could register every movement on the street, but thus far no action had taken place

She didn't really know what she was expecting; _if_ she should expect anything. Maybe Edward would go to Tanya's place or they would be in a bar right now, discussing how great the movie was. Or maybe he would be here soon, with_ her_. Or maybe he was alone.

_Please God, I usually don't ask you favors and I know I don't deserve any favors at all but, please, let him be alone. Just to talk, nothing more._

"Can you wait for another minute please?" She asked the driver, connecting with his eyes in the rearview mirror and flashing him one of her dazzling smiles.

"You asked that last time too Miss, but time is money. I have a pregnant wife and a son; I need to make sure that there is food in the fridge."

He was becoming agitated -she heard it in the timbre of his voice- so she decided to get out and make up her mind outside. She gave him the money, added a tip, and looked for the door handle to exit the vehicle when she saw the lights of an approaching car that had just turned around the corner. Her heart skipped a beat and she was unable to move.

"Miss?" The cab driver repeated, wondering what was so important about that car.

"Just one more second, please?" Bella whispered, afraid that the tremor in her voice would betray her current insecure state. She heard him sigh deeply -he probably rolled his eyes as well- but she couldn't be bothered about that; there were more important things to be worried about.

The radiant smile on her face was the last thing the cab driver saw in his mirror before she scooted out of the car and thanked him softly.

She was welcomed by the coolness of the night accompanied by bright stars that guided her through her insecurity. The black scarf that had been hidden in her big cluttered purse soon warmed her eager body. She draped it around her nude shoulders, straightened her back, lifted her head up and smiled as she walked towards her future.

She clasped her hands together and wished herself good luck while crossing the street to ring the bell of his apartment.

He had already flipped on the lights -she had noticed that while she neared his building- so he was definitely inside.

Bella counted to three before she pressed the black bell with a trembling finger, but nothing happened.

_Maybe he didn't hear the first ring_, Bella thought when she decided to press the bell one more time, but nothing happened again. She stared at the frosted glass door in front of her, feeling numb and insecure again. She was about to walk away, telling herself that he probably didn't want to be bothered right now, when she heard the soft creeping sound of an opening door.

"Bella?" His voice sounded hesitant and uncertain; like a man who spoke for the first time after he had remained silent for years. His voice was laced with guilt and a painful pang attacked her heart, squeezing it until it hurt. Evidently guilt was eating this man alive; guilt _he_ shouldn't feel in the first place since he didn't do anything wrong.

She turned around to look into his wonderful soul, to comfort him with her eyes and with the warmth of her voice. There was only one word that she had the right to say -given the circumstances nicknames weren't or didn't feel appropriate- but she did her best to make sure that his name contained all the emotions that captured her heart in a tight grip.

"Edward?" It contained a hopeful whisper; a promise of a happy future. Hopefully together_._

They stared at each other for a heartbeat; not knowing what to do or say next. It was Edward who opened his arms and pulled her closer; he needed to feel her skin on his, to make sure this wasn't a dream. He couldn't believe she was here with him, right now.

His left hand entangled itself in her curly hair, smelling like strawberries and lilies. He could recognize those scents out of a million others, because those scents smelt like _her_. It was that specific smell that made his senses come alive again; opened every pore of his skin so his body could breathe again. She was able to take his breath away, erasing his ability to think or to worry. He felt alive again the moment he heard the tremor of hope in her voice. Hope that was addressed for his ears only.

"Can I come in please?" She asked, sounding confident and strong.

"You're alone, right?" Bella added, looking him straight in the eye, hoping that she could still read him. The twinkle in his eyes didn't go unnoticed, and when she stepped inside she halted his racing thoughts.

"I took a cab after I left the theater; I waited till you got home. I didn't want to put it off till tomorrow to speak to you, Edward. But if you want, I can leave..." Her last words got stuck in the back of her throat the second he took her left elbow in his hands and let his palms wander over her naked flesh. She hadn't dared to think about how amazing it felt to experience his warm skin on hers; for weeks and months she had blocked those thoughts out of her foggy brain and now she remembered why she had done so. Feeling him so close, skin touching skin; it was more than she could bear and it erased everything in her present consciousness. He erased everything, except the aching need to feel more; much more.

She closed her eyes, allowing herself to revel in the sensation of his body right next to hers. The smile lighting up her face; the sound of short, rapid inhalations when he moved his palms upwards to encircle her shoulders, she knew she was coming undone in front of his very eyes, but she didn't mind one bit. She'd love to come undone for this man, over and over again. She could spend a lifetime with him, if only he gave her a second chance.

"Do I have a stalker?" He whispered close to her ear before directing her towards the stairs to guide her into his apartment, his palm resting on her lower back, gently pushing her forward, her eyes sliding closed at the sensation.

He was rewarded with a soft smile before she opened her warm, chocolate pools again and followed him upstairs.

"I will walk away if you want me to Edward, but I would love to talk to you first. Explain things; apologize for the lack of contact these past months."

Bella entered his apartment, neat and cozy like she remembered. He was right behind her, too close the door and she could feel the warmth of his breath in her hair. It felt like being tortured, but it was the kind of torment she actually enjoyed. The kind of torment she'd like to endure over and over again, willingly.

She sensed his presence -he was _very _close but not close enough- and although she longed to turn around and let her lips crash onto his, she didn't do it. She couldn't. She didn't have the right to do it.

First she wanted to have a proper conversation, to make him understand and _believe_. She wanted to be honest with him; he deserved that. She needed to be honest with herself too, if she wanted to come clean and clear her thoughts and worries. _And maybe start a relationship with this wonderful man._

"Please, stay," Edward whispered as he unwrapped the black scarf from her neck, emphasizing his words. She nodded her head in return, a thankful smile curling up the corners of her lips.

"Do you want some wine? I have a bottle of African red right here." He was already walking to the cupboard to extract two large crystal glasses.

"African wine? Were you expecting me?" she teased. Already their playful banter had returned, though they had only seen each other for two minutes.

"I had _hoped_ you would come Bella..."

She sensed that he wasn't finished talking so she remained silent, her eyes warm on his back.

"…That you would return to me one day to explain, to make me understand." He added, and she knew that he was still the emotional man she had remembered him to be. She couldn't remain where she was -standing near the door, in the kitchen, too far away from him with her hands twisting and turning, staring right through his shirt- so she closed the distance between them, bringing her trembling hand towards his right cheek and telling him how sorry she was.

"I never wanted to hurt you Edward; I hope you believe that. I can't expect you to forgive me right now, though I do hope that that day will come, someday. But you have to believe me that the woman who went to Africa wasn't a woman who deserved your goodness and love. She was too insecure about herself; she was walking a tight-rope that was fraying, about to come unraveled any minute. And I knew you would catch me with open arms and provide a safe place to land, but I couldn't let you do that."

Her eyes skimmed his face, looking for any sign that he understood, if only 1% of him did so.

"Why not?" he whispered. His face was a painful mixture of sadness and sorrow, the frown in between his eyes making it even more obvious than it already was. He was still in pain – how could she think otherwise?!

Bella knew that he would have done everything and anything for her, but she wanted to be a stronger, more confident woman when she came back. She wanted to be the woman who deserved him.

"Because I was a ticking time bomb, Edward, and you know that. I was about to break, and that would hurt you so much and you didn't deserve that. You deserved so much better. And I know that fleeing all the way to Africa hurt you, maybe even more than it hurt me, but I wanted to be the woman you deserve. And that wasn't the woman who went to Africa, she was far from perfect. It wasn't because I loved you any less, but it was the state I was in; I couldn't be good for any one, especially you."

Bella inhaled before she continued the monologue that was written by her racing heart.

"The woman who fled from you thought that perfection existed, but I know now that it doesn't. It feels liberating to know the truth, and I'm sorry that it took me months to discover that, Edward. I do realize now that perfection doesn't exist, and I accept that now. But my old me didn't, and couldn't. But I can. I never, truly never, meant to hurt you. You have to believe me. Believe in me."

She looked at him through turbid, watery eyes, hoping that he hadn't lost his faith in her.

He didn't say a word, but when he kissed the tear away that had slipped from her left eye; she knew that he had never lost his faith in her._ Thank you God._

"That wasn't the only thing I realized in the Congo, Edward."

The questioning frown on his face made her continue.

"I thought that writing a letter before I left would be enough. But I soon realized that you deserved a proper explanation from me, in person. It's poor excuse that writing a letter was easier and was probably the only thing I would have been able to do at that moment, but I should have tried harder. For you. And I didn't. I'm sorry for that as well."

Edward was about to shush her, but she held up her hand to stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth. She needed to say this, he deserved her apologies.

"I have to apologize Edward; it wouldn't be fair if I didn't. There is more I want to explain, if you're okay with that?" She hesitated, not knowing if this conversation was going in the right direction. If there was a _right _or _wrong..._

He nodded his head once, a gesture that Bella interpreted as positive, and a signal to go on.

"I hoped to want you as much as you wanted me, instead of _needing_ you. When I looked into your eyes I could only see honest love and the longing to be loved back. And I couldn't give it to you, because I _needed _you. I was not a whole person and I was desperately relying on you to make me whole again. But I was unable to give back to you the way you gave to me. It was a lopsided, uneven relationship, and it wasn't fair to you." She paused and took a shuddering breath.

"Africa made me whole again and taught me that I_ wanted_ you, more than I've ever wanted anything before," she confessed, while tears travelled down her warm cheeks, which were enveloped by both of Edward's comforting hands.

"And do you still want me now Bella?" Edward whispered, his lips only a breath away from hers.

"I want you even more now, Edward," she whispered back, her hoarse voice full of love and desire, and she closed her eyes when she registered that he had merged his lips over hers. A content sigh left both their mouths before the softness of his full lips erased the tremble of her lower lip.

He pressed his lips full on hers, hesitantly at first, but more confidently a heart-beat later. He placed soft feather kisses on every inch of her pink lips, exploring her with a determination that came close to perfection.

Suddenly, her legs felt like they couldn't carry her anymore; her heartbeat drummed in her ears with a loudness that was never heard before, and yet she felt more at ease than ever. She was with him; he touched her in a way she loved to be touched, and that was enough.

It was like he could sense her instability, because he guided her gently backwards until the curve of her bottom rested against his cooking island. They were the most modest and simple kisses of any kiss in the universe, only lips softly touching lips. But they contained so much love and passion, and a silent promise for something more.

His palms were still on her cheeks; his body was now pressed against hers in an intimate way that she utterly enjoyed. The soft tip of his silky tongue caressed her lips, incessantly demanding entry into her mouth, and she was more than willing to allow his tongue the access it commanded. She moved one hand towards his heart to feel the exuberant life-force within him while the other travelled to his hipbone that suddenly felt too overdressed in her opinion. She pulled his shirt out of his jeans so that she had access to his bare, warm skin. She wanted to feel more, but more was not enough.

A shock jolted through her body when his tongue came in contact with hers; a jolt she would experience for the rest of her life; every time he'd kiss her like that. The kiss contained an almost unbearable amount of passion; a vow and a promise that this wasn't the last kiss they would ever share.

A single tear rolled down her cheek and mingled itself with their passionate lip locking, but this tear was one of happiness. She was complete. For the first time in months, Bella Swan felt like her heart, body and soul were one; whole and complete. That she had everything she ever wanted.

_Thank you God._

_Thank you Edward, for giving me that second chance. A chance I maybe not deserved in the first place, but thank _you_!_

While Bella unbuttoned his shirt to have proper access to his skin, to let her hands wander over the biceps and strong shoulders she had missed, Edward moved his roving hands to her hips and pulled her up the cooking island. Sensing her wobbly legs, she felt grateful for his action because she knew that if he kept exploring her mouth and lips so sensuously, she wouldn't be able to stand.

"Thanks," she whispered in between their kisses, taking some much needed oxygen in her lungs.

"I was afraid you might faint," he teased her while he moved his slightly swollen lips to her ear. He took her ear lobe in between his teeth and nibbled on it. He licked the inside of her ear lovingly and placed a kiss on the warm cartilage, before his mouth travelled down to her neck, where her skin was pulsating, aching with need.

Bella closed her eyes while he explored her body; opened her legs so he could step into them and have better access to her receptive body. She longed to feel all of him so she moved her trembling hands to his shoulders and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into an even closer embrace.

His chest was now pressed against her upper body; his hands traveling up and down her spine to feel more of her. She tossed her head back in a dreamy trance before locking back onto his lips, while he continued his oral assault. A moan rumbled in her chest, up to the back of her throat but it was swallowed by another eager French kiss on her panting mouth.

Time stood still for the lovers.

The need for oxygen was impossible to ignore and soon the lovebirds needed to pause their suffocating kisses. Their foreheads rested against each other, eyes closed, both panting from what had just transpired. They both brought their hands towards the other's cheeks and shared another loving kiss.

The sound of Edward's beeping cell phone pulled them back to the present, and although Edward didn't want to leave their cocoon of new love, he worried that something could have happened to Rose, Emmett or Liam, and knew that he needed to check it, to stop his mind from worrying.

"I'm sorry. I'll be right back, okay?" Edward whispered, afraid that talking would unravel the blanket of passion that was draped over them.

Bella could only nod her head in agreement, her ability to speak once again erased by this amazing man. She followed his every movement; every elegant shift of his buttocks, as he searched for his mobile in the adjoining room.

_Thank you God,_ Bella whispered again; her stare projected on his white ceiling. She was grateful for the second chance he wanted to give her, and she promised that she wouldn't mess with his feelings anymore. She would love him for as long as he let her love him. A lifetime, she hoped.

She used to be afraid of the future -she wasn't a big planner or organized person- but now, she longed to have more with this man. She wanted everything and more.

When she heard him answer his phone, her eyes fell on the crystal glasses and the unopened bottle of wine. Deciding to pour them both a glass, Bella popped of the island and walked over to the bottle of wine. She felt a bit unsteady at first when she got on her feet, like a little baby taking its first steps ever. Bella shook that thought out of her head since thinking about babies still made her heart ache.

With two glasses in her hands, she walked to the large leather sofa and set them down on the coffee table. She removed her shoes, tucked her legs under her body, and waited for Edward to return. She wanted to toast their future, and the idea of a future together with Edward made her heart race again.

"Everything okay?" Bella wanted to know when Edward sat down next to her, a slight frown visible on his forehead again. He draped his arm around her shoulder to guide her closer until her head rested on his chest. He inhaled deeply -it was more a sigh, a frustrated one- before he told her who had called him.

"It was Tanya, the woman I was with tonight. She...well...," he hesitated, carefully weighing his words to make sure that he didn't ruin their new-found connection. The soft caress of Bella's hand on his stomach calmed him down and he really believed that this was the start of a beautiful long future together. Honesty was the best policy, so he came clean with what Tanya had asked him.

"She wanted me to give her one more chance, but I told her that we -she and I- wouldn't work out. I just hope she understands and that..." He swallowed his words, not sure if Bella wanted to hear him finish that sentence. He was surprised when she voiced what he had just swallowed.

"That she isn't hurt too much?" Bella asked, looking into his beautiful, compassionate eyes.

"Yeah, I don't like to hurt others," he confirmed, causing her lips to form a smile.

"You are a good person Edward Cullen, you know that?" Bella took the glasses of red wine, handing one to him and raising it into a toast. "And I would like to get to know that good man even better in the future."

"To our future," he whispered, like he was afraid that when he said it out loud, he would wake up from this dream.

"Our future," she repeated. A confident nod was his reply before they both brought the love-colored liquid to their mouths, swallowing little sips.

Bella smiled softly, exhaled contently, and leaned in to place a loving kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you so much for this second chance, Edward. I promise you I won't blow it this time." She plied another kiss -a promising one this time- on his soft pink mouth, a kiss Edward deepened welcomingly. Their lip locking was spiced by the lingering taste of the African wine and the longing for more, much more, in the future.

It was Edward who broke the kiss to thank her too.

"You always had a place in my heart. You never left there, even if you were thousands of miles away. And I'm grateful that you came back for me." He meant it with all his heart, with even more than his heart could contain.

"Thanks for having faith in me... in us, Edward." Another kiss sealed her gratefulness and the promise to always have faith in each other.

"Were you dating Tanya for awhile Edward?" Looking into his troubled eyes she backpedaled, "Or if you don't want to talk about her, I would understand." Bella hoped that he did indeed want to talk about that Tanya woman, as the sparkle of her previous jealousy had not left her.

"Were you jealous?" Edward wanted to know first. There was no smug smirk on his face; he wasn't teasing her at all. He was serious and full of compassion. He just wanted to understand her, all of her.

"I still am a bit, I think. But I'm glad you're here now. You did break up with her, right?"

"Of course I did and there is no need to feel jealous. I took her home and told her that things wouldn't work out between us. I think she sensed that you were still in my heart although I never told her about you. I never said anything about you because it hurt too much," he confessed, a painful sting still obvious in his voice.

Before Bella could apologize again, he continued. "Emmett had set up a date between Tanya and me a couple of weeks ago, and I promised my brother to give it a chance. But I think I didn't _want_ to have another woman."

He gazed into her eyes and it felt like he could see straight into her; mind, heart and soul. His emerald warm green eyes penetrated her soul and warmed her heart some more. The knot in her stomach twisted again, like it did when she had first seen him tonight; a lingering longing for him that was impossible to ignore with him sitting so close to her.

His comment made her blush and erased all the jealousy she had felt before. She felt simultaneously at ease and nervous at the same time.

~*~

Edward suppressed another yawn, his third in less than five minutes, although he had done his best to hide the fatigue that was coming down on him.

"Come on Edward," Bella said before she gave a quick glance at her watch. "It's over two a.m., time to get you to bed." They had been talking the entire time, catching up with each other's pasts. They had laughed and cried together, but in a good, healing way.

"Will you stay, please?" Edward asked hopefully, after Bella had pulled him onto his feet. He didn't wait till she answered but gave her a mind-blowing kiss that left her speechless. She had no choice but to follow him -their hands entangled together- as they walked to the bathroom together.

It felt perfect, standing next to each other at the sink, brushing their teeth, enraptured by the prospect of sharing a bed. He placed a kiss on her forehead and told her to take her time undressing. He handed her one of his clean t-shirts and made his way upstairs. But she didn't want his t-shirt. She wanted to wear something that captured his specific scent and she searched for the wife beater he had just thrown in the basket.

She removed her bra, inhaling the typical bouquet that was Edward Cullen, before she pulled the tank top over her head. With a content smile, she made her way upstairs after she'd turned off the lights, with a beating heart that was almost deafening.

She was welcomed by the warm light of his bedroom; he had even turned down the covers on her side of the bed. She switched off the lamp on the bedside table, crawled into bed, and once again thanked him for everything. Surprisingly he was already breathing deeply, sounding like he had fallen asleep the second his head hit the pillow.

She rolled her body over to study his peaceful features. The light of the full moon seeped through the curtains and fell over his face, creating a halo. A peaceful smile tugged the corners of his mouth and his serene expression infectiously had the same effect on Bella. It touched her heart that he had finally found some rest, after all this time. He had told her about the lack of sleep he had endured these past months, something that had made her angrier with herself than she had been before. But now it hadn't taken him hours to fall asleep; on the contrary. It had only taken minutes for him to drift off in a much deserved sleep, making this night perfect for her.

Bella repositioned her pillow so that she could lay closer to him. Her back was pressed against his chest, her head rested in the crook of his arm. In his sleep, he draped his arm around her stomach and pulled her even closer than before. A contented sigh left his mouth, the lips of his slightly open mouth pressed a soft kiss on her shoulder before he drifted deeper and deeper into dreamland, soon followed by Bella...

***

It was another bright day, and Bella yawned, stretching her body as she slowly awoke. A quick glance at the clock on her side of the bed told her that it was after one o'clock but she didn't mind that she had slept through most of this bright summer day. She rolled over in the king size bed, hoping to gaze into the most beautiful green eyes she had ever seen. The warm pools she had desired to find weren't there, though. Instead, she was greeted by an empty space next to her.

She moved her hand to where Edward had slept, to feel if his space was still warm. But it wasn't, so evidently he had left their cocoon a while ago.

Something on his pillow caught her attention and when she moved closer, she saw the white paper crane perched on the wine-red pillow case. She pushed herself up on her elbows and took the paper crane in between her fingers. When she unfolded one wing of the bird, she noticed the note he had left for her.

_Good morning princess,__  
I was awake for awhile and you were sleeping so peacefully...__  
I am making breakfast downstairs  
~x~_

_PS Sorry for falling asleep last night, I'll make it up to you soon..._

A bright smile captured her features while she thought _I do hope you'll make it up to me soon,_ before she went downstairs to look for Edward, she pressed her face in his pillow and inhaled his scent. His specific aroma made her senses alive and scratched a certain itch in her body. She longed for him, _all_ of him.

Edward turned around when he heard the sound of approaching footsteps, turned off the stove, and removed the pan with the scrambled eggs in it. The sight of her -sleep still lingering on her lovely features- so beautiful and shiny first thing in the morning... that sight was something he easily could get used to.

"Good morning," he whispered in her ear when she walked into his warm embrace. His strong arms enveloped her fragile frame, her body pressing close to his. He could feel the outline of her breasts through the thin shirt, her nipples burning into his already aroused flesh. He forced himself to think of other things, like Chopin or Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. But when she pressed a strong kiss on his lips and told him how beautiful he looked, those thoughts disappeared like dew in front of the sun.

"Do I have time for a refreshing, quick shower?" Bella asked, her eyes zoning in on his pink lips.

_A cold shower, to calm down_ Bella told herself, when images of what that mouth could do to her crashed into her mind. "Breakfast smells delicious by the way."

He could only stare and nod his head in return, and he swallowed hard -like his throat was covered with sand all of sudden- when she walked away, her hips swinging from left to right like she was dancing a sensual salsa. Her cream colored hot pants and his white wife beater accentuated her slender figure in the most perfect way. It made all his blood travel southwards, making his baggy jeans suddenly feel too tight. He longed for her, in the most intimate way; he had dreamed about exploring her gorgeous body uncountable times.

_Why did you fall asleep last night in the first place? You moron!_

_I was tired._

_Tired?!_ One of the voices in his head scoffed, mocking him. But Edward wasn't in the mood to feel sorry for himself, because he could feel that today would be a day to remember. So he silenced the voices in his head with one strong sneer.

_Shut. The. Fuck. Up._

Happy that the silence had returned in his head, Edward made the finishing touches on breakfast and arranged everything outside on his terrace while Bella took a shower. He had baked fresh bread, cooked scrambled eggs, squeezed fresh orange juice, and offered several kinds of fruit in a basket on the table. The coffee was ready to be served, and he was just starting to pour two cups when he heard her open the bathroom door.

She approached him from behind just as he set down the pot of coffee, her front pressed against his back. Her head fit perfectly in between his shoulders and she wrapped her arms neatly around his belly, like they were designed just to encircle his body. She kissed him through the material of his white t-shirt, thanking him for all the effort he had put forth making breakfast.

"I'm normally not the kind of woman who has time to eat such an extended breakfast, but I could get used to this," she murmured while peeking her head out from behind him and gaping at the spread in front of her.

"Do you mind if I walk around in my PJ's some more -it's too hot anyway to wear something more formal."

Edward turned around to kiss her again; he had this irresistible impulse to lock his lips to hers non-stop; a need that was quite understandable given their fresh, sparkling love. The sensation of their passionate kiss ripped through his body, and when his gaze traveled up and down her body to drink in her current skimpy clothing, that sensation increased tenfold.

She didn't wear anything different than before, except for the fact that she had slid on a pair of his favorite boxers. And she apparently had added a bra now too since he couldn't see the contour of her bosom through the wife beater. For the second time in less than ten minutes, Edward felt like he had swallowed the entire Sahara desert.

He could only smile -her long legs and beautiful shoulders had hooked him in- while he walked over to her chair to pull it back for her, like a true gentleman.

A warm blush crawled upon her cheeks and her heart started to race when she inhaled his cologne. The effect of the cold shower quickly faded when her eyes locked onto the mischievous and boyish twinkle that mesmerized his pools.

"Thanks Edward." And she took a large gulp of her orange juice to erase the dryness threatening to close her throat.

~*~

During breakfast, his warm legs touched hers; sometimes accidentally, sometimes on purpose. Their subtle and overt touches were skyrocketing each other's arousal levels, making the food taste more delicious; more sensual.

The breakfast was finished long ago, and Bella basked in the early Forks sun, thinking about how crazy he made her by staring at her like that. She didn't need to look at him to know that his gaze was on her the whole time.

"Come here," he demanded softly, and she was surprised by his sudden boldness.

Another hard and slow swallow later, she had closed the distance between them and had straddled him. One leg on each side of his hips, her front pressed against his, and she looked him in the eyes, deeply. Their eyes smoldered, arousing each other even more, and when Bella rearranged her bottom in his lap, Edward was about to be pulled over the edge.

He took her head in his trembling fingers, kissed her fiercely and swallowed the moans that started to rumble in the back of her throat. His hands soon moved from her cheeks to her neck, to her shoulders that felt warm from the sun, to the sides of her body all the way down to her hips. He _accidentally_ touched the side of her breasts which made her shift in his lap some more.

Edward couldn't take it any longer and stood up, cupping her bottom and holding her close. Bella automatically wrapped her legs around his hips while he made his way back inside; upstairs to the master bedroom.

As he stridently took one stair after the other, his mouth traveled to the pulsating skin of her neck, licking and nibbling while her moans sounded like music in his ears. Music he liked more than his favorite song.

He was almost near the bed when she guided his head closer to her cleavage, and the inhalation of her seductive scent made his moans join hers.

His t-shirt followed her wife beater to the ground, before their heated bodies had even touched the coolness of the sheets, and he laid her down on the soft mattress to remove the rest of her suddenly overrated clothing. He removed his boxers that she was wearing and saw the hot pants matching with her silk cream colored bra.

"You are perfect to me Bella," Edward whispered when he unbuttoned his baggy jeans, to let them fall to the ground too.

The sight of him, only dressed in his black boxers, made her head spin like she was suffering from a lack of oxygen.

"You are too, Edward," she whispered back, before she let her mouth crash on his. A deep, loving kiss on the lips soon traveled all over her body as he moved his eager lips towards her ear, neck, and breasts. He looked her deeply in the eyes before he removed her bra, and he was even more in awe of the beauty that lay in front of him.

He placed soft feather kisses on each breast, which made her nipples harden instantly, his hands soon finding her breasts to knead them hungrily. Licking, sucking, teasing; it was all part of the love game they were playing right now.

When Bella shifted her body, pulling her hips slightly upwards, she was rewarded with the feel of the tip of his erection pressed against the inside of her warm valley.

His hungry touches made her eager for more, and she was instantly wet for him. He was making her crazy with every kiss he placed on her aroused body. She was about to come without being touched in the most intimate way and she told him that he was making her crazy, her voice thick with want and need.

"Edward, please." She took his head in between her damp palms and gazed into his dark warm pools of pure arousal.

"I want you Edward; I want you more than I wanted anything else in my life. But I need to feel you closer, to feel _all_ of you, _please_." She begged him to have mercy with her and when he kissed her on her heavily panting mouth, he told her that he wanted her even more.

"Good, good," she heard herself say, followed by, "because I'm yours Edward. I'm all yours." She moved her eager hands towards his boxers-clad buttocks, sliding them under the fabric to pull them off of him. She didn't succeed but he sensed her almost unbearable wanting and lust, draped with passion, and he showed mercy to her aching body.

He undressed both of them, so they were only left with the nudity Mother Nature once gave them. One kiss on her already wet entrance; followed by a finger... he discovered the human proof that she was _more_ than ready for him.

Another kiss was placed on her belly button, another one her breasts, neck and swollen lips.

"Edward," Bella whispered again, a sex-blush obvious on her damp body.

He knew she was about to come soon so he looked for a condom in his cupboard; he was pleased to find one rapidly. The condom was soon rolled over his proud manhood and when he opened her legs with his knee, she was willing to grant him the access he needed.

They looked at each other when he entered her, slowly, and could only see deep love and hot passion in each other's sex-clouded eyes. He pulled her legs a bit upwards and started to move into her. They soon found a rhythm that both liked more with every deep, deliberate thrust. She bit her lower lip, encouraging him to move faster and deeper. She was about to lose it, but she tried to hold herself back some more.

Edward saw that she was holding back, but when he brought one hand under her bottom to reposition her, he hit the well-hidden spot deep inside her female body that made her crash real hard and long. She moaned his name when she came, and closed her eyes in fear that they would jump out of their sockets because of the release she was enduring right then.

She pulled him over the edge with her when she pressed her breasts against his chest, moaning his name, and that was all he needed to join her into a long, much desired crash. His hot semen was spilled into the plastic of the condom, and their sweat mingled with each other while moans and declarations of love did the same.

He rested his head in between the valley of her breasts and told her he had loved her since the first moment he had laid his eyes on her. A tear slipped from her eye when he confessed to her that he had loved her every day more and more, if that was possible. He listened to her heart gradually slowing down; played with her still damp hair from the shower she had taken less than an hour ago.

"I could love you forever Edward," Bella declared before she pressed a kiss on his forehead.

"I like the sound of that and I hope you will." He kissed her until she was breathless, sealing their love with a kiss that contained more than words could ever describe...

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

Feedback is the desire to know if you did a good job or not.. and reviews are better than loving Edward forever :D Hello, who am I kidding, right?


	21. Chapter 21: Piano Loving

Ola!

Sorry for the delay in between updates, but my brother's first babyboy was born and the baby stole my heart the minut I saw him. He is such a cutie and if you want to admire his hairporn (the boy is born with the coolest hair ever), add me on LJ (link on my profile). Now it's time for another update, but before you scroll down to read the chapter, just this:

- Thanks to Courtney for betaing the crap out of it - I hope you enjoyed the smutfest hun *giggles*

- I bow for Shabbyapple, for taking the time to validate the chapter, in between the busy life she definitely leads.

- I'm in awe for all the reviewers, the people who added this fic to their favourites, who mailed me, gave me shiny stars,... I adore every single one of you and I hope that I replied to every single kind of feedback. If I forgot you, let me know!

- In case you wondered: I don't own anything related to Twilight - I just play around and have fun with it.

Now, go and read!

* * *

**Chapter 21: Piano Loving**

"I could love you forever Edward," Bella declared before she pressed a kiss on his forehead, her fingers playing with the untamed hair she loved so much.

"I like the sound of that and I hope you will," he whispered, afraid that his own voice would betray the emotional state of pure ecstasy he was currently experiencing.

He rolled on top of her, and captured her lips in a kiss to seal their love. He kissed her until she was breathless, a kiss that communicated more than words could ever describe.

They had only kissed for a few times now, and it felt like their connection got better every time their lips collided. It was an addiction already, a rush that increased in intensity every time, and if jumping off the highest cliff had ever given her a high, then Edward's kisses made her senses explode. An explosion that was much healthier than any brainless action or desperate act could evoke. This was love, in the purest sense of the word.

The tip of this tongue caressed her bottom lip demandingly and the moment Bella opened her mouth to let his tongue slide onto her own; she opened her legs as well, pleased by the feel of his erection in between her aching thighs. Her heartbeat had just calmed down after their first lovemaking but now it was pumping blood through her veins in a new record time. Her hungry hands found his strong shoulders, travelling down his lower back to his buttocks while his oral assault went on and on.

She didn't know when or how he had entered her, but when Bella realized that they were moving together in the most intimate way possible, she realized that they were having unprotected sex. And although she longed to have children one day, today wouldn't be that day.

"Edward," she moaned when he repositioned the angle of lovemaking, an angle that touched _that_ spot, driving her crazy and breathless. It was the same spot he had touched the first time only ten minutes ago, and Bella realized that Jacob had never pleased her like that. No one had ever made love to her in such a selfish way as Jacob did and no one had ever made love to her in such a selfless way as Edward was doing right now. But she had to stop him, before things got out of hand, although she hated doing so enormously.

"No condom," she breathed hoarsely and felt him still his movements immediately. He apologized but realized that he hadn't even known what they were doing. He was so drunk by her love and her beauty. A drunken state that blocked every rational thought out of his mind.

"I'm so so sorry Bella," but he was cut off by Bella's soft swollen lips that swallowed his words with a passionate kiss.

"No need to excuse yourself and I'm sorry too, for interrupting things, but I want to practice lots more with you before we actually start making kids."

Her comment made a smile erupt on his face, followed by a husky chuckle, and he was pulled back to the day he had run into her. She had made him feel at ease back then too, when she lightened the mood with some teasing jokes. Listening to his nervous apologies about colliding into her with his bike, she had teased "_You are a pro at rambling too, I see."_

Back then, it felt like she had known him for a long time and in her heart she did. She had read him like a book although they were mere strangers to each other at the time. Since then they had become friends and now lovers.

"I just love it how you can make me feel so at ease." He reluctantly removed his erection from the warmth of her inner thighs, and lay next to her, to snuggle close to her once again. Their cocooning embrace felt like a homecoming to both of them, a home they hadn't experienced in a long time.

Edward let his fingertips wander over the swell of her breasts, grazing over her nipples, snaking down to her belly button where he made lazy circles on her flat stomach. The feeling of his warm digits on her naked skin made her relax some more and Bella closed her eyes with contentment.

"Bella?" Edward asked after awhile. He pushed his head up with his elbow and let it rest on his hand. He looked at her; the peaceful expression on her face was one he wanted to keep in mind for the rest of his days. She looked so gracious and angelic. So at ease.

She opened one eye lazily, mumbled an 'Mmm' and closed it again although she could still feel his penetrating warm green eyes on her. His checking her out like this evoked a smile on her face. He had a possessive glint in his eyes but she didn't mind it one bit. She was his, for now and forever.

"Can I ask you something personal? Something intimate?" The last word caught her attention, opening her eyes all of a sudden like she was aware that something unpleasant was about to come.

The trepidation in her eyes made Edward feel uncomfortable; he was afraid that he would break the spell they were currently under. But he needed to ask her what he had been thinking of since the day he had turned his back on her.

"Uhm... it's, well, it's probably none of my business, I shouldn't... eeum... ask it so..." He was rambling, he knew it, and stuttering, but he couldn't do anything about it. He always did that when he was nervous and a sudden doubt attacked his body. But Bella shushed him and told him it was all good, stroking his hair in the process, hoping that it would make him feel at ease again.

"You can ask me anything Edward; I will do my best to answer what I can, okay?" And she nodded her own head as a sign to reassure him that she was cool with whatever that was to come. He closed his eyes for a second, reopened them and looked into her expectant gaze when he nervously inquired, "Were you alone, when you, um, lost the baby?"

Part of him wanted to know if Jacob had joined her, but that wasn't really why he asked the question. He wanted to know that she wasn't alone that day, because he felt deeply guilty that he wasn't there for her, exactly when she needed him the most. He had always felt extremely guilty for yelling at her like that on that Sunday when she had just lost her baby. He had turned his back on her and had walked away dismissively. He had been so tired and worn out that day, mentally and physically; empty after everything he had endured the past months. But that didn't take away the fact that guilt had eaten him alive since that time.

"I told you about Leah, the woman I went to Africa with, right?"

When he nodded his head, Bella inhaled deeply and assured herself that she was ready to tell him about one of the most dreadful days of her life.

"Well, she drove me to the hospital and waited for me while the doctor performed the dilation and curettage."

"But you endured the procedure alone?"

Shock was written on his face, a sudden sadness obvious on his previous glowing face, when Bella nodded her head in response.

"That isn't how things should have been Bella. I should have been there for you; I shouldn't have yelled at you...I should have been a better friend."

Edward lowered his head as an act of defeat but Bella tilted his chin up so that his eyes leveled hers. She bore into them, holding his attention until he read her answer in her eyes.

"You _were _and_ are_ the best friend I ever had Edward. You were honest with me, and honesty is the best policy. I needed to have a friend who yelled at me because you opened my eyes that I wasn't a good person back then. I used you Edward; I abused your kindness and love. _I _wasn't a good friend for you Edward."

Bella's confession felt so refreshing and painful at the same time, admitting the truth stung but she deserved that. Hell, she deserved anything for threatening him like that, she thought.

"You used my mother's words," he whispered, but when he read the confusion on her face, he informed her quickly, "My mother always taught me that honesty was the best policy and you just said those words exactly." He felt his eyes water but he didn't mind it one second. He had heard his mother's words out of his lover's mouth and things were only getting better, he thought.

"She would have loved you Bella, just as Grace loved you." He kissed her forehead softly, and saw how she closed her eyes while she exhaled a breath she didn't know she was holding.

"Thanks Edward, that means a lot to me. I know how important your mother is to you."

She folded her arms around his neck and hugged him tight to emphasize her words. She would give any amount of money to bring his parents and Grace back, knowing how much he missed their loving guidance in his life.

"And Bella? I would love to be abused by you," he invited seductively while his right hand slid over her body in a slow, torturous path to rest on her hipbone. He pulled her closer, her lower body touching his in unison to make sure that she felt what kind of abuse he had in mind.

"Oh baby, I _will_ abuse you some more, but I think we better buy the economy family-size package of condoms today, to make sure that we have enough for the weekend." She wiggled her eyebrows seductively to tease him some more.

"Oh god, Swan, I'm _up_ for that!" He rolled on top of her and placed hungry feather kisses on her entire body, quickly located her ticklish spots, and laughed heartily when she begged him for mercy.

~*~

"Come on Edward!" Bella yelled from the living room of the apartment. It was almost five p.m. and they had agreed to get her stuff from the hotel, grab some dinner together, and go to the movies again - together this time.

They both wanted to see _The Dark Knight _again since the first time they were mightily distracted by each other's presence. Bella looked forward to being his date for the night; accompanying him to the place she loved so much -the movie theatre. It felt like sharing her youth with him, as if they were all safe and hidden in the inviting darkness of the theatre. In some ways they were. Whenever she felt the need to be alone, to forget her painful past with an absent father and a mother who died too young, she went to the movie theatre, to forget her own misery by immersing herself in someone else's story.

She had pulled her hair up in a high ponytail and had put on the same dress as she had last night, since that was the only clothing part she had with her.

Edward had wanted to take a shower before they left and Bella now wondered what was taking him so long. But the moment her impatient call for him left her mouth, he opened the bathroom door and left her speechless.

Her eyes swept over him, up and down his body, glued to his stunningly handsome appearance. She didn't know how long she just stared at him, but what she did know what that her hypnosis was broken the moment he stepped closer and she inhaled his sandalwood scent. If her mind wasn't blank before, it was now.

God, he looked gorgeous and oh my God, he smelled delicious, mouthwatering.

"You. Look. So. Hot!" she exclaimed, accentuating every word, while her eyes openly travelled up and down his features. He wore the simplest clothes ever, but the combination of them all together, worn by _him_ made him look like New York's freshest and hottest model.

He wore a simple white shirt with rolled up sleeves, nonchalantly, and nice faded blue jeans. That attire, combined with his black All Star gym shoes, suggested that he was just a normal, average guy, but nothing was normal or average when Edward Cullen was involved. He was handsome, hot and gracious all in one. The white color of his shirt highlighted how tanned he already was, a tan she hadn't really noticed before since she was more occupied with undressing him with her eyes.

"You don't look bad either Bella," he brought his lips extremely close to her ear because the next words he was about to speak were addressed for her only.

"Since the second I saw you last night, I wanted to peel that beautiful dress off you."

Her breath hitched and got stuck in the middle of her throat while a cold shiver travelled up and down her spine although his hot breath on her neck and ear wasn't to blame for that. The mental picture in Bella's head - him undressing her and taking her right here and now - had caused that physical reaction and god she loved the effect he had on her.

"I wish you had bought that Trojan family package already," was all she could come up with before he guided her out of his apartment, into the warmth of the city.

~*~

They took a cab to the Red Lion Hotel, to grab Bella's stuff and bring her belongings over to Edward's place until she had found an apartment of her own. She could have asked the girl who currently sublet her apartment to leave, but part of her didn't want to live there anymore. She longed for a completely fresh start, a home with no memories attached. A clean slate to start all over again.

"Will you get your things together princess, while I go hunt down that family package?" Edward asked, standing on the sidewalk outside the hotel with his famous crooked smile on his face.

His smile was infectious so a chuckle was the reply he got in return.

"Do you think that one family package will be enough Edward?" She teased before she blew him a hand kiss before they were about to part their ways. He shook his head confidently and mentally looked for the closest store in town. No way was he going to leave her any longer than necessary.

As soon as he found what he was looking for, the plan was that Edward would return to the hotel and help her carry her stuff. He had insisted on helping her, although she had assured him it wasn't necessary. She was a big girl, he knew that, but he was a stubborn gentleman who would move the world for her.

The dazzling smile he had flashed at her before she had entered the hotel lobby was one that set her senses on fire; a fire that could only be sparked by one man: _him._ She decided to hurry, haphazardly shoving her toiletries and clothes into her suitcase to make sure that they had some time together again before they went out for dinner later tonight. If he wanted to be abused by her again, he could get his wish.

"When did you become such a sex-craving woman?" Bella asked her beaming reflection in the mirror. But when the soft knock on the door announced the presence of Edward, she knew that being sex-starved was one of the things that _he_ was to blame for.

She straightened her dress a little before she jogged over to the door to welcome him in.

"That was quick," she smiled, and he held aloft the paper bag in front of her face, wiggling it like it was a piece of chocolate or a trophy. And maybe it was -a trophy!

Her mind processed all the information - Edward looking hot, her senses on fire, condoms, and a freshly made bed in a hotel room - and she pushed him abruptly towards said bed, until the back of his calves touched the sheets. A final push made him land on the bed with a soft thud, a surprised look painted on his face. But when Bella straddled him, one leg at each side of his body, his mind covered the same information as she had processed a second before.

"Great thinking Swan," he murmured seductively before she kissed him fiercely.

His hands found her knees and thighs, snaking under the silk of her flowerily dress to caress the warm spot between her legs, his fingers gliding easily under the elastic of her panties. She moaned softly - maybe it was more a grunt - when he set her skin on fire some more. He teased her, touching her flustered skin, sometimes under her panties, sometimes through the material, but teasing nonetheless.

It took Bella only a few seconds to undress his upper body and unbuckle his belt.

"Are we in a hurry?" Edward breathed in between deep groans, as her hungry fingers cupped him through the heavy denim of his jeans. His left hand had found the zipper of her dress as well, unzipped it and peeled it of her body, like he had told her he craved to do less than an hour ago. He had never anticipated that they would be going for it again, so soon, right here in this hotel room, but now that he thought about it, he liked the idea very much. He couldn't get enough of her. Ever.

"Yes," she confirmed while the tip of her tongue licked his nipples, travelling down to his stomach to find his belly button and the hairs that disappeared under the hem of his trousers and boxers.

"Why?" he wanted to know when she remained silent.

"Because I'm starving for you," she admitted while she removed his shoes and jeans.

A deep red blush covered Edward's cheeks and a satisfied feeling of shared longing made his heartbeat increase tenfold. Her hands all over his body were to blame for that too, like he was a huge block of clay that she was about to knead. And maybe he _was_ clay in her hands, but he didn't mind it at all. She could do with him whatever she wanted; he was hers. Forever if he had anything to say about that.

When he felt her long fingers struggling with the hem of his boxers, he automatically wanted to help her. He brought his upper body to a more sitting position, but when Bella registered his movements, she demanded that he lie down again.

"Stay! Enjoy Edward, that's all I ask you to do," she instructed before she removed the last of his clothes.

_Holly fuck! Feisty Bella is freaking hot!_ And it made his cock twist in anticipation some more.

The beauty of his nudity was overwhelming and she took a second to drink in the features of this stunning man than lay in front of her.

"You are beautiful," she said before she moved her hands towards his hard length to guide it closer to her mouth.

Edward wasn't really sure what she was referring to - was it his penis she admired or was it him? The question was about to tumble out of his mouth but when he felt the silky warmth of her lips around the tip of his erection; no words seemed to exist anymore. His mind was blank, only the ability to feeling remained.

He grunted when her tongue encircled him in the most intimate way, teasing and licking him; sucking him while all he could do was grip the sheets to hold on for dear life. He wanted to protest every time her mouth left him aching for more, but she was playing him, seducing him to make him come undone. She only left his shaft for a second, but continued stroking him in a torturously slow rhythm. She was driving him crazy and once in awhile, she simply kissed his head and the warmth of her breath _there_ made him lose anything that was left from his mind.

She moved her tongue from the base of his erection to the tip, followed by her hand that encircled him fully. As soon as she was at the top, she captured him completely, sucked until he almost fainted from pure ecstasy.

"God, Bella," he grunted when he felt how a warm heat spread itself into his lower belly. He didn't want to come, not so soon, but it seemed like his body had decided differently. He forced his mind to think of other things, but he was so consumed by Bella that all he could think about was her and what she was doing to him. The warmth in his stomach was increasing and would soon become overwhelming - he knew that - but there was nothing he could do to halt the building pressure.

It seemed like Bella sensed or heard the shift inside of him - his groans and moans had become deeper; his breathing more panting and gasping. More frantic. More carnal. She slowed down her torturous game, searched for a condom with her free hand, and expertly rolled it over his hard erection as if she did this all the time.

"Been practicing?" He whispered hoarsely, after he had thanked her for slowing down. He didn't want to come undone, although he would love to. But he wanted to please her, wanted to make her experience the same blankness in her mind and warmth in her belly as he had felt only second before.

"Do you doubt my skills? I'm a doctor, remember?" Bella teased quirking one eyebrow in a mocking gesture.

"Never will I doubt your skills baby," and he scooted up the bed, to let his shoulders rest against the headboard. He guided her into his lap, and when she sank down on top of him, the same blank mind and consumed body returned. He was inside of her once again, and there was no place he'd rather be.

"Bella. What are you doing to me?" Edward whispered close to her ear while she started moving up and down in an extremely slow rhythm. Their first lovemaking had been rather frantic and fast; there had been no time to take things slowly since the need to feel, to connect, to unify, was too overwhelming. But now she wanted to enjoy their union as long as possible, entangled in his embrace; one of his arms draped around her shoulder, the other hand resting on her butt.

Her bosom was pressed tightly against his chest, as they were most intimately close two human beings can ever be to another.

"Abusing you, like you requested," she whispered back, sucking his ear in the process. She placed sucking kisses on his sweaty skin, inhaling the lingering taste of his after shave and the cologne that was so typically his. She continued the kissing on the other side of his head as well, and when she repositioned her body, she felt one hand gripping her hipbone to orchestrate the rhythm of their passionate dance; while the other cupped her breast that was rising up and down due to her breathless state.

"I like that," was all he said; conserving his words and staying otherwise silent to enjoy more of her and the moment.

The hand that gripped her hipbone travelled in between their entangled bodies to seek the sensitive nub in between her legs. And when he found it, she closed her eyes, bit her lower lip, gripping it in between her teeth and throwing her head back.

"I like that too," she breathed out, shuddering while he played her like his guitar. If he was honest, the groans she produced were better than any song he had ever composed, and this was only the start of their life together.

She gasped for air when his mouth made his way to her breasts and nipples and sucked them hard while their frantic bodies moved deeper and faster. Harder and more frantically.

She came too soon in her opinion, but it was so good that she didn't want it any other way. She felt lightheaded, out of this world as if she was in another dimension. She adjusted and angled her hips a little, and encouraged by the deep moan Edward produced, she moved on top of him while he sent her over the edge, again and again. When he came, he pulled her chest against his again, to feel the wild beating of her heart against his, to let her know what she did to him.

Their breathing decelerated slowly and their hearts did the same as they basked in the afterglow of their lovemaking. Bella was still sitting on top of him, his manhood still hidden in the depths of her body, while sweat travelled down her neck and in between the valley of her breasts.

"That was amazing," he murmured as he gently grasped her head in between his hands, peering intensely into her sated coppery gaze. "You are amazing Bella," and he kissed her fully on the mouth, quickly deepening the kiss.

The kiss was just a promise for more, so when Bella broke apart she whispered encouragement to continue.

"I love you Edward, I always have. Always and forever. And it's the best feeling I ever had in my life." Her confession was honest and touching, emanating from the depths of her heart.

A sudden overwhelming feeling spread through Edward's body, because the love he could read in her eyes and hear in her words was more than he had ever experienced in his life before. No one had ever loved him so much as she did, of that he was sure.

"Oh princess, I love you back, with all my heart and more. Always and forever," and sealed their love with another kiss.

~*~

"Just a minute Edward," Bella yelled for the second time through the closed bathroom door, while he tapped his food nervously. She was in the bathroom for 30 minutes already and if they didn't hurry, they wouldn't make it to the theatre in time.

After they'd returned from the hotel to his place, they had decided to order some pizza since they weren't in the mood to leave their love nest for too long. They couldn't keep their hands off of each other and being in public places would mean that we weren't able to touch each other so freely. So snuggling closely on the couch, under the all-observing eye of his loyal pet Jona, they had eaten their pizza. Touching, talking, catching up with each other's history and future dreams, simply sitting quietly and enjoying each other's presence.

It was after nine when they'd looked at the clock, only to realize that they needed to hurry up if they'd wanted to make it on time for the late-night movie. They had bought online tickets for _The Dark Knight_, and both wondered if they would actually be able to follow the plot this time.

Bella had informed him she wanted to freshen up a little, and after a quick stop in the bedroom to retrieve some fresh clothes, she had entered the bathroom from which she was currently emerging.

"You..." he started, wanting to tell her how lovely she already looked, but the words got stuck in his throat when she opened the door and informed him that she was ready to go.

In front of him was a totally different Bella than he had seen before - different in a good way. She looked stunning, with her hair pulled back in a high ponytail, her eyes heavily darkened with eye liner and mascara. Her black knee-length pants fit her perfectly and the matching black sandals accentuated her lean calves like they should. But what caught his attention most of all was what was in between those smoky eyes and softly tanned legs. She wore a see-through polka-dot blouse, little black dots all over the white cotton of her summer blouse, but they couldn't hide what was underneath it.

Edward swallowed hard when he drank in her black bra, obvious through the material of her blouse. When another woman would wear something revealing like this, he would definitely dislike it, but Bella Swan wasn't like any other woman. She looked hot. Stunning. Beautiful. Casual yet chic. And did he mention hot? Too hot not to touch her for the next three hours.

His mouth had suddenly gone dry; swallowing had become very hard all of a sudden, and he couldn't keep his eyes off of her; couldn't force himself to look away from _there_. The blood drained from his brain immediately and went straight southwards, leaving him with number hard-on #1284875 for the day.

_Fuck! Fuck everything that is holy! Fuck fuck fuck!_

_Does she have any idea what she is doing to me!_

"Did I miss something?" she eyed him curiously. "You okay?" She watched him staring at her, _through_ her.

When her warm hand contacted his wrist, he was forced to meet her eyes, and he was sure that they were the darkest shade of black from the lust and passion that was currently racing through his veins. He sensed that he needed to say something -anything but for another second he couldn't get out any words. He needed to reboot his brain first since apparently it had crashed a few seconds ago.

"Wow," was all he came up with; no other word described the current state he was in.

She giggled and blushed when she realized why he was at a loss of words all of sudden. She hadn't been really sure if this would be an appropriate shirt to wear - she had bought the see-through shirt a long time ago but never had the chance to wear it; never had the right opportunity to put it on. But tonight was the ideal opportunity. It was a warm, sultry evening; the night young and full of potential. And now that she observed Edward's wide eyes glued to her body, she knew this was the perfect occasion to show it off.

"I don't want to go," he pouted, looking like a little kid.

"What?" Bella asked surprised. She was about to walk to the door to leave, but his words had stopped her abruptly.

"I don't want to go." He was serious and placed his keys back on the cooking island.

"Why? Did I do something wrong?" Bella asked, confused, not knowing what caused his sudden change of mind.

"No, absolutely not. But I won't be able to keep my hands of you for the next three hours." He was dead serious. His hands were already damp from anticipation, aching to touch her _there _-everywhere-, the hardness in his pants had been growing from the second she had opened the bathroom door, and he knew he couldn't keep his hands off her for the next three or more hours. He couldn't because he didn't want to. She was too stunning for him to control himself.

"Oh Edward", she laughed heartily, walking over to grab his keys and kissing him in the process.

"Scrapping the movie is tempting, _very_ tempting. But things are always better when you wait for them patiently."

She opened the front door and walked through it, enjoying the feeling of his eyes fixated on her body.

He registered the wiggle of her hips, swaying from one side to the other, and digested her words. She had insinuated sex - that was obvious - but waiting patiently for it for the next three hours while she was sitting next to him in a darkened theatre like _that?_ There's only that much a man can bear.

He heard her call out for him; he swallowed hard and told himself that he was a patient man. He had waited six months for her; three hours should be easy by comparison, right? He wasn't convinced at all when he took his keys, closed the door and joined her outside. He was welcomed by the fresh air, forcing the air in his lungs to cool down and draping his jacket over her shoulders while they walked to his car, parked around the block.

~*~

"That was an amazing first half, don't you think?" Bella asked when the lights flipped on in the luxurious theatre, signaling a ten minute intermission.

People left their seats to make a quick stop at the restroom or to buy some drinks and sweets, but Bella didn't plan on leaving the warmth of the theatre.

She didn't wait for Edward's answer but continued analyzing the film. "That first part, the fighting on the ice was so, well, exciting. And then the reunion with Rachel. Oh, my heart goes out for him. Poor Batman. But the Joker, I love him Edward. I always liked Heath Ledger's acting but I think he outdid himself in this role. The way he acted, those gestures and ticks he infused into the Joker character...wow, I am in awe of that man."

A sudden sadness washed over her when her mind floated back to the day that she heard that Heath Ledger was found dead, but Edward's hand on her chin guided her closer and before she could feel too sad, she found herself being kissed by the man sitting next to her.

He tasted like she probably did - sugary and buttery from the fresh popcorn they had just consumed - a taste that was so delicious that she wanted more of it. Deepening the kiss, they didn't care about their surroundings; they just enjoyed the taste of the other's sweet tongue.

The finger that had been on her chin a few seconds before was now travelling slowly down her neck, over her collarbone and in between the fabric over her polka-dot blouse. The feeling of his fingertip on her skin - _there _- made her even more lightheaded than she was during the kiss and she cursed mentally when she remembered where they were and who has insisted on going there in the first place.

"Excuse me?" A deep male voice pulled them both apart, looking down at them as if they were caught doing bad, inappropriate things. The man was trying to get to his seat in the middle of the aisle, and his disapproving glance was not lost on Edward or Bella. They were busted, and they had known it might happen. They'd acted like teenagers, making out in the movies, not being able to keep their hands off each other. But they couldn't control themselves; they were just too much in love.

"Excuse us," Edward apologized when he moved his legs to the left so the man and his wife had free access to pass. Bella didn't dare to look at them; she just stared at her twisting hands in her lap. It was only when the couple was seated a few seats away that she dared to look into Edward's eyes again. She saw the mischievous twinkle she had expected to find, together with a coy smile plastered all over his face.

She poked him in the ribs playfully; told him to remove that smug grin from his face.

"What?" He asked, playing the innocent man who hadn't done anything wrong.

"Oh Cullen, you are a bad actor. You..." - and she pointed at him to support her words - "shouldn't have kissed me like that."

He tried a duly admonished look but failed, and instead a waterfall of laughter erupted. "You..." - and he pointed at her like she had done before - "shouldn't have put on these clothes Swan. And by the way, you were rambling on and on about the movie so kissing you seemed the only appropriate thing to do. And I don't remember you protesting or pulling back."

She was about to protest that she wasn't rambling and that her clothes were just fine but the light dimmed in the theatre again so she swallowed her words and remained silent. Instead of arguing, she snuggled in closer and laid her head on his shoulder, taking his hand in hers and kissing it softly.

God, this man awakened feelings in her that she had never thought possible. It was a good thing though, those feelings he brought to the surface; it was a side of her she liked, more than she dared to admit. He made her bold and gave her the feeling of being gorgeous, a feeling that she had missed for awhile.

"Thanks," she whispered into his ear before her eyes were glued on the screen again.

"Thank _you_," was his reply while he pulled her body closer. Entangled together, they enjoyed the rest of the movie.

~*~

They were still chatting enthusiastically when Edward turned off the engine. Most of the time it was Bella talking and informing Edward about how much she had loved the movie, the acting; the special effects. She was in awe of the director, the actors; everything.

Edward admired her while she shared her passion for movies with him, and the way she brightened as she discussed the movie's details made him love her even more. She was definitely a movie fan, and not just for the movie but for the entire atmosphere of the theatre-going experience.

"Will we do that again Edward, go to the movies together? I would love that." Bella's beseeching brown eyes lit up as she stood next to his car while he closed her door.

He smiled and nodded his head, teasing her, "Does that mean you will ramble on and on about the next movie the whole drive home as well?"

"I didn't ramble too much!" She protested, but her voice didn't sound convinced and she knew it.

"No?" he said, one eyebrow arched. He had closed the distance and guided her towards the entrance of his apartment building.

"Maybe a little," she confessed. "Did it bother you?"

Her voice was more worried now; Edward sensed that she wasn't making a joke so he turned his head to look her in the eye. His hands entangled her neck; his thumbs caressed the lines of her lips tenderly. He wondered how on earth she could be so self assured and confident, yet self conscious and insecure in the time span of only a few seconds.

"My sweetest princess. You would never bother me. Your voice is like music to my ears and I doubt that there will be a day in my life that I would ever be sick of listening to it. I love you; all of you. And I think it's cute - the rambling - as it only shows how devoted and passionate you are. And I would love to join you whenever you want me as your guide to the theatre." His voice was low, sincere and most of all it was pure. His words were the voice of his heart; that was certain.

He kissed her tenderly on the lips, hoping she would see the sincerity in his eyes and feel it in his kiss. She did.

He guided her up the stairs to the door of his apartment, placing feather kisses on her cheek, neck, lips; every patch of skin he had access to with every step he took. The kisses became more frantic, hungrier with every inch they got closer to the door. Pressed with her back against his door, Edward's right hand roamed over her body, up her stomach to her breasts, while his other free hand fumbled with the key to unlock the door.

It felt like ages until he succeeded, but when he did and they stepped together inside, time stood still and the electricity that had been hanging in the air since they'd left for the movies, exploded tenfold. Buttons and blouses were rapidly ripped open, zippers unzipped and shirts removed. Lips were swollen from the oral assaults, fingers were tingling for the touching skin but still it wasn't enough. The kicked-off black sandals joined Edward's All Stars on the floor, soon followed by both their jeans.

Only one second was what Edward needed to admire the beauty who was panting in front of him. Her black bra with the matching black panties, her smoky eyes, her punk-like hair; she wasn't his picture imperfect anymore. She was his and she was perfect, his picture perfect.

Bella pulled him against her, hard and demanding, while she forced her lips on his to kiss her. He smothered her with his lips, over and over again, until they were both running out of air. Gasping for oxygen, removing underwear in the process, they stood naked in the kitchen, her back still pressed against the cool wooden door. Edward quickly took his wallet and removed the condom he had hidden in it before they'd left for the theatre.

The smirk on Bella's face revealed that she _knew_ when he had hidden it there and he smiled widely back. He was caught but what the fuck, he didn't care.

"Just being cautious and prepared," he grinned while he closed the distance between them to feel her heated skin on his again. He wanted to be glued to her, wanted to melt together as close as possible and contain her. All of her. Again.

It all went so quickly and easily like they'd done this a million times against the kitchen door. His strong hands enveloped her buttocks to pull her up; she opened her legs automatically to give him the entrance he desperately craved for. He was thankful, pulling her closer and starting to move into her. Slowly at first, more confidently later. She'd entangled her arms around his neck, her hands fisted in his hair, her legs around his hips to steady herself, as she encouraged him to continue his piercing thrusts.

"Oh yeah Edward, there." He hit that same spot as he had touched his morning; it was a spot that immediately set her entire body on fire and made her relax at the same time. Every time he touched her there, the fire increased until she couldn't think anymore. Thinking wasn't necessary; feeling was all that was needed then and there.

"Oh yeah Edward, more." She begged and he gave her more. More and more. Over and over again.

"I'm about to come," Edward informed her hoarsely, a little embarrassed that he was coming too quickly. The lack of a proper sexual life before Bella combined with her quick re-emergence in his life were to blame for his swiftly burgeoning arousal, but he was hardly going to complain about her return to him. His hips jerked uncontrollably as a wild heat in his belly intensified.

"Just let it go Edward," Bella whispered seductively in his ear, nibbling his ear lobe, while he continued rocking and rocking.

"You too, Bella, just let it go," he countered, and who was she to deny him that? She lost it when he hit _that_ spot again, and again and again. Moaning his name, she experienced the same heat in her womb when she came. Hard, long, hot.

"God Edward, I don't think I will ever be able to walk again after our sexercising. You wore me out, but in a good way though," she teased after he had kissed her again.

"Ha, I was just getting started Bella, ramming into you like I did six months ago" he teased back - referring to the day he had ran into her- when he pulled her closer to his body and walked with her to the bedroom upstairs. Her body began shaking with laughter and he soon joined that giggling melody with his own.

He only removed the condom when he pulled her down on the bed and after that, he snuggled close to her with the most earnest smile on his face ever seen. Edward Cullen just had the best day of his life, in every way!

~*~

He didn't want to leave the warmth of the bed, but he knew that if he kept lying awake next to her, she would soon wake up too. He just couldn't control himself, when she was lying naked next to him.

He was awake for the past thirty minutes now and she had tossed and turned in her sleep since. But most of the time, she faced him with her mouth slightly opened, her hair tousled but nonetheless beautiful. He had touched her, brushing a hair from her face, caressing the outline of her cheekbone and the soft swell of her lips. Her eyes had fluttered a few times already, and her breathing was slightly shallower than before; if he continued teasing and touching her like this, she would wake up soon.

With one last glance behind him, he slipped out of the bed, careful not the wake her in the process, and quietly slipped out the bedroom door. Tiptoeing down the stairs, he was greeted by an excited Jona, demanding attention from his master. He had been a patient pet during the non-stop sex-fest but his patience was now running low. He needed to stretch his legs, right now. He jumped up and down against his master, his leash in between his teeth while Edward padded his head loyally, lovingly.

"Yes, yes Jona. We'll go out but be quiet, okay? There's a princess sleeping upstairs." Edward was whispering to the dog, as if Jona could understand what he was saying. Hearing his master's voice only made him more excited.

Edward quickly dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a hooded sweatshirt, left a note for Bella in case she would wake up, grinned when he saw their clothes strewn all over the floor from their encounter last night, and guided Jona outside before his mind was clouded with entangled limbs again. He could use a walk too and together they jogged through the forest.

It was Monday and there was quite a bit of traffic for the norms of Forks but Edward was glad that he wasn't in a rush today. Monday was his usual day off and he enjoyed it now more than he had ever enjoyed it before. _She_ was with him now, covered by his sheets in his apartment, and she didn't plan to leave anytime soon. When Edward looked around everything seemed greener and brighter; people seemed happier than normal; it was a perfect day, he thought.

When he was almost back at his apartment, he bought fresh croissants as well as some fruit and vegetables, planning to cook her the most delicious vegetarian meal she had ever eaten. He had surfed the net often while she was away, searching for dishes to make for her if he was ever lucky enough for her to return to him, and he had the perfect dish in mind.

Jona seemed content when they'd arrived back at the apartment after the walk; the bowl of fresh water and food was probably to credit as well. A quick shower later, Edward tidied up his place a bit, removing the clothes from the floor and scarfing down a banana while he walked over to the piano. He hadn't played for 24 hours, something that had never happened before, except when he was away on vacation. But for the past day he hadn't even thought about playing. Bella Swan had occupied his thoughts entirely and that realization awakened a pleasant sparkle in his belly. Was she _the_ woman? Was _this_ it? He smiled, hoping and wishing it was.

He was dressed in faded jeans and a wife beater, his feet bare when he touched the brass pedals of his piano. He caressed her black and white keys softly, hesitantly at first - afraid to wake his sleeping princess in the process - but when those beautiful sounds echoed through the large, spacious living room he couldn't control himself anymore. And somehow, he knew that Bella would love to wake up with some music vibrating through the place. He was right - she indeed loved it.

She had heard him arrive home with Jona, and the sound of pounding water in the shower had seemed very tempting but the warmth of his bed was more tantalizing. She always had loved to stay in bed; waking up was one those things Bella Swan didn't like. Especially not alone. But now it was different. He was showering downstairs -his hands' roaming over his naked body was a very tantalizing image that wakened lower regions of her body- and most importantly she wasn't alone. _He_ was with her; _they _were finally together, after all this time.

She rolled over and felt an aching sensation between her thighs. A good ache that made her smile warmly.

When she heard the melodic sounds of his piano, her heart tightened. She was pulled back to the New Year's concert and how much she had enjoyed watching him play. A single tear slipped from her eye when memories of that night - the last time she had seen Grace alive - floated back, and she let herself mourn a little. It was only when the music became louder that she was pulled back to the present, and she couldn't resist the tempting desire to watch him play again.

She searched for something to wear, retrieved some underwear out of her bag, and grabbed a white button-down shirt of Edward's that was draped over the chair in the bedroom. She quickly dressed, buttoning it hastily as she strolled downstairs. She thought he hadn't seen or heard her when she stood at the base of the stairs, but he had. He left her in the dark for a few more minutes while he continued caressing the keys of his piano.

It was only when he started a new song, a tune he had sung for her once before, that he looked at her. He had been able to stare at his black grand piano for a while, but now he couldn't control himself anymore. And when he looked at her, he wondered how on earth he had been able to resist gaping at her before.

She looked magnificent. Absolutely beautiful. She appeared still drowsy with her tousled hair and sleep lingering on her face. But his white shirt she wore looked adorable on her. His eyes roamed over her body from head to toe and he wondered what she wore under it.

His eyes guided her closer while he started to sing softly.

_You are my inspiration, you are the song I sing __  
__You are what makes me happy, you are my everything __  
__You are my daily sunshine, you are my evening star __  
__Everything I'll ever need or want, that's what you are __  
__Everything I'll ever need or want is what you are_

She stood next to him, stealing his coffee and taking a few sips while he sang along, and she gripped his shoulder with her free hand. She did that to steady herself but also to feel him, to touch him, to make sure that he was real. She couldn't deny that she had thought about this - him singing for her - but the reality was much better than any daydream.

She softly clapped her hands when he was finished, smiling through misty eyes. Her clapping soon changed into giggling when Edward pulled her in his lap and tickled her.

"Stop it, stop it Edward," she pleaded in between the laughter, but the begging for mercy didn't have the effect she had hoped for. Tears floated down her cheeks from the combination of the touching song and the enticing tickles, and it was only when Edward noticed the salty teardrops that he stopped.

"Good morning beautiful lady," he greeted her and kissed her softly. "That shirt looks better on you than it does on me, I have to confess," he added.

She blushed slightly, not knowing what else to do when he gave her such a compliment. She kissed him back, to thank him, but the kiss soon changed into something more. She straddled him on the piano bench, one leg on each side of his hips, and his hands were soon on her naked thighs.

She hadn't planned or intended to let things lead to this - neither had he - but it seemed the most natural thing to do, to express their love physically once more. When he found out that - except for cream colored panties - she was naked under the white shirt, rational thoughts seemed overrated. He cupped her breasts through the shirt, and she bit his bottom lip a little because she liked it what his hands were doing to her. His skills at unbuttoning the shirt didn't surprise her, nor did his skills at making her feel feminine, hot, and loved.

His mouth followed his fingers, taking her rosy nipples in between his teeth, licking them, kneading her breasts softly, more hungrily a second later. He closed the lid of the piano - something Bella didn't register due to the ecstasy she was enjoying right now - pulling her on top of it after he had yanked off her panties in a swift movement. Her hands were on his upper body, struggling with the hem of his wife beater and he helped her to remove it. His jeans were already unbuttoned - when did that happen? - And when he stood, the pants fell down the floor with a soft thud. He stepped out them and squatted slightly down in front of the piano. He pulled both her legs over his shoulders and kissed the inside of her knees up her tights. He could smell her arousal, feeling it as well when her fingers frantically fisted into his messy hair.

The taste of her arousal was delicious; placing soft kisses on her valley of love was both a selfish and loving act. The taste of her was so addictive that he wanted more and more. He opened his mouth, letting his tongue wander into her sex to lick her fiercely, ravenously, hungrily. She moaned -loudly - gripping his hair and yanking his skull in the process to encourage him to continue abusing her orally.

_Oh God, how much she had wished this. How many times had she dreamed of this!_

One of his hands found her breast to knead the firm tissue while his other hand snaked in between her legs, her legs still on his shoulders. He entered one finger teasingly inside her, while his tongue encircled her sensitive nub over and over again. She groaned deeply when his finger moved in her, out of her and in her again; her body rising up and down, panting; gasping for air.

"Edward," she moaned, "take me, _please._" He knew what she referred to but he longed to please her some more. To make her come undone like this, fucking her with his tongue and fingers, pleasing her orally, abusing and arousing her. Loving her, over and over again. So he continued licking and sucking, teasing and playing her, until she couldn't resist the urge to let it all go anymore. And when she did, she felt her hips buck in his face but she didn't care; he didn't either. He loved it the way she came like this. It was so pure and carnal, so desperate and loving at the same time. He loved her; God he loved her endlessly!

"Oh God," she moaned when she closed her eyes, pressing her fingers into the base of his head and biting her own lip. She rocked her breasts upwards, the warmth in her belly radiating through her entire body while wave after wave washed over her. She didn't know how long she came, but what she did know was that it was wonderful. Perfect. Splendid. And yet not enough. She wanted more; it would never be enough. Having sex with Edward Cullen had this effect on her. She always craved the next height that was to come.

When he had grabbed a condom, she didn't know and didn't care; what she did know was that he entered her swiftly -they had been practicing a lot the past 24 hours! Her entrance was silky with his saliva from the oral assault she had just endured. He kissed her and she tasted herself on his mouth, which made her even more aroused than she already was.

He deepened the kiss some more when he started moving into her with long, deep thrusts. Slow and loving, changing into fierce and rapid. Hungrier too. He moved in and out of her repeatedly, to tease her. He aroused her in such a way that the warmth experienced before was back tenfold - although she had thought that her first orgasm had been the best she had ever had before- she knew that she was about to come undone again. Over and over again when he pleased her like this, on his piano; playing the best symphony written ever. It was written on her body; they'd written it together.

She loved him. Hell, she loved him more than he would ever know.

It didn't take long until Edward came as well, followed by him collapsing on top of her, both of their bodies melding into the piano, her legs still encircling his hips.

He kissed her again and again, thanking her, loving her, overloading her with nicknames and telling her never to let him go again.

"I'm yours Edward, I was, am, and will always be. For always and forever."

"Always and forever Bella."

"Always and forever," they both said and kissed again as if it was the last time they'd ever be able to kiss.

**End notes:**

This was the longest chapter I've ever written because I simply couldn't decide when or where Edward and Bella would make love. I had so many ideas so in the end I decided to incorporate them all. Did you like it?

*bites nails*

Leave me a quick/short/long/... note and I'll update faster!

Reviews are better than being interrupted while making out in the movie theatre.


	22. Chapter 22: People Always Leave

**A/N**: I'll keep it short:

- Courtney (AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf) should be thanked and honored for editing the crap out of it, after she pulled an all-nighter. I treasure your beta skills and the keyboard you type on *g* Love ya hun!

- I throw a party for Shabbyapple, for taking the time to validate the chapter at Twilighted, while she has a real life that definitely needs her full time attention but still finds the time and courage to be a superb beta.

- At that party, I give you all some of my famous home made sangria, some doritos and my home made and even more famous guacamole because you are simply amazing. Because you girls prefer angst more than E and B making out on the piano (_if _I can conclude that after checking the number of reviews), I'll throw in some angst. Enjoy the party ladies!

- Oh and I don't own anything, except a garden with fake grass :)

**Chapter 22: People Always Leave...**

~*~  
_Grief is like the ocean__  
__it's deep and dark and bigger than all of us__  
__and pain is like a thief in the night__  
__quiet, persistent, unfair__  
__diminished by time and faith and love_

_One Tree Hill, episode 6.03_  
~*~

"Hey Leah, can you see me now?" Bella asked speaking into the microphone and waving towards the little lens of the web cam that she had installed only a few seconds ago.

Bella and Leah had been talking over the internet every day since she had returned to Edward. First she had purchased a microphone - Leah had told her where to buy one and had helped her through the installment patiently- but Bella wasn't satisfied that her friend couldn't see her while she herself could see Leah. So she had bought a web cam earlier that morning but this time she had installed it all by herself; it hadn't taken her that long, and now she wanted to surprise her friend.

"Oh Bella, what a surprise!" Leah exclaimed enthusiastically while she drew her hand up to cover her mouth, a gesture Leah always carried out when she was surprised. Bella realized that she had gotten to know Leah very well in such a short time, a realization that made her feel warm inside.

Relief washed over Bella -she had installed it correctly- and she was proud that the surprise had worked.

"And I did it all by myself Leah!" Bella blew a kiss towards the web cam and was rewarded by Leah doing the same.

"Your hair Bella, it's different, right? It glows! It's beautiful, perfect."

"You think so?" Bella questioned, touching her long curls.

"Gorgeous Bella, definitely. Seeing you makes me miss you even more, you know that?"

Bella knew her friend missed her a lot from the obvious emotion in her voice, and the feeling was mutual. But hearing Leah say those words out loud touched her heart and Bella swallowed hard, no one - except for Edward - had ever said those words to her, not even her father.

_Dad,_ Bella sighed and she made a mental note that she should call him.

It had been more than a week since she had been back in Forks and yet she hadn't contacted her father, although he probably knew that she was back. Forks is a small town after all.

Maybe she was waiting until he contacted her, to let her know that he thought about her. But he would never do that--as the Police Chief of Forks he simply didn't have time to miss her; to call her. He had never time for anything that involved his daughter, not that anything worth calling delinquently or criminal ever happened in the area.

"I miss you too Leah, but I'm thinking about coming back for a few weeks, maybe in a month. Soon."

Since the moment she'd landed in America, Bella had been thinking about returning to Africa. But when she returned this time, she was determined to do it differently. Going there would not represent her fleeing from her problems. When she would return this time, she wanted Edward to join her so that they could be the change in the world _together_. She wanted him to be proud of her when he saw the difference she had made in the Congo.

The thing was, Edward was already proud, but Bella wanted to see it reflected in his eyes when he joined her. Then, she would _really_ believe him.

"Oh wait girl, you're not coming back. You've just left. What about Edward?" Leah asked a frown painted above the bridge of her nose. There was no doubt that she wanted to have her friend back, even if it was only for a month, but there was one thing Leah Clearwater wanted more--and that was Bella being with the one man who took her breath away and loved her more than words could ever describe.

"I want to surprise Edward, Leah. I want him to join me when I return so that he can see it with his own eyes what a difference we make there."

"Surprise him? What are you going to do Bella? Drug him, blindfold him and drag him on the plane to Kinshasa?" Leah teased, not knowing what her friend had planned.

"Well, that wasn't the plan but now that you say it, your idea sounds better than mine," Bella joked back, imagining a blindfolded, drugged Edward on the plane, not knowing where they'd landed.

Hmm, the idea of being in complete control over the hot blindfolded music teacher did have potential!

"No, seriously, it's his birthday in three weeks and I was thinking of surprising him with a one-month trip to the Congo. We can travel around the country, I can volunteer in the hospital, and Edward can entertain the kids by playing and teaching music. He is so good with kids Leah; you should see him!"

"I can't wait to meet this greatness in person Bella; you've been telling me nothing but positive things about him! But how will you arrange everything? His work? The vaccinations he needs?"

Bella informed her friend about her plan; how she would contact Jasper to see if he could take over Edward's lessons and how the vaccinations wouldn't be a problem since she could perform those as a doctor herself. She just needed to get him an international passport but she'd figure out a way to work that out too. She wanted to surprise him completely.

The friends continued chatting, reliving memories from their time in the Congo together. Leah informed her about the condition of a few of her more critical patients before Bella heard someone coming in the door.

"Leah? You wanted to see Edward, right?"

"I do, why sweetie? Is he there? Is he home?" The excitement was clear in Leah's voice and hearing that eagerness spread a warm glow throughout Bella's body. She knew how hard it had to be for Leah to see Bella with a man and still, Leah's excitement wasn't feigned. She was truly happy for her friend and wished her all the happiness in the world.

"He just got home I think. If you can wait a second, I'll ask him to say hi to you, okay?"

Leah clapped her hands and told her friend to hurry up since she had to get ready for work.

"Sweetie?" Edward called out for the second time. There wasn't a note telling him that Bella was out, but it seemed like she wasn't around since he was greeted by an overwhelming silence - except for the snoring sounds of Jona who wasn't very excited to see him home again.

He used to enjoy that silence: coming home and hearing the sound of nothing had such a soothing and calming effect on him. But since Bella had come back into his life, he craved hearing her enthusiastic voice when he entered the apartment.

"I'm here Edward," he heard her call out to him from upstairs and he released the breath he had been holding to follow the softness of her warm voice upstairs.

_She isn't going anywhere Edward. She isn't leaving,_ he told himself while he loosened the buttons of his shirt. He wanted to take a fresh shower before they went out for dinner and he hoped that the gorgeous brunette who occupied his thoughts would join him.

"There you are," and he kissed her fully on the lips, not knowing they had an audience. It was only when he heard the sound of someone clearing her throat that he unlocked his lips, darting his eyes anxiously around the room.

A soft blush instantly formed on his cheeks when he turned to the computer screen showing the pretty woman's face on the web cam.

"Oh, hi... I didn't know we had an audience... um, sorry," he stuttered, looking confusedly back and forth from Bella to the web cam. Bella could read his embarrassment and uncertainty, and the spark of recognition in his eyes told her that he wondered if the woman was Leah. She didn't really know how she had come to read him so easily, but she could read him like a book and it felt great.

"Leah, this is Edward. Edward, this is Leah - the one I told you about." She draped her arm around his waist as they both stared into the web cam.

"Nice to finally meet you Leah," Edward smiled genuinely. He automatically wanted to extend his hand, but snickered mentally when he realized that gesture would be rather ridiculous.

"Likewise Edward, I've heard a lot about you."

"All good things I hope," he nervously joked, but he had no cause for concern. Bella was head over heels in love with him.

"Definitely," Leah confirmed. "Sorry for ending this conversation rather abruptly, but I need to get ready for work. I hope we'll have the opportunity to talk soon though. Bye Bella! Bye Edward!" Leah waved and when she saw both of them wave back, she indeed logged off to get ready for work.

But there was another reason Leah had rushed to end their conversation, she admitted to herself while wiping away some tears that had just sprung to her eyes. Seeing Bella standing next to the man she loved had made Leah think about her wedding picture, causing a sudden sadness to capture her. She wasn't a jealous woman, but she longed to turn back time and do things differently. She had learned from the mistakes she'd made in the past although she realized that she wasn't to blame for everything that had gone wrong. It had been Paul's decision to end his journey on earth but it still hurt like hell that he had made that decision without consulting with her first.

"I hope she is alright... she acted rather weird," Bella told Edward after she sighed deeply.

"I hope it wasn't because she saw us as a couple." She had just clicked on the icon to close the window when she heard Edward inhale sharply. Bella turned her head quickly to see what was wrong, but then returned her attention to the computer screen because Edward was staring at it as well.

"What is _this_ Bella?" Edward asked slowly - doing his best not to sound angry or scared - wondering why there was a website with apartments to rent appearing on his computer. The voice in his head seemed to scream all of a sudden, _she is leaving!_ Echoing louder and louder with every ticking heartbeat.

"I was checking out some possible places I could rent Edward," Bella replied nonchalantly, but she didn't realize that her casual response only ratcheted up the panic Edward felt.

They had talked about this before. Bella had told him she would look for a place of her own pretty soon but he had argued she didn't need to hurry. However, Bella did experience a sense of urgency to find her own place. She didn't want to abuse his goodness; she couldn't expect him to want her to live with him after they'd been together for only a week.

The truth was that they both wanted to stay: Edward loved to have her so close -he enjoyed the vibe she gave to his apartment and Jona adored her presence-, and Bella didn't want to leave either but somehow it felt like she _had_ to move out. Like it wasn't right to live together when they were not dating for that long. Evidently the old, insecure Bella popped in from time to time, convincing her that Edward didn't want her to stay, not yet.

Therefore both Edward and Bella remained silent and avoided the topic, swallowing hard and averting their eyes. They didn't want to discuss the elephant in the room, so instead of that they danced around it, building a bridge of misunderstandings and insecurities in the process. Edward was afraid to commit since in his mind people always left; Bella was afraid to commit since no one ever cared if she stayed or not...

Not so subtly changing the topic, Bella asked, "Are you up for a run Edward? I want to stretch my legs. Jona would love to be out as well." Her hands moved over his shoulders and felt the stiff muscles in between his shoulder blades. "And I promise to give you a massage when we get back, after we take a shower together. What do you think?" Bella whispered, while her fingers unbuttoned the remaining buttons of his short sleeved shirt. The moment her hands connected with his skin, his insecurities were pushed to the back of his mind.

"Mmm, I like the sound of that my love, but do we have sex before or after the run?" he whispered hoarsely while his hands found the hem of her white cotton v-neck t-shirt. He adeptly flipped his hands under the shirt and cupped her breasts fully. She moaned his name close to his mouth and cupped his softly parted lips with hers, kissing him fiercely and pulling him with her onto the master bed.

"Both Edward, I want it all."

They made love while a soft summer breeze played with the curtains and cooled down their heated bodies.

***

_A week later, Sunday afternoon_

"Pumpkin, they're here!" Bella yelled from upstairs, zipping up her black dress and searching for her black ballerinas. She had heard the sound of slamming car doors while preparing herself physically and mentally for this afternoon, and glancing in the bathroom mirror, she told herself she could do it.

_You are a strong woman Bella_, the voice in her head whispered to her when she turned off the lights and joined Edward and his family downstairs. They would be leaving for the cemetery soon.

The Cullen family always visited their parents' grave this time of year because their parents had gotten married in the summer. Bella knew that Edward was nervous about this visit; he had been a bit distant this week and she sensed this impending cemetery trip was to blame for his aloof demeanor. It was the first time he had asked his girlfriend to join him and Bella felt anxious and uncomfortable about going. Not that she didn't want to join him - on the contrary - she wanted to be there for him, but she wasn't really sure if she could live up to his expectations if she thought back to the conversation they had a few days ago.

"_Bella?" Edward asked, his voice sounding wobbly and sad. Those emotions hidden in the timbre of his voice caught her attention and she turned her head away from the television screen to look at him lovingly._

"_What's wrong?" Bella wanted to know. He looked pale - as if he was coming down with something - and she realized that he had rings under his eyes. Her hand was soon on his wrist and squeezed it tight. A sudden panic crept into her heart, afraid of what was to come._

"_Euh... next Sunday... Emmett, Rose and I are going to visit mom and dad's graves and I was wondering if you wanted to join me. But if you don't want to, I understand." He looked her in the eyes, tried to read her facial expression, and he thought he saw relief along with a less evident reaction. Was it anxiety? Concern? He wasn't really sure. _

_Bella _was_ relieved; part of her had been afraid that he would bring up the 'when will you move out?' topic and she made a mental note to look for an apartment tomorrow. Really look. Actively._

"_Of course I want to go with you, but you don't need to feel obliged to ask me Edward. I can stay at home if you want to share that moment with your family." _

_His hand traveled towards the strand of hair that had fallen in front of her eyes and guided it behind her ear. "Look at me princess." And when she felt his finger under her chin, she pulled her head upwards._

"_I never asked a girlfriend to join me, because they never seemed to be the right one. But now I finally feel perfectly happy and I think your presence and support would make it easier for me to say goodbye again. You heal me Bella. You are my fix," and he kissed her tenderly while she closed her eyes to let his words sink in._

"_You fix me too Edward." Thoughts of other loved ones in the cemetery entered her mind. "Can we visit Grace as well? I've never had the chance to visit her grave and I doubt that I would have the strength to do so alone."_

"_You are one of the strongest people I know my love, and I had hoped you would suggest that," and before he could tell her that he wanted to join her at her mother's grave as well - if she indeed wanted him to join her - she kissed his teary eyes. Her simple gesture took his breath away and erased the worried questions from his mind. She had such a soothing effect on him._

"_You look tired pumpkin," she whispered in between kisses, and when he informed her she'd worn him out last night, the loft was filled with a laughter that was so infectious that Jona joined them with his enthusiastic barking._

She wanted to fix him but somehow she feared that she couldn't. She hadn't even given her mother's death a proper resting place in her heart and she wondered if that day would ever come. Can someone ever be fixed after losing a parent? Especially when that parent died too young. Too suddenly. Too abruptly. Bella wasn't sure and right now; the idea of being the strong one for him scared her enormously. She wanted to be there for him and his family but could she?

But that wasn't the only reason why she was a little bit anxious about today. She would see Rose and Emmett again; their last meeting was still fresh on her memory.

They had gone for a drink a few days after her return from the Congo and although Edward had assured her that his family wouldn't give her a hard time, things had turned out differently. Emmett had been his usual self, skipped her up in a hug the moment they saw each other again, a gesture that caught her by surprise. She wasn't used to those kinds of things because she never had a big brother or any other sibling. But being in Emmett's arms, nearly crushed to death, had made her at ease immediately.

But when Rosalie's eyes locked with hers while Rose asked her if she would join her to the bar to order their drinks, Bella _knew_ she was in trouble. It was as if Bella didn't have a choice; Rosalie's eyes demanded her to say yes. And so she had agreed, choosing the short pain instead of slowly ripping the band aid from her skin. Rosalie hadn't wasted many words about the entire thing but when she said _if you ever pull a stunt like that on Edward again Bella, just pray that God will be with you when I hunt you down._ The glare that had joined those words was even more deadly, if that was even possible.

When they returned to their respective partners, it was as if nothing had happened between them although Bella never felt really at ease during the rest of that night. She knew though, that she deserved that reaction. She had deserved so much more but there was a difference with knowing that you deserve it and actually getting it in your face.

To say that she was dreading today was putting it blandly.

"Hi Bella, it's so good to see again," Rosalie told her honestly when she kissed Bella hello. "Are you feeling at home here?" she asked, but it took Bella a few moments to organize her speech again.

_Was she honest or just putting on a show in front of Edward?_

"I am thanks. How it this little adorable boy doing?" Bella settled for some small talk, gesturing the conversation away from her, to something safer. She touched Liam's hair and his pink cheeks, and was rewarded with a boyish smile that set her heart on fire. This boy was too cute for words, but when he took one of her curls in between his cherubic fingers and pulled it towards his mouth - hard - she rethought his cuteness.

"Liam sweetie, Auntie Bella's hair isn't for eating," and Rose took his fingers out of his mouth, trying to release the hair he was desperately pulling.

_Auntie Bella_ ... Those words echoed through Bella's head and if she hadn't felt at home and loved before, she did now. Maybe Rose wasn't putting a show after all.

The Cullen family was too good for her, she thought, and laughed when Liam stubbornly refused to release his death grip on her hair. It was only when he noticed Rose's hair wiggling enticingly in front of his eyes that he had found another victim to attack.

~*~

The brothers and their family had been standing at their parents' grave for awhile now and Emmett sensed his brother needed some time alone.

"We are going to see Grace now Edward, you okay?" Emmett whispered close to his brother's ear, patting him on the back supportively. Bella squeezed his other arm and let her head rest against his shoulder.

"I will be," he told his brother. He sensed that he could do this with his girlfriend by his side. "We will join you soon, okay?"

"Okay bro." Emmett patted him shoulder reassuringly before he walked away to join his family at the end of the row.

Edward turned his body towards Bella's and gazed at her fragile form through watery eyes.

"Why does it hurt so much Bella? After all these years? It seems like it hurts more every day." His voice was crackly and broken.

She didn't really know what to say, so instead of responding verbally she brought her hands towards his bronze, silky but oh-so messy hair and guided his face towards the crook of her neck. When he rested there, she enveloped his slender figure with her warm embrace and stroked his back in a steady rhythm. It was long after his eyes and cheeks had dried that she sensed that she knew what to say.

"I think that's the hardest part of saying goodbye Edward, is that you have to do it every single day, over and over. That we have to face the truth that life is fleeting and that our time here is short. And the pain _will_ fade away, slowly, sometimes... It will fade away one day, but right now it's too soon. The wound is too fresh Edward. Time will heal and I'll help you with it okay?"

Somewhere in the midst of her pure confession, Edward had lifted up his head and had looked her deeply in the eyes, but she hadn't really seen him. She was pulled back to a time where grief seemed to overwhelm her, seemed to control her. But when Edward kissed the top of her head and thanked her, she remembered their surroundings. Together they would heal, together they were stronger; together they could do this.

Wiping away a tear quickly, she placed a single white rose on his parents' graves and whispered to them that she would take care of him, for the rest of her days, if he let her.

"There is someone I would like to introduce you to Edward, if you're okay with that."

Edward knew she was referring to her mother and nodded his head, taking her by the hand and allowing her to guide him to her mother's grave. And when they arrived, he was overwhelmed by a feeling of déjà-vu. They had both lost their mothers and somehow it felt as if their common loss bonded them together like glue.

"Mom, it's me. I want you to meet someone special." She cleared her throat nervously. "Mom, this is Edward. Edward, this is my mom, Renee." For a stranger this scene might seem strange but Edward understood it completely. If he'd been alone with Bella, he would have introduced her to his parents as well. So when he said "Nice to meet you ma'am," he truly meant it.

When Bella placed another one of her white roses on her mother's stone and let herself be scooped up in a hug by Edward, she heard him whisper the most touching confession of love she had ever heard before.

"I love your daughter with all my heart and so much more ma'am, and I will protect her with everything I have." With that said, Bella realized that this was undoubtedly the man she wanted to grow old with and have children with. This was the man who needed to know how much she loved him in return. And she would show her never-ending love by giving him the best birthday he'd ever had, never to be forgotten.

Bella made a mental note that she needed to talk to Rose about her plans. Today. They had some planning to do and she definitely could use some help. Maybe Rose believed how much she loved Edward when she made her part of her plan.

"Let's go see Grace now Edward," Bella suggested and strolling past the graves, they walked towards Emmett, Rose and little Liam.

~*~

_-At Edward's place-_

"That is delicious Edward", Rose murmured appreciatively through a mouthful of his famous chocolate cake, and little Liam seemed to like it as well. The toddler was waving his arms up and down enthusiastically, begging for another piece of that heavenly cake.

"It is pumpkin," Bella agreed; Edward once again had blown them away with his cooking skills.

"Oh come on ladies. You are so easy," Emmett observed, "You like everything with chocolate."

Rosalie's eyes flared with indignation. "What did you say handsome? Did you just call Bella and me _easy?"_

Emmett's mouth dropped open, realizing the error of his ways, and stammered, "No! Um, okay, okay, you two are right. This is the best chocolate cake ever." And Emmett rolled his eyes, desperate to change the subject. "So, uh, Bella, are you back for good?"

Bella's eyes widening in shock did not go unnoticed by both Edward and Emmett, but she tried to compose herself, muttering, "I'm not planning to go anywhere soon." She felt tense and didn't know what to say so she touched Rose's leg with her own, furtively asking for her to rescue her in some way.

Luckily, Bella and Rose had shared some time alone while preparing coffee and tea to discuss Bella's idea for Edward's birthday. Rose was more than enthusiastic and had agreed to help her with the arrangements, and if felt like some kind of peace offer between them. But now Bella wondered if Emmett or Edward had maybe overheard their conversation in the kitchen.

Looking down at her plate, playing with her fork and the crumbles, she prayed that Rosalie understood that she needed to change the subject.

She felt two pairs of male eyes on her head but couldn't force herself to speak. She had never been good at lying or hiding things and she was afraid that Edward would see through her to discover the surprise she had in store for him.

Instead, Edward was confused, fearful, and panicked.

_What was happening? Why was she so nervous all of a sudden? Was she leaving? Was she?_

Those thoughts squeezed his throat tight and he could barely breathe. The fear of her abandoning him had been occupying his thoughts the entire week since he had seen the website with apartments for rent.

_Look me in the eye Bella and tell me I'm wrong; tell me you're not leaving,_ the voice in his head insisted.

When Bella's eyes remained glued on her fork, he misunderstood that response completely. And when he heard Rose ask her about her search for a place of her own, he blocked everything out and stared numbly out the large, open French window.

_This isn't happening_ was all he could think as Bella informed them about her quest for a good apartment. All the color drained from his face and the palms of his hands became damp while his heart raced with record speed. _This isn't happening... please._

_***_

Distracted and zoned out, Edward started saying his goodbyes over the soft buzz of whispers exchanged between Rose and Bella.

"Take care bro," Emmett encouraged, thanking his little brother for the delicious chocolate cake and coffee, and then adding enigmatically, "Talk to her."

Emmett saw the confusion written all over his brother's face and pulled him into one of his typically strong bear hugs. "I know something is on your mind and you need to talk to her. Don't make the same mistakes again Edward. Don't block her out. She is perfect for you and she loves you."

Edward nodded his head, wondering how his brother could read his thoughts so easily, but was pulled back to the present when his favorite sister-in-law leaned in to kiss him goodbye, followed by his adorable godson. In the mean time, Emmett huddled with Bella, begging her not to leave his brother behind. Not again.

"I won't Emmett, I promise," she whispered, confused about his words and the strange look he gave her. "I promise," she repeated, and this time Emmett seemed to believe her.

Emmett hugged her as well and told her that she needed to talk to Edward. Tonight.

Dumbstruck, she was left behind when Edward's big brother walked over to the car.

"Thanks Edward," Rosalie murmured close to his ear and went to join her husband in the car.

"Thanks Bella," she added, and waved Liam little hand towards his godfather and auntie.

Edward and Bella waved back and when their car had become a dot in the distance, Edward closed the door and followed Bella upstairs. Emmett's words echoed through her head when she heard the closing sound of the front door. She looked around and registered Edward's staring gaze, the rings under his eyes still there. Now more obvious than before.

"We need to talk," she announced softly and when Edward nodded his head, it wasn't because he looked forward to the conversation but because he needed to swallow down the huge lump that suddenly blocked his throat.

_She was leaving and he had no way to escape the inevitable..._

Feeling the familiar ache of abandonment fill his heart, Edward warily turned to Bella, hearing whispering echoes in his mind: _People always leave_...

_~*~__  
__The hardest part of saying goodbye __  
__is having to do it again every single day__  
__every day we face the same truth that life is fleeting__  
__that our time here is short__  
__and to honored the fallen__  
__we must live our own lives well__  
__we must take the high road when we can __  
__and to allow our common loss to bring us together__One Tree Hill, episode 6.04__  
__~*~_

**Chapter's Note:**

A review for a preview, that's a fair deal, right? Reviews are better than saying goodbye...


	23. Chapter 23: Beautiful Failure

I'll keep it really short this time: Thanks Courtney and Shabbyabble for the turbo beta. *bows for the great masters* Thank you and you and you for reading and reviewing. Now enjoy the next chapter.

**Chapter 23: Beautiful Failure **

~*~  
_Happiness is the only thing that doubles_  
_when you share it._  
_-Anonymous_-  
~*~

"We need to talk," Bella announced softly, telling herself that running away from this conversation wasn't an option anymore. If she wanted their relationship to work, she needed to learn how to communicate. They _both_ needed to learn how to express their fears and expectations, their unconditional love and devotion... if they wanted _them_ to work.

She could see the despair in his eyes, the rings under them reflecting some kind of hopelessness. And when he turned around - away from her - to face the large French window, she sensed that he was saying goodbye to her. He was misinterpreting the entire situation about catching her looking for apartments online and her conversation with Emmett about whether she was planning to stay in Forks, of that she was sure, and the vulnerability that was so obvious in his body language now tightened her throat shut, leaving her speechless. Whatever she'd said first he would get all wrong, and she didn't want him to hurt anymore. She loved him - God she loved him more than she had ever thought a woman could ever love a man - and she would do anything not to hurt him again.

His back faced her, his forehead resting against the cool glass, and his palms marked the window with angst-induced perspiration. He was consumed by angst that their fairytale was over before it had ever begun. And this was an emotional hole she could not let him fall into. So she crossed the room to stand behind him, to reassure him that people don't always leave.

"Edward, I don't want to leave you."

_Then don't, _she could hear him think; the flexing muscles of his shoulders and back making his unspoken response obvious. So she continued to try to end the destructive game he was playing.

"And I won't leave you, unless you want me to."

The silence that radiated from him was deafening and it took all of her willpower to continue speaking, to explain to him about what was occupying her thoughts these days to make sure that he understood. Completely.

"When you saw the websites with the apartments earlier this week, it wasn't what it looked like. I don't want to leave this place, Edward, I love being here with you. But somehow it doesn't feel quite right; like what we are doing is wrong and that everyone is expecting me to live on my own first. Maybe it isn't a good idea to live together from day one, like we will be doomed to failure. As if there is a book that says what is most appropriate if you want your relationship to work. I'm afraid the book would advise against living together so soon. And for that reason I worry what living together will do to our relationship; like we'll never find the happiness we deserve; like others don't believe that we will make it if we live together so soon."

Bella fell silent after what felt for her as the longest monologue she had ever spoken.

"We can prove them wrong Bella," he whispered, his voice thick with emotions and desperation.

She wasn't actually sure if he had spoken or if she wanted to hear those words so badly that her mind had conjured them up out of thin air. When he didn't say anything else, she wondered if she had been hallucinating, but she carried on anyway.

"But part of me thinks that you want me to leave as well, to punish me for what I've done to you. It's only a very little part because I do believe you love me. I never thought it was possible that someone as wonderful as you could love a girl like me. But still, the destructive part of the old-me is screaming that you don't want me around you all the time, not yet."

She had confessed her deepest and innermost fears now, poured her heart out, and it felt great. She felt relieved; she had been completely honest about her feelings for the first time and the relief she currently felt sent a wave of energy and hope through her veins.

Edward looked utterly shocked. "You got it all wrong Bella. I want you with me _every second_ of the day. I feel lost when you're not here. How could you not know that, princess?"

When she heard him say those words, her confidence received a boost that made a rocket launching to the moon look like nothing big. Feeling bold and running on adrenaline, she crawled into the space between his body and the window and took his head gently but persistently in her hands, demanding that he look at her.

"I'm not leaving Edward. Please, don't doubt that anymore 'cause I love you." She precisely articulated every syllable, kissing his lips tenderly to stress the honesty of her words.

"But why does it feel like you are Bella?" he countered, his eyes still closed to block any possible image of his love leaving him again out of his mind.

"Talk to me Edward; tell me your feelings. Let me in."

Her hand touched his heart and she felt how his heartbeat raced under his skin.

"I'm not like the other women you've dated before Edward. I promise I won't be. I'm not running from you anymore; on the contrary, I want to be as close to you as humanly possible. If I could crawl under your skin and be able to read your thoughts just to be closer to you, I would. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, as long as you let me."

"You do?" He asked confused, his eyes slowly opening to stare into the most beautiful pools of honest love he had ever seen in his life.

"Oh Edward, don't doubt that and don't doubt me. You _are_ the man of my life, the father of my children."

Everyone in the room could hear a needle drop the very minute those words were spoken. Even Jona didn't dare to breathe for awhile, afraid that any sound would ruin this moment.

Edward's eyes searched hers for anything that could betray the sincerity of her words but he could not find one lie in her glistening truthful eyes. Nothing even close.

"I want to be that man for you Bella," he finally said, "I want to be the father of your children, I've been dreaming about that since the moment I laid eyes on you," he confessed without blushing. He knew that he would never be able to lie to this woman. Never. So why even try. "And I don't want you to leave. Never. This is our home now."

"I like the sound of that, and I'll do my best to stop doubting myself," Bella whispered close to his lips. Her body was soon pressed against the cool glass of the French window, but it didn't have any cooling effect at all. On the contrary. With every kiss he placed on her panting mouth or flustered throat, her body temperature increased to a sizzling height. His hands were all over her body - on her heaving chest, on her back unzipping her black dress, and in her hair, playing with the loose curly strands and massaging her scalp. She could not keep her hands off of him either, and they were tangled together like a pretzel.

How they made it to the sofa, Bella and Edward had no idea, but they were both sure that loving the other like this was something they'd never get sick of.

"Do you have any condoms left in your purse?" Edward asked, panting, never removing his pink swollen lips from her naked heated body, licking and sucking his way from the top of her toes to the tip of her nose.

"I do," she responded, though she grabbed his hand to make sure he didn't run away to retrieve them. "But I don't want you to use a condom anymore, if that's okay with you?" She looked him in the eyes deeply and saw how his emerald green depths flared with a kind of heat she had never seen before. If they were already violating the rules in the 'how to make your relationship work' book, they'd better do it good, right?

He didn't say a word, but the twinkle in his eyes when he smiled her favorite crooked smile said more than words. He was digesting her words - the true meaning of them - and liked them very much, that was obvious.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure Edward, I really am. I think I've never been more certain before about anything in my life. We have a future and this is meant to be."

She kissed his chest where his heart hammered under her lips, and she could hear the beating of his life force. The excitement that was coursing through his body had made his heart race uncontrollably, as if she needed another sign that this man was utterly in love with her.

And she felt the same way too. She had fallen head over heels in love months ago, even when she was trying to ignore the butterflies coursing through her stomach, but failing miserably. Attempting to leave the man who turned her legs to jelly because she already was with Jacob, but failing completely. Wanting to let Edward go after hurting him so devastatingly, yet failing desperately. And for once Bella Swan didn't care that she had failed. This was the best failure in her life.

"I love you," he declared, "and I know you love me back. For always and forever." Edward kissed her lips tenderly, and then continued to do the same with her eyes, nose and heart. And when he made his way to devour the taste of her sex to bring her to a place where thinking was overrated, she gave herself to him completely. He licked and dipped, sucked and drank from her most intimate spring until he sensed she was about to explode. For him.

Her body shifted under his touch, goose bumps covering her body together mixed in with a soft down of salty sweat. She begged him for mercy, to fill her completely and he did when she spoke the next words.

"Make love to me Edward." It wasn't a question, but it wasn't a demand either. Or maybe it was. Either way, he didn't care. He loved how she said it and when he positioned himself in between her legs, he asked her to say it again.

"What do you want me to do Bella?" A coat full of thick arousal covered his words when he gazed into her warm, sex craving pools.

"Make love to me Edward. Tomorrow. Always. But start today. Now." And if there was any doubt that this was a demand, then the doubt had been swept away for good. This lady, panting and demanding, had set her mind on one thing and she gasped when he entered her with one confident thrust. She was his future, for always and forever.

He hooked her legs over his hips and captured one nipple in between his teeth when he moved with long and deep thrusts in and out of her heated core. It didn't take her long to let it all go and she screamed his name while her inner muscles contracted around his hard, throbbing erection. He didn't worry about the neighbors, because the sound of her screaming his name like that had bombed every rational thought out of his head. The sweet and warm bliss that took control over his body when he emptied his warm semen in her valley of love was something he had never experienced before with any other woman, and it felt fucking great. The world suddenly looked more beautiful with this woman screaming his name - the same woman that had made it clear that she wanted kids. With him. Today. Tomorrow. For the rest of their lives together. He was the happiest man on earth and nothing could ever change that again.

***

_~The next morning~_

"I want to pay for the rent too Edward," Bella offered while she played with his chest hair, drawing lazy circles with the tip of her finger on his slightly tanned skin. It was Monday morning, and they hadn't bothered to make it upstairs after their lovemaking last night. Instead of leaving their couch cocoon, they had pulled the blanket over their naked bodies and had fallen into a deep sleep, only to wake up twelve hours later with the sun shining through the windows onto their skin.

"Mmm," he growled softly, trying to give the impression he was still asleep. But Bella was wide awake and she wanted her lover to be the same.

"I'm serious Edward. I want to pay for the rent and the monthly costs. That would make it feel more like a home for me as well."

He felt her piercing gaze through his closed eyelids and smiled at that thought. He had memorized her smiling face over and over again, perfectly recalling each identifying mole or dimple.

"I understand and I'm sure we can work something out." His hand blindly located her naked breasts and his thumb played with her already hard nipple, teasingly.

"Oh Cullen, I bet you can." Her voice sounded hoarse and still a bit covered with sleep, but she cleared her throat to make sure that he realized she was serious about this. "And I would love to move in some of my stuff, if that's okay with you."

"Oh, someone is getting demanding," he teased with one eye open, smiling and kissing her good morning.

"Demanding? I didn't even start going off on the painting I would love to do, and buying new furniture." She had his full attention - his eyes snapped open rapidly, and a questioning frown covered his forehead.

"What's wrong with my furniture and why do the walls need to be painted again?" He appeared confused and dumbfounded, mentally reviewing every room and checking for any spot that needed to be touched up. But when he saw the mischievous smile that captured the corners of her mouth, he realized she was only teasing him.

He wanted to roll on top of her, tickle her sides until tears traveled down her cheeks, her mouth laughing and gasping for air, and probably begging him to stop - to give her some mercy - after she would promise to never tease him like that again. But the clearing of her throat a second ago had caught his attention and he sensed that something more serious was about to come.

So he repositioned his body to be a little bit closer to hers and captured her in a hug before she continued explaining what was on her mind. Their promise last night - to speak honestly so situations like last week didn't happen anymore - was still fresh in his mind and in Bella's as well.

Taking a deep breath, Bella ventured, "There is a lot of stuff my mother left me, but I never opened the boxes - afraid to go through the memories of my childhood alone. But I think I could do it without a lot of drama if you'd joined me. If that's okay?"

"Of course princess. We can go after breakfast, if you want?" His hands tangled in her tousled hair, his eyes looking into her soul.

"I like the sound of that Edward. Thanks." And she kissed him back while a single tear escaped the corner of her left eye.

_This man was too good to be true._

***

_~Later that week~_

"Hello ladies!" Jasper greeted them both enthusiastically, pulling himself up from the leather chair to hug and kiss them hello.

"Sorry we're late," Bella excused herself, "but I'm not used to the insane traffic here. Africa is _really_ a totally different world!"

She kissed Jasper on the cheeks and removed her summer jacket before she made herself comfortable in the salsa bar where they had agreed to meet. Rosalie did the same and spread out the menu in her slender hands.

"A glass of pinot grigio for me," she told the exotic waitress and placed the menu back on the table in front of her.

"I would love some cabernet, thanks. Jasper, do you want another beer?" Bella offered.

"No, thanks, I'm fine." And he watched the seductive waitress walk away, her full hips shaking from the left to the right alluringly.

"So ladies," he blinked several times to clear his head, "what is happening and why this mysterious meeting?" He had been curious since the second Bella had called him yesterday afternoon - hastily speaking in whispers - to ask him if they could meet the next day. She had apologized for not explaining things properly but she didn't have time since Edward would be back any second. So it had something to do with his buddy but he hadn't figured out what. Not yet.

Both Bella and Rosalie exchanged mischievous glances, even a small nod, before Bella cleared her throat and filled in the blanks.

"Well, it's Edward birthday in less than three weeks and I have bought him a surprise. I'm taking him to the Congo for a month."

"Oh that is such great news Bella. He will love that!" Jasper thought about the endless late night drinks he had shared with Edward when Bella had run away to Africa. The boy was in love with both that woman and the land she had escaped to, and he just knew that Edward would be excited about the present, especially if it involved spending time with Bella. He wondered why he hadn't ever thought about surprising his best friend with tickets himself.

"You think?" Bella wasn't completely sure that he would like the gift as much as she hoped he would. But Jasper's spontaneous reaction gave her confidence an extra boost.

"I'm positive, Bella. He couldn't shut up about it when you left and if you join him, I think the man would love going anywhere." He let out an infectious chuckle.

"See Bella," Rose interrupted and patted her knee, "I told you. We all know Edward will love this!" And she flashed Bella one of her wide smiles, reassuring her sister-in-law some more.

"Okay. I'm glad you think so. Now... when Edward is away for four weeks, he won't be able to teach, and..." But before Bella could finish her sentence, Jasper impatiently waved his hands in front of him like it was a done deal.

"Don't worry about that, I can take his classes and I think I can find some other people to fill in the gaps as well. When are you leaving?"

"July 6th. But I can still rearrange the departure if that's necessary." Bella offered.

"No, I think that's perfect. The academy closes the first of July so we will only have to take care of the private lessons Edward has scheduled. But you don't need to worry about that, trust me; I'll take care of everything."

"Thanks Jazz," Rose smiled brightly. She realized that this man sitting in front of her was such a good friend for her brother in law, and it sank in that finally, Edward's life was complete. He had great friends, a good family - although he missed his parents enormously - and was beautifully accompanied by the love of his life. The music teacher had everything he had ever hoped for and he deserved that. More than anyone in the world. Edward's symphony was - at last - about to start now that Bella had entered his life.

"But we have another idea we would like to talk to you about." Bella said, enthusiasm coloring her voice. And all of them shifted a little bit closer, sipping their drinks and discussing the surprise concert the two ladies wanted to organize. They obviously needed musicians if they wanted Music for Africa to be a success. Jasper was game for the idea the second they filled him in about the way they wanted to raise money for the AIDS-program that _Doctors without Borders_ had set up years ago. Jasper just knew that Edward wouldn't want to go to Africa without organizing some way to contribute to the people he would be visiting.

They made arrangements and phone calls right there from the restaurant, seeking the perfect date and location. On July the 3rd, in the Port Angeles Opera Theater, the first _Music for Africa_ concert would be held. Rosalie would meet with Alice later that week to design the cards and posters, Bella and Jasper would compose the program, and they would divvy up the thousands of other arrangements that needed to be done as well. They had three weeks before it was Edward's birthday, and then they would have ten more days to cover the city with posters and other promotional materials, but it was all the time they needed. Edward would definitely help them when he knew about the concert but for now, this was their secret.

"I love secrets," Jasper confessed. "And the boy will freak out when he knows we were planning this the entire time." A soft chuckle ended his comment; images of his sulking friend made him suddenly burst into loud laughter.

"I just hope I _can_ keep it a secret," Bella added; she knew how Edward could look at her with those beseeching green eyes. And if he gave her that look, she knew how hard it would be to ignore his pleading puppy-dog eyes. But she had to keep this a secret from him - for him.

"Whatever he asks or wants to know, just tell him we went shopping with Alice, Bella," Rose insisted. "He teases me a lot about my shopping-addiction and he will never doubt that." Both women laughed warmly, feeling buzzed from their drinks as they kept chatting along. This was going to work, definitely.

~*~

"Oh, you're home early!" Bella called out, surprised. Normally he wasn't home before seven and she found herself lucky that she and Rose had gone to a few stores after they'd met Jasper. The two bags in her left hand were the material proof that she had been shopping with Rose indeed, and that made it easier to lie to him. It wasn't really lying, but still, part of her felt guilty. But she knew that her deception for the greater good; she wouldn't spoil the surprise that the good man standing in front of her certainly deserved.

"Yeah, Heidi was sick and cancelled her lesson. That's why I'm home already. Had a good day I see?" and he eyed the bags before he kissed her fully on the mouth. With all the force of the world, she gripped to the sacks while his eager tongue explored her mouth with a passion that still surprised her, although his penetrating kisses weren't new to her anymore. It felt like her head was decapitated from her body; her mind had been shot through the moon and her limbs felt like they couldn't carry her body anymore. Edward seemed to sense her inevitable swoon, taking the bags from her hand and pulling her up the cooking island to steady her a little.

"You will be the death of me," she whispered when his mouth travelled to her ear, his hands untangling the silk scarf that covered her shoulders.

"Why is that?" he wanted to know. His voice was deep - the baritone timbre sounded like honey in her ears - and rational thoughts seemed overrated all of a sudden.

"What?" Bella asked, confused, not knowing anymore what she had said earlier. She was rewarded with a chuckle and with hands roaming over her naked shoulders.

"Why is it that I'll be the death of you?"

"Oh," she responded, and was glad that at least someone was paying attention to what she had been saying. "The way you kiss me, it makes my heart race uncontrollably, my legs feel like wobbly sticks all of a sudden and my mind is nowhere to be found."

"I do?" he asked boyishly, as if he didn't know what kind of effect he had on her.

"You do," and before she could say anything else, he kissed her passionately again but stopped after a few moments to check if she was still alive.

"Good, you're still breathing. I think it's better for you that I won't kiss you again anymore like that. I can't let anything happen to you." And he turned away from her, chuckling, while he heard her begging comments to come back. It was too tempting not to look at her - he knew she would be pouting like a little girl now, her arms folded in front of her chest and her lips pressed shut in a sulking manner - and he laughed heartily when he found that his prediction was right.

"Oh come on Swan. Don't pout, my love. Let's take Jona out for a long walk in the forest and I'll make you dinner afterwards. Deal?" he stretched his hand out to her, to guide her off the cooking island but she didn't accept his offer. She was deliberating what he had just suggested but refused it by shaking her head, her arms still crossed in front of her body. She was hilarious when she was childishly demanding, and he laughed warmly.

"Walk the dog then dinner _and_ a long warm bath together?" he tried instead. The moment his words left his mouth, he _knew_ she would accept this offer. Her eyes changed softly, the frown above the bridge of her nose faded away, and she bit her lower lip.

"Would it be too much if I asked for a massage as well?" she whispered. Her shoulders suddenly felt achy and there were some knots on her back that could use some special attention.

"Nothing is too much for you, and you know that." And he crossed the distance between them, kissing her again before he searched for Jona's leash.

They spent more than an hour at the nearby forest, walking and running with Jona around the small creek, throwing a stick into the water so Jona could swim to it and bring it back. In the end, they both ended up being soaked but they didn't care. They talked about her father, and how she would contact him first thing in the morning. But also about his parents and Grace, sharing childhood memories and feeling utterly happy in the other's soothing presence. The sun warmed their skin and the laughter did the same with their heart.

They spent the rest of the evening in perfect harmony; their bond was becoming stronger every day. They fit together physically and emotionally like two neighboring pieces in a jigsaw puzzle.*

-----------------------  
*This sentence was written by Foxriverinmate

Chapter End Notes:

I'm writing a four-chapter Edward/Bella story and the first chapter will be up soon. This is the summary, to tease you a little:

_Four sexual healing encounters –one in every season-, three condom wrappers and two different kind of people with at least one thing in common: they are both heartbroken and afraid to love again._

Add me to your fav's or keep an eye on it if you don't want to miss it. Have a great day, to all of you!


	24. Chapter 24: Surprise

A/N: I know it's been awhile -and yeah _awhile_ is an understatement- but I wasn't feeling this fic anymore. I have been writing a lot this past month and a half, but nothing Collide related. But Sarah_Elizabeth wanted an update and who am I to deny her that?

Thanks to Shabbyapple to validate this fic and for your sweet and encouraging words. A big shout out goes to Courtney, who betaed this chapter and wrote enormously sweet words when she sent it back to me.

Let's get the surprise started, shall we?

* * *

**Chapter 24: Surprise**

If someone had observed what she had been doing the entire morning, they'd probably call a doctor or an ambulance, questioning her mental health.

She had been pacing from the couch to the home telephone for the umpteenth time, sometimes grabbing it, often dialing the number of her father's office, but always rethinking what she was doing before she would ever allow the call to go through.

There was a pattern in what she was doing: her nervousness was obvious in the distance she had crossed ever since she woke up this morning, circling the cooking island and living room in a steady peace. That pattern contained swearing as well-a lot of swearing- and the constant sighing after another angry swear when she'd put the phone down again, not even giving her father the chance to pick up.

Exhausted and defeated and not knowing what to do anymore, she sat down on the cold leather couch in Edward's apartment and asked the dog for advice.

Without even patting her knee, he trotted over to where she was sitting with her head cradled in her hands and nuzzled into her lap until she lowered one hand so he could lick it.

"I don't know what to do Jona. It's been more than a month since my dad and I talked. And I know that I never tried to contact him, but he didn't either. It is as if he is not even interested in how I'm doing or if I am still alive even. I just want him to be worried about me; I want him to care." And she sighed deeply, her warm breath blowing the dog's dark-grey and black fur into his eyes.

"Tell me what to do Jona. Tell me what the right thing to do is."

She chuckled, telling herself this was ridiculous -talking to a dog and asking him for advice.

"How pathetic," she muttered when she heard the soft snoring sounds he was already making.

Her mind wandered to Edward and she wondered what he would be doing, if the situation and roles were reversed. And immediately she knew what to do. Edward had lost his beloved parents without even having the chance to say goodbye and Bella couldn't stand the idea that if Charlie died right now, she wouldn't at least have tried to rebuild some of the blown bridges between them.

She entangled herself from the couch, repositioned Jona's head on top of the cushion she had been sitting on and walked to the phone, grabbing the handle for dear life and dialed the number of her father's office again without giving herself time to rethink her decision.

Tapping her foot impatiently, she waited for her father's station officer -and lifelong friend- to answer.

Her voice sounded insecure and trembled a little when she informed Gerry that it was her.

"Oh Bella, it's so nice to hear your voice again! How are you? How is the Congo?"

The enthusiasm evident in his voice was heartwarming and Bella hoped that her father would share the same eagerness when he heard that his daughter was back in the US.

"Gerry, I'm good. Perfect actually."

If Gerry could see the smile that was currently plastered on her reddish lips, he would likely be intoxicated.

"Why is that my dear?" Gerry asked, pleased but a little curious about how she had found the spirit to be happy again, after all this time.

Without hesitation, she informed him, "I'm back in Forks again Gerry... I came back for the love of my life."

It had always been easy to talk to Gerry; he was the kind of dad she had often wished for but never had. He had always been there for her when her days were painted with the blackest color imaginable. Gerry had been supportive in her darkest hour, unlike her father who unfortunately could darken her day even further at times.

When her mother died and her father had dived in his work, Gerry had been the one who comforted her; tucked her into bed although she was too old to be tucked in. It was Gerry who offered her his shoulder to cry on and it was the same Gerry who had driven her home after she was released from the hospital after the cliff diving debacle. Jacob was too occupied with screwing around and her father too embroiled in what he called a very important case. But Gerry was the only constant in her life; he was the only one who insisted in taking care of her when she was around and Bella actually loved the attention. He was one of the few people she trusted because he would never let her down.

_Make that two_, she told herself. _Edward will never let me down either_.

"We have to get some lunch together then Bella, so I can hear all those amazing stories about Africa. Deal?"

"Deal Gerry. But..."

It was only when the silence that hung between them changed from comfortable to unpleasant, that Gerry spoke again.

"But you probably want to talk to your father, I assume." The timbre of his voice was lower now; he sounded even more understanding than before. He knew the complicated relationship between father and daughter. And Bella knew that he was genuine with his compassion; Gerry was the most honest man she'd ever met although he and Edward probably shared that first spot.

"That's why I called, Gerry, but honestly? I'm a bit afraid to speak to him." And before Gerry had the chance to ask her why that was, Bella informed him about her hesitation to call her father after she'd been back for more than three weeks already. She somehow sensed that her father would go through several emotional states - from disappointment to anger and hopefully to some happiness as well, knowing that he finally had her back - and that kaleidoscope of emotions was something she wasn't looking forward to.

"Your father can be a very reasonable man, Bella, and he has been in a good mood lately. I'm sure he'll understand. Do you want me to put you through?"

He was greeted by silence again, but this time he waited patiently and tried to comfort her with his unspoken words. Sometimes saying nothing communicates more support than any word ever can.

A deep sigh indicated to Gerry that she was ready, but she confirmed his suspicion by speaking the words out loud.

"Thanks Gerry, you can put me through. Wish me luck."

"Luck is on your side Bella. Take care" and he hoped that he was right with his assessment of Charlie's good mood and having luck on her side.

~*~

_Around six o'clock that day_

She had to run home after she'd stopped by the local grocery store to make sure that she had all the ingredients for preparing a vegetarian quiche. Her day had been quite busy up to this point. Bella had been at Rosalie's place all afternoon to arrange things for the concert - from placing various phone calls to musicians, graphic designers and catering services - to deciding what the invitations would look like. Alice had been there as well and it felt as if they had known each other their entire life. She had many close friends for life now -Leah and Alice and even Rose was warming up- and it felt damn good.

After that she'd made it to the job interview she'd applied for last week. _Doctors Without Borders_ was looking for a new physician manager which implied that she would be in charge of selecting and training physicians for their projects in Africa, South America and Asia. She had never dared to dream of landing such a job, but when they'd called her last week and asked her if she would be interested in an interview, she had been euphoric.

Edward had been enthusiastic as well, sharing her sense of elation and it made her want the job even more. She was always nervous during an interview - all those eyes focusing on her, expecting smart answers to their questions - it had somehow felt like dying a little and she remembered experiencing the same butterflies in her stomach during one of her first oral exams - and the sweat that covered her hands and the back of her neck were the physical proof of those nerves. But when she'd entered the room earlier that day, all those nerves had faded away and for the first time in her life she was confident that she had given a good interview.

Following the interview she had stopped by the academy to sneak into Jasper's office and discuss some more details with him. It was only after she glanced at the clock more than an hour later that she'd realized that Edward would be home soon. She hadn't left a note this afternoon when she had scurried off to Rose's and she didn't want him to worry; something that he did a lot. She hurried home because she didn't want to lie to him about her whereabouts; it would just be easier if she was home as he expected. So she'd run to the grocery store, bought the things she needed and had run home. She was still unpacking -and panting a little- when Edward placed his key in the lock.

She greeted him maybe a bit too enthusiastically -the nerves still racing through her body since she had made it home just in time- but he never noticed. He was too occupied drinking in her beauty; she looked amazingly hot in her marine-blue suit. The knee-length skirt fitted her thighs and hips perfectly and the sleeveless white blouse clouded his thoughts. When she turned around to kiss him, he noticed her dazzling cleavage highlighted by the silver necklace disappearing into the warmth of her bosom and suddenly the world whirled in front of his eyes.

"You are hot," he huskily stated before he kissed her, placing his flat palms to either side of her head to let them rest on the cool kitchen cupboards. Her body was tightly pressed in between the cupboards and his strong chest but she didn't care. She loved it.

God, she had missed him.

_Had it only been a few hours since they had seen each other?_

When the tip of her tongue travelled over his plump lips, she was greeted by his mouth opening willingly under hers and his velvet tongue searching for hers eagerly.

"Mmmm," he murmured and let his hands entangle with her curly locks, whispering, "You taste so good," before violating her lips, neck and collarbone with wet kisses.

He tasted good as well; the salty droplets of sweat mixed with a flavor that was quintessentially Edward had all of a sudden enchanted her and erased her ability to speak. It was only when she felt the insistent poking of Jona's head against her and Edward's leg that she knew her name and her whereabouts again.

"Leave us alone Jona," Edward urged, annoyed, but his dog was excited to see his master, knowing it was time for his daily walk in the nearby forest.

Edward sighed heavily when Bella turned around, her back now facing him, and continued the unpacking she had been doing before he had driven her crazy.

"I think your dog is excited to see you," she teased, referring to Jona and his enthusiastic barking.

"Is he the only one?" Edward responded in a wounded voice, his eyes twinkling.

When he pressed his flustered body against hers, lifted her hair off of her neck, and kissed the skin under her hairline, she realized that Jona was certainly not the only one excited to see him.

"Maybe me too," she confessed breathily.

He pressed his front against her back even more tightly, letting his hands roam over her full breasts and gripping her hip; in the process informing her _that someone was more than excited to see _her_ as well_. Her warm honey chuckles echoed through the house when her hand gripped behind her back to search for his hard erection that was pressing dominantly against her butt. She stroked him through the material of his jeans, but not for long, because a barking Jona broke their moment once again.

***

"So, did you call your father today?" Edward asked after they had finished their dinner later that night. She had talked about the job interview nonstop and he really hoped that she would get some positive news about the position soon. But never had she mentioned the planned phone call to her father, which she had told him about yesterday.

At first, he had thought that she would eventually come around but when she didn't refer to the call once during dinner, Edward feared that the job interview had gone better than the conversation with her father.

He saw how her fingers fumbled with the napkin -twisting and turning- as his question hung in the air, but when she inhaled deeply, he knew that she was searching for the right words. In the end, she settled for a simple _I called_.

"Not good?" he ventured while he placed his hand on top of hers, not only to stop the fidgeting fingers but to comfort her as well.

"That's an understatement," she emitted a harsh half-chortle, attempting to laugh away the painful memories of the conversation she had had with her father that morning.

"_Dad, it's me. Bella." _

_She was greeted by a silence that was hard to bear. For a second she thought about shutting her phone and avoiding the painful conversation altogether, but she had promised herself that she was done running away from the difficulties of life, and those words suddenly crossed her mind._

"_I know it's been awhile Dad, but..." Though before she could finish the sentence, she was interrupted by the voice of her father, he sounded angrier than she had expected._

"_How long?" he wanted to know._

"_How long what?" she spat, not knowing where this conversation was heading._

"_How long have you been back Bella?" Charlie asked, feeling angry, sad and disappointed all at once. The good mood Gerry had talked about was nowhere to be seen at that specific moment._

"_How do you know?" she whispered, afraid that her voice would betray too much of her current emotional state. She was shocked; her father had never talked to her like that and she wasn't really sure why this was about._

"_Answer me Bella" he almost yelled at her now and biting her lip she decided to tell the truth._

"_A little more than three weeks now Dad." Almost four, she wanted to say, but in the end she preferred the more than three weeks because that sounded a little bit better. "And I'm sorry I haven't contacted you sooner but I had a lot of things on my mind."_

_She sounded like a little kid who had just confessed she'd stolen a dollar out of her father's wallet. She sounded fragile and small._

"_Well, that's too bad Bella; I can't speak to you right now because I have a lot of things on my mind too."_

_It felt like a kick in the gut to hear her father spitting back her own words. Now he sounded like a seven year-old boy, fighting with his sister, playing a cat and mouse game. He sounded immature but fragile as well._

"_Dad. I'm sorry. Please. One more minute. Please."_

"_Do you know Bella, how embarrassing it is to hear from a stranger that your daughter is back from the Congo, going through her mother's stuff with some man, looking happy and in love, and I didn't know _**any**_ of this? Can you imagine how that feels Bella?"_

_Bella was silent for a second, realizing that it must have been Joe, the man who she had called the other day to ask if it was okay to go through her mother's stuff on a Sunday. It was Joe who had called Chief Swan to inform him about his daughter showing up, interested in her mother's belongings. Joe had remembered the chief's words, years ago, after he had stocked his wife's stuff in a storage room._

"_Call me Joe, when my daughter ever comes around, okay?"_

_And although that was years ago, Joe had indeed called her father Monday morning 9 am, the day after Bella had visited him. It was then that Charlie's happy mood had vanished, realizing that his daughter was back and hadn't bothered to call him. She hadn't bothered to call him on Monday either and his mood had gotten worse, but he hadn't shown Gerry that he would be reaching his boiling point soon. He had reached it the moment Bella had reached out to him, today -Friday morning- four days after Joe had called him. And when he had heard that she was back for more than three weeks now, his emotional state had gone from miffed to furious._

_But Bella was not going to let him be the only one who felt hurt and angry. _

_"Do you know, Dad, how embarrassing it is when you are in Forks, one of the smallest towns in the US where everyone knows everything about everybody, for more than three weeks and your father never calls you? Can you image how that feels Dad?"_

_The word 'dad' was pronounced differently than all the others, harsher with a note of pain in her trembling voice. Bella understood that her dad was hurt because she hadn't contacted him even though she had been home for weeks, but she was hurt as well since her dad had never tried to contact her. And it wasn't only three weeks of hurt -it was years of pent-up feelings of abandonment. That wasn't how a relationship between a father and his only daughter was supposed to be, but when you stop communicating good things can go bad._

"I'm so sorry Bella," Edward said honestly, trying to imagine how she felt.

"It's nothing Edward, really." She was putting on a bright face, hiding her emotions behind a happy mask.

"This isn't how it's supposed to be Bell, and you know that. Maybe he will come around. I hope he does because he has only one magnificent daughter!" And to seal his words, he kissed each of her fingertips tenderly.

Edward would eventually be right about her father coming around, although Bella couldn't believe it then. She had never dared to hope for what happened after the weekend: her father called her on Monday to apologize. The time to think about things had decreased the intensity of that famous Swan temper for both of them. Although he hadn't come out and said it directly, Bella realized that her father was sorry. And when she remembered Edward's words about the importance of forgiveness, especially after losing his own parents unexpectedly, she was inspired to try to mend her relationship with her father. She had then offered her apologies to her father for the mistakes she had made in the past as well. They had agreed on having lunch later that week and for the first time in years, Bella actually felt as if her father was interested in her, _really_ interested in who she was.

Their relationship was still far from normal or stabilized, but they had both agreed to meet for lunch every Monday, so they could get to know each other again. It was a start, a baby step in the right direction, and it was probably the biggest step both Charlie and Bella Swan had taken in the last few years.

Wasn't it a Buddhist quote that said that if we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking?

~*~

_Two weeks later, June 24th_

"Good morning sweets!"

Bella greeted him enthusiastically although Edward rolled over and buried his face in the mattress. He had never been good at waking up, and although Bella wasn't a morning bird either, today was different. It was Edward's birthday and she herself was eager and excited that this day had finally arrived. She had been organizing all kinds of plans and it had become more difficult with each day to avoid his questions or to conjure up lies.

Things were getting even more hectic when she had received the good news that _Doctors Without Borders_ was pleased to welcome her to their team as the new Physician Manager. Edward didn't quite understand why on earth she would only start working in September although the vacancy had labeled the position as 'urgent', 'to start immediately'. She had come up with a quick story about enjoying her freedom longer so that she could become accustomed to the American culture again, a story Edward didn't seem to believe but one he didn't question any further either. Today all those 'good' lies would be over. Today was his birthday.

"Happy birthday Edward." And Bella placed the breakfast she had just made on the end table next to his bed, and poured him a glass of fresh orange juice which she hoped would catch his attention.

He mumbled something in return, pulling the blankets over his head, but he didn't resist when Bella yanked the bedding down again and kissed him heartily on the lips, after she told him his breakfast-in-bed was ready.

His eyes were still closed but his senses were immediately alive when her gorgeous body contained in a silky nightgown was pressed flat against his chest. He quickly changed his tune regarding how he felt about mornings.

"This is the best birthday ever," he mumbled dreamily in between kisses, removing every unnecessary piece of clothing until passion was the only thing that covered their naked, flustered skins.

The breakfast Bella had made that morning as a first surprise for this special day and was now standing on the bedside table -untouched- was soon forgotten when she gripped the hard length of him to guide him into the deepest core of her body, showing him how much she really loved him.

Her legs rested on each side of his hips, the grip of his hands strong on her midsection to guide her in the right rhythm.

Edward took his bottom lip in between his teeth with closed eyes; he bucked his hips while Bella's body moved over his erection heavenly. Her long curly locks swayed from the left to the right when they moved together in synchrony. It was driving him crazy -how she was moving on top of him- and he knew that he would soon give in if she continued her delicious ministrations like this.

One of his hands travelled to her breasts and kneaded them fiercely while the other still fondled her hip. He dug his fingertips deeper, probably leaving slight bruises on her alabaster skin. He wanted to slow her down so that he could enjoy every moment, but she realigned her position a little, touching a spot he knew she liked so much and how could he deny her that?

He bucked his hips stronger, deeper and harder. With every thrust, he gave her more of his soul, more of his body and more of his love. He gave her everything he had right now when he came, begging for mercy when she continued a little longer to ride him until he was completely empty.

"I love you Bella Swan and _this_ is definitely the best birthday present you could have given me."

He pulled her into his arms, kissing her tenderly, after they'd made love and eaten breakfast together.

"I love you too Edward Cullen and we will see about that tonight," she replied mysteriously.

She ignored the questioning look on his gorgeous face when she stepped out of the bed and started to get dressed. He would get some more surprises tonight and she could not wait.

***

Edward wasn't aware of what was about to happen when he'd parked the car in front of Rose and Emmett's house. There was no sign of any other car in the neighborhood although there were a lot of people in the house, waiting to surprise him.

He was shining -smiling widely from the moment he had woken up to the best birthday present ever- looking extremely hot in his black shirt with a sparkling grey tie. He had his sleeves rolled up because the weather was too hot, but he had insisted on wearing a nice shirt for the birthday dinner his brother and sister-in-law had organized.

Although it was his birthday, Edward jogged over to Bella's side of the car to open the door for her. She herself looked stunning with a creamy colored silk dress that looked as it came straight from a twenties movie. The dress was embellished with dark black lace adorning the straps and the bodice, providing a classy, sexy silhouette. Edward had commented that it was impossible not to look at her breasts due to the impressive cleavage and for a second, Bella had wondered if it had been such a good idea to buy the dress. But Edward had reassured her that she would be the beauty queen of the night, even if she wore a plastic bag. She had joked that she preferred this dress instead of the bag and together they had laughed out loud.

"Have I told you that the dress makes your skin sparkle?" Edward wondered when he closed the door of the car and placed his hand on the back of her bare back.

"Sparkle?" She laughed, adding that he was ridiculously biased.

"Who cares if I am biased? You're hot and no one will deny that." He placed his long fingers on her neck, just below her hairline, and kissed her tenderly on the lips, carefully not to mess with her lipstick.

"I like your hair like this by the way," referring to the long curly locks and the new reddish tint. His fingers played with the loose strands for a moment, before the two walked over to the house. It was only when he approached the door that he saw the little post-it note.

_Just come around, we are in the garden, trying to light the barbeque._

_Em, Rose and Liam -x-_

Edward didn't notice the grin on Bella's face or her stealthy text to Rose, announcing their arrival. As they approached the backyard, the only sounds he heard were heartwarming and enthusiastic cries of "Happy birthday!" screamed by everyone at the same time when he turned around the corner.

He had expected to see his brother, Rosalie and little Liam, but there were quite a few more birthday celebrants. There was Jasper and Alice, some colleagues from work, Grace's kids, some friends from the shelter where he was a regular volunteer, a few of his private music students and even Bella's father.

It was too much for a confused Edward who was still standing dumbfounded on the same spot, so astoundingly pleased that his family had set up a surprise party for him. No one had ever done that before, not for him, and although he wasn't really good at this -standing in the spotlight with all the attention on him (not on his music, but only on him)- he loved it. Tears of joy formed in his eyes and he didn't stop them from falling. This was the happiest day of his life. Ever.

The next thirty minutes passed by in a daze. Everyone wanted to talk to him, kiss him, give him his presents and Edward just enjoyed every second of it. Someone had pushed a glass of sangria in his hand but he didn't know who, neither did he know how the little chicken wing had ended up in his other hand. But it didn't matter. He was happy and it was his birthday.

But if he thought that this was the biggest surprise of the night, then he was wrong. His world had been turned upside down the very minute this surprise party had started, and became even crazier when Bella asked for everyone's attention.

Edward was confused; Bella didn't like to speak in front of a group, but she looked very confident and strong now that everyone's eyes were pointed at her.

"Doesn't she look gorgeous?" Charlie commented before everyone turned silent.

"I think that's an understatement Chief Swan," Edward whispered back, enjoying the positive rapport he seemed to have with Bella's father.

"Edward, darling, can you come here please, for a minute?" Bella asked, sparkling in the warm summer sun. She waited till Edward was by her side before she continued her speech.

"I know that this is kind of a surprise for you, but you deserve some special attention on your birthday."

She was greeted by applause and she waited a second before it got silent again.

"I know that you received a lot of presents tonight but you probably wonder what my gift is. And I think it's finally time to give it to you."

Jasper whistled on his fingers, and was soon joined by Emmett and some other male colleagues. It made Bella a little bit nervous, wondering if he would like his gift, but she knew that there was no way to back out now. She took the large wrapped gift from Alice and handed it to Edward.

"This is for you my love," and she kissed him openly on the mouth, telling him to open the gift.

His trembling fingers caught her attention and she realized that he was eager to discover the content of her present as well. He unwrapped it impatiently, tearing the paper loudly and his mouth fell open the moment he read the words on the large paper check Bella had given him.

_We are going to Africa? Africa?!!!! _

But he was so dumbstruck that he could not find words for the thoughts suddenly racing through his head. He could only show how much he liked his present so he wrapped his arms strongly around her bare shoulders and kissed every spot of her incredible body that was within reach.

"I love you," he told her before the others interrupted their moment, shouting questions about the gift.

"We are going to Africa," Edward informed the bunch of friends standing in his brother's garden, his voice trembling a little.

"Africa," he said dreamily.

Thinking about it made his head spin into overdrive immediately. He would finally see with his own eyes what Bella had been doing in the Congo. Maybe he could contribute to make a change himself as well.

His train of thoughts was interrupted when Bella asked for his attention once again.

Wondering what was going to happen next, his gaze focused on the gorgeous woman standing in front of him.

"That is not the only thing Edward. I know that you don't want to leave for Africa with empty pockets and I don't either. So for the past three weeks, Jazz, Alice, Rose, Emmett and I have been organizing a _Music for Africa _concertthat will happen next Saturday, three days before we leave for Africa."

She wanted to ask him if he was okay with that, but she wasn't able to voice her question because his slightly shaking hands connected with her cheeks and his eager lips soon found hers. He gave her thousands of kisses, and in between each of them, he declared his love to her, sometimes wondering out loud how on earth he had ever deserved this amazing woman but the answer was obvious. They were destined to be together. She and him, they were destined for greatness; they would be the change they wanted to see in this world together.

TBC...

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

I'm once again sorry the time in between updates. I cannot promise you if it will be better because my father has been diagnosed with cancer on Monday and I'm going through a hard time right now. But I will do my best to upload the next chapter as soon as possible. Keep me and my family in your prayers or thoughts please...

For those of you who are wondering how many chapters there are left: 4 more chapters and a small epilogue. And those who have missed the first chapter of the 'Sexual Healings' story I talked about earlier: you can read that here:

www(DOT)fanfictionDOTnet/s/5365191/1/Sexual_Healings

Reviews would be appreciated... *hugs*


	25. Chapter 25: Music for Africa

I would like to thank everyone for the sweet words of encouragement and support after the latest chapter - every review, email or PM is enormously appreciated. I think I answered every single one of them -if not, let me know.

Thanks Shabbyapple and Courtney for the betaing. If I could, I would send Robert P. to each of you but I have only one of him and like to keep him for myself... Sorry ladies.

More A/N at the end...

* * *

**Chapter 25: Music for Africa**

_~*~  
All the statistics in the world  
can't measure the warmth of a smile.  
-Chris Hart-  
~*~_

"Thank you," he whispered in the dark car while Bella drove home. His speech slurred a little; the consumption of sangria was probably to blame for that.

His head rested against the back of his seat and he closed his eyes to listen to the drumming sound of his own heartbeat. It still hadn't sunk in completely -he was going to Africa! -which made his heart rate accelerate to a deafening rhythm.

"You're welcome Edward. Nothing but the best for my birthday-boy," she whispered back, eyeing him from her peripheral vision while driving. Good thing women were multitasking creatures.

She wasn't really sure if he was still awake; she didn't care actually. It was late, he had endured a long day and she sensed that things would get hectic tomorrow as they tried to make _Music for Africa _a success.

She still remembered the shock on his face when he realized that she was taking him to the Congo. When she informed him about the concert they would be organizing, an unreadable emotion crossed his handsome features. Was it gratitude? Recognition that he had finally found his equal, a woman who saw the world just like he did? Excitement? Anticipation of creatively collating his thousand and one ideas for the concert? It wasn't any one of those emotions, but all of them and even more to be precise.

Edward Cullen was grateful for this wonderful woman to be his, and at that specific moment, he decided that he had a surprise for her as well. She would know nothing about the song he'd sing on the night of the concert. He would write their personal love song and sing it for her. Only for her. And he didn't really care that there would be hundreds of others as well because he would have only one woman in mind while singing. _His _beloved Bella. The woman he'd collided with a few months ago and although it was only months, he couldn't remember _not _knowing her.

"You're my life now," he whispered back, taking one of her hands in his and stroking her soft porcelain skin with his fingers.

"Always and forever," he added before he kissed her palm and closed her fingers as if he wanted to lock the kiss inside the hollow of her hand.

"I love you Edward Cullen."

Who _wouldn't_ love this man?

She was enormously grateful that she was the one he loved in return. He didn't need to say those words out loud because his actions communicated more than enough, but that did not stop him from continuing to whisper sweet words expressing his intense love for her the whole ride home.

"Come on, let's get you to bed," Bella suggested when she locked the car, he followed her willingly. He craved sleep although he figured that not much sleep would come since adrenaline raced through his veins, his heart pumping the hormone around his body, awakening his senses even at the tender hour of three in the morning.

~*~

_The next day, June 25th_

She knew that he was watching her; even with her eyes still closed, she could feel his gaze penetrating her being. She also knew that it was too early to wake up. She hadn't looked at the alarm clock yet, but fatigue still lingered in her body, making her limbs heavy and her mind clouded. And although he had been lovingly staring at her for awhile now, she hadn't spoken yet. Probably because she had silently hoped that he would give up the staring and go back to sleep again. No such luck.

She felt him shift his body slightly, silently; because he didn't want to wake her up -or maybe he did- and hadn't he just taken a string of her locks in between his fingers or had she imagined that?

She kept her breathing even and focused, attempting to detect if the soft pressure on her hair was real or not. When she was sure that he indeed was twirling a tendril, she sighed deeply, realizing that sleep wouldn't come. Not today. Not anymore. Not with this excited man next to her.

"You awake?" he whispered after he'd heard her sigh. Part of him felt guilty -he knew he was probably to blame for that- but the more dominant part was happy that she was _finally_ awake.

"Stop watching me and go back to sleep Edward."

Her voice was still thick with sleep and sounded hoarse. She sounded fiercer with her next words.

"I'm not a doll -go back to sleep," turning her back to him, hoping that the body language said enough. However, Edward was stubborn and could not ignore the adrenaline coursing through his veins, as Bella would soon find out.

"But Bella, we have so much to do today and I really tried to sleep but I have to see the invitations and posters, discuss the music with you and Jazz, call some friends and people I know that can help with this video projection thing I have in mind and..."

A proud smile was painted on Bella's sleepy face. The excitement he felt had infected her immediately and the lingering sleepiness simply vanished.

She rolled over so she could face him again and placed one finger on his mouth to silence him.

"First things first," she said cryptically before she kissed the tip of his nose. A frown formed itself in between his eyebrows since he didn't know what those words meant. She left the warmth of their bed, ignored the questions he shot at her, but returned soon with her medical bag in her hand.

"Are we playing doctor-patient?" Edward asked with a wide grin on his face. The warm sound of Bella's chuckles aroused him further.

"No games this morning," she teased, shaking her head amusedly about his non-stop libido. He responded with a sulk. The way he crossed his arms in front of his bare chest and how he pouted his full lips made her heart tighten with desire; this man was too cute for words. But they had priorities and his vaccinations were on top of that list. Without his vaccinations, there would be no trip to Africa.

"First I need to give you a medical check-up Edward, to make sure you're in a good health to join me. But if I remember correctly, your physical condition is quite alright," and she winked at him, memories of their lovemaking on his birthday still fresh and clear.

"And then I have to give you the first of several vaccinations. I hope you don't mind that I called your doctor and reviewed you medical history with him?" she inquired rather matter-of-factly as she listened to his heart and lungs. The cold metal of the stethoscope and the warmth of her fingers on his shoulders when she steadied herself made him shiver. His heart skipped a few beats.

Bella smiled when she registered the disruption in his pulse and quirked an eyebrow while she listened to his heart a little longer.

"Everything okay doc?" Edward asked nonchalantly, trying to wave away the physical reaction she had on him.

"I think so. I feared for a second that your heart was about to stop but that was probably my imagination playing tricks on me, right?"

"Right," he stated and changed the subject to her calling his doctor again. "So, did you tell Doctor Stein that I probably don't need a doctor anymore?" He had his own personal doctor by his side from now on and he didn't plan to let anything change that.

"Inhale," she demanded and focused on the sound of his lungs -clear-.

"Exhale," she added after a few seconds and removed the stethoscope.

"No, I didn't tell Doctor Stein that you have your personal doctor now. Not literally anyway. But I think he can read in between the lines." She smiled warmly. "Ready for that vaccination Mr. Cullen or do I need to tell you a story to distract you?"

"No doc," he said teasingly, "the view in front of me is perfect to distract me from any pain that is going to occur," and he let his eyes openly roam over the smooth contours of her body.

She shook her head, but couldn't ignore the warmth his words evoked inside of her. The amorous way he looked at her made her heart flutter. Her cheeks were colored with a deep red as well, highlighting the physical reaction of his compliment, and his smoldering eyes piercing into her didn't lessen that reaction at all. On the contrary. Good thing he didn't have the stethoscope on _her_ or he would need to call an ambulance!

"You're a good doctor Bella and a good person, you know that?" He asked when Bella put a small, skin colored red aid-band on the spot where she had just injected his first vaccination.

"Thank you Edward" and she blushed, like she did every time he complimented her.

"You're a strong person Bell, never forget that. I believe in you." And he kissed her fully on the lips.

To believe in someone is heartwarming and encouraging. Being believed in is even better.

***

With his mobile pressed in between his ear and shoulder, a bag of Thai food clutched with his keys in his other hand, Edward ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was returning later than he had predicted after leaving Bella this afternoon to meet up with some friends, and he hoped she wouldn't be too worried. He had tried to call her but when he got her voice mail; he'd hung up, planning to call her back later. But he had been on the phone ever since, arranging things non-stop.

Unlocking the door with his hands full wasn't the easiest thing but Bella heard his entrance and ran over to help him. The moment their eyes met, he realized that she had been worried indeed.

He formed an '_I'm sorry'_ with his lips while the person on the other side of the phone continued to speak.

Relief washed over her features -he could see that- and he cursed himself mentally for making this stunning woman worry. He was soon forgiven though when she placed a soft kiss on his lips and took the bag of food to get dinner ready. She must be starving like he was. And when Ben had answered each of Edward's questions, Edward thanked him and shut off his phone.

"I'm sorry for making you worry Bella, but I had this thing in mind for the concert and I was on the phone non-stop trying to arrange everything."

Edward couldn't hide his excitement, which was obvious by the way his upbeat voice filled the loft. His eagerness didn't even go unnoticed by Jona, who barked enthusiastically when he heard his master speak.

"Slow down Edward, I really don't know what you are talking about," Bella replied, confused, placing plates and glasses on the table before she opened the boxes of takeout Thai. Jona weaved between her legs, hoping for a treat from the fragrant bag.

"It smells delicious by the way," she informed him before she sat down and filled her plate with some of the dim sum he had ordered.

"Khan Toke is no doubt the best place in the area for dim sum," and Edward joined her at the table. "About my phone call, I was referring to the video projection I talked about earlier this morning. And I have to confess that it's even better than I had hoped it would be."

Edward could see the puzzlement written on her face and he realized that he was probably talking nonsense. So he slowed down and explained to her all about the video projection he had in mind.

He had called some people and eventually he had connected with a contact in the Congo. They had agreed that he would film the everyday African life for the next twenty four hours and then send the tapes to Ben, who would assemble the video into something fitting for the concert.

He also had contacted Leah and they had agreed that she would give the opening speech for the concert. A live connection had to be set up but Edward knew the exact people to arrange it and everything would work out in the end. It had been pretty close but there was just enough time to arrange all the details.

"How did you convince Leah to do the opening speech?" Bella wanted to know, while chewing a rice noodle roll. "And what about the time difference -it will be the middle of the night in the Congo!"

"Relax love. Leah wasn't able to resist my Cullen charm; no one can by the way" and he flashed his smoldering gaze, dazzling Bella in the process.

"That's not playing fair Cullen and you know it," Bella responded hoarsely, her breath coming in rapid pants due to the accelerating heartbeat she was currently experiencing. She was rewarded with her favorite smile, framed by cute dimples.

"Anyway, she said yes and Leah told me not to worry about the time difference. She will be working during the night anyway next week and she was delighted with the proposal."

A smug smile crossed his features because he knew Bella would ask about the proposal. And she didn't disappoint.

"What proposal?" She almost choked on a dumpling. The word had caught her by surprise although she knew that there was no way he was about to ask her to marry him. To do so would be totally screwing the rules in the _How to Have a Perfect Relationship_ book.

"Well I told her about the trip to Africa we would be taking but she already knew about that. Figures?! And then I told her about this idea I have to play music for the patients while you are working in the clinic again, and she said we had a deal."

"Oh Edward, that is so sweet and generous of you." And she took his hand to squeeze it. "But don't you want to tour the countryside?"

"I would love to, but not the first time we go to Africa. I don't want to waste time and money when we could be helping save kids. Well, you'll be saving them and I'll be making their days maybe a little bit less miserable and monotonous." He squeezed her hand and looked deep into her eyes.

"I love you Edward Cullen. Always have and always will." She bent forward to meet him halfway across the table to kiss him.

"I love you too Bella Swan. Always and forever." As she hoped, he met her halfway and kissed her with all the passion a human being could ever feel.

~*~

_July, 3rd_

"Relax Bella, everything will be okay." Alice insisted, although she understood her friend's nervous energy completely. She herself was experiencing the same waves of throat-squeezing anxiety and the fact that people shot questions at them non-stop didn't make it any easier.

"Do you really think the technicians are capable of arranging everything in such a short time?" Bella wondered out loud.

The ticket sales had been incredible since the media had interviewed them yesterday. They were all over the news and the tickets were sold out in less than an hour after the interview. It wasn't a reaction they had been expecting but the publicity sure was a welcome surprise. Edward and Jasper had come up with the imaginative and perhaps unrealistic idea to place large video screens all over Port Angeles and Forks, wanting to add some food and beverage vending stands to the plan as well. They wanted to make it a real life experience for everyone, even for those who couldn't attend the benefit concert in the Opera Theater themselves.

It was crazy and unrealistic but Rose, Alice and Bella were up for the challenge. The result was a short night with a lack of sleep and stressed phone calls between the three females. Finding food vendors had been the easy part; finding the technicians and digital equipment had been something else. They had almost given up when they received the lifesaving phone call from EML Sound & Light; a firm specialized in great events like this one. They had heard about the charity event and had offered a special price for it, even before Alice had dared to ask, afraid to push their luck any further. They had only a few hours to install everything and Bella, Alice and Rose hoped that a few hours was enough time.

"I hope they can do it," Rose answered Bella's previous question, silently begging God for a bit more luck.

"Come on; let's see how our stars are doing!" Alice told them, trying to flee away from the storm of questions that was surely about to come. They needed to relax for a few minutes first.

They soon discovered that Jasper and Edward were nervous as well but when Emmett came around with little Liam on his arm, all their nerves mysteriously faded away. The soothing effect Liam had on everyone was unique and just what they all needed before the concert really started.

***

The applause she received when the curtains opened was overwhelming and it didn't help one bit to kill the nerves that currently raced through her veins; neither did the view of all the people in the audience make her feel more at ease. It was only when she heard the sweet whispering voice of Edward behind the scenes -telling her she looked stunning in her white suit- that a smile pulled the corners of her mouth upwards and made her feel a little bit more at ease.

She was suddenly in the spotlight, literally; the brightness shining at her indicating that the time had come to take the microphone and welcome the guests. Taking a deep breath of fresh air and cursing herself for allowing Alice and Rose to talk her into being the hostess, she calmed down when the first words left her mouth, feeling a surge of confidence and strength. _Music for Africa_ would be a huge success.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I would like to welcome all of you in the theater, as well as those of you viewing the concert outside on the big screens we placed all over Port Angeles and Fork, to the first edition of _Music for Africa_!"

Cheers and applause resounded throughout the auditorium.

"We are so blessed and grateful for your attendance and support. Now I will turn the mike over to my dear friend doctor Leah Clearwater, who is diligently working in the Congo for _Doctors Without Borders_ as we speak. Good evening Leah." Bella's voice was excited and the audience enforced her enthusiasm with warm applause.

"Good evening Bella," Leah spoke when the applause died down. "It's long past midnight here in the Congo but as you can see behind me, a lot of people have gathered around to follow the concert live through the satellite connection. I think I speak in the name of many Africans when I say out of the bottom of my heart _thank you_ for this great initiative. Without your help and money, we could not save lives over here. _Thank you_."

Bella could hear her friend's honest gratitude and deep down she realized that those words were meant for Rose, Alice, Edward, Emmett, Jasper and herself for organizing this benefit concert. Her friend was proud and Bella was as well. They would save lives; they would give children and adults their futures back, and that was what mattered. That was the reason why Music for Africa _had_ to be a success.

Both friends smiled at each other and with a small nod, Leah officially opened the concert.

"I think it's time for some music, don't you? So I would like your warm applause for both Edward Cullen and Jasper Hale on the grand piano, performing Van Morrison's Gypsy Soul!"

Leah clapped her hands as well and was immediately joined by Bella and the entire audience both in and outside the Opera Theater.

When Edward and Jasper walked onto the stage, they got a standing ovation even before they played one note. This ritual repeated itself regularly throughout the show, before and after the two short breaks that gave everyone the opportunity to let their red, tired hands relax for a few. The choice of music was perfect; classical music was varied with more upbeat songs which give everyone in the house something to like.

The video projection that Edward had arranged was more than superb; it provided an extra dimension to the concert. If the music didn't move the audience, the beautiful views did; views of the sun going down in Africa or the more painful images of suffering kids-walking down the streets with a fully loaded amphora on their head, barely dressed, or laying in the hospital with a pale, gray look on their faces. Bella often noticed handkerchiefs appear; sometimes from joy, and sometimes from the cold realization that not everyone was so lucky to be born with wealth and opportunity.

The concert proceeded smoothly and everything was going according to the plan. Bella was sad that the night had almost come to an end.

The two stars of the night -Jasper and Edward- were playing the last notes of the final song and Alice, Rose and Bella couldn't help but take their handkerchiefs to dry the tears that had suddenly decided to roll down their cheeks.

Bella fought to control herself; she would soon have to appear onstage again to thank everyone for their attendance and inform them about making donations in the large box in the entrance hall.

A warm, long, and euphoric applause was what they got in return and Bella was about to walk to stage center again when she heard the soft voice of Edward echoing in the theater, louder than she had expected.

She turned around to face him and she saw that he was walking towards her with a microphone close to his lips. She gave him a puzzled look -_this_ wasn't part of the plan and _this_ was definitely not how they had rehearsed things- but when she saw the smile on his lips, she knew that _this _had always been the plan, she just hadn't known about it.

Before she could say or do anything -she stood there, frozen, in the middle of the theater, with a bright white light putting her in the center of attention again- Edward resumed speaking, this time explaining both to Bella and the audience what was going on.

"My dear Bella and all people that are gathered here and in Africa tonight to attend this benefit concert. I know that _this_ wasn't part of the plan but I would love to use this opportunity to let the world know what a great woman you are."

He was now right beside her and he could already see the tears glistening in her eyes, ready to roll down again, because she was moved. And probably a little bit embarrassed as well because she wasn't very fond of being the center of attention. But he knew he would be soon forgiven when he would sing the song he had written for her.

"If it wasn't for you going to the Congo in the first place, a few months ago, we wouldn't be standing here. Both you, Rose, Emmett, Jasper and Alice organized the best birthday party for me a few weeks ago and when I was informed about the concert you wanted to organize for Africa, I was more than willing to participate and help. If it wasn't for the collision that made our paths cross almost ten months ago, we wouldn't be standing here either. I want to share with everyone what wonderful things can come from crashing into this beautiful pedestrian with my bike."

The audience chuckled and Bella moved her hands to cover her mouth -her handkerchief pressed in between her fingers- and she was fighting the waves of emotions that were washing over her. She was shocked and thankful, happy and proud and so much more. She was a star as well tonight, and she knew it.

"I would like to end this concert with a song I've written only days ago, for you Bella, because you are amazing. It's called _Bella's lullaby_" And before she could protest, he took her hands, gently removing them from her mouth, and kissed her softly on the lips.

She was still too stunned to say or do anything, so when he guided her to sit beside him on the piano bench, she joined him automatically. She hid the little handkerchief back in the pockets of her pants but would soon need it again when the tunes of the song filled the theater.

He flashed her a warm smile before he let his fingers connect with the black and white keys of his grand piano, and started the song he already knew by heart.

Edward hadn't even finished the song when thunderous applause once again filled the large room, soon followed by a standing ovation. He bowed his head to show his appreciation but when the song was finished, he looked over to the gorgeous woman sitting motionless -except for the soft shaking movements due to the crying- beside him and pulled her in a warm embrace, kissing the top of her head when she nestled into the crook of his neck.

"Thank you Edward, it's beautiful," he heard her whisper before Rosalie and Alice thanked the audience for their attendance. They informed the audience about the possibility of making a donation as they left and was rewarded with another round of applause that never seemed to end.

Edward told her he loved her and only she could hear it. Tonight had been perfect.

Their love bubble was soon broken though when they were forced to greet the audience, receiving flowers and bowing over and over again until the only thing that spoke was the silence.

_Music for Africa_ had been a huge success, better than they ever had dared to hope. They had already made a change -bringing so many people together for a good cause- in a time where individuality and personal success were the most common motives. They had replaced it -maybe only for the night- with solidarity and warmth, and that certainly meant something.

Everyone -the audience, the organizers and all the volunteers behind the screens- left the theater with smiles on their faces because of the success this concert. There were also hopeful smiles adorning those watching in the Congo, and _that _benefit could not be measured by all the statistics in the world.

* * *

End notes:

3 more chapters and an epilogue left. More soon, promise. Sexual Healings chapter two will be up next though.

My father is being operated at the end of the month, the good news is there are not metastases, the bad news is the type of cancer isn't very good. Keep your fingers and other limbs crossed okay?

In the mean time, let me some feedback and if you're done with that: go read Constant in the darkness (on fanfic) and Hydraulic Level 5 (both on Twilighted and fanfic) because those fics are more than amazing!

Oh and in case someone wondered: I don't own anything, I just play around. I do own the cd box of the Beatles and I love it!


	26. Chapter 26: Little by Little

A/N: I don't own anything, although I wish I would.

More A/N at the end (it contains a big SUPRISE), read now ladies.

**Chapter 26: Little by Little**

~*~  
Nothing can be done, except little by little  
-_Charles Baudelaire_-  
~*~

July 6th

"Bella, we can still go another time, you know?" Edward cajoled through the closed bathroom door, trying to convince his lover that it was not such a good idea to travel given that she had been praying to the porcelain god for almost an hour.

"What?" Bella asked, confused, her hands gripping the side of the toilet while her head hung mid-air.

"No!" she shouted out in protest. She didn't want to hear any of his pleas to cancel their trip to Africa, not because of this stupid bug that kept her doubled over the toilet since she had woken up. _This_ was not going to ruin their journey. NO. WAY.

Another wave of nausea washed over her and although she wanted to warn Edward to back away from the door, she couldn't. The heavy contractions of her stomach prevented her from speaking, forcing her to guide her head closer to the toilet again, where she emptied her stomach for the third time in less than an hour. Her stomach should have been empty by now and she prayed that the nausea was over.

She sank down on her knees onto the cold bathroom floor and closed her eyes, while her heaving chest slowed down gradually. Edward's cool hands felt amazing on her sweaty skin - how and when did he get in? - and she was grateful when he laid a cold washcloth on the back of her neck.

Bella sighed heavily, both her hands now placed on her stomach as if she could force it to settle down again. She caressed her belly with the tips of her fingers, feeling her pounding heart gradually slow down as her body finally began to return to normal.

"You cannot take a plane like this Bella, let alone four planes. It's more than twenty hours flying, my dear; taking off and landing four times won't do your stomach any good." He sat in front of her, brushing the sweaty tendrils of hair from her face and compelling her to look at him by taking her head in his hands, gently.

"I will be okay Edward, trust me. I'm always like this before flying. I'm not really a big fan of planes actually," she joked but the smile she forced on her face didn't reach her eyes. "It makes me nervous, but I will be fine, really."

She wasn't quite sure who she was convincing right now. Was it Edward? Or her? Probably both. She wasn't lying when she confessed that she wasn't fond of flying; the unsteady feeling of turbulence, as well as surrendering all control to unseen pilots, typically made her anxious. But it had never been this bad before, not even when she had taken the plane from Lubumbashi to Port Angeles, her first solo flight.

"You sure? We have refundable tickets so we can change it if you want," Edward tried again but Bella stubbornly waved his arguments away by shaking her head to his words.

"I want to go. Today. And I have a few more hours left so I can still take a warm bath to relax. Okay?" She smiled warmly and truthfully. "I love you, you know?" and she turned on the faucet, sprinkling some bath oil in the tub.

"I know and I love you too." He kissed her softly on the lips, even before she could protest about her bad breath. He helped her trembling limbs into the tub and told her to enjoy it.

"I'm going to bring our suitcases downstairs; everything is packed, right?"

"Yeah and she closed her eyes to enjoy the relaxing effect of the warm water on her skin.

***

"Relax baby, your father will be here any minute," Edward tried to calm down Bella, who was pacing up and down the kitchen floor with her cell phone clutched in her hand. Her knuckles were white and Edward could only imagine the suffering her mobile was enduring from her deadly grip.

"And stop killing your cell dear, you still need it." His joke didn't have the tension-reducing effect he had hoped for. She gave him a confused stare and continued pacing as if she hadn't heard him. She would count to one-hundred and if her dad still hadn't arrived, she would call a cab. He was not going to ruin their trip by missing their flight.

* * *

She was pulled back to the present when she felt Edward's hands halt her from pacing, and confused, she looked up at him.

"What?" she snapped, although she hadn't intended to sound so harsh. Honestly, she didn't want to sound critical at all, because _this_ man wasn't to blame; her father was. He had once again let her down although she had really believed that this time would be different.

"Stop beating yourself up like this, Bella. It will turn your stomach upside down again. Your father will be here; he promised. And he will have a good reason to why he is . . ." and Edward checked his watch to verify, ". . . thirty-five seconds late. Have a little faith in your old man," he joked and Bella soon joined his infectious laughter, realizing that she was being stupid.

"I'm sorry for shouting at you like that," and when she snuggled her head in the crook of his neck, Bella felt herself relax again. Closing her eyes and inhaling his musky scent was all she needed to stop worrying. God, she loved the impact this man had on her.

Her trance was soon interrupted by the loud buzz of the doorbell from the entrance below, making her jump from excitement, relieved and surprised that her father was here. For the first time in years, he had made some time for her, requesting to bring them to the airport himself. Even before he could knock on the door, Bella had opened it and she smiled warmly when she saw her father's brown hair ascending the steps.

"Thanks, Dad." She leaned in to hug him, something she hadn't done in years either. Edward noticed the confusion on Charlie's face - he wasn't a physically affectionate man and he thought his daughter wasn't either- but he soon enveloped her with his strong arms, capturing the tender moment.

"Before we go," Charlie said, breaking the father-daughter embrace, "I wanted to give you something." He let go of his daughter, searched for something in the inside pocket of his jacket before he pulled out a white envelope.

"This is my donation for the concert. When I first wrote the check, I knew that if your mother would still be alive, she would have doubled the amount. So that's what I did." He proudly handed his daughter the donation.

With slightly shaking fingers, Bella ripped open the envelope and when she saw the amount of his donation, tears prickled her eyes. Her father found himself soon in a tight hug again. .

"This is too much, Daddy," she whispered in his ear, in between sobs. She didn't really know when she had become such a cry baby - she wasn't typically so emotional - but she blamed her tears on her father's magnanimous gesture.

"It's not, my dear," and he gave Edward another confused look when the sobs increased even more. Edward shrugged his shoulders; helpless to stop the tide of her tears, and both men exchanged a warm smile.

"$2 000 _is_ too much daddy!" she cried, but he shushed her and stroked her back in a comforting, fatherly manner.

"I know it will be spent well. The people in the Congo need it more than I do." With that said the three of them left for the airport, where an emotional goodbye was waiting for them.

***

Noticing her pallid complexion, Edward was very supportive and protective during the entire trip to Lubumbashi. Bella refused to look at her reflection in any mirror that crossed her path; she could care less about her appearance. She felt exhausted, and she could only image that how she looked. But she didn't care, because they were in the Congo, and it felt somehow like she had come home again.

Edward continued to feel worried although she regularly reassured him that she was fine, insisting that a good night's rest would do her wonders. However, he didn't seem convinced. It was only when she told him that _she_ was the doctor that he backed off a bit. It made her feel guilty that she pushed him away like that, but she wasn't accustomed to people hovering. However, she soon found herself hovering over _him_ when he kept gaping at the landscape through the bus window, increasing shock written on his face with every passing minute.

They took the bus from the airport to make it to the medical center in Likasi where Doctors without Borders had their permanent residence. To get there, they needed to pass through several cities and little villages, and the accommodations grew worse with each village that brought them further away from the airport in Lubumbashi. Bella remembered the first time she had taken this bus - with Leah - and how she had asked her friend a dozen of times to stop the bus because the people needed them here. It was the truth - they _were_ needed almost everywhere - but it would be impossible to take care of everyone. Bella remembered Leah's words and repeated them for Edward this time.

"I know this is such a shock for you Edward, it was for me too. You probably want to stop the bus and scoop up all the kids to take them with you. But we cannot help everyone."

She added Leah's words to make sure that he was totally convinced. "We cannot change the world completely, but we are making a small difference. Try to focus on the small changes and know that nothing can be done, except little by little."

She took his twisting hands in hers and felt the sweat on his palms, probably due to the emotional upset he was currently experiencing.

"What do you want me to do Bella, to close my eyes and ignore it?" he whispered softly, unable even to force himself to look at her. He was drinking in all the poverty and squalor of the countryside. And although he wanted to close his eyes and shut out all the suffering in the world, he couldn't. He simply couldn't.

"I don't want you to ignore the world around you Edward, on the contrary. I think that this trip can help put things in perspective, as it did for me. But I don't want you to feel all the pain of all the people you see here. It will kill you and I don't want that, baby."

She knew that it was easier said than done and she remembered that she herself had been deeply sensitive to the pain. The emotional ache still hurt but it didn't move her to tears all the time like it used to, or prevent her from doing her job either. She could also sense that Edward would ask her next how to keep functioning amidst the sadness, but she didn't know the right answer to that question.

"But how, Bella, how do I keep my eyes open without feeling like my heart is being ripped out of my chest? How do I look around me without feeling my stomach in my throat?"

"I'm not sure if I can answer that question Edward, but know that you aren't alone in this. I'm with you; I have been through this myself as well. And honestly, I think I'm still learning to cope with it too, but I have you and I know that together we can help each other." Her words were supported by a few squeezes and for the first time since they'd taken the bus, he looked at her and smiled softly.

"Thanks Bella, you're the best." And he meant it, every word. He was so in awe of her though she wasn't even aware of how stunning she was, inside and out. "So tell me, my gorgeous doctor, what have you planned for us today?" He flashed her a warm, half crooked smile; one he knew she couldn't resist. She had often told him that it was unfair to flash her those smiles whenever he wanted something from her. He always acted as if he didn't know what she was talking about, but deep down he knew perfectly what she liked and disliked.

"Stop doing that," she griped playfully, a slow blush creeping up her cheeks and highlighting her high cheekbones even more. She ignored his soft chuckles and concentrated on his question about what she had planned for them later today.

"Nothing much actually. It will be around eight p.m. when we arrive in the village, and I assume that there will be a welcome committee waiting for us with an extraordinary meal. Maybe a small tour around the hospital? No, I think it will be too late for that. We will probably go for a tour tomorrow morning when the patients are awake again. Is that okay for you?" she wondered.

"It is, but do you think we can go to bed soon, because I have been awake for more than thirty hours and honestly, we both need sleep," Edward told her, worried because of the dark rings under her eyes. It was probably the events of the past weeks taking its toll on her.

"Great minds think alike," she murmured, also looking forward to crashing for twenty-four hours straight. "I do think that a king-size suite will be waiting for us, so don't worry, we will get our beauty sleep!"

The rest of the journey was spent in silence, both drinking in the scenery. They wondered if there would come a day in the future that they wouldn't be needed here anymore, and they both wished that day would come, soon.

***

If they had expected to go to bed right away, they were totally wrong. It seemed as if the entire community had been gathered together to celebrate their arrival, welcoming them both as if they were the king and his beloved queen. There was music, an extensive, delicious meal, and even some presents. The reunion with Leah and other former colleagues and friends had been emotional - hugs were exchanged and tears were dried - and although Edward knew them only from what he had heard from Bella, he still felt an immediate connection with them. He felt accepted and appreciated - even if he wasn't a doctor or a nurse; a wonderful welcome to experience. Any help was needed and welcome here. Really _any_ help.

It was long past midnight when Edward noticed Bella suppressing a couple of yawns -again. That, combined with the paleness of her alabaster skin and the dark rings under her eyes made Edward switch into action-mode. He decided it was time to call it a night.

"Come on you gorgeous woman, time for our beauty sleep." He sat down on the wooden bench next to her, his left hand stroking up and down her back, wondering why she was shivering. Was it his touch? Was she cold, or was it just tiredness? Deciding that it didn't matter, he held up his right hand to stop the 'but I don't want to...' that he expected. In the end, she gave him a confused look, not knowing why he held up his hand.

"I thought you would refuse and tell me you didn't want to go to bed yet, but guess I was wrong and he shrugged his shoulders. Offering her his upturned palm, he waited for Bella to take his hand to walk towards their cottage.

"I think I'm too exhausted to complain." She yawned again while she stood up. "It feels as if I've been hit by a bus; as if I could sleep for the next twenty-four hours straight." Bella couldn't help but long for such a slumber because every part of her body felt achingly heavy.

"We don't have to set our alarm clock you know. If we sleep in tomorrow, we will feel refreshed and there will still be enough work for us to do the next day," Edward suggested. He couldn't help but feel concerned by her apparent lack of energy. But then he remembered her throwing up that morning.

"I know, Edward, but I don't want to waste any time by lying in bed when people are dying."

"I know, hun, but you will be able to work better and faster when you had a good night's rest."

"I know, but..." But Bella stopped even before she had finished her sentence, too tired to argue. She was exhausted and just wanted immediately to crawl under the white sheets of their bed. She told herself that she would wake up soon enough, remembering how the lack of curtains made her room bright, even early in the morning. Setting an alarm wasn't necessary in a land where curtains and blinds rarely existed.

They arrived at the condo and were standing in front of the double bed draped with a mosquito net. Edward helped her undress, wondering if they would be able to breathe through the netting. He was rewarded with a chuckling Bella and realized that he had voiced his thoughts instead of keeping them for himself.

"Stupid question?" He said with a soft blush painted on his cheeks.

"Not stupid; just funny and she kissed him goodnight before she crawled onto their bed. Even before her head hit the coolness of the sheets, she was asleep, snoring softly. Edward couldn't help but admire her sleeping form and think how great it was to have her by his side. If there was perfection, then this was the perfect moment for him.

~*~

_The next morning_

Bella woke up, feeling slightly disoriented and most importantly, alone in bed. She had rolled over in her sleep, searching for Edward, but when she had felt nothing but an empty spot, she woke up, startled; wondering where he was.

She pressed her body upwards - her arms stretched behind her - and listened closely for any sign of Edward, but there was only silence. It was warm in the room so she guessed that it was after ten a.m., maybe even close to noon. Her eye caught the sandy-colored papers lying on the sheets next to her and she shifted her position, clasping the notes in one hand.

The first note was left when Edward had woken up this morning and had slipped out of the bed silently, afraid to wake her. He had written that he didn't want to wake her since she had been sleeping so peacefully, but that she didn't need to worry because he would be at the hospital, helping wherever he could. He had ended it with 'xoxo' and she couldn't ignore the warm feeling that spread in her womb.

The second note was probably left some time later, to let her know that he had checked on her again but was still asleep, and that he would be back in an hour or two. He probably couldn't force himself to wake her up since she had been so sound asleep. The third one, left an hour after the second, informed her that he would have lunch in the hospital with Leah and that he would come back afterwards. She read the 'I love you lots' before she screamed out in agony.

"Lunch?! What time is it?" And Bella searched for her mobile to look at the time. She gasped audibly when she discovered that it was after 2:30 p.m. and she hurried out of bed to take a quick shower. She blamed the sudden dizziness on getting up too fast; reassuring herself that a cold shower would do her good. However, she couldn't help but notice the waves of nausea that washed over her and wondered what was wrong. But when the cold water cascaded down on her stiff shoulders, she blocked out every worry, focusing on the basic task of washing.

She was drying her hair with a white robe tied around her body, when a soft knock on the door caught her attention. Edward's voice confirmed her suspicion and she hollered that it was open.

"Finally awake?" He teased when he walked over to kiss her on the lips. "Mmm, I love it when you use that strawberry shower gel," and he nestled his nose in her damp hair to inhale the scent of it.

"You shouldn't have let me sleep that long Edward, really. I feel so... lazy and unuseful." And she wrapped her arms around his chest to hug him.

"Careful, I have coffee with me. I thought you could use it after such a long beauty sleep." He tried to hand her the mug but she protested and crinkled her nose, the smell of coffee doing weird and unpleasant things to the contents of her stomach.

"What?" Edward asked, confused, not understanding her look of disgust. "Is African coffee one of the things I cannot drink? It wasn't on the list," he protested, mentally reviewing the items Bella had told him not to eat or drink. Cooked food and boiled drinks were okay, but they had to be careful with raw foodstuffs; the risk of infection was too great.

"No, it's not that, hon. Coffee is okay but it smells so weird and it seems as if my stomach isn't quite settled down yet. I would love some milk though," she requested, and the thought made her stomach settle again.

"Put on some clothes and I will make sure that you have your breakfast, ma'am," and he glanced at his watch, "at three in the afternoon." The teasing smile on his face was infectious and Bella soon found the corners of her mouth pulled upwards again. She got ready quickly, putting on dark-brown linen pants and a white t-shirt. With intertwined fingers, Edward guided Bella towards the cafeteria of the hospital. Bella wondered how on earth this man already knew the directions so well in only a few hours.

"How long have you been awake Edward?" she wanted to know when they entered the cafeteria. The smell made her choke but Bella swallowed hard and tried to focus on other things-his words for instance, and how great he looked with a grey t-shirt, hugging his shoulders and chest in all the right places.

"A few hours," was his reply while he made her a drink using powdered milk, which was the only kind of milk they had, and got her some bread as well.

"Only a few?" She quirked an eyebrow and eyed him skeptically, knowing that excitement had probably awoken him early.

"I was here around nine; I didn't want to wake you up so I thought I would make myself useful." He was seated in front of her, the wooden table separating them physically.

"And did you?" She asked, after she sipped from her milk.

"Did what?" He wondered, mesmerized by her beauty, staring at the curve of her bosom, appearing more obvious than usual in her white t-shirt.

"Make yourself useful this morning, Cullen? And stop staring at my boobs!" She felt a bit uncomfortable with him staring at her like that, especially in public.

"They seem bigger you know . . ." he blushed, ". . . and yes, I made myself useful. Leah gave me a tour around the hospital and we made an inventory of the things that I could do, painting and stuff. We also made a list of supplies I will need and one of the guys will go to the city to get them tomorrow. I thought maybe I could join him, if that is okay with you?"

When she nodded her head, he continued to update her about what he had been doing, staring at her bosom occasionally.

"Wow, someone has been busy," Bella told him and sipped from her milk again.

"Aren't you gonna eat that Bella?" Edward nodded to the untouched piece of buttered bread lying in front of her.

"I don't know; my stomach is protesting," And she placed her hand on her belly to support her words.

"You should eat something Bella, and bread is good." He pushed the plate back at her, to make her eat. She obliged, but with every bite she took, she sported an expression of disgust, growing pale again. Before Edward could say a word, she stood up - the little wooden bench she was sitting on crashing down the floor - and ran outside, one hand one her stomach and the other one covering her mouth, as if the pressure could force the content of her stomach back down again.

The sickening sound of Bella vomiting, just outside the cafeteria, pulled Edward out of his stare and made him run towards her. A sudden fear settled itself in his system, wondering what was wrong with her. Later, he would tell himself that he had known all the time, but right now he was scared that she was sick; he didn't know what to do. That feeling of helplessness and dread made him run faster, but when he found Bella outside, he saw how she was surrounded by several nurses and doctors already, and he felt himself relax again.

She was in good hands and everything would be fine. This was just an upset stomach, or wasn't it?!

* * *

What is happening with Bella? Well, I can only tell that this chapter was written long before I found out that my boy and I are having our first baby. Yeah you heard that right: I'm pregnant! June 2010 a little creature with lighten our life. Damn it, Eclipse is coming out then. *insert swear here*

Anyway, three more chapters, the next one will be uploaded as soon as this is validated. Collide will be finished before the end of the year, promise.

PS Has anyone seen Trust in Advertising? I wanted to print it and reread it but I cannot find it anywhere...


	27. Chapter 27: Leaving a little bit of you

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

You girls are all kinds of amazing, do you know that? The reviews, personal messages, emails or simply the fact that you saved this fic to your favourites make my day more than you could know.

I would like to thank Shabbyapple and Courtney for the read through and the constant support. You're both the best.

We have two more chapters left and a small epilogue. Here you go ladies. Enjoy.

**Chapter 27: Leaving a Little Bit of You Behind**

She knew there would come a moment that she was supposed to speak, nod, or at least blink, but right now, Bella was lost in the wonderful world of her own marvelous thoughts. Thoughts that she had unconsciously suppressed for the past weeks, ignoring the signals her body had given her because she simply didn't have the time to worry about herself.

There had been so much that needed to be done; so many tasks requiring her attention to make sure that the Music for Africa concert and their trip would be a success. She knew, from the past, that ignoring her body was the first thing she always did, and right now, she realized that from now on, listening to her body would be top priority. She was responsible for not only herself now; not anymore. A little creature - a gift of love - was growing inside her, of that she was sure.

_I'm pregnant_, she thought and a wide smile pulled up the corners of her pink mouth. It was an honest, earnest, and hopeful smile.

_We are expecting a baby!_ The excited voice in her head screamed and she squeezed both of the hands that were holding hers. Bella realized that four eyes were staring at her. Really staring, because they had no clue why on earth she was smiling warmly and squeezing their hands when Leah has just informed her about the fact that she needed to stay overnight. An IV was dripping loudly next to her but it was nothing compared to the sound of her accelerating heartbeat.

"We're pregnant," she stated confidently, blinking her eyes a few times to come out of her trance. Bella realized, however, that it wasn't a trance that made her view turbid, but tears. Tears of joy. And happiness. Tears of pure, honest luck.

"We're pregnant," Edward repeated after her, as if he were a three-year old toddler who repeated everything his mother said. It was only when he spoke those three words out loud that he became aware of the true meaning of them.

"We are?" He asked, astonished. "We are?" he blurted again as if he didn't remember that he had said the same words only seconds ago. Not waiting for Bella or Leah to answer, he repeated those words over and over again, this time not as a question but as a statement instead.

"We are!" He exclaimed. His eager hands enveloped her pale cheeks enthusiastically, guiding her head closer while he bent forward and kissed her forcefully on the mouth. Their tears mingled together; warm thick tears of happiness, cascading down both their cheeks and falling down to the sheets to disappear forever.

"We are Edward, we are!" Bella said in between kisses, totally unaware of their audience, not that they cared that Leah was witnessing their emotion. Leah was a friend for life, for both Bella and Edward. Leah soon found herself part of the group hug, tears of her own mingling with the ones of the parents-to-be. Kisses were exchanged, as well as congratulations, although they still needed to wait for the results of the blood tests.

"It will take twenty-four hours tops for the test results to come through, but I think it's very obvious that you are pregnant indeed. The larger, sensitive breasts, the fact that you cannot remember the last time you had your period and the nausea in the morning all point in the direction of a pregnancy. I'll schedule an appointment with the gynecologist for tomorrow, if that's okay with you?" Leah disentangled herself from the group hug to walk to the door, ready to give Edward and Bella a private moment together.

"Perfect, Leah!" Bella exclaimed excitingly, eager to find out when exactly their little baby would greet the world.

"I'm going to send Nurse Manuela; I think she can give you some typical African suggestions to fight the nausea, if you want."

"I'll take any tip I can get, Leah," and she yawned when her friend closed the door behind her. She thought she heard Edward tell her to close her eyes and sleep - he would stay with her - but she did not need any encouragement as she was already drifting into a blissful sleep.

***

~Two weeks later~

The same boukari breakfast ritual repeated itself for the past two weeks and today wasn't any different. Sometimes Bella's eyes were barely open as she ate the boukari; other days they were still half closed. Nurse Manuela had informed her that nausea related to pregnancy was best fought against with the typical African pancakes made of water and cornmeal.

Although Bella wasn't very fond of the idea of stuffing down those dry, tasteless pancakes at first, she still did what she was told and she had to admit that the homespun anti-emetic remedy worked. The food stuck to every tooth and corner of her mouth but gratefully it did ward off the nausea. Plus, the heavy carbohydrates gave her the strength to work her day shifts in the hospital although she was still very exhausted at night. However, she didn't complain much; she enjoyed every minute of the day as much as she could.

Edward didn't complain either; he helped everywhere he could - in the hospital, cafeteria, or elsewhere in the community - in his own way. He had already painted the entire pediatric wing of the hospital, providing a fresh, beautiful appearance. Bella had not known that he had such a gift for decorating, but every room had its own fun theme and brilliant colors, which the kids loved. The kids adored Edward, with his easy, steady nature and earnest desire to help. If he wasn't painting, he was playing music for the patients, bringing some joy and light to their often painful lives.

After her shift, it was in the small music room that Bella found him, sitting on a bench with little Jolene in his lap. Instead of announcing her presence, she enjoyed the view, resting her head and shoulder against the wooden door frame. She knew that one day in the future, he would be sitting with _their _kid in his lap, probably enjoying some form music as well and she imagined watching him then, feeling breathless and amazed by the talents this beautiful man possessed. She exhaled loudly while she placed one hand on her softly swelling tummy, gently caressing her skin; caressing her unborn baby.

"You okay?" Edward asked, breaking the daydream she was experiencing. She didn't know how long she had been standing there like that, with closed eyes and a dreamy expression. He was by her side, Jolene resting on his hipbone and pulling at the collar of his t-shirt to catch his attention, and he nudged forward to kiss her fully on the lips.

"Just thinking," she responded and took his free hand to pull him closer by her side.

"Still scared?" He whispered, remembering their ongoing conversation about miscarriages. Since Leah had confirmed that they were indeed expecting, Bella found herself being enveloped by a sudden fear of losing the baby, like she had experienced months ago. But the gynecologist had informed them that the circumstances were different this time and that she was in great hands. A regimen of prenatal vitamins including folic acid accompanied her breakfast every morning.

She was already over five weeks pregnant when they found out, and she was now nearing the eighth week. They still weren't out of the crucial period but the doctor and Edward were optimistic. Bella had not shared their optimism - she was happy and excited, but still aware of the things that could go wrong. However, her mood changed today, and it caught Edward by surprise when she said, "I'm sure that everything is all right with this baby. I feel it. She's a fighter, just like her mom."

"Like his dad, you mean," and he pulled her closer by his side, nudging them forward to walk together down the already dark corridors of the hospital in order to tuck Jolene into bed.

~*~

"I could get used to this life," Edward informed her, totally out of the blue. They had been sitting near the creek-a place they often found themselves after sharing dinner with Leah and some of their friends. They came here to relax, to enjoy the silence, and to clear their heads from all the misery and heartache of the day. Watching so many people suffer wasn't something one ever became accustomed to, no matter how hard one tried. But Edward felt as if his presence might make a change here; a change that really mattered, however small it was.

"You could?" Bella wondered, her eyes skimming the horizon, drinking in how the sun settled down behind the hills. Her head was resting on his collarbone, her fingers playing with the hairs on his bare chest, feeling content and satisfied.

"I could. Not that the pain will ever fade away, I think. But I can sense the changes we are making here." He really meant it; his racing heartbeat under her palm was proof.

"It's the same for me. But I could never leave my father behind, Edward. It feels like I'm just getting to know him again and I have to seize that opportunity before I lose him once more. And what about Emmett, Rose and Liam? Jasper and Alice? Wouldn't you miss them?" Bella asked, stunned by the boldness of his words.

"I wouldn't have to miss them because they would all move with us," and although he knew that would never happen, he still loved the idea.

Bella joined in on his laughter and his wishful thinking, squeezing his hand that had joined hers on his chest.

"Maybe one day," she said before she rocked forward, wanting to stand. He helped her up, something he had started doing since they had discovered that she was pregnant, making him even more caring and perfect than he already was in her eyes. She couldn't really understand that previous women hadn't seen Edward Cullen's greatness. He was so easy to love; so easy to be with. She supposed that she was grateful that other women had not seen his special qualities. She was beyond thankful to be here with him, expecting their first child.

"How about showering together?" Edward asked after he had closed the door of their little condo. It was still warm outside, although the sun had called it a night already, so Edward craved for some refreshment. The smirk on Bella's face made him realize that she was thinking the exact same thing.

They both helped each other undress while their eager mouths and lips connected, their hands cupping and kneading; caressing and loving. A pile of clothes was sloughed off on the way to the small bathroom, scattered and strewn about on the floor. The shower was actually too small for the two of them to fit comfortably but that didn't really matter. They creatively maneuvered around and soon their forms melted together in the most delicious way, while cool water cascaded down their heated bodies.

If Bella had been aroused by his frantic kisses and eager hands, she was about to explode when he soaped her breasts and the soft swell of her stomach with his long fingers and strong hands. Her back was pressed against the strong lines of his tanned chest, his hands first cupping her still-sensitive breasts before they travelled down to her belly.

"Oh Edward, you're killing me," she hoarsely murmured while biting her lower lip to suppress the wave of moans that were about to erupt again.

"No I'm not," he replied playfully when one hand cupped her core. "Now I am," he teased while he moved one finger inside her, his other hand playing with one of her nipples. His lips were on her ear, whispering seductive words before he kissed the skin of her neck, sucking it gently. If he wasn't about to stop the erotic assault of her neck, she would wake up with a hicky and she wasn't really sure if she wanted to show the rest of the world that they just had made love. It was as if Edward was reading her mind, peeling his mouth off of her neck and instead kissing her fully on the lips.

His hard member was poking her from behind and his fingers were doing the magic she loved the most, but it was too hard to bear. Her insides were aching and begging for more while a release was bubbling in her heated center. She tried to distract herself to delay her imminent explosion, but her mind was blank. Luckily, Edward's mind was less clouded when he turned her around so they faced each other. His lips and hands miraculously never left her body for one second, and when he pulled one of her legs upwards to hook its sexy length around his hip, her brain became even more muddled.

When he filled her completely, a deep warm feeling entered her womb and quickly spread through her veins. Her hands travelled up his chest, gripping for anything that could steady her but she soon felt her insides start to tremble. If Edward thought that his slow pace was helping her to gain control again, he was wrong. He was driving her crazy, the tip of his erection touching that sensitive spot over and over again, as if it was one of the keys of his piano he knew by heart.

"Oh Edward! More," she begged, and he sped up a little. He soon realized that he wasn't going to last much longer, and when he felt her contract around his hard, throbbing member, he lost control completely.

"Fuck!" He muttered under his breath, afraid that he was coming too early, but Bella's moans sounded like music to his ears. Her breathing was uneven, her chest heaving, and her face flustered. She was still hugging him tightly, her eyes shut and her teeth biting her upper lip. Edward was about to still his movements; he wanted to ask her if she was okay but her tone was fierce when she spoke.

"Don't. Stop." And so Edward continued his soft strokes, cupping her ass with one hand while the other rested against the wall to steady himself. She started panting heavily again, bucking her hips and guiding his member deeper inside her until she felt another orgasm ripple through her body. When he re-angled his position, to give the aching muscles of his legs and lower back some rest, Bella found herself experiencing another height. Her head was spinning while her knees buckled but luckily Edward was still supporting her.

"Careful," he whispered before he kissed her again. She moaned his name in his mouth, and told him that this was the best sex she had ever had.

"Really. The. Best. Ever. It should be forbidden to experience it." She meant it. This was a height she would love to experience over and over again; jumping off a cliff was nothing compared to this bone-shattering high. "You, Edward Cullen, should be ashamed of yourself for doing this to me."

"I should?" he asked uncertainly, unhooking her knee to place both of her feet on the ground again.

"Yes. Those kinds of orgasms are illegal. And rare." She still needed his support, not sure if she could trust her quivering legs to hold her up after the naughty things they had just done.

"Orgasms? More than one, you mean?"

"I lost count at three," Bella confessed, giving his ego a boost. They beamed and laughed together while they finished the shower; falling asleep immediately as their naked bodies spooned together under the light fabric of their sheets. Another amazing day had come to an end, and luckily more days like that awaited them in the future.

***

~Two weeks later, their last days in Africa~

They were both speechless; their eyes big as sausages, glued on the computer screen in front of them. Both Edward and Bella were staring at the numbers on the screen for several minutes, but neither of them dared to speak. _This_ was hardly possible, they both thought, gaping at the numbers dancing on the screen.

"This has got to be a mistake," Edward whispered softly, when he tore his gaze away from the screen to stare at the astonished look on Bella's face. Her delicate fingers trembled although they were covering her mouth to prevent her from gasping; the shock obviously still lingering. Tears skimmed the surface of her eyes, threatening to fall down any second.

"I hope not," she whispered back, while she mentally counted the zeros for the umpteenth time.

_75 000 dollars, right? One, two, three, four. No wait. Again. One, two, three. Seventy-five thousand dollars._

"Seventy-five thousand dollars!" she cheerfully cried, tears rolling down her cheeks freely. The other customers in the internet cafe all looked at her curiously, not understanding what she was saying since French was the native tongue for most of them.

"How is this possible?" Edward wanted to know. He knew that there had been a lot of people in the audience, and some of them had written checks to support their cause, but THIS was far beyond their wildest dreams and expectations. This was something they had never dared to think of, let alone believe it was possible. But it was; Rose's accompanying email confirmed it.

_My beloved Edward and Bella,_

_I suggest that you two sit down before you continue reading, because you'll need it. Hell yeah, I needed a chair when I saw the final result of the Music for Africa concert myself. Every donation is counted, all the bills are paid - finally - and this is the balance at the end of the journey. _

_Are you sitting down already? Because I mean it. Seriously._

_Scroll down and be astonished._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_$75,000 dollars. _

* * *

_I'm not kidding, believe me. This amount is what we collected for Doctors without Borders. And I still cannot believe it. Neither can Emmett, Jasper, Alice or your father, Bella. I'm going to let you go now, so you can squee, flail, or whatever you want to do right now. _

_Love you, sweeties, and we see you in the airport in a few days! We miss you,_

_Rose, Emmett and cutie Liam ** $75,000!!!!!!!!!!!_

Bella and Edward exchanged hugs and kisses, telling each other that this was too good to be true, and adrenaline raced through their veins when they left the internet cafe, hands entangled and gripping each other, as if they wanted to check to see if they were dreaming. They weren't. It was real. So fucking real, that all of a sudden, the sun seemed to shine brighter, and the birds sang louder. Their senses were more alive than they had ever been, due to the adrenaline that had infected their entire body and soul. If _they_ hadn't made a change already, then the money they gained through the fundraising concert would. Definitely.

They would hand over the check with the three zeros later tonight at the annual party; a party to celebrate the twenty-fifth anniversary of the _Doctors without Borders_ clinic in the village; a party that would go down in history due to the enormous donation.

The entire community gathered for the party with cheerful colors, lively music, dancing, and typical African food and drinks. People were hopeful, chatting amicably with each other while guided tours left through the newly decorated wing of the hospital. Edward was a proud man tonight; their vacation had been a true success and he hoped to repeat it again, soon.

It was after the Chief Physician made a toast to honor all of their hard work that Bella asked for people's attention for one more minute. Her knees were trembling due to both the speech that she was about to give and to the amount of donation she was about to announce, in the name of the inhabitants of Forks and Port Angeles.

"I'm not good at speeches, and I will do my best not to put you to sleep with my ramblings. But I have to say that the Congo has a special place in my heart. Everybody here; all people of this community and clinic, are in my heart and in Edward's as well.

"The incredible things you all do here are impossible to express in words. You all do your best in every way you can, every single day. Even when the sun is shining too intensely or when the rain is falling down without mercy, you all wake up with a bright smile on your face and a courage that I have never seen before. Even in the darkest of your days, you see hope and sunshine, and a light at the end of the tunnel. This strength of spirit is what I learned when I first came here, months ago. I learned a lot of wonderful lessons and I'm sure that I will learn even more when Edward and I come back again. Because we will. Absolutely.

"You all know that we organized a concert a few weeks ago, and my sister-in-law emailed us the final amount of money we raised." She paused dramatically.

"Both Edward and I are proud to give this check to you because we know that it will be spent wisely. I think you need to hold onto your glass tightly; it is far more than I had ever dared to dream of. My father gave us $2 000 dollars when we came here," a warm applause interrupted Bella's speech but when silence returned again, she continued, "And we would like to add $75,000 to that, raised by the people of Forks and Port Angeles!" Bella raised her glass of water in the air before she joined Edward again.

They both expected an ear deafening applause but people only stared at them, at first. It was only when people realized that she wasn't joking that cheers and clapping hands filled their ears. She and Edward found themselves soon enveloped in hugs as the grateful inhabitants shook their hands and delivered toasts. The light at the end of the tunnel burned a little bit brighter all of a sudden as spotlighted dreams about the future were taking form. Anyone who'd ever said that money wasn't important was probably a very wealthy man who didn't live in Africa.

***

"So, everything packed?" Leah asked, trying to sound nonchalant, although Bella knew her friend better than that. They had spent a lot of time together the past month, scheduled for similar hours in the clinic and sharing dinner almost every night. Bella realized that saying goodbye tomorrow wouldn't be easy. She always dreaded this part of the journey but this time, she knew that they would see each other again. Soon.

"Nah, not yet," Bella shrugged, "It makes it more real if I actually pack our stuff." She stood up and joined Leah in the little kitchen, beginning to wash the dishes.

"It will be real tomorrow," Leah sighed. She mentally shook herself for the dark mood that suddenly enveloped her, forcing her sorrow to the back of her mind as she continued, "Not tonight Bella; I want to spend as much time with you guys as possible," referring to the dishes.

"But . . ." Bella was about to protest, but Leah waved her words away and guided her back to the small dining table - where Edward was still sitting.

"I need your advice actually," Leah confessed, her cheeks suddenly flushing with a soft reddish glow.

"Advice?" Bella repeated, quirking an eyebrow in the process.

She and Edward exchanged looks, debating whether or not he should give the two female friends some privacy. It was Leah who helped them out, informing them that maybe a man's advice would be welcome as well. She laughed when she said that, a nervous chuckle accompanying the mood she was currently experiencing.

Bella had joked the last two weeks about the new, handsome doctor that had joined the clinic- teasing Leah with how he was ogling her during lunch or a meeting; fishing for Leah's possible feelings towards the said doctor.

In the beginning, Leah had found herself a little annoyed when Bella brought up a new possible love interest in Leah's life; but the long, lonely nights had been a good time for her to think about it and to consider her true feelings for this new doctor, Quil.

At first she only found him somewhat attractive. But when Bella made jokes about how he was looking in her direction _again, _she couldn't help but feel excited about their potential connection. Little, hyper butterflies were flitting about in her stomach ever since. She felt herself acting like a love-struck teenager again, blushing when they worked together, or annoyed when she didn't see him during the day. She checked his schedule (which felt like a stalkerish act but she couldn't stop herself) and arrived to work earlier or stayed longer, only to see him a little bit more.

They had hardly spoken outside the clinic, except for the professional conversations involving patients. However, Leah wanted to talk to him. Really talk to him. But about what? Try to get to know him better? Talk about those goddamn butterflies? And if she did, why did it feel like she would be cheating on Paul, her dead husband? It was so wrong to feel this attraction, she thought, yet it was the closest to feeling _alive _she had felt in a long time.

"It's about Quil . . ." Leah confessed, and her blushing cheeks transformed into an even deeper shade of red. She had expected for Bella or Edward to laugh, but instead, they only looked at her understandingly, nodding for her to continue.

"I think I am . . . well . . . I think I could love him, if he wants me to," Leah stuttered. Thinking those words was easier than actually voicing them out loud; silently speaking the truth to oneself was easier than admitting it to others. "And-I-don't-know-what-to-do-about-it" she rushed out, taking no breaks in between the words, as if she didn't want her audience to hear or understand them.

Silence filled Leah's little house; an uncomfortable silence. "Shouldn't you just say something, like _I told you so?_"

Edward and Bella glanced at each other with broad smiles on their faces, obviously having the same reaction, but it was Bella who addressed her friend, explaining to her that she was so happy for her.

"Happy?" Leah asked, confused. "Shouldn't I feel guilty for thinking about another man? Paul only died two years ago!" Saying his name out loud sent another wave of guilt through her which made Leah hang her head low and stare at her hands.

This time it was Edward speaking. "I don't think there is one book that says how long it is 'appropriate' to spend your life alone after you lost the love of your life, Leah. Really. Love always comes unexpectedly and in the strangest ways, but when it comes, it comes. Look at Bella and me. When your heart collides with another, you cannot stop it."

His words moved both women's hearts because they represented the truth. Love _can_ get a second chance, but only if one is open for it.

"But why does it feel as if I'm cheating by only thinking about Quil?" Leah asked. _Thinking about the things he could do to me. How he could make me feel wanted again. If he only felt the same, that is,_ she thought.

Edward answered, "That's because your mind is still struggling with the decision your heart has already made. The rational side of you is fighting the emotional one. Deep down you know that you want Quil, but that doesn't mean that Paul is pushed out of your heart. On the contrary, Leah. I think Paul is holding the door open, for you, to let someone else in again."

"You're a wise man, Edward Cullen." Leah meant it. The man not only had looks and brains, but was also caring and sensitive. He was everything Bella deserved.

"I agree with the two of you," Bella added, "And I think you should ask him over for dinner one night. Not as a date; just two friends having dinner together. Talk. See how things go."

"I should?" She was not sure if dinner was the right thing to do. She had been out of the dating circuit for quite some time and it upset her that she felt so insecure even though she was an adult woman, nearing thirty.

"Yes," both Bella and Edward nodded confidently.

"I'll think about it." Leah offered, more to herself than to her friends.

"We have something else for you to think about, Leah," Bella said enthusiastically, looking for Edward's hand to take in hers. Her friend looked confused so Bella decided to pull her out of her misery right now.

"Edward and I would like you to be the godmother of our daughter," she said proudly.

"Or son," Edward added, not understanding how Bella could be so sure about the sex of their unborn child.

"Oh, I don't have to think about that!" Leah exclaimed, clapping her hands excitingly. "I would be proud to be his or her godmother," and she stood up to hug them both. This was one of the most beautiful requests that they ever could have asked her and right then, she _was_ alive again. She would have a little creature to care for, to look out for, and to spoil with all the love in the world that she held inside her. Today was a day never to forget. Today important decisions were made.

***

~The next morning~

There was a long line of people waiting to say goodbye to Edward and Bella. The sad Africans squeezed, hugged, and kissed the departing travelers while tears floated freely down people's cheeks. Everyone wanted to see them one last time, although they'd promised to come back with their baby soon, and they were overloaded with gifts when they took the bus back to the airport.

Edward shoved the window down so he could stick his head out of the moving vehicle while Bella stood next to him and waved. Kids ran down the sputtering bus, but when it sped up, people faded into dots to disappear completely in the end. Bella encircled Edward's waist once he faced her again, and cried silently into his shirt while he patted her back gently. He didn't suppress his tears either because he experienced the same hole in his heart as Bella felt right now. _Leaving Africa is always leaving a little bit of you behind,_ someone once said. It was true.

"I already miss them," Bella whispered, sniffling and wiping her eyes with the back of her hands.

"Me too, princess. Me too. But we come back, soon."

"We will," Bella stated, and guided Edward to sit on the reddish bench next to her.

They sat in silence for the next hour, until Edward spoke. "What did you ask Quil?" A twinkle in his eyes told Bella that he approved of whatever she had said. They had both been pleased to see that Quil was saying goodbye to them as well, or more importantly, he was standing next to Leah, last in line, their sides touching accidently. _Or not so accidently_.

"Oh, that. Well, I told him to take care of Leah, that's all."

"Cool," he replied, which made Bella even more curious than before.

"Why are you asking?" Bella inquired, eagerly tugging at the hem of his shirt.

"Well, he gave me a message to give to you, which obviously was a reply to your question." The smirk on Edward's face was infectious; he knew he was driving her crazy by staying so vague.

"Edward!" She yelled, annoyed, and the conversation in the rest of the bus stilled for a moment.

"He told me to inform you _he would_."

"Oh!"

They exchanged kisses, and contently they sat in an amiable silence for the rest of the journey to the airport. If yesterday was a good day; today was ever better.

**Chapter End Notes:**

Am I the only one who still needs to do most of her Christmas shopping?And did anyone else is in love with _Glee _(tv show) as much as I am? *le sigh*


	28. Chapter 28: Boy or Girl?

I've been lazy. Extremely lazy. Too lazy to update and I'm sorry for that. But it's finally here, the next chapter. As soon as this is up, I'll upload the epilogue so you can finish reading this fic.

Thanks for everyone's support, feedback,... Thanks Courtney and Shabbyapple for their beta- and validation work. And Sarah Elizabeth, this chapter is yours and you know why.

Happy New Year to all of you.  
-Martinibaby1-

* * *

**Chapter 28: Boy or Girl?**

~6 months later~

It was the last day for Bella to work for _Doctors Without Borders_ before her maternity leave started, and naturally it had been one of the most hectic days so far. The telephone hadn't stopped ringing, emergencies had continued to pour in, and if that hadn't been enough already, the little creature in her womb had decided that pressing on her already squished bladder was acceptable behavior for an unborn baby.

Bella had spent her morning running from the toilet to her office, her mobile cradled between her ear and shoulder while she signed the papers that nurses shoved under her nose as she scurried back and forth. During lunch, she had forced herself to lie down for a few minutes; to turn off her cell and complete her breathing exercises like her gynecologist had taught her.

Feeling refreshed and ready for the afternoon, she had turned on her mobile again to be rewarded with a happy Edward on the first voice mail message, a nervous one on the third, and a worried one on message seven. She chuckled when she called him back; although for Edward the situation wasn't funny at all, resulting in him answering with an edgy tone.

He had promised her to be a hands-on dad but she hadn't realized that being overly worried was part of the job. She had calmed him down rather easily though, proceeding with the second part of her day that would go down in history as the 'Most Hectic, Longest Day Ever'. An emergency press conference about the hijacked _Doctors Without Borders_ flight in Afghanistan had been the cherry topping the cake, and it was past eight-thirty when she was finally able to lock her office to head home.

Exhausted, with an aching back and neck, plus some swollen feet and belly, Bella arrived home. Their new home.

The loft wouldn't have been big enough for the three of them so they had slowly begun searching for something roomier, preferably with a garden as well. It was her father, actually, who had pointed out a great house with four bedrooms and a big garden. It was love at first sight for both Edward and Bella, and a plus point was that the house was a one minute walk away from Emmett and Rose's place.

Sighing deeply, Bella pushed open the door of her car, one hand clutching her briefcase while the other tried to support the weight of her whale-like belly. She knew that she didn't _actually_ look like a whale, but she sure _felt_ like one sometimes. Her belly and ample bosom caught the attention of the male population quite easily now, and she often wished that they would look into her eyes or at her shapely legs once in a while like they used to. She was more than just breasts and belly, damn it!

Locking the car, she dragged her tired self towards the front door which opened magically before she even had the chance to fumble for her key. Edward must have heard her coming because there he was, standing in their doorway with extended hands, eager to help however he could. Willingly she dropped her briefcase to the floor and wrapped her arms around his neck, which caught Edward by surprise. This woman never ceased to amaze him, a quality he very much enjoyed.

"I'm sorry for being late," she offered, her speech a little slurred due to her intense exhaustion.

"A warm bath?" he asked after he kissed the top of her head. It wasn't really a question; taking a bath after a long day at work had become her daily ritual over the past three weeks. So he turned her around in his embrace, placing one hand on her back to help support her weight while the other one rested on her pregnant belly, feeling for any sign of tiny kicking limbs.

She nodded her head instantly but groaned in frustration when she realized that her stubborn headache had returned.

"Headache," she murmured, closing her eyes and allowing him to guide her to the bathroom. He helped her strip down her clothes and she was surprised when he started to undress himself as well. She may have been exhausted and ready to fall asleep on her feet, but there was still nothing wrong with her vision, nor with her stampeding hormones that set certain areas of her body on fire.

"Do you mind if I join you?" he whispered in her ear, inhaling the strawberry scent of her shampoo. From behind, he had wrapped his arms under her belly, his front kissing her back, his arousal obvious. She would love nothing more than to have hot sex in the tub, but she was so, so exhausted that she'd probably fall asleep while making love -not what a man as gorgeous like Edward deserved. However, she couldn't ignore the arousal that was spreading from the tip of her toes up to the top of her scalp, drumming and pumping through her veins with every passing heartbeat.

"I'd love to, but forgive me if I fall asleep even before you join me," and she swiveled her head to search for his full pink lips. They found his easily, to be captured in a passionate dance of frantic tongues exploring each other like it was the first time they had ever touched. It was a kiss that left them both breathless and eager for more, but the kicking of their eager soon-to-be-newborn brought them back to earth, making Bella groan a little. The bigger the baby got, the less space he had to move, but that apparently didn't bother him because he had seemed to claim her internal territory completely as his own.

"Is he giving you a hard time again?" Edward took her hand while he guided her towards the hot tub.

One foot was perched on the rim of the tub as Bella nodded vehemently, "Yes, _she_ is," which made Edward chuckle in response. This woman's strength, determination, and stubbornness made him love her more every day. She was convinced that their baby would be a girl and corrected him each time he told her differently. Neither of them knew the sex of the baby, but the argument over the baby's gender was a game they'd started in Africa and they had continued it ever since.

She was snoring softly even before her head rested against his chest -like she had predicted- and she didn't even stir as he washed her skin with the body wash she loved. It was only when he removed the stopper with his toes, to empty to tub, that she woke up, feeling slightly disoriented.

"Let's get you dry, sweet pea," and she obeyed without much protest. He wrapped a bath robe around her, rubbing her hair dry with a towel before carrying her upstairs to the master bedroom. She was asleep even before her head touched her pillow, drifting away from consciousness. She must have been far away in dreamland because she didn't even register how Edward gently tucked some stubborn strands of hair behind her ear, nor did she know that he had softly kissed the top of her head.

"Sweet dreams, my two precious angels," he murmured before planting a smooch on her expanded midsection. Her hand cradled the back of his neck while his lips found her naked stomach, and she mumbled something inaudibly, an unconscious smile plastered on her sleepy face.

He joined her less than two hours later, after he had finished writing the lullaby that had been floating through his musical brain the entire day. Showing his typical appreciation for Edward's musical talents, Jona's loud snores guided him through the composition of the piece, which would be his surprise for Bella and their firstborn. Edward planned to play the song when _he_ would greet the world for the very first time.

~*~

It was after two o'clock in the morning when Edward checked the clock for the third time that night. He hadn't been able to fall asleep because Bella had been tossing and turning ever since he had joined her in the warmth of their bed, bothered by what was obviously a restless sleep.

"Bella, can I get you some tea?"

"Huh? Did I wake you up Edward?" Her voice sounded hoarse and thick with sleep, frustration evident as well. He knew she must be exhausted after her long workweek; it seemed like she could never get enough sleep these past few weeks.

"I'm sorry hun," and she turned around to snuggle close to him. Her head was nestled on his chest while her fingers played with the hairs just below his bellybutton.

"What's keeping you awake?" He had one hand resting on her bare shoulder and the fingers of his other hand playing with her hair, twirling some curly locks in between his fingers.

Her naked legs intertwined with his and he couldn't keep the blood from traveling south. She was pressed against his side, her female curves pushing against him in the most delicious way. No matter how hard he forced himself to think about something other than her naked flesh heating his with a scorching intensity, his mind drifted below his belt as if his brain needed to be rebooted after it had endured a sudden system crash.

"The baby," she whispered in his ear while her hand enveloped his firm erection.

He hissed under his breath -it had been awhile since they had made love since her current physical condition and demanding job made her come home too exhausted to even say more than two words- and when she wrapped her fingers tightly around his member, his eyes rolled back in his head, rendering him speechless.

"Bella," he eventually moaned, his arousal not only obvious in her hand but also in the tremor of his voice.

"Shhh, just enjoy it." She gripped the muscular curve of his hip, turning him on his side to face her. Repositioning herself as much as her swollen belly would allow, she scooted under the sheets until her mouth was within reach of his pounding hardness.

"Holy fuck, Bella", he groaned into the night, feeling her hot breath teasing his shaft. However, his arousal was nothing compared to the sensation violating his body when she licked his penis with the tip of her warm tongue, encircling him completely with her eager lips. Her hand never left his shaft either, keeping up a steady rhythm while her mouth satisfied him immeasurably.

Bella knew that he loved when she pleased him like this, and the fact that his hands clutched the sheets with a death grip, holding on for dear life, confirmed that she was doing a great job.

When he would ask her later where her sudden sex craving developed, she would have some difficulty answering him. All she knew was that her arousal kicked in all of a sudden, and that she had been overwhelmed by the insatiable need to feel him inside her; to taste and consume him.

She wanted him to come, so she used her teeth -like she knew he loved- to graze her mouth teasingly over the top of his erection. It was a friction that always drove him crazy and tonight was no different. But as she suspected, he gently pulled her head back before she could swallow his orgasm, which made her smile and feel frustrated at the same time.

"Always the gentleman," she commented, as Edward forced himself from immediately exploding. He craved her, to be inside her, and coming in her mouth wasn't something he wanted to experience right now. He wanted her heated flesh around his throbbing erection, making love to her in the most beautiful rhythm he had ever composed.

Bella didn't know how he did that -keeping his seed inside when everything in his body was screaming to let it go- but this man had tremendous self-control and his capacities would continued to amaze her for the rest of her days.

His eager hands pulled her gently upwards until they lay face to face again, and when he noticed her beaming smile (she loved pleasing him like that), he forced his lips on hers, his tongue demanding entry by sucking on her bottom lip.

She obeyed willingly, closing her eyes and moaning his name into his mouth.

One of his hands cupped her sensitive right breast, entranced by its fullness, before traveling down her bare stretched tummy to reach down and hook her leg around his hip. He licked his fingers quickly before he found her sensitive nub, which resulted in Bella throwing her head back from the pleasure. The slickness of her heated center welcomed his warm fingers that started making slow strokes, inside and outside her wet core, rubbing her sensitive clit tantalizingly.

Her moans and groans vibrated through the otherwise silent house, urging Edward to please her over and over again. He couldn't ignore the excitement in between his own legs; excitement that was hard as steel and already glistening with pre-cum and there was nothing more he wanted do than show her exploding galaxies combined with the most breathtaking fireworks behind her tightly shut eyelids. Her bottom lip was held captive between her teeth, while she pressed her hardened nipples into his heaving chest, causing his groin muscles to contract with even more anticipation.

He knew there was only one position that allowed her to feel halfway comfortable while making love, and although he hated that he wouldn't be able to see the expression on her face when she (hopefully) came, he placed himself behind her S-shaped back, while Bella placed her right foot flat on the mattress so Edward could enter her confidently from behind.

"Oh Edward." She closed her eyes, seeing and feeling the very firework demonstration that he had hoped for, and searched for his full lips to connect with hers.

He moved slowly at first, being careful and patient, but when Bella started to buck her hips eagerly, he was soon lost in a more frantic, urgent rhythm. He was doing most of the 'work' in this position, and the steam created from his hip gyrations made the temperature of the bedroom soar, resulting in two glistening bodies, covered in a dusting of sweat.

Slippery butts and breasts, sweaty hands, silky lips, and heated cores exploded only a few minutes later; the only sound in the room their pounding hearts and rasped breaths.

It didn't take long for Bella to tumble into the second part of her restless sleep, with Edward's hand tightly pressed in between her round belly and her warm hand. Their child was on the other side of that skin, and with a content smile on his lips, Edward listened to Bella's steady inhalations until he was lulled to sleep as well.

~*~

The next day, Bella woke up in an empty bed, the spot where Edward had slept already cold.

Rolling over and placing a hand on her stomach to make her maneuver a little bit easier, she was greeted by a note on his side of the bed. Smiling, she moved her fingers over the paper and read the small note he'd written.

_You were sleeping so peacefully . . . Take it easy today. I'll call you.__  
__~Me x_

She rolled over again, to her side of the bed this time, placing both her feet on the ground and swinging her massive body up to a sitting position. Her right hand still supported the weight of her tummy while the other hand lovingly clutched the note, but soon that note fluttered and swirled to the floor when abruptly and totally unexpectedly, her water broke.

She forced herself not to panic -she was a doctor, for Christ's sake- but all medical knowledge seemed to evaporate from her brain at that specific moment. Staring at the floor, showing what could have been nominated for Hollywood's best shocked face, Bella Swan watched the room start to sway in front of her. This could not be happening right now. Not today! _The baby was more than two weeks early!_

Trying to control herself, she pressed one hand against her thumping heart while she silently hollered at herself to calm down.

_Millions of women have done this before you Bella; you can do it. Just make sure that you don't trip over the mess on the floor._

_Millions of women have done this before you Bella; you can do it. You can._

_You can._

Eventually, the dancing blur in front of her eyes came into focus so she could think clearly again. Unsteadily striding over to the closet, she searched for a robe while she mentally reviewed the tasks she needed to complete, telling herself that she could do this.

_1 Call Edward.__  
__2 Calm him down.__  
__3 Take a shower while he is driving like a madman over here.__  
__4 Calm him down some more while he drives like a madman to the hospital._

She couldn't help but chuckle when images of Madman Edward flashed before her eyes. Then she was astonished when she heard his questioning voice on the line, and she held the phone away from her ear with wonder.

_How did I make it downstairs and when did I pick up my phone to call him?_

Still dazed, she shook her head and resumed the conversation, reassuring him that everything was okay.

"Well, actually, things _will_ be okay when you get back here," she corrected herself, not making sense to Edward at all. Her vagueness made him slightly curious, but he suspected nothing. At least nothing that worried him.

"Why is that?" he asked, rather dumfounded, and later they would laugh about his cluelessness for a long time, especially when his big brother was around. Emmett was always in for a good joke, particularly when it was at Edward's expense.

"Because, hands-on dad, my water just broke and I didn't know anyone else to call to clean it up."

She hoped that her current calm state would infect him as well, but that was probably too much to ask of a man who cared about her far more than himself. After emitting a yelp of surprise, wonder, and excitement, he shot question after question at her, the last one sounding more dramatic than the previous one.

In the end, she decided not to answer any of his questions but just laugh like a six year old girl watching the Walt Disney Club on Sunday morning. Her slightly crazy laughter must have made him realize that he needed to stop being the drama queen and that his words '_take it easy today_' would apply better to him than to Bella. He started chuckling too, telling her as tranquilly as possible that he would be there in fifteen minutes.

Fifteen minutes was just enough time to take a quick shower and to put on some nice clothes; no way was she going to the hospital in only a robe, although she knew that a plain gown would be waiting for her the minute they entered the hospital. Alas, she couldn't do anything about the fashion selection at the hospital. Hopping into the shower, she let the hot water do its magic on the aching muscles of her neck, shoulders and back, as her body settled down again after the impact of the first of many painful contractions.

It didn't even take him fifteen minutes to get there, which made Bella aware that they would probably find some traffic tickets in their mailbox later that week. Not that she cared much; she had other things to worry about, like the next contraction, which made her bend over with intense pain.

_Just breathe Bella. Millions of women have done this before you. You can do it. You can._

She repeated that mantra over and over in her head until the violating agony housed in her lower regions started to dissipate again. Sparkles of sweat covered her freshly showered face and neck, her lips set into a fine line and the lingering pain obvious in her eyes. Edward could detect a hint of fear in her eyes as well, and he did his best to comfort her.

"You're doing fine Bella. You are." With the suitcase in his left hand and his right arm encircling her waist, he walked her towards the car. Opening the door for her, he helped her in and placed the suitcase on the backseat. He quickly ran around to the driver's seat, glancing at her before gunning the engine to the hospital.

"She is coming too soon Edward; I'm not supposed to deliver for two more weeks." The panic in her voice gave Edward goose bumps and when Bella saw those, she wondered how and when their roles became so quickly reversed. She had told herself that she would need to comfort Edward while he was driving like a madman to the clinic, not the other way around.

He enveloped her hand with his; squeezing it gently as he reassured her that everything would be alright.

"Our child wants to come today Bella; it's time. You can do it -I'll be there. Now breathe."

She did breathe, closing her eyes while forcing steady amounts of oxygen into her system.

_Relax. Edward is with you. You can do it. You can. _

She would repeat those words in her head, over and over again for the next six hours. Six painful, long hours of giving everything she had and more.

She was high on adrenaline and will power, giving the best of herself, pushing and forcing out of her womb the child that should have been eager to finally great the world, because the place she had called home for the past nine months had become too small to move around freely.

Flushed and breathless most of the time, sometimes even angry, she was still the most beautiful woman on earth. She took his breath away and Edward fell in love with her over and over again, and if he thought that his heart would only love this woman, than he was completely wrong. Because when he heard the cry of his new born -it was a girl!- he fell in love with his daughter as well. A creation of their love, a mixture of their genes; a blend of hope and faith.

That most beautiful child was shrieking, opening her mouth and flailing her tiny limbs to grab everyone's attention. But who could blame her for that?

Wrapped in nothing but fresh air, the doctor placed their baby on Bella's heaving chest, right in the circle of her arms. She was smiling brightly while tears streamed down freely, and she kissed the top of her daughter's head in a sweet, motherly gesture. She hastily counted the fingers and toes of their child, supporting her naked back. Another kiss was placed on her head, this time by Edward, who whispered "Welcome, Annabelle." Then his lips found Bella.

"God Bella, I'm so proud of you." His lips parted softly under her touch, tongues dancing slowly together.

"I'm so happy," he whispered into her mouth, one of his fingers already clutched by his daughter's tiny fist.

"Me too, me too. But everything hurts like hell," she confessed, which evoked a warm laughter, rumbling from Edward's chest.

She arched her eyebrow, informing him that the next time they had a child, he could give birth.

"Oh no no," he whined, the laughter stopping abruptly. No way could he handle such things and he wasn't ashamed to admit that.

"I wouldn't be able to live through the first contraction Bella." Her light chuckle was interrupted by the doctor informing her that they had some stitching up to do. If there was one thing she didn't look forward to, it was this.

_Relax. You can do this too, Bella. Just breathe. _

_~*~_

She must have dozed off for a while because the night had already started to fall over Forks.

She opened her eyes lazily, a smile immediately popping up on her face when she heard the soft singing voice of Edward, accompanied by his classical guitar. She remembered how he had removed his guitar from the case after Emmett, Rose and Liam had left, eager to finally sing for his daughter. She was also aware of a song he had written for this occasion, but she couldn't remember actually hearing it.

Little Annabelle was still lying next to her, a peaceful look on her sleeping face.

_It's weird_, she thought, _that such a miniature human can scream so loudly for food yet then make such content sucking sounds once she gets the breast milk she demands._ And now the baby didn't make any noise at all. So small, and already so loved and adored by his mommy and daddy, family and friends.

Edward once sang about a picture imperfect, and only a year later he had everything he had ever wanted. He gazed around him with a look of satisfaction. She was perfect and their daughter was perfect.

"Slept well?" He asked softly, anxious to wake up his beautiful baby girl.

"Like a baby," and she moved her free hand to the back of his neck, gently drawing him forward until their lips connected. There was still electricity in the air whenever they touched.

"Will you sing Annabelle's song again? I think I fell asleep before you even started." She mumbled her apologies against his lips, feelings the whiskers of his unshaven skin gently grazing her face.

"I thought you might have suffered enough with that long delivery," he joked with a self-deprecating flair, "but I guess you're a glutton for punishment if you're actually requesting a song."

She giggled, batting her eyelashes at him. "Please?"

"For you, anything, my love." It was the truth -there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for this woman. Sometimes, it felt as if his heart was too small for all the love he felt in his body, love that he felt first for her, and now for his daughter as well. He couldn't imagine ever living without her, or them, again.

He kissed her once more before he took up his guitar and sang for his two most favorite people in the world.

A tear from pure joy cascaded down her cheek as he sweetly and earnestly sang the lyrics he'd written for their child. Once he finished, she smiled warmly. "I love you Edward, always and forever."

"I'm yours Bella, always and forever."

Two worlds colliding; two people merging. God, she loved this man. And God, he loved her. At that moment in time, it was a picture perfect.


	29. Epilogue: Perfect Family Picture

*takes a deep breathe*

This is it, _the end. _I would like to thank everyone who believed in this story from the beginning, and stuck with me until the end. A special shout out to Shabbyapple and Courtney, for betaing the crap out of it and validating my chapters. Thanks for the support, all of you.

That said, this story wouldn't be here without SM's dream, a few years ago. She gave us Edward and Bella, I just played around with them. Enjoy the epilogue ladies!

Martinibaby1

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**Epilogue: Perfect Family Picture**

~*~  
_Adoption is not about finding children for families,  
it's about finding families for children._  
-Anonymous-  
~*~

It wasn't that Edward's family was incomplete. In many ways it was a perfect family. However, when Bella brought up the subject of adoption a few weeks after they returned from their second trip to Africa, he wasn't completely surprised by the idea. It was like she had put words to the unspoken desire possessed by each of them; a desire to be the change they wanted to see in the world.

They had contributed greatly to the African community; the support of the local hospital and medical center was increasing every year with the donations and financial support the _Music for Africa _concerts had provided. The incredible success of last year's concert even raised enough money to build an orphanage in the village.

It wasn't that they hadn't already contributed enough, but Bella had the feeling that they still could do more; not as doctor or musician, but as warm, loving parents. She wanted to adopt a baby, providing a welcoming family for an abandoned or lonely child. She wanted to craft change, instigate change; _be_ change.

So for the past two years, they had spent long nights discussing the idea of adopting an orphan, and when they both had agreed that they were ready give the baby a stable family, they had contacted several organizations until they were finally able to sign the necessary papers. It was with those papers in hand that Edward and Bella were walking through the administrative wing of the orphanage.

The rest of their family had stayed behind in the village because both Edward and Bella wanted to give their new family member their uninterrupted attention.

Annabelle, who would turn five in a few weeks, was playing with the other kids in the schoolyard. Though school was closed for the summer holiday, the playground remained open to provide the local children a safe place to congregate, run around, sing, and laugh.

Lilly, two-and-a-half years old, was still too young to play alone, and had pitched a fit upon her parents leading her away from the playground. She had wanted to keep playing with the big kids! But when Bella had informed her daughter that she could stay with Auntie Leah and Uncle Quil, Lilly had replaced the thick tears that were running down her little cheeks with a bright smile instead. The idea that she could spend some time with "Baby", the infant girl Leah and Quil had had four months ago, turned out to be a better prospect. Lilly treated Leah's daughter like her own baby doll, cooing over her and planting endless soft kisses on her tiny cheeks.

Waiting for the future adoptive parents at the end of the badly illuminated hall was the orphanage's Headmistress, a friendly woman who greeted them warmly.

"Just sit down for a minute, so we can take a look at the papers first," Sister Marianne spoke in a soft yet firm voice and gestured to the seats in front of an old metallic desk, waiting for the couple to enter her musty office before she closed the door and walked behind the desk.

Edward sensed that Bella was nervous; the tight grip of her damp palm around his own was physical proof. Those nerves also fashioned some droplets of sweat on the back of her neck, making her skin glisten where the sun had touched it.

He felt as nervous as she did, hearing the monotonous, steady drumming sound of his own heartbeat ringing in his ears. He _knew _that everything would be okay -- their lawyer had checked and double checked their papers before they left -- but that reassurance couldn't ease the lingering worry gnawing at him.

Bella was anxiously biting her lip; a habit Edward had seen only a few times in the past when insecurity violated her otherwise strong, confident demeanor. His eyes lingered a few seconds on the plump lip that was currently held hostage by her teeth, and he wanted nothing more than to kiss away her worries and fears about being a good mother. She was an excellent mother to Annabelle and Lilly, in her heart and behavior, so there was no room for questioning or doubt. He knew that she would be a good mother for this baby too; just like he would do everything he could to be the best dad on earth.

It was as if her lips were calling to him, begging him to capture them with his own. Unconsciously, he licked his lips but shook his head to clear the images of steamy kisses captivating his brain at the moment. Bella must have caught him staring because she mumbled something inaudible, and it was only when he saw her moving lips that his eyes were drawn up and away from them. Her eyes smiled, a warm spark obvious in the luminous brown, and automatically he matched that spark in his own shining emerald green.

It was only when Sister Marianne smiled at them, scribbling her signature on the papers that both Edward and Bella felt as if they could finally breathe again.

"Lou will be here any moment, Edward and Bella. Do you have any questions?"

"Lou?" Both Edward and Bella asked at exactly the same time, astonished. Until now, they hadn't known if their new family member would be a girl or a boy. Their smiles widened simultaneously, hearing the mention of their first son's name, and the previous fluttering of their pulses was back again, representing excitement rather than nervousness.

"Lou is a three-month old baby boy, who has been with us since his mother died during childbirth. The father has not been identified." Sister Marianne went on to inform the new parents about what was known about Lou's medical history.

A soft knock on the door announced the arrival of Lou, and when the door opened, both parents' drumming hearts stopped for a second. There, in the arms of a young nurse, lay their baby boy, safely and warmly wrapped in a white-and-blue striped blanket. Instinctively, Bella opened her arms and within seconds, she enveloped the little creature, drawing him to her heart. She kissed her baby boy's head in a motherly fashion.

"Welcome to our family, Lou Cullen." A single tear rolled down Bella's cheek as she was overcome by a sensation of pure joy. Edward stood behind her, his arms finding their way to her waist, his neck cradled in the crook of her collarbone, as his eyes drank in the delicate features of his son so that her image would be burned on his retinas for the rest of his days.

"Mommy and Daddy love you," Edward whispered and kissed his son's forehead, mimicking Bella's gesture.

They soon said their goodbyes to Sister Marianne, the bundle of love cradled on Edward's chest now, contently sucking his finger while he was unaware of the new parents that had taken him into their family and into their hearts.

~*~

They all sat on the master bed in their condo, Annabelle in her father's lap, eyeing Lou curiously, and Lilly bouncing on the bed next to her mother, who was cradling Lou in her arms.

Annabelle had known that he would get a new brother or a sister when they came to Africa, and although she had been enthusiastic when her parents had told her the news, she was now more hesitant about accepting this little creature competing for her parents' affection.

Her reaction reminded Bella of her own fears -- there had been a time when she had been afraid that people would always leave; she too had worried about abandonment of affection. However, Bella had since learned that she was worthy of love, and she had one adult and three children present to remind her of that every day.

She looked fondly at her daughter, who was a miniature of her daddy with her green eyes and full lips. The only physical resemblance with her mother was her warm brown hair. Lilly on the contrary possessed many of her mother's physical characteristics but had seemed to inherit her father's musical talent. She was currently bouncing up and down the bed to an unknown rhythm; a ball of energy and excitement since she had met her baby brother.

"Calm down Lilly girl, you're waking up Lou," Edward chided his youngest daughter, and remarkably, it worked. She crawled next to her mother, on the other side, and caressed Lou's silky cheeks with her chubby fingers.

"Can I play with him when he is awake, Mommy?" she asked, while images of dress-up sessions with her new life-like baby doll crossed her mind. She looked hopefully into her mother's eyes, trying to persuade her with a breathtaking smile.

"Lou is still a little bit too young to play with, sweetie, but you and your sister can give him a bottle if you want."

Bella and Edward's eyes met briefly and nodded in understanding, knowing what the other had in mind. Their moment was broken abruptly when Lilly started pulling her mother's sleeve enthusiastically, excited by the prospect of feeding the infant.

"Would you like to hold your baby brother, Annabelle, while Lilly gives him the bottle?" Edward looked his oldest daughter's in the eyes and ruffled her hair, hoping to ease some of the hesitant tension lingering in the five year-olds body. Annabelle's silence was deafening but after she had given the idea some thought, she nodded, a small smile pulling the corners of her mouth upwards.

"You're a big girl; I'm proud of you." Edward maneuvered his daughter's hands in a small O-shape, so Lou would lie safely in his little arms. Bella placed her son in the safe haven of their daughter's hold and crawled next to Edward's side, her head resting on his shoulder. He draped one arm around her shoulder while the other one was tucked under his daughter's arm to support the weight of the awakening baby.

Lilly took the warm bottle off the bedside table, scooted down to position herself in between her mother and father, and tentatively drew the bottle close to Lou's open mouth. Bella helped her a little bit, until the squirming Lou had located the nipple to begin sucking hungrily.

Lou made content sucking noises that sounded like music to his parents' ears, Annabelle had a proud smile on her little face, and Lilly's eyes sparkled with sisterly love. Both parents' chests swelled with overwhelming love and pride, sharing this connecting family moment.

It was real, not a dream. _They_ were real and they had the perfect family, one that had formerly only seemed possible in their dreams. If an outsider had snapped their photo right now, he or she would have captured the most perfect family picture.

_Life is one of those precious fleeting gifts, and everything can change in a heartbeat.*_

Bella's naughty morning habit of pressing the snooze button one time too many had made her late for work six years ago, and as she had crossed the street, without looking, Edward had done all he could to avoid crashing into her with his bicycle. But the collision that followed had changed their lives for good, and they both wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

-The End-

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* Anonymous quote

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Chapter End Notes:

*offers you one of my Clean-Ex while blowing my nose loudly*

*is sad it is over*

*group hug*

A few final words of feedback would be appreciated. And if someone is still eager to know more about 'Sexaul Healings', I'm focussing on the last two chapters from now on before I post the first chapter of a new story I've been writing. Thank and be good!


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